


The Rose & Crown

by KitKat_Bar



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Desire, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flashbacks, Forced Pregnancy, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Impregnation, Loss, Love, Lust, Memory Loss, Mild Sexual Content, Mystery, Non-Graphic Violence, Obsession, Original Character(s), Paradox, Possessive Doctor (Doctor Who), Pregnancy, Protective Doctor (Doctor Who), Regeneration, Revenge, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Suicide Attempt, Telepathic Bond, Time Loop, Time Lords and Ladies, Time Travel, Unplanned Pregnancy, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-02-28 23:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 93,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13282161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKat_Bar/pseuds/KitKat_Bar
Summary: The Doctor and Clara find themselves trapped inside of a bootstrap paradox loop.  Will they have what it takes to get out?  Be warned - This is an epic tale filled with mystery, passion, revenge, and lust.  For those of you that like instant gratification, this story is not for you.  Those who prefer to skip ahead... do so at your own risk.





	1. Chapter 1

 

_Cumbria, 1212 A.D._

 

               The sound of men screaming filled the cold winter air, exhaling their final breath as their bodies fell to the last place their living matter would touch before their souls descended into the next world.  Within the holy walls of the sacred monastery, a trembling man cloaked in brown robes stood in the middle of a stone-walled room staring at the bolted wooden door in front of him.  The unfamiliar sound of a weapon he could never even imagine was heard from far behind it as it slaughtered the men he had known and befriended his entire life.  The assailant's footsteps drew closer to his location.  The men whose voices he knew by heart were pleading for their lives as their executioner showed no mercy in its wake.  
               In his shaking hands, he clung to a parchment of great importance to its bestower, one that he had never dared to read.  The footsteps drew closer until they met the other side of the door and stopped.  The screams of his brothers had ceased leaving him alone in anticipated silence of what was to come.  He held his breath and prayed to his God that whatever demon was behind that door would not find him.  The latch stirred under the pressure of its holder, yet did not yield at its attempts to open it.  When all was most quiet and still, the man let out a sigh of relief as the being appeared to have given up on its quest to enter.  
               Suddenly the door burst open in a wave of horror unknown to any living man.  Its shattered contents flung themselves throughout the room in all directions.  Upon the settling dust, the robed man found himself face to face with the most unlikely of spirits.  As the female proceeded towards him, the frightened holy man fell to his knees in terror.  
               “Please.”  He begged for his life, holding out his message to her as an act of good faith that he would be spared from the madness he had found himself in.  
               The creature approached him, her dark laced heels grinding into the crevices of the stone flooring.  Her robes, unknown to his world, swayed in motion with each of her footsteps.  The beast lowered itself to him.  Her eyes pierced his soul with the visions of true hell.  Her hand reached out and snatched the parchment with her clawed fingers to free it from his petrified grasp.  Returning to her natural stance, she pried the letter open with her sharp talons and removed its contents from within.  
               “Y-You... you're one of...  _them_... aren't you.”  The monk stuttered in his fluent tongue and pointed towards a spot on the wall where the portrait of a familiar figure was painted.  
               The creature took notice of the unusual mural bearing half a decade's worth of dust upon its mantel.  The bust of a girl she knew very well inscribed with a passage only one other person in the known universe could have written, “ _Run you clever boy, and remember._ ”   _Oh, Doctor..._ she thought,  _you hopeless romantic_.  The demon brought her attention back to the fallen man.  She glanced at the rosary draped around his neck and nearly laughed at its irony.  Drawing her weapon from her blouse, she aimed it at the expendable casualty in front of her.  
               “May God forgive you.”  The mortal man uttered his last words to his destroyer as her instrument of extermination ended his lifespan.  No God of his would be able to save him now.  
               A satisfied Missy opened the letter in front of her and read through its contents with great anticipation.  Upon examining its instructions, she frowned at its anti-climactic wording.  “ _Open the door_.”  She raised a curious brow and thought to herself, _Door?  What door?_ Just then an unusual banging was heard originating from the monastery's grand entrance that resonated throughout the once silent stone halls.  Someone... or something... was knocking.

_Bang, bang, bang!_

               Missy spun on her heel and headed towards the sound following it back through her destructive path.  As she stepped over the bodies and limbs of the men she had put out of their misery, the knocking continued to call to her.

_Bang, bang, bang!_

               The noise grew louder as she drew closer to the source's location.  Working her way through the wake of devastation she had left the sanctuary in, she couldn't help but think to herself that had the Doctor not abandoned her back on Skaro forcing her to escape to this deplorable place, the lives of these pathetic humans could have been spared from her wrath.

_Bang, bang, bang!_

               As she entered the large cathedral-like room, she discovered the doors to which the sound had been coming from.  She cautiously approached them, feeling a sense of exhilaration over the unknown and potentially dangerous endless possibilities of what could be on the other side.  As she reached the doors, the banging ceased leaving her in silence once more.  Reaching for the handle, she hesitated for only a moment and thought to herself that whatever was out there could never be quite as frightening as she.  Turning the handle, she opened the door to the outside world.  
               To her surprise, there was no one there.  A part of her feared that it was all in her head.  That the knocking had somehow come to replace the incessant drums that had once plagued her mind her entire life and had finally stopped towards the end of her last body.  Had it not been for the strangely foreign noise coming from below her gaze, she would have simply closed the door and retreated back behind the walls of the monastery.  Peering down towards her feet, she discovered an unusual kind of woven capsule covered with quilted linens.  
               “Ooo... a present?!  How delightfully thoughtful.  And it isn't even my birthday.”  Missy exclaimed aloud to no one in particular.  Stepping outside, she looked around for any sign of another living being who may have left the “gift” to her.  Yet found nothing but the familiar sight of a dozen corpses lying in the last position she had left them in.  As she scanned the landscape for possible caravans or transport of any kind, an unexpected startling whimper exhaled from inside the wicker pod.  Missy's attention was turned towards the sound, standing perplexed at the strange object in front of her.  She knelt down and hesitantly peeled back the cloth concealing its secrets within.  A small gasp escaped her lips, finding herself utterly shocked at what she saw before her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara is getting ready for her big date with Danny Pink, but has discovered an unexpected guest in her small kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue in this chapter has been taken from Season 8 Episode 5: "Time Heist". The story that follows is completely my own.

  _Present Day_

 

               Running late again, always late.  Clara rushed around her small flat making sure she had everything she needed for her date with Danny Pink.  She hardly noticed the now even smaller cramped living room as she squeezed her way passed the blue box parked in the middle of the floor.  She was so used to seeing the TARDIS there it had practically become part of the decor.  Slipping on a pair of black high heeled shoes, she passed through the hall and into her bedroom.  She ignored the old man in her kitchen observing her small washing machine spinning around in circles.  He had been making a habit of showing up unannounced the past few months.  At any other time, she would have dropped everything and gone running at full speed towards the open door of the smaller-on-the-outside time machine.  But not tonight.  
               “The Satanic Nebula.”  The Doctor shouted towards the other side of the wall, “Or the lagoon of lost stars!”  He followed the sounds of her shoes tapping around in the next room and stopped at the entrance to her bedroom.  “Or we could go to Brighton.  I've got a whole day worked out!”  He watched obliviously as she stood at the mirror applying what he could only assume was some sort of reddish war paint to her lips.  
               She placed the cap back on her lipstick and continued to overlook his existence.  “Sorry but, as you can see, I've got plans.”  She grabbed her jacket and placed it on.  
               A confused look passed over his furrowed face.  Since when did his companion have anything better to do than to travel with him at his every beck and call, he wondered?  “Have you?”  He inquired, failing miserably at sounding uninterested.  
               “Look at me.”  She requested, finally acknowledging him for the first time all evening.  
               “Yeah, okay.”  He replied.  A test maybe?  
               “No, no, no.  No.  Look at me.”  She signalled to her hair and clothing.  
               “Yep, looking.”  Definitely a test, but what could he be missing?  If he could figure out how to hide his entire home planet from the Daleks and even himself surely he could figure out this one woman’s ambiguous clues.  
               “Seriously?”  Giving up on his frustrating cluelessness, she checked the mirror one last time.  
               “Why is your face all coloured in?  Are you taller?”  Still working out if he was getting warmer or not.  
               “Heels.”  She lifted her foot to reveal one of her black heightened shoes.  
               “What, do you have to reach a high shelf?”  Feeling he was getting close to solving this mystery.  
               “Right, got to go.  Going to be late!”  Time machine or not, there are just not enough hours in the day for her to explain to him why humans tended to dress up from time to time to go out with each other when the importance of making a good impression was involved.  She grabbed her keys and headed for the front door.  
               “For a shelf?”  He tried to stall her.  
               “Bye!”  She reached for the knob and began to turn it when a strange sound was heard coming from the living room.  A telephone ringing.  But it was not her telephone, it was the TARDIS emergency line.  Curiosity got the better of her.  Sighing, she released the handle and slowly made her way towards the sound of the ringing phone.  The Doctor stood in the doorway, his eyes fixed upon the blue box in the room.  The TARDIS phone hardly ever rang, but when it did it nearly always meant something bad was about to happen.  Her heart beat slightly faster, wondering who or what could be calling him.  Another adventure maybe?  She could almost taste the excitement emanating from the unknown.   _No!_   She thought, shaking the sudden urge to stay from her head.   _Not this time_.  If she ever had any hope of living a normal life between near-death experiences and saving the world she would have to know when to walk away.  “There you go, you've got another playmate.”  She noted, trying to sound as uninterested as possible as she started back for the door.  The phone continued to ring.  
               “Hardly anyone in the universe has that number.”  He baited her.  
               “Well, I've got it.”  
               “Yes, from some woman in a shop.  We still don't know who that was.”  The mystery of the unknown woman with the emergency TARDIS number had eaten away at his thoughts ever since the first day Clara had called him.  A mystery in which there were no leads other than an unfamiliar face and a piece of paper.  
               “Is that her now?”  She felt herself being drawn back to the sound of the phone, suddenly realizing she was being pulled into his unavoidable trap.  But she could not free herself from her curiosity.  
               “There are very few people that it  _could_  be.”  He entered the room and approached the TARDIS.  Clara watched as he opened the small outer hatch concealing the phone.  His hand reached inside towards the receiver.  
               “Don't.”  She cautioned nervously.  
               “Why not?”  
               “Because, if you answer it, something will happen.”  Something she knew would most certainly interrupt her much-anticipated date with Danny.  
               “What?”  
               “A thing.”  
               “It's just a phone, Clara.”  He assured her, ignoring her ridiculous worrying over nothing.  He reached his hand back into the compartment.  “Nothing happens when you answer the phone.”  He picked up the receiver and placed it next to his ear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara's and the Doctor's memory have been erased! But how, and more importantly, why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter uses dialogue from Season 8 Episode 5: "Time Heist" but has been altered and rewritten for my story.

               Clara struggled to open her eyes.  Bright ambient lights began to pierce the darkness she had found herself in.  The resonance of people laughing, the murmured voices heard from unfamiliar faces, the sound of clinking glasses all filled her ears.  Her eyes strained to focus on her surroundings like peering through dark murky water.  Faintly, somewhere among the crowded sea of people, she could hear the Doctor’s voice in only but a whisper.

               “Clara.”

               Her eyes began to adjust.  The blurred visions of rapid movement from all around her slowly took form now as if she had been looking through the lens of an unfocused eyeglass.  The murmuring once heard before began to translate.  The vast and seemingly endless crowd of people was taking a more definite shape.  The walls started to set themselves, a glossy floor could be seen below her feet.  Again she heard the familiar voice of the Doctor calling out to her, closer now.

               “Clara.”

               At last, she could see everything, a party of sorts, a ballroom perhaps.  Paired couples in formal-dress were moving back and forth to the rhythm of song.  Yet something was different, something strange.  No details dispersed in the large room suggested where or even when she was.   _How did I get here_ , she thought,  _what is this place?_ The people in the room consisted of none that she recognized, a mix of human and alien alike.  A terrible feeling started to befall her, taking notice that everyone in the room had all been staring at her mid-dance.  Their heads were strangely postured and directed towards her.  It was then that she realized that she was also dancing, but had yet to notice with whom.  
               A startling noise suddenly sounded near her unlike anything she had ever heard.  A low screeching as if whatever it came from had found its prey.  Her heart, heavy with fear, pounded in her chest as she slowly turned to face her dance partner for the first time.  To her horror, standing directly beside her was the most terrifying thing she had ever seen; something out of nightmares.  A ghostly grey-coloured hooded spectre, which could only be compared to a reaper of death, floated like smoke and ash in her arms.  Its face, neglect of eyes and teeth like dark shattered glass, pulled her in as if by hypnosis.  She was frozen with fear.  Her hands were entwined in its cold grasped dead-like taloned fingers.  The creature opened its mouth and from it came the distinctly unforgettable sound of the Doctor’s voice loudly calling out to her once more.

               “ _CLARA!_ ”

               The spectre lunged at its victim, and then there was darkness.

  

********************

 

               She awakened gasping for breath as if being saved from drowning.  Her head, still fuzzy from the nightmare, started to settle as she consumed her new surroundings.  The control room of the TARDIS, a most welcome sight to her at the moment.  Across from her sat the Doctor leaned far away from the centre console.  For the first time in the past few months his face had left her with a certain calmness, almost entirely forgetting all that had led up to this moment.  Her eyes met his.  His face showed signs of confusion and worry to which she matched as she tried to recall how she had gotten there.  
               And then she saw it, plain as day, lying inches from her hand on the console.  A giant worm of sorts the length of her arm was slowly and blindly feeling its way over the buttons and knobs in front of her.  She let out a scream and backed her chair away from the creature.  “Doctor?!”  She called, instinctively feeling the urge to smack the worm off the console.  
               “Don’t touch it!”  He ordered.  
               Her head started to ache as she tried to remember the last thing she did before awakening on the time machine.  “We’re on the TARDIS, how did we get here?  And what is  _that?!_ ”  She demanded, pointing at the insect draping itself over the controls.  
               “It’s a memory worm, deletes your memories.”  
               She could sense a hint of uncertainty and frustration in his mannerisms, suddenly realizing that he was staring at a second worm in front of him.  “Okay... but where did they come from?  Why are they here?”  
               “I don’t know.  I woke up the same as you.  I’ve been trying to wake you for some time.”  
               “Yes, I could hear you.  I don’t know how, but heard your voice in my dream.”  
               “I’m not so sure that was a dream.”  He nervously bit his thumb, deep in thought.  
               She took the opportunity of momentary silence to familiarize herself with any other possible signs of things not having been there before.  Of those unfamiliar things, she noticed that their attire had changed.  She gazed down the length of her to find she was clothed in a sparkling gold-coloured tightly fitted cocktail dress with matching shoes.  Both of which she had never seen before.  Looking back towards him, she observed that his customarily donned hooded jacket and dark trousers had been replaced by a black three buttoned formal tuxedo and tie.  “Are you-... you’re wearing a tuxedo.”  A smile formed on her face, considering the fact that she hadn’t recalled this version of himself ever wearing formals in her presence before.  
               “So it would seem.”  He replied.  After a moment, he stood from the console and rummaged around the room for particular items, gathering a pair of padded gloves and a large zippered bag.  
               “Do you remember anything?”  She watched as he hurried along the levels of the TARDIS control room.  “Anything at all?  Like maybe why we look like we are receiving an award for the best-dressed time-travelling dynamic duo?”  
               “No.  Yes.  Well...  _maybe_.”  He returned to the console and placed the gloves on each hand.  He carefully removed the worms and placed them delicately into the bag.  “But I can’t be certain until I discover what course of actions brought us here.  Until then, I suggest you return to your life as normal and wait for my call.  It may take some time to trace all this back to its point of origin.”  
               “‘Return to my life’?  How d'you mean?  I want to know what happened just as much as you do.”  
               “Well, according to the TARDIS, we’ve arrived just prior to your big  _date_.”  He placed his arm around the small of her back and herded her towards the door.  “We wouldn’t want to keep the poor lad waiting now would we?”  
               “Oh my god!”  Her head fell into her hands as her consciousness caught up with her.  “I’d completely forgotten!”  Now facing the Doctor and pointing an angry finger towards him, “I knew this would happen!  I told myself, ‘Not this time Clara Oswald, don’t let the Doctor do what he does best!'”  
               “And what might that be?”  
               “Meddle with everything!”  
               Opening the door for her, she stepped back into the living room of her flat just how she had left it.  “And Clara,” he added as she spun around to meet his gaze, “wait for me.”  Then he simply nodded his farewell and closed the door to the TARDIS.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara struggles to return to her life as a teacher at the Coal Hill School. She hasn't heard from the Doctor nor knows where he is. She tries to keep her mind on her work when there is a strange sound coming from outside the classroom door.

               Six weeks had passed since the doors to the TARDIS closed and left her in her flat to resume her life as if nothing had happened.  No calls, no hidden messages, no whirring of the time-machine manifesting in her living room nor anywhere else for that matter.  Not a single clue to the Doctor’s whereabouts in all that time.  Was he alive?  Dead?  Trapped on some planet billions of light-years from her?  As often as she tried to hide the dreaded thoughts that found their way into her mind, there was no one else she could turn to.  No one who would understand.  
               “ _How am I doing?  Well, for one, my time travelling space alien not-boyfriend is probably off being tortured somewhere or trying to save an entire species from extinction and he’s abandoned me here while he’s off gallivanting the universe without me!  But thanks for asking!”_  
               The ridiculous nature of that one-sided conversation was enough to bring even the smallest amount of humour into her clouded thoughts.  As difficult as it had been to resume her life “as normal”, she could not dissuade the constant reminder that he hadn’t come back.  It was a feeling she just couldn’t shake.  Such as when an empty cup once containing your favourite beverage had been drained of its final drop and had set next to you at the table for some time.  Every so often you pick it up to take a sip, only then to experience the saddened reminder that it is vacant of any liquid.  That is what it felt like to be without the Doctor while trying to pretend that his very existence, or lack thereof, had not altered her life in any way.  
               As she stood in front of her students lecturing on the importance of literature throughout human history, she couldn’t help but think to herself that as many adventures as she had been through, as many stars and planets and species she had seen past even the ending of the Earth itself, time had barely passed for anyone else.  Yesterday’s homework, which felt as if it has been assigned years before, was simply today’s paperwork to be marked.  It had remained a constant struggle to keep her own living timeline in order, let alone the many she had encountered throughout her travels with the Doctor.  
               Though her physical body had remained a teacher at the Coal Hill School, her mind wandered aimlessly as her students read experts from their current works.  Even her love life, if she could call it that, was suffering as Mr. Pink continued to comment on her absent-mindedness as of late.  Fooling him into believing there was nothing the matter proved more difficult than trying to understand all that was and is the Doctor.  
               “That was great, Samuel.  Thank you.  Would anyone else like to read their work?”  Several of the students raised their hands.  “Let’s see.  Okay, Marie, if you don’t mind.”  The girl stood and began to address the class with her most recent writing.  
               Clara took a seat at her desk and took the time to jot down a few notations while the girl read aloud.  Trying to keep the thoughts of her best friend out of her head, she couldn’t help but peer down at her phone for which felt like the hundred-thousandth time since she last saw him.  No missed calls, no messages, just nothing.  The urge to call him always lingered in her mind, but she resisted as she knew that when he was ready she would know.  Feeling the sadness overwhelming her, she tried to concentrate on her work.  
               Suddenly there was a faint tapping coming from the viewing window of the classroom door.  At first she thought it was nothing, just her mind playing tricks on her as none of the other students lifted their heads in acknowledgement of the sound.  Then she heard it again.  A distinct tapping noise coming from the hall.  And then she saw him, as sure as there are stars in the sky, standing on the other side of the window waving at her.  The Time Lord.  
                _Seriously?  Here?  Now?!_  She could barely even contain her anger as she silently mouthed the words “go away” through gritted teeth.  She raised a hand signalling to him that she was in class doing her job and there were students to teach.  
               “Miss Oswald, shall I go on?”  The girl asked, taking notice of her teacher's distracted gaze.  
               “Yes!  Sorry, Marie.  Please continue.”  She replied, trying her hardest to ignore the old man’s impatient pacing back and forth from behind the closed door.  The anger was building up inside of her as she thought about how much worse his timing could possibly be.  
               “Um... Miss Oswald?”  Another student began.  
               “Yes, James.  What is it?”  
               “I think the caretaker is trying to get your attention.”  
               Clara sighed, then looked towards the door where the Doctor was waving his hands signalling for her to come out.  “Well, I suppose I’ll go see what he wants then.  Excuse me a minute, be right back.  Oh, and uh… just keep reading, Marie.”  She approached the door, eyes squinted and fuming towards the Doctor.  She opened the door and exaggeratedly greeted the man dressed in a caretaker’s uniform.  “Ah yes, Mr. Smith!  How may I help you?”  She waited until the door was closed, then lowered her voice to return to her natural state.  “What are you doing here!  Where have you been?!  You know what, I don’t even want to know.  I can’t even believe you!”  
               “Clara, I need you to come with me.  Right now.”  His hurriedness did little to derail her anger.  
               “Oh hello, Clara!”  She imitated his voice in her best Scottish accent.  “Sorry I’ve been gone for six weeks without ringing and dumped you off here without any explanation to where I've been in all that time.  What d'you say we go out for some chips and pretend like this whole thing never happened, eh?”  
               “How can you possibly think of food at a time like this?!  Wait, did you say six  _weeks_?”  
               “Yes, idiot!  Six weeks!  For all I knew you could have been dead!  Do you even understand how cross I am with you?!”  
               “Never mind that.  Listen, Clara… I think I’ve stumbled onto a clue to our memory loss.  But you need to come with me immediately!”  
               “Doctor, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m in the middle of class.”  
               “And?  Just let the little pudding-brains take over!  Look, that one there,” he pointed to Marie who was continuing to read to the class, “she looks like she could handle things in your stead.”  
               “Unlike you, Doctor, I’m not abandoning my students whom I care about to go on some worm chasing escapade with you!”  She fumed, trying not to raise her voice any louder than she should.  
               “Fine!”  He conceited.  “Meet me after your class... in the caretaker’s building.  This is a matter of utmost importance!”

 

********************

               

               Clara approached the caretaker’s building being careful not to attract any attention to herself.  She casually monitored her surroundings and when she felt there were no peering eyes she opened the door.  Inside was all that could be expected of a caretaker’s managings.  Spare linens, a few brooms strewn about, and in the corner appearing as though it had always belonged there was the TARDIS.  She placed a hand upon its closed doors letting it know of her presence and thought to herself how much she had missed the old girl.  With a heavy sigh, she opened the door and stepped inside to prepare herself for what was to happen next.  
               “Ah, Clara!  Good, you’re here!”  Came the Doctor’s voice, his face half hidden from behind the console.  He hurried over to her, took her arm, and gently dragged her to the middle of the room.  “Tell me, what’s the last thing you remember?”  
               “Well let’s see,” she started, still unbelievably cross with him, “first you showed up to my school, interrupted my class, called my students pudding brains-”  
               “Yes yes,  _before_ that!”  He interrupted.  “Before the memory worms.”  
               “I dunno.  I remember being at home, getting ready for my date, then you showed up in my living room…”  She strained to recall all that had happened that night.  
               “Anything else?”  He tested her, trying to determine how far back this all started.  
               “And then… then the TARDIS phone rang.”  
               “Precisely!  The phone rang.  Don’t you see, Clara?  That’s where this all began.  The moment I picked up that phone the start of an entire night we don’t even remember occurred.”  
               “I don’t understand.”  She tried to let go of her frustrations with him over the past six weeks of her life to become what he needed from her at this moment the most, to be his companion.  “The  _phone_ deleted our memories?”  
               “I’m afraid it goes much deeper than that.”  He attempted to explain, “The phone call was just a fixed point in time.  It’s everything after that which has been altered.  If I hadn’t answered the phone, you would have gone off to your date as if nothing had happened.  But something  _did_ happen, Clara.”  
               She stood silently staring at the man in front of her and tried to decide if she was supposed to speak next.  Yet she couldn’t think of a single thing to add to his wild detachment from the reality in which she was living.  
               He sighed heavily.  He knew he had hurt her.  He asked her to wait, and wait she had without ever knowing if he would be coming back for her.  One of the most difficult parts of being the Doctor, for him, was not being able to understand the fragility of human emotions.  “Clara, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I left you here.  That I was not there for you.”  He struggled to find the words to express exactly what he was feeling at that moment.  For him, time could pass in the blink of an eye.  But for everyone else… for Clara, well, without him she was living her life on the slow path as if each day were an eternity.  “I’ve spent the last six weeks trying to retrace our steps hoping they would lead me to an answer.”  He continued, “The data to the TARDIS was deleted either by force or with purpose.  There is no record of us having even left your flat.  I searched everywhere for even the smallest trail of breadcrumbs that would explain what happened that night.”  He studied her face hoping for any amount of reassurance that somewhere inside that stubbornness of hers she could find it in her heart to forgive him.  “I was at a loss.  Until I found this.”  He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small rectangular sheet of paper and handing it to her.  “I found it inside the breast pocket of my tuxedo.  I have no memory of how it got there.”  
               Clara reluctantly read the inscription on the face of the paper aloud, “You’re invited.  We welcome you to join us during the Prima Nova Bi-Annual Charity Auction Ball.”  She reread the card a few more times in her head, the frown on her face deepening each time she read it.  “That’s it?  That’s all there is?  Just an invitation to a party?”  
               “Not just any party, it's _the_ party.  The one we attended six weeks ago, the one we can’t remember.”  
               “So… what do we do?  Go back in time and attend the event to see what happened to us?”  
               “Unfortunately, no.  We can’t risk running into our past selves.  It could create a rift in the fabric of time.”  
               “Alright.  So now what?”  She tried to keep up with the fast-paced thoughts of her best friend.  
               “The answer is right there in front of you!  It says ‘bi-annual’, as in more than one!”  The Doctor was on the move creating laps around the console, pulling levers and pressing buttons.  
               “Okay, so…”  She started to understand what was going through that daft mind of his.  
               “So... we simply go  _forward_ in time and attend the next event.  Surely whomever originally gave me this invitation will be there.  It’s the best option we have to figure out who might have been involved in all of this.”  
               “We’re going now?!”  She realized what a silly question that was almost immediately after asking it.  Of course he meant now.  
               “Well... not like  _this_ we aren’t.”  He gestured to their appearance.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara and the Doctor find themselves on the trail of the mystery surrounding their memory loss. What will they find when they follow the clues?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of surprises! Be sure to tread carefully as clues to solving this mystery are scattered everywhere!

               Clara had always been impressed by the selection of clothing available to her in the ship’s wardrobe.  The items she found in there consisted of such created by the TARDIS herself or those that had been left behind by the Doctor’s previous companions.  Either way, they had always excelled in their knowledge of well-fashioned taste when it came to providing her with disguises to accompany him on his travels.  Whether it be the year Nineteen-Hundred or Forty-Thousand, the old gal certainly knew how to treat a girl.  Although this time, she may have outdone herself a bit.  
               Having searched for quite some time through the ever changing ever relocating “closet”, her heart jumped when she saw the dress.  Champagne in colour, the floor-length fabric was entirely embroidered with tiny sparkling silver patterned jewels from the modestly draped straps over her shoulders to the tips of her clear heeled shoes.  Gazing at her finished form in the mirror, the dress seemed to embrace her with an ethereal glow.  A part of her shook the thought that a particular dress of this nature might possibly be much too fashionable for a girl such as her.  She exited the wardrobe and headed for the control room where the Doctor had told her to meet him.  Hesitating for only a moment to regain her confidence, she lifted her skirt above her shoes and climbed the metal stairs towards the heart of the TARDIS.  
               “Finally!”  The Doctor exclaimed after hearing her soft footsteps approaching him from behind.  “You’ve been down there nearly an hour!”  He spun around to face her, “What on Earth took you so-”  And then he saw her, _truly_ saw her.  Her presence in the room suddenly cleared him of all thought and speech.  He had travelled with her an uncountable amount of times, from the past to the future and beyond even that.  And yet, she had always remained the same Clara to him no matter what version of her he was with.  Always his impossible girl.  There was no one else he would rather have by his side than her.  He cared for her more deeply than he would ever admit.  All the dangers he had put her through, all the incidences in which he thought he had lost her had been even more unbearable each time.  He fought to keep the feelings he had for her from himself and anyone that they had ever encountered together from the moment he first laid eyes upon her in his previous form.  He felt that somewhere buried deep inside his own stubbornness she would never accept him in this body like she did with his last.  This furrowed old man he had become could never compete with the love she still carried in her heart for his younger self.  It was better this way.  Emotions are dangerous.  There were far too many enemies in the universe willing to take advantage of a weakness so great.  
               Something inside of him was freed from its forgotten place as she approached him.  A feeling he thought he would never again have for anyone else.  He couldn’t tear himself away from her magnificent grace.  She could light up every star in the sky or power an entire world with just the look in her eyes at that moment.  He could feel the electricity emanating in the air through the palms of his hands.  The deafening silence in the room could only be tamed by the delicate sound of her shoes on the metal floor, watching her approach until she was but an arm’s length in front of him.  
               “You look... uh…”  Were the only words he could manage.  
               “Is it too much?”  
               “No... um-”  
               “It’s too much isn’t it.”  Clara responded nervously, beginning to feel foolish.  
               “No, no!  Well... I mean, it’s not  _bad_ … for a girl who can’t even tie a tie correctly.  But I suppose the dress will have to do.”  He tried to add humour to the situation in an attempt to maintain a hold over his emotions.  
               “Thanks.”  She knew that was the closest to a compliment from him as she was going to get.  She noticed that he had taken the time to groom himself in her absence.  A characteristic he hadn’t seemed to have adapted very often in this body, if at all.  Yet something about the way he looked in his tuxedo warmed her from within as if she were standing beside an open flame during the dead of winter.  All the anger she had felt earlier in the day and the past several weeks had suddenly melted away leaving no trace of its former existence.  The warm feeling inside of her began to grow more intense as she stepped closer to him, their shoes nearly touching.  “I could say the same about you.”  She pointed out, slowly reaching up to straighten his tie.  
               His eyes watched her every move.  His hearts began to race at the feeling of her fingers grazing along the outside of his collared shirt.  He gazed down at the top of her head as she perfected his slightly skewed neck tie.  The closer she was to him the more he could feel the electricity now making its way throughout his body.  There was something different about her, something he hadn't noticed before.  Not strange, per say, a rather enjoyable feeling actually.  A warmth about her.  He could feel the tiny hairs on his arms rise underneath the sleeves of his jacket.  A very faint almost entirely unnoticeable connection to his telepathic abilities could be detected.   _Is she somehow reading my mind?_  
               “Well!”  He nervously pulled away from her grasp and quickly moved to the console.  He feared he may have endured her closeness for too long.  If she  _had_  been reading his mind there was no doubt he may have let some thoughts slip by he shouldn’t have.  Trying to distract himself, he made a few adjustments to the computer.  “Shall we?”  He extended a hand towards her.  He could sense her reluctance, possibly having to do with the day’s previous conflict between them.  The look of uncertainty in her eyes.  He knew he had tampered with her trust in him.  There was only one way to make it right.  “Clara Oswald, I would be deeply honoured if you would accompany me as... my date.”  He requested, offering a bent arm for her to accept if it pleased her.  Clara smiled, the same smile that drove him into the deepest parts of his sanity.  Accepting his offer, she interlocked her arm in his and prepared to be transported to the next adventure.  Matching her smile with his own, he pulled down on the lever next to him and sent the time machine to its instructed coordinates.

 

********************

 

_Prima Nova_

 

               The TARDIS materialized into the medium-sized vacant room.  The door opened and the Doctor poked his head out from within to examine their new surroundings.  Once it was decidedly safe, he exited the box as Clara followed closely behind.  
               “Well, this is exciting!”  She took hold of his arm with her own.  The anticipation of what was out there sent a sense of thrill throughout her body.  Every time they had encountered the unknown together there had always been a feeling of excitement mixed with the small amount of fear of what they might come across.  But this time felt different.  Being with him made her feel again, truly  _feel_  like a part of his life.  “It’s as if we are solving our own mystery!  Just the lot of us.  Like Sherlock Holmes!”  
               “Yes, well, if only Sir Conan Doyle had known the true identity of whom he really based his main character on, I would bet he'd have looked a little more green... and had scales... and was actually a woman.”  He replied, remembering his past adventures with Vastra, Jenny, and Strax.  Back when he felt the universe didn't need him to be the Doctor anymore.  Back when he had given up all hope.  “Besides, their mysteries were nothing but child's play in comparison to what I’ve seen in my lifetime.  Imagine the pair of them encountering an army of Cybermen in London back in their day.  What a great story that would have been to tell the kiddies.”  
               They approached the extraordinarily large double doors to the room in which they were standing.  They were at least two stories in height and several arm lengths wide.  A questioning look appeared on his face as he took out his sonic-screwdriver and attempted to scan the door.  Other than being made of wood, in which the screwdriver lacked in its abilities, there was nothing that he would usually be concerned about.  Except that these doors appeared to be brand new as if they had just been installed, unlike the other walls in the room or the ancient relics hosted inside of it.  
               “Doctor?  What is it?”  Her grip on him tightened with concern.  
               “This door.  It’s unusually large for a room this size, don’t you think?”  
               “Maybe they are just really tall people?”  She couldn’t help the smile that formed.  
               Frowning at her humour, he placed his ear to the wood and listened for any sounds.  Glancing back at her, he opened the door.  The light from the other side brightly filled in the space all around them.  In the next room they could see hundreds of well dressed  _normal_  sized people standing together, chatting and mingling amongst each other while oblivious to their entrance.  Shutting the door behind them, he led her into the crowd to blend in as if they had been there all along.  “Now remember,” he warned, continuing to casually lead her through the mixed mass of human and alien beings, “we are here to find out what happened to us, not to dilly-dally.  No distractions, look for anything you might remember.”  
               Clara frowned.  All these people enjoying themselves and she was stuck with the Time Lord, Slayer of Fun.  Doing as he asked, her eyes scanned the room for anything that would bring her memory back.  She did not recognize any of the other guests nor the room they were in.  Nothing out of the ordinary, besides being surrounded by aliens of course.  However, she supposed that to them it was  _she_  who was the alien.  She noticed a strange object hanging from the ceiling high above the guest’s heads.  An orb-like structure encased in shaded glass.  “What’s that?”  She asked, pointing upwards.  
               “Brain scanner,” he responded, having already noticed it the second they entered the lobby, “it detects ill-intent.”  
               “What would they need a brain scanner for at a party?”  
               “I’m not sure yet.”  
               She could feel him pulling her towards the next room when they were greeted by a well-dressed man of a species Clara was not familiar with.  He stood eagerly behind a host's station.  A badge clung just below his lapel inscribed with the words, “ _Xarbanka, Maître D'._ ”  
               “Ah!  Mr. and Mrs. Smith!”  He addressed them, extending a scaled hand towards the Doctor.  “So good to see you again!  Mrs. Smith, you look absolutely stunning this evening!”  Now turning his attention back to the Doctor, “Better keep a good eye out for her tonight, Sir!”  He boasted with a friendly smile.  
               “Will do.”  He replied, trying to keep his thoughts of having no memory of this man at rest.  
               “Oh, I almost forgot!”  The man added, pulling out a lightweight box from inside the station.  “This arrived earlier today with strict instructions to deliver to you personally upon your arrival.”  
               “For me?”  The Doctor raised a questioning brow.  “Who sent it?”  
               “It didn't say, it was accompanied by this...”  The man pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to him.  
               Taking the note, he opened it to observe its message:  _“For Mr. Smith, from a friend.”_ Glancing back towards the Maître D', he placed the note inside his pocket and released the clip holding the small box shut before hesitantly opening the lid.  Inside were two identical pairs of what appeared to be ordinary reading glasses.  Upon examination, he found nothing peculiar about them.  Removing them from their case, he promptly placed them into his jacket pocket then nodded his gratitude towards the man.  Turning to Clara, he noticed she had been experiencing the same confusion as he.  “Well, shall we head for the refreshments...  _dear_?”  A smile formed on his face as he played along with his new role.  They parted ways with the man and headed towards the entrance of the next room where the sound of live music was heard playing.  
               “That was a bit strange.”  She whispered.  “Were you expecting a package here?”  
               “No.  Which means whoever sent it must have known we were going to be here at this exact moment.”  
               “So... Mr. Smith, eh?”  She tried to hold back her laughter.  “They get a lot of caretakers to come to these things, do they?”  
               “And, apparently, their  _wives_.”  He teased.  
               “Hmm... Mrs. Smith.  Doesn’t sound all  _that_  bad.  Better than Mrs. The Doctor.  Not as catchy.”  She let out a small laugh.  
               “My aren’t we chipper this evening.”  He noted, addressing her sudden adjustment in mood from earlier.  The more they immersed themselves into their surroundings the brighter she had become.  He could feel the happiness resounding inside of her now seeping into him.  “To what do I owe this new change?  Surely you haven’t forgiven me for everything already.”  Though he had hoped the answer would be, “Yes.”  
               “I dunno.”  Clara thought about it.  It was almost as if she hadn’t even remembered being so cross with him.  As if it had happened ages ago.  Whatever feelings she had before had been replaced by something else, something warmer.  Something she wasn’t so sure she had control of.  Whatever it was, she liked it.  She liked the way she felt around him now more than ever.  The thoughts and feelings she held onto of his last form were slowly being replaced by his new one.  “But it doesn’t matter, you’re here now.”  As they entered the next room he could feel her grip on him tighten.  “Doctor!”  She nearly gasped his name.  “I’ve been here before!  I remember this room from my dream.”  She looked around the structure to observe the walls and flooring.  It was the same as the nightmare she had experienced right before the spectre attacked her.  It sent shivers down her spine seeing this place again.  Her eyes searched the room for the ghosts she had seen before, only to find that it was vacant of them.  Even the people themselves were different from those in her visions.  
               “Do you recognize anyone?”  He asked, taking in all the details they may be missing.  
               “No.  You?”  
               “Nothing.”  He strained to discover a clue, anything that might jog his memory of having been there before.  He noticed a second scanner atop the ceiling over the guests and assumed there was one in each room.  
               As she examined the unfamiliar faces of the guests, she couldn't help but wonder it if was possible that they had been wrong.  That there wasn't anything there to find.  Had they come all this way for nothing?  She continued to observe the guests paired with their partners dancing to the rhythm of the music.  So carefree, so unaware of anything out of the ordinary.  Just simply dancing with each other and enjoying the company of one another.  Feeling safer, for the moment, she turned to him.  “Would you care to dance?”  
               “Good thinking!  Blend in, gather details, surely one of these people holds the key to our memory!”  
               Shaking her head, she smiled up at him and determined that he would always remain the same old Doctor to her no matter how hard she tried to tame him.  A part of her loved that about him and wouldn’t change it for anything.  
               He took her hand and led her onto the dance floor.  Facing her, he realized how long it had been since he had done this even if it were simply to gather details.  Trying to recall exactly where he was supposed to put his hands and who was supposed to lead, he decided to go with his instincts instead.  Under any other circumstances, he would have felt the flutter of his hearts beating.  But this time, something about her was different.  She placed the small fragile palm of her hand in his, with the other she wrapped it around his back to which he mirrored.  As he held her hand, he felt an overwhelming sense of emotion as he detected the vast amount of electricity emanating from her soft delicate fingers entwined in his own.  He tried to hide his concern and concentrate on his objective, finding those responsible for all of this.  Yet he couldn’t keep his mind focused on anything else.  What was different about her?  What was he missing?   _Stay focused, Doctor.  Don’t lose yourself in her eyes, you are here for a reason._  His mind teetered between studying the room and her gaze.  He could feel her pulse in the palm of his hand, though it was strangely foreign.  Far too fast to be her own.   _It’s nothing, she’s just excited.  You mustn’t get distracted._  
               He could feel his muscles tense as her body drew close to his.  Her head rested on his shoulder.  The hand he claimed on her back had found itself around the small of her waist, the other held firmly onto her hand.  The same warmth he had felt before in the TARDIS began to rise up in his body.  The electricity in her hand against his deepened as if it were connecting to every fibre in his body.   _What is she doing to me_ , he wondered?  Trying his hardest to stay on task, he began to distract his senses with observation.  He counted the tiles on the floor, the number of beverages being passed around, anything remotely relevant to their reason for being there.  He noticed that a few of the guests had their attention turned towards them.  Did he know them?  Did they know him?  Could they be involved or was he just feeling paranoid?  Before he lost himself in her arms, he attempted to de-escalate the intensity of their embrace.  “I feel we are being watched.”  He finally spoke, breaking the silence of the moment.  
               “By who?”  She slowly lifted her head off his shoulder.  
               “Usurians.  Behind you.”  
               “What’s a Usurian?”  She started to look in their direction.  
               “Don’t turn around!”  He ordered, closely monitoring the other guests and waiting for just the right moment.  Seizing the opportunity, he spun her around to the rhythm of the music.  His dominant hand retained its grasp on hers as her back became flushed up against him.  The other held her midsection firmly, pulling her even closer to him while ignoring the small gasp that escaped her lips.  “There, just in front of you,” he whispered into her ear, “do you recognize them?”  
               Clara, trying to swallow the surprise that overtook her from his sudden intimacy, glanced in the direction of which he was speaking.  “No... I don’t think so.”  She hardly even looked at the suspected guests, being too distracted by his closeness.  Her free hand found its way to his, placing it gently atop his own.  She could feel herself breathing more heavily as he applied a light pressure to her abdomen.  
               The Doctor, not ready to eliminate the Usurians as possible suspects, began to scan the room again looking for more clues.  Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, a powerful surge swept through his body originating from the hand resting securely upon Clara's body.  A telepathic connection he hadn’t felt in a very long time.  So unbelievably strong it pulled him entirely out of his reality.

               He opened his eyes and found himself in a sort of undetermined space, relocated from where he last stood as if he had been teleported.  Darkness had formed all around him.   _Am I dreaming?_ Far off in the distance, he saw a small light.  Approaching slowly, he shielded his eyes from the intense glow emanating from it.  As he drew closer, more finite details of its existence began to form around him.  Light particles circulated from its main source.  The closer he stepped the more he could hear it trying to speak to him.  He could hear the sound of its heart beating faintly, then louder until it beat like a drum deep into his soul.  Yet there was something different about it, something only he would be able to feel.  There were two.  Two distinct heartbeats from the same source.   _It can’t be!  How is this possible?!_ He found himself being drawn to its life force, unable to stop himself from stepping closer towards it until he could nearly reach it.  The light burned into his eyes, yet he could not look away.  His hand reached out, ready to succumb to its will, until his fingers made its first contact with it.  Then there was a flash of light.

               The Doctor opened his eyes once again, gasping and breathing heavily.  He searched his surroundings thoroughly.  He was back in the ballroom.  His hand was still clenched around Clara’s and the other pressed her tightly against him from behind.  Panic overcame him.  He released himself from her and stepped away as the music came to an end.  He saw her turn to face him, her eyes conveyed worry and concern for her friend.  He couldn’t shake the visions in his head of what he saw, for what he feared was happening inside of her.  He tried to even conceive of the possibility.  His mind raced, his hearts beat rapidly in his chest.   _No, this isn’t possible!_ Yet everything he knew and felt was pointing to only one answer... that Clara was with child.  
               “Doctor?”  She stepped closer to him, only to watch him step even farther away from her.  His eyes were wide with fright.  “Doctor, what is it?  What’s wrong?”  
               His mind burst and flooded with a thousand thoughts as if it were a shattering dam.  So many questions, so little answers.  It all started to make sense and didn’t at the same time.  The electricity and warmth he had felt just being around her, a warmth he could only conclude was the deep feelings he had for her rising up inside of him, were in reality, the tangible emotions of the life form growing inside of her.  Emotions they now shared. If Clara was upset, the child would imitate her distress.  When she became elated so would the child.  And if she were to experience pain or suffering...  
               “I... I’m not sure.”  He kept his distance.  The words he wanted to say were lost under miles of thought.  She came closer to him, the look of fear on her face as she did when they were in real danger.  He couldn’t move, not because of the couples dancing in all directions around him, trapping him where he was, but because his legs would not allow him to.  As she stood in front of him, her hand reached out for his.  “Don’t.”  He stopped her firmly.  He couldn’t bear their touch again, not now, not when his mind needed to repair itself of its malfunction.  They stood in unbearable silence, the music having long since ended as the musicians adjusted their pages for the next set.  “I think I’ve had quite enough dancing for one evening.”  He told her, trying to keep the worry off of his face.  
               Clara was confused and mildly hurt.  Had she done something wrong?   _What had gotten him so flustered_ , she wondered?  The music started to sound again, yet neither one of them yielded their positions on the floor. She hardly even noticed the young man who approached her side.  
               “Excuse me, Miss?”  The man addressed her.  
               Clara turned to him, nearly forgetting the Doctor’s strange behaviour.  She was taken aback by his youthful features, not young enough to be a boy but certainly not too  _old_  either.  He appeared human, but so did many others who either were or simply used a type of cloaking device to possibly hide their true race from potential enemies.  
               “I was just wondering,” he continued shyly, “if you would do me the honour of sharing this dance with me.  If it pleases you.”  He looked towards the Doctor, “Of course, that is if you do not mind, Sir?”  
               “Well, actually...”  He tried not to show his infuriated demeanour over the sudden interruption between them, “we were just about to-”  
               “I’d love to.”  She took the arm of the young man.  
               “Clara, we really should be going-”  He started, trying to lure her back to him.  
               “I’ll only be a minute!  I’m sure you can ‘handle things in my stead’.”  She replied, turning his own words around on him.  
                _Impossible woman!_ The Doctor attempted to remain unaltered by her sudden unexpected leave of him.  He removed himself from the crowd and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms in disapproval and watching them from a distance.  He could see the young man taking her into his arms, pulling her close to his chest.  She appeared to be somewhat taken with him, laughing and smiling in his direction.  He could feel himself becoming jealous but tried to ignore it.   _Of course she would feel an attraction, just look at him!  He’s everything I’m not, young and handsome while compared to him I’m nothing but a frustrated emotionless old man._  
               He attempted to distract himself by continuing to observe the room around them.  Maybe he had been wrong, maybe they were too late, or just maybe there was nothing there for them to find.  But why the brain scanners? What could possibly be so crucial there to require them?  And even more importantly, who had sent him the glasses?  Who had known he was going to be there on this exact night?  His eyes drew back to his companion.  The young man’s hand had found its way to her waist, her head rested just slight of his lapel.   _Will this song never end?!_ He mumbled to himself.  
               As he continued to watch them, he couldn’t help but think of the child developing inside of her.  Was she aware of its presence?  Could she feel it inside of her or was it simply too early to detect?  The dreaded thought of how it came to be was secondary to his greatest concern, that the child was of Gallifreyan decent.  The list of possible fathers was too short to deny being responsible for any part of it.  But how had this happened?   _There must be some sort of explanation_ , he thought _._   The song finally ended and the young pair made their way towards the refreshments.  
               “May I offer you something, some champagne perhaps?”  Asked the young man.  
               “That would be lovely, thank you.”  She watched him head towards the bar to attract the attention of the bartender.  
               “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”  She heard the voice of the Doctor say behind her.  Rolling her eyes, she turned around to face him.  “My my, what a lovely couple you two are!”  He added.  
               “Doctor…”  She replied, now slightly annoyed with him.  
               “How old is he?  Twelve?  Thirteen?  You know, I’m not very good at judging people’s age.”  
               Ignoring his jealous comments, she decided to change the subject, “Did you find out anything?”  
               “Oh, but I thought we were here to dance and party!”  Behind her, he saw the young man returning with two filled glasses in his hands, “...and drink!”  
               “Champagne, for the lady.”  The young man offered, handing her a glass.  
               “Thank you.”  Accepting the glass from him, she raised it in a toast to the gentlemen.  
               “That other one must be for me then?”  The Doctor asked the boy, his temper getting the better of him.  
               “Doctor!”  Clara hushed him, lightly smacking his chest.  “Behave.”  
               He watched her bring the glass to her lips.  A sudden protective feeling came over him, removing the drink from her hand before she could take a sip.  “No, I don’t think so.  We wouldn’t want you to get all sloshy.”  He handed the drink back to the young man.  “Don’t let her appearance fool you.  She’s a terrible drunk, absolutely the worst!  Now if you’ll excuse us.”  He grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the confused man.  
               “That was incredibly rude.”  She scolded.  
               “Oh, I’m sure he’ll forget all about you.  Plenty of other sultry girls here to choose from.”  He felt her rip her arm away from his grasp.  Surprised, he turned to see her face.  He could only describe the look of shock and hurt in her eyes.  
               “Is that what you think of me then?”  Tears started to form at the brim of her eyes.  
               “No.  Of course not.”  He realized he had let his jealousy take control of him.  “Clara, I need to speak with you.”  He extended a hand to her apologetically.  After a moment, she wiped the tears from her eyes and took his hand.  He took her to a less crowded area of the room and made sure there was no one listening in.  He looked into her eyes, still damp from tears.  He didn’t even know what to say or how to begin.  He brushed the loosened hairs from her face and wiped the last remaining tear still clinging to her cheek.  “Clara... I…”  He stopped himself and ran his fingers through his hair.   _Why is this so difficult,_  he asked himself.   _Just tell her!_   He sighed heavily and regained his thoughts, “Clara.  I need to tell you something.”  She did not reply, only gazed into his eyes awaiting his next words which only made it harder for him to speak.  At last, he found the courage to tell her the truth, “This may be difficult for you to understand right now, but you… you’re...”  
               “Welcome guests to the Prima Nova Bi-Annual Charity Auction Ball!”  A woman suddenly shouted from the top of the stairs. The guests cheered and clapped at her entrance.  
               The Doctor was frozen in thought by the interruption.  He knew that voice.  It sent a cold chill of unavoidable fear down his spine.  There was only one person he knew of that had power over him such as that.  He glanced up towards the sound of her voice, hoping he was very wrong about the thoughts now invading his mind.  
               “I’ll be your host this evening,” she continued, descending down the stairs, “but you may call me... The Mistress.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The villain-ess we all love has revealed herself to be part of the mystery the Doctor and Clara are trying to solve. But how far does her reach go? The Doctor discovers what Missy has been up to since he last saw her back on Skaro.

               “Missy...”  The Doctor whispered through gritted teeth.  He could feel the anger building up inside of him.  He should have been able to sense her presence before, yet was too preoccupied with his companion's unknowingly dark secret to detect her.  The last time he had seen her was back on Skaro in the midst of a civil war raging between the living and the dead Daleks.  She had locked Clara away in the armour of a deceased Dalek and tried to convince him to destroy her.  If it weren't for his intuitiveness of the inner workings of their species and knowing that a Dalek would never utter the word “mercy,” Clara would be dead.  He had no knowledge of what had become of her after he and Clara escaped.  He had left her behind to fend for herself during the chaos.  Knowing her she had probably found some clever way off the planet.  All he did know is that he had told her to run, and run she had.  Even now, as she stood high above him, all the risks he had taken in the past to save her life came rushing back into his mind.  He realized how stupid he was for falling right into her trap yet again.  
               “I don't believe it.”  Clara admitted in shock.  She would never be able to understand why he had let her escape that day.  He and the Master’s history went so deep in time it would take an eternity to grasp what they were to each other.  Friends?  Foes?  As much as she tried to be understanding, his weakness was the hope that one day she would change her ways and be the friends they once were so many years ago.  Back when they were just children.  
               “I’d like to thank you all for coming to my little soirée.”  Missy continued, wielding her signature sonic-parasol beside her.  “The auction will begin shortly.  So until then, keep your panties on.  Or don’t!  Either way, we’re going to have a bit of fun now, aren’t we?”  The crowd shouted their cheers to her as she stood above them like a god, all except for two.  Missy’s head turned towards the cheerless guests sulking down below her, her eyes connecting with her old friend.  A smile peeled over her lips as she descended the stairs towards them, greeting her followers in the crowd with her devious flirtatious behaviour.  Approaching the Doctor, her smile widened.  “My my my, I knew you could never stay away for very long.”  She gloated as his eyes burned with anger.  “I do have to say, this obsessive infatuation you have with me is rather...  _sexy_.”  
               “I should have known it was you behind all this.  What are you playing at this time, Missy?  Are you planning to turn all these people into more Cybermen?  Or perhaps you're in league with the Zygons now.  I can never seem to keep up to speed with all of your charming charades.”  He held on to his temper as best he could.  
               “Oh, Doctor,” she pouted her lips, “you are so predictable when you're wearing your cross-pants.”  She noticed Clara standing next to him, “And Clara, so good to see you again!  How’s my girl?  Have you been treating my boyfriend well?”  
               “I’m not your  _girl_ , or have you forgotten that little bit about how you tried to have me killed?”  She fumed, resisting the urge to hit her in her evil face.  
               “Let's just consider that my way of flirting, dear.”  She watched Clara turn red with hatred.  “Whew!  It must be absolutely boiling in here with all these sweaty bodies about, you look a bit flushed.  By the way, how are you feeling these days?”  She provoked her, looking her up and down.  
               “Stop playing games, what is this auction really all about?”  He interjected.  
               “Charity, darling.”  She teased.  
               “Charity for whom?”  
               “Why, for me of course!”  
               “And what exactly could you possibly need all that money for?  Planning a holiday somewhere?  Off to some hot spot all the kids are talking about these days?”  
               Missy laughed at the old man which only made him more furious.  “Oh, you silly little man.  There’s more to life than just money.  Here we are a trade-way where just about anything can be considered payment.”  She glanced at Clara, “Including pets.”  She watched Clara’s heated reaction, grinning to herself.  “Listen, just between us girls, with a dress like that you don’t have to stick around this grumpy old face.  There are plenty of younger men in this room willing to sweep you off your feet faster than you can drop your knickers!”  
               “What's with the brain scanners,” he interrupted them before Clara could say anything, “or did you think I wouldn't notice?”  
               “Can't be too trusting these days.”  She reached up to straighten his jacket.  He grabbed her wrists harshly to stop her.  “Ooo... I didn't realize you liked it  _rough_.”  She provocatively snapped her teeth together.  
               “Why did you bring us here before?  Why the invitation?”  He squeezed her wrists tighter.  
               “Well now, that's my little secret.  You wouldn't want to spoil the surprise!  Besides, I know you better than anyone else.  I knew you could never resist an open invitation.”  Before the Doctor could say any more, the sound of bells chimed overhead.  The guests sat down their beverages and began to gather like a herd of cattle towards the open doors on the other side of the room.  Missy pulled herself from his grasp and joined the others before turning around to look back at them.  “Coming?  You wouldn't want to miss out on all the fun now, would you?”  
               The Doctor and Clara reluctantly followed the crowd hand in hand.  He had a horrible feeling coursing through him, but he couldn't turn back now.  Not when they were so close to finding out the truth of why they were there.  As they walked through the threshold, their grip on each other’s hands tightened in anticipation for what was to come.  They all entered like a great flood sweeping over every inch of the room.  Whatever this was seemed to be incredibly popular among the several species they could see.  The room was certainly large enough to house all of the people in attendance.  A massive stage stood in front of a double hanging grand curtain almost as if they were about to watch a play.  In the middle of the stage sat a sort of short pillar on display.  On one side of the stage was a podium.  The seats were arranged in rows with no particular order or reservation.  Staying mostly behind, they chose two seats in the back for better observation.  He took the opportunity to look around the room for anything out of place while the guests were filling in the seats.  Emergency exits on the sides, unmanned and unlocked.  Another brain scanner on the ceiling.  Nothing that would seem to suggest a trap... yet.  
               “I don't get it,” Clara started, breaking the silence between them, “with all these different species here from all over the universe, why have we never heard of this auction going on before?  If it were this popular you would think someone would have mentioned it by now.”  
               “Yes, it would appear as though this were the best kept secret in all the universe.”  He had been thinking the same thing from the moment they arrived.  He watched as Missy made her way to the stage.  
               “Good evening ladies and gentlemen, lads and lasses, lords and...  _mistresses_!”  Missy began, fluffing her hair at her own recognition.  “If you will all be kind enough to take your seats we can get started.”  She waited a moment for the guests to settle quietly, then reached into her pocket.  The Doctor watched closely as she pulled out a pair of reading glasses matching the ones he had been given earlier and placed them on her face.  “There now, that's better!  I'd like to begin with our very first item this evening.  I believe you will find no other in the universe quite like it.”  
               From behind the curtain appeared a beautiful young woman of no more than twenty, bearing long auburn hair and sparkling brown eyes who seemed familiar to the Doctor yet he could not recall having ever seen her before.  She was dressed in a long-sleeved gown and wearing an identical pair of glasses.  She held a brilliantly decorated layered necklace fastened to a blue velvet display in which she placed upon the pillar.  The chain was made from a mix of different types of gold, the gems themselves were mostly diamonds ranging in various sizes.  The lights reflecting off the surface of the gemstones embedded into its metallic fixings sparkled in a million different places.  Truly an unmistakable work of art.  
               “Nicknamed 'The Eyes of the Galaxy',” she continued, “this piece is among the rarest in the universe and was one of two precious items to have been smuggled out of the Halassi vaults during the great raid.  The chain itself is composed of blue and yellow gold mined from the Flidor moon and Jupiter's orbiting asteroid Voga.  The diamonds were mined from several different planets including Arcadia and the reefs of Kataa Floko.  Each link was hand dipped in the whirlpools of Catrigan Nova, my personal favourite...”  
               “Is she serious?”  Clara finally spoke, trying to keep the agitation in her voice to a minimum.  “Did we really come all this way for a bit of jewellery?”  
               The Doctor remained silent.  He himself was in disbelief that nothing had yet to blow up, setting the walls ablaze and trapping everyone in this room.  None of the guests were being captured or forced into some kind of slavery which would have been so fitting for someone like Missy, at least the Missy  _he_  knew.  His mind was in conflict over knowing what Missy was capable of, yet he saw no one in distress.  No world he had to save from her evil plans.  He'd be a fool to believe she wasn't up to anything, so what was he missing?  What should he be looking for that no one else could see?  
               His eyes searched the room for anything representing danger, and then he noticed something rather odd.  The guests had been too busy with chatter to notice that the young woman who had presented the necklace was pulling an object from one of her sleeves and holding it out in front of her.  Perfectly sphere-like in shape, it was hardly larger than her own hand.  But the Doctor recognized it almost immediately, suddenly realizing why he had been sent the mysterious gift.  Great fear passed over his face.  No time to save anyone else, only enough to save her.  “Clara!”  He called, scrambling to get the pair of glasses out of his pocket.  “Quickly, put these on!”  
               “What?  Why?”  She cautiously took a pair from his hand.  
               “No questions, just do it!  Do as you're told!”  He ordered her.  
               She hastily did as he asked as he did the same.  Before she could inquire any further into what they were for, a sudden flash of blinding white light engulfed the entire room followed by a deafening silence.  They felt themselves shielding their eyes from its intense glow.  After a moment, the light simply faded away.  When he felt it was safe, he brought his attention back towards the front of the room.  It was completely quiet, not a sound to be heard.  No shifting of the seats, no speaking, no one was moving in any way at all.  The entire auditorium was under some sort of trance-like state, all pairs of eyes were fixed towards the orb.  Clara uncovered her face as the Doctor had and observed the guests in their stillness.  
               “The people...” she noted, feeling the fear rising inside of her, “they're all... frozen!  What happened to them?”  
               “They aren't frozen.  They've all been put in a comatose state.  By _that_.”  He gestured towards the sphere.  
               “What is it?”  
               “It's a Comasphere, nearly impossible to come by.  It puts whoever looks into it in a trace.  They have no idea anything has happened to them.  No knowledge of time passing.”  
               Before Clara could say anything more, they heard the shrieking cries of something approaching them as if it were moaning in pain.  Terrified, she clung to the Doctor's arm.  Suddenly from all around them appeared the ghost-like creatures from her dream.  They passed through the walls and floors from every direction.  “Doctor!”  She nearly screamed in terror.  
               “I know, I see them too.”  He tried to count exactly how many there were.  Dozens at least.  
               “I saw one in my dream right before you woke me.”  They watched the spectres quickly making their way over the crowd of comatose people.  Each of them appeared to be searching for something as they began to scan the guests one by one.  After only a moment, one became fixed on a man in the audience.  It lowered itself upon him and placed its ashy fingers on his temples.  The Doctor and Clara observed as the creature let out a horrible shrieking sound, then entered the body of the man and disappeared inside of him.  “What just happened?  Where did it go?  What  _are_  those things?!”  Clara's fear grew.  
               “They're called Persuaders.  Highly telepathic creatures.  They can convince you to do whatever they want you to, but they can only enter someone's body if that person's mind is completely open.  Which is exactly what the Comasphere does, it opens your mind so you don't even know what is happening.  The guests can't see the creatures or even know they are there.  But we can.”  
               “But why weren't we affected?”  
               “The glasses.  They must shield the effects of the sphere.”  
               Before they could determine anything else, the Comasphere began to chime.  All the Persuaders in the room screamed, then disappeared back behind the walls and floors from whence they came.  On the last chime, all the guests began to regain consciousness, talking amongst themselves as if nothing had happened.  The Doctor and Clara stared in disbelief of what they had just witnessed.  
               “Congratulations to you on your winnings, Baron von Kinloss of Hedron.”  Missy applauded, addressing the man in which the Persuader had entered.  “We give our thanks for your generous donation to our cause.”  The room filled with the sound of cheers and applause for the gentleman as he nodded in appreciation, “Do be sure to collect your winnings afterwards.”  
               “What?  I didn't hear him bid anything, did you?”  Clara asked.  
               “No.  But whatever he offered was done telepathically by the Persuaders.  Missy must share a link with them.”  
               “So... the Persuaders are convincing people to make  _bets_  for them?”  
               “Not for them, for  _her_.”  He glared at Missy, the gears in his head turning.   _What is she after?  Do these people have any idea what they are promising her?_  
               “Doctor, we should go.”  Clara advised, placing her hand on his.  Something didn't feel right to her, she just couldn't place it.  “Let's just forget about this memory hunt and get out while we still can.  I don't know what Missy is up to but I don't want to stick around any longer to find out.”  
               He looked into her eyes.  At any other time he would have scoffed at her ridiculous human emotions while embracing whatever challenge may have found its way to him.  But she was right, he couldn't risk putting her and the child in danger any longer.  He needed to protect them.  This was something he would have to do on his own.  “Okay.  We'll go.”  He took her hand in his.  
               “And now we come to the next exciting item this evening.”  Missy shouted over the chatter.  Two large men entered from the sides of the stage and removed the pillar from the centre.  “Get your credits ready for this one ladies and gents.  I hope you will find it to be quite the addition to your private collection!”  
               The Doctor couldn't help but remain seated as if frozen with curiosity.  The large curtains hiding the remaining stage behind it slowly began to slide open.  He found himself unable to move.  The anticipation awaiting the reveal of what was to be the next item consumed him.  The curtains soon parted from each other, fully exposing its wonders concealed behind it.  As he and Clara realized what they were looking at, their jaws dropped in utter shock.  
               It was the TARDIS.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor discovers the truth behind their memory loss. But at what cost?

               They stared in disbelief as their way out of there was sitting in plain view for everyone to see.  The chatter in the room grew by the second as the guests began to question exactly what they were looking at.  
               “Doctor...”  Clara remained stunned by the events unfolding.  
               “Stupid, stupid, stupid!  Why didn't I see it before?!”  He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand.  “The doors!”  
               “Sorry?”  
               “I told you there was something off about that room, the one we arrived in!  The doors weren't installed to let very large people in, it was to take very large objects  _out_!  Missy must have known we would be coming.  She planned this from the start, this whole thing was designed to trap us here!”  
               “I don't understand, even if someone did make a bid for it they can't even get inside.  It can't leave this planet.  It's basically just a giant useless box without the key.”  She assured him, attempting to keep them both calm.  
               “Ladies and gentlemen,” Missy continued to address the audience, “what you are looking at is a one-of-its-kind Time Lord time machine from the legendary planet of Gallifrey and is known to be able to take you anywhere you want to go both in time _and_ space.”  The Doctor scoffed at her words.  “The outside may look like just an ordinary early twentieth-century English police box from Earth, but I assure you, the inside is much _much_ larger.”  Missy's eyes connected to his, a maniacal smile formed over her teeth.  “All you need is... the key.”  She declared, raising the ship's signature Yale lock in front of her for all to see.  
               “How in the hell did she get her bloody hands on a TARDIS key?!”  Clara demanded.  The Doctor was in shock, his eyes wide with fear.  “Doctor!”  She shouted trying to get through to him.  
               “I don't know, Clara!”  He snapped.  He hated not knowing.  He started to panic.  How was it even possible?  He frantically checked his pockets and pulled out his own copy of the key.  Clara checked her necklace, she too had her key eliminating the possibility of Missy having lifted it from them during their close encounter with her in the ballroom.  Missy approached the ship and inserted the key into the lock.  Turning her head around to see the faces of the Doctor and his companion, she turned the key.  The door opened.  
               “Doctor!  Do something!”  Clara cried out.  
               “I can't, she already has access.  There is nothing I can do.”  He replied, sounding defeated.  
               A few moments later, he heard Missy call out from beyond the doors of the ship.  “HELLO, Hello, hello!”  She shouted from inside, mimicking an echo.  After a few more moments, she poked her head back outside the door, “Shall we start the bidding then?”  The room began to fill with excitement as talk of the time machine became the headline of their thoughts.  
               The Doctor noticed the woman from before starting to pull the Comasphere from her sleeve.  Time was running out, if he didn't do something now they could be stranded on this planet... forever.  Without delay, he turned to his companion.  “Clara... I need you to trust me.”  He implored her, holding her cheek in the palm of his hand.  With the other, he removed the glasses from his face and returned them to his pocket.  
               “What are you doing?!”  She began to panic over whatever ridiculous plan could possibly be forming inside that brain of his.  
               “I'm going to endure the effects of the sphere.  I need answers and I'm not going to get them by sitting here doing nothing.”  
               “No!  There has to be another way.  There's  _always_  another way!”  
               “Not this time.”  He glanced back at the woman who was now holding the sphere in front of her.  
               A tear ran down Clara's cheek as she shut and covered her eyes.  The bright light engulfed the room once more.  When it had dissipated, she raised her head.  Silence had once again befallen the large room.  She turned her attention to the Doctor who was now in a comatose state.  “Doctor!”  She shook his shoulder.  “Doctor!  Wake up!”  There was no response from him.  She continued to try to break him of the trance.  From the front of the room she heard a burst of laughter resonating against the walls as Missy watched the frantic girl attempt to shake her friend awake.  
               “It's too late, Clara.  They're coming for him, and there's nothing your pretty little face can do!”  She cawed.  The sound of shrieking filled the room once again.  The Persuaders manifested themselves over the guests as before.  Suddenly one came up through the floor directly in front Clara and the Doctor.  
               “No!  Stay away!”  Clara screamed.  “Get away from him!”  Ignoring her, the Persuader reached out and placed its fingers on the Doctor's temples.  “Stop it!  Don't you  _dare_  touch him!”  It opened its mouth showing its glass-like teeth and let out a low bellowing moan, then entered the old man's body.  “NO!  Doctor!”

               The Doctor opened his eyes.  He found himself inside of another dimension; a void.  The space around him was engulfed in never-ending darkness.  In front of him was the Persuader that had entered his body, it was looking at him with its vacant lifeless eyes.  “I suppose you are wondering why we are here.”  The Doctor speculated, attempting to communicate with the creature.  “We are telepathically linked now, you and I.  As long as we are connected we will remain here for eternity, neither one of us being able to return to our worlds.  An eternity of darkness, just the two of us.”  The creature bent its head trying to understand the strange being it was bound to.  “Unless you have a deck of cards up your sleeve, you can bet things might get rather boring around here.”  The creature screamed with objection.  “Ah, you sound upset.  What if I told you there was a way out of here?  All you have to do is one thing for me and I will break our link to each other.”  The Persuader stared at the unusual man, awaiting the terms.  “My memories,” he continued, “you have access to them and I want them back.  Give them to me, and I will set us free.  Easy as that.”  He patiently awaited the answer.  After a moment, having considered the offer, the creature bowed his head in agreement.  It approached him and slowly placed its talons on the old man's temples.  The Doctor gasped, feeling a sudden rush of exhilaration as his mind absorbed the sporadic pieces of his lost memories.  He watched them unfold for the first time as if he were merely a bystander in his own life.

_Flashback to Clara's flat on the night of her big date and the moment everything first started.  The sound of the TARDIS phone ringing could be heard in his head._   
_“It's just a phone, Clara.  Nothing happens when you answer the phone.”  He picked up the receiver._   
_“Doctor?”  Asked a woman whose voice he didn't recognize._   
_“Hello?  Who is this?  How did you get this number?”_   
_“That doesn't matter, what does matter is that I need your help.  There will be an auction, an item of absolute power able to control the minds of the most powerful people in the universe will be used to bring utter destruction to my world and many others like it.  I need you to steal it....”_

_Flashback to several moments later.  He replaced the receiver and took Clara's arm, dragging her towards the doors of the TARDIS._  
_“What are you doing?!”  Clara tried to resist him._  
_“It's a little detour.  It's a... it's a job.  I've got to do it for someone. Come on!”  He placed his hands on her shoulders and lightly pushed her against her will into the ship._

 _Flashback to the TARDIS control room.  The Doctor and Clara are seated at a table on the ship, his hands interlocked in front of him. Clara sat across as if she were being interviewed._  
_“We need to rob an auction.”  He tells her._  
_“What?”  She asked, more confused than worried._  
_“Clara... I need worms...”_

 _Flashback to much later in the TARDIS.  The Doctor saw himself sitting at the console wearing a tuxedo and using the view-screen to type in a location.  An opened tab revealed he had been researching brain scanners and ways to get passed them.  Another opened tab on the screen showed pictures and descriptions of the memory worms that he had used not so very long ago in a different life.  Clara approached him from behind wearing the knee-length golden dress from their first visit to Prima Nova over the pair of black heeled shoes she had planned to wear on her date._  
_“Thanks for the shopping trip, I had absolutely nothing to wear for this thing.”  She mentioned, adjusting the dress he had taken her to get._  
_“I still don't understand why you couldn't have just picked something from the wardrobe.”_  
_“Tell that to the TARDIS, she's the one that keeps moving it!  Leave it to her to move everything around when we're in a rush.”  She peered over his shoulder at the screen.  “What's that?”  She pointed to the opened tab, unable to realize that by the time they would arrive at their destination all memories of this discussion would have been erased._  
_“Brain scanners, they detect ill-intent.  We will have to delete our memories else we'll never get passed them.”  He informed her.  A knock is then heard on the TARDIS door.  They look at each other, confused at the sound.  He headed for the door and opened it.  The ship had been parked in a London alley outside of the shop in which Clara had purchased her dress from.  Lying on the ground was an envelope, on the front the words “The Doctor” had been written.  He looked around for signs of anyone who may have dropped it off there but there was no one.  He brought it back inside and opened it in front of Clara.  It was the invitation.  Having read it, he stuck it into the breast pocket of his tuxedo then reached down and picked up the black zippered bag that housed the two memory worms._  
_“Are you ready?”  He grinned._  
_“Do I really have to touch that worm thing?”_  
_“Yes, you do.  And change your shoes, we're on a mission!”_

 _Flashback to six weeks ago, their first visit to Prima Nova.  The Doctor saw his past self and Clara in the ballroom the night their memories were erased.  They are speaking with Missy for the first time after discovering her involvement in bringing them there.  He overheard the past “thems” in conversation._  
_“I should have known it was you behind all this.  What are you playing at this time, Missy?”  He heard himself accuse her.  The conversation continued almost exactly as it had the second time.  “Why did you bring us here?  Why the invitation?”  It was now apparent why Missy had considered him “predictable.”_

_Flashback to later in the auction room.  The Doctor witnessed his past self and Clara sitting beside each other in the auditorium.  He watched as the same woman that appeared from behind the curtain before was again holding the Comasphere out in front of her.  He saw himself and Clara, powerless to stop it, succumb to the effects of the sphere.  As the bright light filled the room, both his past self and Clara were hit and brought into a trance.  He saw the Persuaders enter through the walls and sift out the guests for what they had to offer.  Two of them reached himself and Clara then entered their bodies._

_Flashback to moments later, a private corridor leading to a secret room behind the walls of the stage.  The Doctor watched as his past self and Clara, being controlled by the Persuaders inside of them, were slowly making their way hand in hand down a narrow path towards a secret room in front of them.  This memory became more clear to him.  It was more intact than the others, possibly due to the fact that he was receiving the lost memories from the minds of two Persuaders involved instead of one.  It was almost as if he were actually there following alongside a copy of himself and Clara while accompanying them down the path, yet they were unaware of his presence._  
_Following them into the unknown room, he could see their past selves enter and head towards what was in the centre; a large bed.  The entire bedroom had been furnished as if someone slept there often enough to have devoted the room to themselves. Expecting to witness some sort of monstrous life form appearing from somewhere to attack them, yet nothing had, the Doctor was confused as to why they were originally brought to this place.  He continued to watch the memories of what happened in that room through the actions of their past selves.  Though the Persuaders maintained control over their host's bodies, for a moment it almost appeared as if a part of them deep down were somehow aware of each other’s presence._  
_Turning towards each other, the Doctor watched as his past self lifted his hand and placed it gently to her cheek, caressing her soft skin within his palm.  He could hear the faint sounds between the two Persuaders, a sort of high-frequency humming, emanating from inside their bodies as they communicated with each other.  And then, to the Doctor's surprise, the events unfolding in front of him shocked him beyond his imagination._  
_His past self, his hand still on her face, suddenly leaned in and passionately pressed his lips to hers as if they had done it so many times before.  She embraced his romantic gesture without the slightest bit of hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck as they kissed each other.  He firmly gripped her sides before finding himself exploring down to her waist.  He began to kiss her cheek, then her neck.  His wandering hands made their way around to her back and reached towards the top of her dress, taking hold of its zipper and pulling it down the length of her.  His delicate fingers slipped underneath the newly parted fabric of her dress to experience her bare skin against his.  Gazing up towards him, she carefully removed the straps from her shoulders and allowed the dress fall to the floor._  
_The Doctor stood paralysed at the sight of his companion's nude form.  He tried to force himself to look away, but there was nowhere he could shield his eyes of her as he wasn't actually standing there.  The image of her was already in his consciousness.  The memories once lost had been embedded into his mind, and now that he had seen them he would never be able to unsee them._  
_Yet his other self looked upon her exposed form with desirable admiration, his fingers grazed over the surface of every perfection in her curves with his tender touch.  Her hands found their way to his tuxedo jacket and began to free himself of it, allowing it to fall to the ground behind him.  He watched her every move with genuine infatuation as she continued to undress him.  Her lips placed gentle kisses down his chest while her fingers worked to unfasten the buttons that held his shirt together. Once parted, she granting herself full access to his body underneath.  He felt himself shudder with arousal as she trailed her softened hands from his bare chest down to his stomach._ _  
_ _Something inside him suddenly snapped as their heated passion caused the untamed animalistic side of him to lose all control.  Unable to stop himself, he aggressively took hold of her hips and forced her back towards the edge of the bed.  She fell back onto the mattress and watched with great intimidation as he removed his shirt and tossed it aside, then began to remove his belt parting ways from the rest of his clothing.  He climbed up on the bed, his body pressed against hers as he kissed her again.  His lips made their way down her neck and then to her chest as she breathed heavily.  His hand slid towards the curve of her hip.  He continued his gentle kisses down her belly and then lower to just above her young fertile womb, his ultimate paternally-driven goal set upon him by the Persuader.  The strong uncontrollable desire to impregnate her came over him, sensing that she was in heat.  The endorphins rising up inside of her flourished as if begging him to transform her body into a carrier of life.  Her scent was like an aphrodisiac to him.  The Persuader's forceful thoughts were so convincing he could think of nothing else but his primal instinct to breed her, to fill her with his seed and protect it as it grew, to make a mother of her.  The more he thought about her heavy with his child the more he wanted her.  His fingers lightly trailed from her hip to her soft belly and stopped just below her navel.  He gently pressed his hand upon her warm skin as if preparing her body for the life he was about to put inside of it.  He could feel her muscles contracting underneath his palm, her breathing became more rapid as she readied herself to receive him.  His body stiffened, trying to savour every moment of her vulnerable form.  As he hovered above her, he could feel the warmth rising up from between her legs.  She was ready.  He felt intoxicated by lust, no longer able to resist the urge inside of him to give her exactly what her body wanted.  Before he could think about it any longer, he felt himself slowly entering her while she gasped beneath him._            

               “Stop!”  The Doctor cried aloud, knowing he was still linked with the creature.  He stood horrified as the images and feelings came rushing back to him.  It was far too powerful to even fathom.  “Please.  No more.”  A sudden flash of light blinded him.  His eyes adjusted to his surroundings.  He was back in the auditorium, yet there were no guests.  The seats were entirely vacant leaving him alone in the room.  There was no sign of his past self nor Clara.  And yet, he could still feel the telepathic link to the Persuader.  
               “Hello, lover.”  Interjected a voice echoing from all directions.  He spun around trying to find the source when he saw a figure appear on the stage.  As the figure approached, he realized it was Missy... and she was speaking directly to him.  
               “Missy?”  He asked, now questioning everything.  
               “The one and only.”  She curtsied.  
               “But how?  What is this place?”  
               “We are in your mind.  The Persuaders and I are all linked to each other.  You linked yourself to them and therefore I am linked to you.  Think of this place as a kind of... limbo.”  
               “I don't understand.  Why have you brought me here?  What is it you want from me?!”  He felt even more violated than before.  
               “Who says I want anything from  _you_?”  She retorted, then disappeared in the time it took him to blink.  From behind him, he heard her heavy sigh and quickly spun around towards the sound.  She had re-appeared, this time seated in the audience.  Next to her sat Clara, the Clara from his present time, whose likeness had been brought into their shared link to be used as a stage prop.  He saw a smile form on Clara's face as if inviting him to join them.  As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew that she wasn't real, that none of it was real.  It was all just a fabrication of his mind controlled by Missy in order to deceive him into thinking that it was really her.  “You know, Doctor,” she placed her arm around Clara, “I've always envied you and your companions, blindly following you throughout time without even a second thought all because a strange man in a blue box showed up on their doorstep and asked them to.”  
               “Maybe you'd still have one if you hadn't killed them all.”  His fury began to elevate as he watched her hold Clara close to her.  Even though he knew she wasn't real, just the thought of Missy's grasp on his friend enraged him.  He quickly pushed his emotions away, he knew Missy was baiting him and he wasn't going to play her game.  
               “And how many have  _you_  lost, Doctor?”  She watched his vacant expression with ease.  
               He tried not to think about how many companions he had lost, how many had suffered, how many had sacrificed themselves for him.  It caused him far too much pain to dwell on what he would have done differently to save them all.  And Clara...  _his_  Clara, he refused to even think about the day she wouldn't be with him any longer.  
               She smirked at his silence and began playing with the loose strands of Clara's hair, twirling them around her finger.  “There was once a time when I wondered to myself why you never chose  _me_ ,” she continued, “I mean, aside from all the times I tried to kill you.  But who's counting?”  She looked towards his companion, then ran the back of her fingers gently along Clara's cheek almost as if she was nurturing her.  Clara turned her head towards Missy and embraced her soft touches.  “I suppose you could say I've always been a teensy-weensy bit jealous.”  She stopped herself and turned her attention back to him.  “But who am I kidding... it would never have worked out, you and me.  Too much history there.”  
               He studied her.  There was a time, back long ago, when he too would have wanted to travel with her by his side.  Back when _she_ was _he_ , back when they were just young boys trying too hard to become men.  She had spent so long trying to convince him that they were the same.  As much as he would have denied it, there were times when he was just like her.  Times when he had lost himself in destroying the lives of so many that he had to stop himself before he went too far.  How easy it would be to become her, and yet so challenging to constantly remain the Doctor.  He had seen the past, he had witnessed the future.  Deep down he knew he was the only hope remaining able to save humans and aliens alike from death and extinction.  Missy had chosen her path long ago, yet there would always remain a small sliver of hope that he could one day change her.  
               “How did you get a copy of the TARDIS key?”  He changed the subject.   
               “I'm surprised you haven't figured that out yet.  Maybe you aren't as smart as you think you are.”  She teased.  “You traded it to me, silly man.  One key... for one glorious night of passion... with  _her_.”  She gestured toward his companion.  “And I'll say... it was rather steamy!  Whew!”  She added, fanning herself with her hand.  
               “That wasn't  _me_ , it wasn't  _us_!  You had no right to violate our consent!”  He shouted.  
               “Are you saying you've never thought about her that way before?  I find that hard to believe.  The way you protect her, the way you look at her when you think no one is watching.  If I didn't know any better I'd say you were in love with her.”  
               He tried to ignore her accusations, yet the expression on his face betrayed him.  What did she know about love?  How could she possibly understand what Clara was to him?  “What do you want with her?”  He inquired, his emotions having calmed themselves a bit.  He watched as a smile spread like a disease over her face.  
               “Oh, Doctor... I think you know  _exactly_  what I want.”  She reached towards Clara and pressed a gentle hand against his companion's belly, rubbing it affectionately.  
               The rage inside him could be contained no longer.  The realization of how far she had gone to arrange the series of events that had led up to this point consumed him.   _If only you hadn't picked up that bloody phone!_ He thought as the guilt of endangering his friend, and now his child, flooded through his mind.  He knew this was all his fault.  He alone was responsible for Clara's irreversible fate.  If it hadn't been for him she would have remained safe and none of this would have happened.  “And if I refuse?”  The image of ending her over even the mere thought of her touching Clara or his child burned its way into his thoughts.  
               “Well, I'll put it this way...”  She took a small cylindrical object from her pocket, removed the cap, and began to re-apply her lipstick.  “If you accept my offer you will get to keep your precious Clara and the TARDIS will be returned to you, key and all.  You'll be off on your merry little way saving as many pathetic species from their doom as you want to.  But if you refuse...” she paused, replacing the cap to her lipstick, “then I promise you that Clara and your child will never be safe.  I will never stop until I've found and vaporized them as you watch in horror.  You can't be everywhere, Doctor.  You can't always be there to save them.  Run all you want but I...  _will_... find you.”  She looked deeply into Clara's eyes.  Placing a hand upon her cheek, she leaned in and kissed her lips almost sincerely as a smile formed on her face.  Turning back to him, she pointed the lipstick towards Clara.  A beam suddenly emitted from it and incinerated her as she screamed out in agony.  And then she was gone.  
               “ _NO!_ ”  He cried out, reaching out towards the illusion of his friend dying by Missy's hand.  
               “Let's be honest here for a moment.  The last thing you need in your life is to be domesticated.  I can't imagine it would be easy to save an entire world from the dangers of the universe with the pitter-patter of little feet running about.  That didn't work out for you so well the last time you were a father, now did it.”  
               Missy's cruel words brought him to his knees, his hands cradled his head.  The thought of losing Clara because of his mistakes ate away at his soul.  He could feel his hearts ripping in half as the images of her dying played over and over in his head.  She was more important to him than anything he treasured most, even himself.  He would burn every star in the sky if only she had asked.  
               Missy disappeared from her seat in the audience and reappeared standing in front of him.  “So, Doctor.  What will it be?  What is your answer?”  
               He lifted his head from his hands and glared at the beast in front of him.  His eyes wet with tears.  He knew she would never stop hunting them until Clara was dead.  He would never get to hold his child in his arms.  It was tearing him apart.  He would do anything to keep Clara alive, his love for her was more powerful than any army.  There was only one thing he could do to save her.  
               “I accept.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After escaping from Missy's grasp the Doctor now must face an entirely new challenge, the truth. Will he be able to tell Clara or will he let her find out for herself?

               The next sound he heard was the chiming from the Comasphere.  His eyes opened to search his surroundings.  He was back in the auction room in the present time.  The connection he had with Missy and the Persuader had vanished leaving him alone in his mind once again.  He suddenly felt a tug at his shoulder.  
               “Doctor?”  He heard Clara's voice say as his body regained all of its senses.  “Doctor!  Are you alright?!”  
               “Clara?”  He turned towards the sound of her voice.  His head ached from all that it had been through but he was so glad to see her unharmed he ignored the pain.  He took her hands in his and kissed them each.  “I'm okay.”  He assured her.  Before she could say anything more, they were interrupted by another voice in the room.  
               “Congratulations to you on your winnings, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith.”  Missy announced with a grin.  “And as always... we give our thanks for your  _very_  generous donation to our cause.”  The guests turned their heads towards the couple and applauded them.  The Doctor remained speechless as the memory of their deal floated to the surface of his mind.  
               “Doctor?”  Clara called over the sound of the guests clapping and cheering them.  “What did you give her?”  
               Dread came over him as he tried not to look her in the eyes.  He could think of nothing to say in reply.  It was only a matter of time before he would have to tell her.  Only a matter of time before she would start to notice her body showing signs of what they had done.  It was a secret he just couldn't keep.  But not here, not now.  Not with all these prying eyes.  “It's not important.”  He lied.  “Let's just collect the TARDIS and get as far away from here as possible.”  

 

******************** 

               

               Clara hung up the dress in the wardrobe.  She ran her hand along the fabric as if thanking it for allowing her to wear it.  She thought about the night's events.  The Doctor seemed rather upset after their departure from Prima Nova but refused to speak about it nor tell her how he managed to regain the TARDIS and the key.  He was distant, hurrying to get them out of there.  She hardly ever saw him like that.  All that she could manage to conclude was that he had let Missy get the best of him yet again.  Shouldn't he be thrilled that they had the ship back?  Things could finally go back to normal now that they weren't running around the universe trying to decipher the meaning behind a piece of paper.  So why was he so angry?  Usually she just ignored him when he was this way, when he fell into one of his “moods”.  
               She left the wardrobe and headed back towards the control room.  Her mind wandered with the thought of why Missy had really brought them there.  She half expected to run into a nearly inescapable trap they would have to fight their way through, yet there wasn't.  She wondered what had happened while he was under the effects of the Comasphere.  He seemed surprised to see her even though it felt as if only moments had passed since he went into his trance and was then released from it.  
               As she made her way to the stairs, she heard the sound of metal clinking loudly as if something had fallen over above her.  She hesitated, listening in, but then there was silence.  She continued up the stairs and stopped as she reached the top.  The room was in utter dismay.  Things had been thrown everywhere, chairs and tables turned over, books had been pulled off their shelves, pieces of the console were sprawled around like they had been ripped out.  She carefully stepped over the clutter looking for the source.  She saw the Doctor half-lying on the couch on the upper platform, the only piece of furniture untouched by his wrath, his face was hidden behind his arm.  She cautiously approached and took a seat beside him on the remaining cushion.  She waited a bit, just letting him know she was there if he needed to talk.  After a few moments, she finally spoke.  
               “Redecorating?”  She asked, trying to keep the mood light.  She heard a small snicker from underneath his sleeve.  
               “I felt the place could use a bit of sprucing up.”  He replied from under his arm.  
               “Ah.  I'm almost afraid to see what it looks like it when it's finished.”  She teased.  She watched as he slowly sat up, his clothes dishevelled and askew, his hair a mess.  He placed his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.  
               “Oh, Clara.”  He uttered sorrowfully, unable to look at her.  “What would I do without you?”  
               “You know you'd be completely lost without me.  Why, were you planning on leaving me behind back there?”  She smiled.  
               He looked up from his hands and turned towards her, “Now that you mention it...”  
               “Shut up.”  She bumped her shoulder into his.  They stayed in silence for a while, just enjoying the company of one another.  “Doctor, what's wrong?”  She asked, bringing him back to the moment.  
               He nearly laughed at how loaded the answer to that question was.  Instead, he stood and leaned his hands against the railing, his back facing her.  What  _wasn't_  wrong in their situation right now?  He was carrying the weight of more than one unimaginable secret and an enormous amount of guilt.  He was questioning everything he was, all the choices he had made in the past six weeks.  The secrets housed within him were eating him away from the inside out.  How could he possibly bring himself to tell her the truth, that she was pregnant with his child and he had traded it away so that he wouldn't have to be without her?  That he couldn't bear to be alone?  He was lost in the question of who he really was, what kind of man he had become.  He closed his eyes, remembering the first time he had opened up to her in this form and allowed her to share a part of his pain.

 _His memory flashed back to a moment between them not so long ago.  A conversation he'd never forget with the woman he had been through so much with before becoming this version of himself.  The only person to have witnessed this regeneration.  The only person who cared for him enough to stick by him when even he didn't know who he was anymore._   
_“Clara, Clara, Clara.”  He sat himself down at the top of the stairs.  “I need something from you.  I need the truth.”_   
_“Okay.  Right, what is it?  What's...”  She stopped herself, realizing there was something really bothering him.  “You're scared.”  She consoled him on the stairs._   
_“I'm terrified.”_   
_“Of what?”_   
_“The answer to my next question, which must be honest and cold and considered, without kindness or restraint.  Clara, be my pal and tell me... am I a good man?”_   
_After a moment of studying him, wondering what was really upsetting him, she simply replied, “I don't know.”_   
_“Neither do I.”  He sighed._

               He knew that each moment that passed from now until the moment he would have to tell her the truth were the only moments he had left with her the way she was right now.  He tried to open his mouth to speak but no words escaped his lips.   _Stop being a_   _coward and tell her!_ Was all he could think at the moment.  “I think it would be best...” he managed to say, yet they weren't the words he had planned, “if you went back to your flat.  Get some rest.”  
               She couldn't help but feel hurt by his words, that he didn't trust her enough to tell her what was going on in his head.  But she knew him very well, she knew not to push him.  She knew that if he needed her to be there for him he knew where to find her.  “I understand.”  She stood from her seat and hesitantly headed down the stairs.  “So... I'll see you Wednesday then?”  She watched him, carefully taking in every detail of his expression.  Anything that might reveal that everything was alright between them.  
               “I'm afraid not.”  His hands continued to grip the railing.  
               “The week after?”  She could sense anger growing in him, but what had she done wrong?  Why wouldn't he just tell her?  His silence made her heart tear.  She became worried that he was keeping something serious from her.  She tried her hardest to stay strong as she forced a weak smile to her face and started for the door.  She pressed her hand upon it and stopped.  There were so many questions going through her mind but only one she really needed to know the answer to.  “Doctor?”  She turned back around to face him.  He did not respond.  She stepped back to the console and looked up at his hanging head.  “Is this is goodbye?”  She awaited his answer patiently, yet he remained silent.  She could feel the tears building up in her eyes and tried to hold them back.  “If this is your way of saying goodbye... I think I deserve to know.”  His continued silence forced the tears down her face.  She stepped closer to him, “Doctor, you're scaring me.  Would you please talk to me!”  
               “And what would you have me say?!”  He snapped back.  He had lost control of everything he tried so hard to contain, the emotions flowing through him at the fear of losing her penetrated every cell in his body.  
               “Tell me what's wrong.”  She pleaded with him, the tears continuing to flow down her face.  “Please.”  
               Seeing her so upset was killing him inside.  The feelings he had for her buried deep within him were digging their way out.  Yet all he could think about was how angry he was that Missy had violated his relationship with her, it drove him into a rage.  Though there was a part of him that desired to be a father again, to be able to connect to the child growing inside of her once more, he knew it would be impossible unless he told her the truth.  Yet a greater part of him was torn apart by his cowardice of what he had done, the guilt he would forever carry for agreeing to hand his own child over to a monster because of his selfishness.  She would never forgive him.  “I can't.”  Was all he could say.  
               “Why not?”  She asked defensively.  
               “Clara, I can't take you with me anymore.”  He couldn't even look at her, he didn't have to.  He knew her face so well it was as if it had become a part of him.  
               “Tell me why.”  She took another step towards him.  
               “It's too dangerous.”  
               “Since when has that ever mattered?  We take risks all the time, every time I step into this box is a risk I am willing to take if it means we could save someone together.”  
               “And why is it you even travel with me?”  He countered, his words heated as he descended down the stairs towards her.  “I'm sure there are plenty of others you'd rather be with than me.  Isn't there some date you should be getting ready for?  Some man out there you should be trying to impress?  Who wants to have an old grump like me around, showing up uninvited, ruining their life?!”  
               “I'm not leaving here until you tell me the truth.”  She knew he was trying to push her away from whatever it was that was frightening him.  
               “You wouldn't understand.”  He turned away from her again.  
               “What wouldn't I understand?!  Or don't you trust me anymore?”  She felt a burning in her throat from trying to keep down her hurt and anger.  
               “Of course I trust you!”  He replied, still in a rage.  
               “Then tell me!”  
               “Clara, please!”  He felt as if he was going to burst.  He wanted to lash out at something, destroy something to make the pain desist.  
               “Tell me, Doctor!  Why can't you take me with you anymore?!”  She felt herself shouting at him.  
               He turned around angrily to face her.  “Because you're pregnant!”  He screamed aloud, then froze at his own words.  He hadn't even realized he had uttered them until it was too late.  All he could do was stare at her stilled expression.  He placed his face in his hands and began to slowly pace in front of her, unable to compose himself.  
               She watched the frantic man, his words still processing in her mind.  All the thoughts that were running through her head at that moment were so greatly overlapping each other she couldn't even choose one that was coherent enough to express out loud.  “You're right, I don't understand.”  Were the only words she could think to say.  
               The Doctor stopped and turned towards her again.  He looked deeply into her eyes as if apologizing for having told her.  “It's true.”  He took a step towards her.  
               “No.”  She stepped away, refusing to listen to his outrageous accusations.  “I don't believe you.  Show me.”  
               A heavy sigh passed his lips as he took out his sonic-screwdriver and pointed it towards her midsection.  Turning to the console, he pressed a few buttons then brought the view-screen around for her to see.  The images loaded up revealing a type of ultrasound technology she had never seen before.  Glancing closer, she could see a distinct shape beneath her uterine wall, its movements so small she almost hadn't noticed them.  Pressing a few more buttons, he enhanced the image even closer to the small being's chest.  She stared in disbelief as she witnessed a pair of tiny hearts fill the screen, each beating in near unison.  “A child of Gallifrey, or more specifically... of Time Lord descent.”  He revealed, breaking the unbearable silence in the room.  
               Her eyes fixed themselves on the screen, remaining quiet for several moments while still processing the information given to her.  “You're telling me... that this is  _your_  child.”  She pointed towards the screen.  
               “Well...  _technically_ , she's ours.”  He tried to sound sincere.  
               “She?”  Clara brought her hand to her brow, unable to convince herself of what was happening.  She couldn't help but wonder how this child came to be.  How had she not known?  She had spent so much time the last six weeks pretending to resume her life as normal, teetering between her relationship with Danny and the constant worry she had for her missing friend, that she hadn't even noticed the changes in her body.  The missed signs of upcoming motherhood.  Worst of all, she felt a sense of violation with no memory of the act itself.  “How.”  She spoke harshly.  
               “It's sort of hard to explain.”  
               “Try.”  
               He ran his hand down his face in frustration trying to find the words she needed to hear.  “Six weeks ago... you and I... under the control of the Persuaders.  We...”  He couldn't even say it.  He felt the colour in his face flush with embarrassment.  
               “We what?”  She asked, still in denial.  
               He sighed heavily trying to grasp the words, “We... were mated.  Non consensually.”  
               “Mated... like animals?”  Anger made its way to the surface of her emotions.  
               “In a sense.”  
               “Why.”  Her stated questions were sharp and to the point.  
               “I don't know.  All of the events leading up to this point are part of some sort of underlying master plan devised by Missy.  She brought us there together, she used us.  Whatever her end game is, I haven't entirely figured it out just yet.  All I do understand is that this child was created as part of a bigger missing piece to the puzzle.  Whatever Missy has planned... it's too dangerous for me to involve you any further.”  He watched her reaction. Her lips were sealed shut, tears fell from her face, her eyes glazed over unable to even look at him.  
               “No.”  She broke the silence between them, the look of confusion rested upon his face.  “I don't believe it.  I don't believe any of this!”  She backed away from him, terrified, “How do I know any of this is even real?  Memory worms, Comaspheres, Persuaders... how do I know this isn't some big lie I'm being fed while my real body is still sitting back in that auction room... or in my own bed?”  
               “Clara...”  He stepped towards her again.  
               “Stop!”  She shouted, taking steps away to protect herself from him.  “How do I even know  _you_  are real, that you aren't just some figment of my imagination trying to deceive me?  How do I know we aren't still being controlled and all of this is isn't just an illusion?  How can you prove to me that any of this is really happening, that it is the real you standing in front of me right now?”  She questioned even her own existence, unable to trust her own eyes.  
               “Clara.”  He repeated genuinely.  He stepped closer, his hands raised in a peaceful gesture to show that he would not harm her.  She allowed him to approach.  He stopped just in front of her as she gazed tearfully into his eyes.  He slowly took her hands in his, experiencing the noticeably small amount of electricity running through them.  “I can assure you, I am real.”  He raised her hands to his chest and pressed them against each of his hearts.  “ _This_  is real.”  She could feel the deep beating inside his chest through her palms.  Each beat underneath her fingers became quite soothing, she felt a sense of calmness settle inside of her.  “And this...” he lowered his hand and pressed it softly against her belly as she let out a small gasp at his touch, “this is  _very_  real.”  He closed his eyes and took in every bit of warmth emanating from within her as it began to rise up his hand.  “I can feel her.”  He pressed slightly harder, his fingers spreading across the almost undetectable curve of her womb.  
               Clara embraced every movement of his touch on her body, feeling the same warmness rising up inside her that she had felt before.  As the tears continued to make their way down each cheek, she began to finally accept all that he had told her.  “You've seen her?”  
               “Yes.”  He whispered.  “Oh Clara, she is so beautiful.”  He opened his eyes again to meet her tearful expression, sensing the fear beginning to rise up within her.  They had never been through anything even remotely close to this before.  He could only imagine how scared she must be.  He was riddled with guilt for having caused it by sparing her from the knowledge he chose to imprison inside himself to protect her.  What he wouldn't give to comfort her, to be able to put her mind at ease, to tell her how sorry he was.  But he was just as frightened of what she would do the moment she discovered what he had done as he was of losing her.  
               She laid her head upon his chest as her tears made their way into his shirt.  She could hear his hearts beating faster at her sudden affection, his arms wrapped around her in a close embrace as his cheek rested upon her head.  The events of the evening leading up to that very moment had now preoccupied her thoughts with uncertainty.  How long had he known?  His anger and rampage of the control room made her afraid of how he truly felt about his child growing inside of her.  “But... do you want her?”  She asked tearfully, continuing to cling to his chest.  
               The question both surprised and frightened him.  He wanted to tell her, “more than anything.”  Yet at the same time, he knew he couldn't get attached.  He had made a deal with Missy, pouring his love towards this child would only make her that much harder to give up.  He had already made the decision for all three of them without any regard to how Clara felt.  He had no choice.  It was either give up the child or watch them both die.  Either way, there would be no living with himself, no forgiveness to receive.  
               The hesitation in his answer made Clara's head rise to meet his fearful expression.  “Do you?”  She stepped back from him to study his reaction, observing the look of panic as it spread across his face.  He could barely look her in the eyes, his hands shook beside him as he tried his hardest to keep them steady.  He wasn't ready to tell her the truth, she had already endured far too much for one night.  “I see.”  She stated coldly, holding back the anger she felt over his apparent denial towards any responsibility for the outcome of her conception.  “I think you're right.  I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore.”  
               “Clara, wait-”  He tried to protest.  
               “No, Doctor.  This is something I can handle on my own.  We both know the last thing you want is a child running around in here cramping your style.  The great Time Lord... the man I knew you as before spent over nine-hundred years saving a town of innocent people from annihilation while countless armies attacked them over and over again.  That man sacrificed who he was for them... to become someone so scared and cowardly that he'd run away from even the thought of his own child.”  She accused him, fighting back her tears as she stormed towards the door.  
               Her words cut him like knives which quickly brought out the worst in him.  Would she forever be reminding him that he would never be the man he once was to her, that he could never replace the love she had for his past self?  He cared for her even more so now than he ever did then.  He was so quick to send her away back on Trenzalore.  She knew he was protecting her even though she ended up saving  _him_  in the end.  But now... she had absolutely no idea what he'd be willing to sacrifice to keep her safe, what he had done and would do again if it meant she'd live.  If only he could tell her how much she meant to him but feared she'd never accept him in this body, this person he had become.  Even now, the anger inside of him grew as he realized he'd never be good enough for her.  “And what will you do now?”  The resentfulness in his temper had escalated beyond his control. “Run back to P.E.?  I'm sure he'll welcome you with open arms after he finds out you're carrying another man's child.  We both know he's not fond of me, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out she's mine.”  
               Halted by his spiteful words, she turned back around.  Her face was red with fury.  “Goodbye, Doctor.”  Her angered tears fell to the floor.  “Don't come looking for us.”  She took her leave of the room, slamming the door and leaving him alone in his own silence.  He closed his eyes as a thousand regrets came barrelling into his head.  Again he could hear the voices of their past playing through his mind just as he had remembered them.

 _“When will I see you again?”  She asked._   
_“Oh... soon I expect.  Or later, one of those.”  He answered.  He watched her open the door to the ship to leave, then turn back to him._   
_“I don't know.”  She stated confidently._   
_“I'm sorry?”_   
_“You asked me if you are a good man and the answer is... I don't know.  But I think you try to be, and I think that's probably the point.”_   
_“I think you're probably an amazing teacher.”  He replied with a smile._   
_“I think I'd better be.”_

               And then she was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over two months have passed since Clara last saw the Doctor. Though she has been spending her time with Danny she feels as if something is missing from her life. Clara tries to resume her life without the Doctor in it but realizes there is more to the Doctor she has not yet seen, a side of him he buries inside himself.

               Two and a half months had passed by almost faster than Clara even realized.  So much had happened since the last time she saw the Doctor.  The look upon his face as she left him in his ship for the last time burned itself into her memory.  She tried not to think about him, about the anger she felt at his words.  It was as if there was an enormous void in her life after she left.  And Danny... though she still had him, for now, he hadn't taken the news well.

 _“There's something I need to tell you.”_  
_“I love you too.”  He smiled._  
_“Oh... um... yes, that!”  She tried to sound sincere as the words she needed to say were stuck trying to escape.  She stared down at the table and absentmindedly fiddled with the untouched food on her plate._  
_“Is there something else?”  He asked, observing her distracted gaze._  
_“Ummm...”_

 _Later, she watched as a now enraged Danny angrily paced back and forth.  His eyes refused to make contact with hers.  He screamed out in frustration as she continued to sit, too ashamed and terrified to move._  
_“It's his, isn't it?!”  He screamed towards her._  
_“Yes.”  She whispered as tears fell down her face._  
_“How could you do this to me?!  I love you!”  His rage burst out in all directions._  
_“Danny, please!  It wasn't like that!”  She begged him to listen._  
_“Tell me then, Clara.  What was it like?”  He glared at her._  
_“You wouldn't understand.”  She replied, shocked at herself as the Doctor's words rung in her ears._  
_“Oh, I understand perfectly.  You love him, don't you?”_  
_“No.  Not in that way.”  She was so quick to answer she didn't even know if she was being genuine or not.  She didn't know what to feel about him anymore._  
               _“Tell me the truth.”  He demanded, his suspicions of her true feelings for the Doctor had taken precedence in his thoughts ever since the moment he discovered with whom she had been spending all of her free time._  
_“It wasn't consensual.”_  
_“You're telling me he raped you?!”  His temper exploded._  
_“No!  He would never do that!  That's not what happened!”  She exclaimed._  
_“So he had his way with you,” he continued, ignoring her words and making his own assumptions, “then dumped you off here to raise his kid alone while he ran away like a coward?”_    _His words brought her to tears as she shielded her face in her hands.  He continued to pace in silence, his hands grabbed the sides of his head as he tried to control his fury._ _"I can't do this anymore, Clara.  This... this is just too much for me.”  He snatched his coat up then headed for the door, slamming it shut behind him._

               She had spent the next few weeks after their fight barely able to bring herself out of her bed.  Her pillow constantly wet with tears.  They had to bring in a substitute for her at her school as she told them she was recovering from a serious flu, but in reality, she couldn't bear even the thought of passing him the halls.  Then one day she heard a knock at her door.  She rushed to it, her heart racing, hoping to see her best friend as she threw open the door.  But it wasn't who she had expected.

 _“I'm sorry.”_    _Danny_ _admitted_ _, his hand wrapped around a bouquet of fresh flowers.  She stared at him, not knowing what to say._ _“Look... this isn't easy for me.  It's not every day your girlfriend tells you she's pregnant with an alien.”  A small smile escaped her at his words.  “I want to make this work.  If he doesn't want to be there for his own kid, then that's on him.”  He stared sadly into her eyes, “Clara... I love-”  He tried to finish his thought as Clara rushed to him, threw her arms around him, and passionately kissed him.  He embraced her, kissing her in return, then walked them back into her flat kicking the door closed after them._

               She found herself sitting alone on a park bench taking a break from feeling constantly guilty for having pulled Danny into the insanity that was her life.  After she felt ready enough to return to the school she began to regret it almost immediately.  All the questions she was receiving and not knowing how to answer them became increasingly unbearable as more and more people began to notice the obvious secret now extending from her middle.  The gossip going around the school was enough to fill a magazine.  
               She sometimes caught herself thinking about the Doctor and what he was doing right then.  Did he even miss her?  Was he still thinking about her while he was off somewhere billions of miles away?  She tried to push the feelings away, it wasn't fair to Danny.  She had already caused him enough pain, and yet he was still there picking up the pieces of her messy life.  
               She glanced down at her small belly just barely big enough to rest on its own in her lap.  She placed her hand on her growing child hoping to feel any sign of life inside of her.  She wondered what she would look like.  Would she have her mother's stubbornness?  Her father's frown?  Possibly both.  She hadn't felt the warmth since she was back on the TARDIS, the warmth she knew was her baby trying to communicate the only way she could.  Clara had no way of knowing how she was developing as she refused to be seen by a physician against Danny's wishes.  She was too afraid that by the time they would have determined her child had two hearts she'd be whisked off by U.N.I.T. and confined to a room while they forced her to explain how she was carrying an alien offspring.  They would interrogate her, threaten her, and when the time came for her to give birth the child would be taken from her to have experiments performed.  There was no one she could trust, except for Danny.  Although she was sure he'd make a fairly terrible wet nurse.  
               She felt slightly disappointed at the lack of movement inside her yet believed it was far too early to detect anything just yet.  As much as she tried to keep from thinking about the Doctor it was nearly impossible as the evidence that he would always be a part of her life, whether he was there or not, was living and growing inside her.  A constant reminder of him.  
               As she gently felt around her abdomen she was surprised when she finally did feel something.  Not a movement, a feeling.  Her hand stopped over where she last felt it.  A warmth.  Her mouth opened and let out a gasp as the sensation began to intensify.  So very light at first, and then brighter and brighter until she could feel the warmth over nearly her entire body.  She felt the happiness returning to her mind once more as tears formed in her eyes.  It had been so long since she had last experienced it she had almost forgotten what it felt like.  And then she understood why.  
               Her smile faded as quickly as it had appeared, her happiness suddenly melted away.  She felt her face frown and her eyes roll with irritability as she sensed someone drawing near her from behind.  She refused to turn around or even acknowledge their presence.  The man took a seat next to her on the small bench.  Neither one of them spoke as they looked out to the empty green field in front of them.  
               The Doctor crossed his arms and pretended not to look at her.  He had caught a glimpse of her as he sat down, his eyes observing the start of her more rounded middle.  He could sense the warmth of his child from miles away as if she were welcoming him, happy to be feeling his presence again.  He knew she wanted him to find her, for the three of them to be together again.  They sat in silence for what seemed like ages.  
               Clara wanted to scream at him, for him to understand how much she wanted to hate him right then.  She told him not to come looking for them.  He had no business bursting back into her life and trying to become a part of it after he had so easily let her walk out that door.  She concentrated on fighting back her tears so he didn't see her as weak.  After what felt like an eternity he finally spoke.  
               “Over one-hundred and eighty years from now, this entire area will be nothing but ocean.  This bench and all of London will be resting miles under the surface of millions of tons of seawater as the northern ice-caps melt from the expanding sun.  By the twenty-fourth, century all of London will cease to exist.”  
               “Doctor.”  She finally replied, still unable to look in his direction.  “Why are you here-”  
               “Shhhh!”  He interrupted her, placing a finger to his lips.  “I'm not speaking to you.”  After a moment he leaned his head down towards her middle, speaking softly and pointing off in the distance.  “Nearly seven-hundred years from now all of this you see will be converted into Central City.  And right over there is where they will build the capitol building at the start of the twenty-eighth century.  One day, when you're older, I can take you to see it being built if you'd like.”  
               Clara wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to hold back the small smile that yearned to form.  She was still so unbelievably cross with him.  As often as she had tried to, she'd never truly understood why he was the way he is.  She knew there would be no apology from him, he was much too proud for that.  But a part of her did forgive him for his actions.  Though he had risked her life an uncountable number of times, he would never have intentionally hurt her.  His reaction to her condition proved that he was just as shocked by the child as she was.  As much as she tried to deny it these past few months, he was still her best friend and her child's father.  Being around him changed her.  No matter how hard she tried to stay mad at him, she really did love him.  
               After a few moments, she found herself resting her head on his shoulder as he placed a loving arm around her and held her close to him.  As the silence grew between them they instead enjoyed each others company as the sun began to set itself in the sky.

 

********************

 

               “She's doing remarkably well.”  The Doctor confirmed as he put his sonic-screwdriver back into his breast pocket.  “And you haven't been to see anyone, no doctors?”  
               “No.  No one.”  She admitted.  
               “Good girl.  If U.N.I.T. were to get their hands on you they'd be spending months cleaning up the damage I caused to get you out.”  He felt complete again with her back on the ship as if she were never really gone.  He had spent their time apart attempting to devise a plan to relieve himself of Missy’s deal.  One that he hadn't quite plotted out entirely as he was frustrated and distracted, unable to focus on his work without the presence of Clara stirring about the ship.  He couldn’t concentrate on what he should be doing, his mind constantly wandering, worrying about whether she and the child were safe without him there to protect them.  
               As for Clara, she wasn't exactly sure why she agreed to follow him back to the TARDIS after they left the park.  She'd like to have believed that he had convinced her to come with him based solely on his concerns for the health of their child, to make sure she was being taken care of.  But Clara knew he didn't need the ship to do that.  She pretended she didn't see him quickly glance over at her several times while he pretended to be pushing buttons on the console.  Their current relationship was both awkward and oddly comfortable all at the same time as if nothing had actually happened between them.  
               “I see P.E. has been taking good care of you.”  He tried to sound like he wasn't prying.  
               “It's _Danny_.  And yes, he has.  We are officially a couple now... again.”  She suddenly realized the guilt she felt for even being with the Doctor right then after everything that had happened between them.  After all that Danny had done for her, if he were to find out where she had been all evening...  
               “Are you!”  He inquired, faking surprise.  
               “Yeah... uh... he has been really supportive and accepting, all things considered of course.”  
               “Of course.”  He attempted to keep his jealousy to a minimum.  “So... do you two...?”  He raised his brow.  
               “Doctor...”  
               “Right right, none of my business!”  He remained casual, yet was unable to relieve himself of the thoughts of her promiscuous acts with another man while his child still thrived inside of her.  
               Clara smiled as she felt a sense of being home again, even if she didn't actually live there.  Something about being back on the ship made her feel secure again.  As would a son or daughter, long since having left their parents' house to pursue their dreams on an uncharted path, made their way back home for the holidays after being away for what felt like ages.  The smell of their mother's cooking, the laughter between friends and family as they spoke of the good old days, the feeling of being back in their old room to find it looked just the way they remembered it.  
               She found herself running her hand along the familiar touch of the console, letting her fingers graze slowly over the buttons she had watched him press a thousand times.  Her hand travelled along the edge of the console until she was standing beside him again as if she had always belonged there.  “You know,” she started as their hands nearly made contact with each other, “I think she missed you.”  
               He felt his hearts skip a beat as he noticed himself glancing down at the proximity of their hands and how close she was to him.  “Did she?”  He whispered, not entirely sure it was the child in which she was speaking, but he wasn't yet ruling out the hormones inside her having taken over.  He watched her gaze up at him, her eyes drawing him into hers.  She was so close to him, he could feel his hands begin to tremble as he tried to remain calm.  
               “When you were gone I stopped feeling her happiness.”  Clara couldn't explain the exhilaration she was experiencing around him allowing her to be this close to him.  Her heart became rapid, the thought of him wrapping his arms around her betrayed everything she had been feeling since his absence.  It was as if a fire were burning in her that could not be contained.  She caught herself glancing at his lips, desiring to feel them against her own.  “But now that we are standing here together again, I can feel her warmth growing inside of me...” she gently took his hand in hers, slowly bringing it to her middle and pressing it carefully over their child, “right here.”  
               A quiet gasp left him at her touch.  His mind raced with a hundred thoughts, his body shuddered with arousal.  The man he thought he was would have looked away, caused a distraction, anything to get out of what it meant to feel for her.  Yet he couldn't resist her eyes.  It was as if they contained the map of an entire galaxy waiting to be explored by him if only he dared to look deep enough.  
               As much as he wanted to resist, his mind torn between fleeing from where he stood and enduring the exhilarating touch of his hand over the swell of her belly, there was another secret he had been keeping from her.  Another reason to have not pursued her after their last heated encounter.  That the intense love he had for her brought on by the Persuader was still veritably present inside of him.  He knew that was how the creatures functioned but had been too afraid to admit it.  Once they had a hold of their victim they released a kind of snare into the brain, like a tiny splinter embedding itself in the tissue that could never be removed.  They could sink an idea into the mind like a virus allowing it to slowly spread throughout them so that once they finally released themselves from the body their prey would be plagued with the desire to fulfill the obligations of their own mind... remaining with them forever.  He knew the illness inside of him was part of the driving force keeping him close to her, never too far away.  But it meant something much worse.  That she was also infected.  Her sudden strong affections towards him were even more of a sign that the virus was affecting her body.  He could detect her endorphins drawing him in, becoming intoxicated by her pheromones.  His possessive paternal desires brought him a sense of power over her as if he were prideful that it was _his_ seed growing inside of her, like a dominant animal warding off the other males from his mate.  As hard as he tried to remain unattached to the child inside of her, preparing himself for what was to come, his illness was making it increasingly unbearable to imagine having to give her up with each passing moment he endured her warmth.  
              He could feel her deep breathing, her diaphragm expanding and retracting in the palm of his hand.  The familiar warmth began to rise throughout his body like sunlight as he spread his fingers over her swollen abdomen and protectively pressed his hand over their growing child.  Without even realizing it his remaining hand found its way to her waist as if it had a mind of its own.  He felt her warm breath on his neck, his hearts pounded.  The sickness inside of him was too powerful to ignore.  “It's almost as though,” he began to say, nervous of his own actions, “she's been trying to bring us closer together.”  His hand on her waist gently pulled her as close to him as her middle would allow it, feeling her body press against his own.  
               A small gasp escaped her as she lost herself in his embrace.  “Wouldn't that be terrible.”  She teased, a coy smile formed as a heated passion for him arose in her like a fever.  
               “Unimaginably.”  He whispered.  He had no control over his actions any longer, his eyes stared at her lips as if he were starving for them.  He felt his head ever so slowly lower towards hers, their lips just inches away from one another.  Their eyes closed as they anticipated the connection of their skin together.  
               An unexpected noise from behind her interrupted the moment between them.  The vibrating sound of a phone ringing from Clara's back pocket startled her bringing them both out of the occasion.  “That must be P.E.-... sorry, _Danny,_ wondering where you've run off to.”  He sighed and held back his irritation as he released his grasp on her.  He watched her bring the phone from her pocket and stare at the screen, suddenly being brought back to her reality.  
               “I'm sorry.”  She confessed.  “I have to take this.”  
               He motioned for her to do what she felt she had to as he returned to the console, leaning upon it and forcing himself not to tear off a panel in frustration.  She stepped away and answered the call.  
               “Danny!  Hi!”  She began, trying to sound excited to hear from him.  “I was at the park, just making my way back now... no, no.  I can walk it's not that far, I'm almost home... yes, we're doing just fine...”  She smiled and placed a hand on her stomach.  Then she turned back to the Doctor, looking at him in the eyes.  “Yep.  Just me.”  She ignored his frowning brow.  “Okay.  Yep, love you too.  See you soon.”  Ending the call she placed the phone back in her pocket.  
               “Big plans tonight?”  He inquired.  
               “Nah, just dinner at my place.”  She held back her guilt.  
               “I suppose I couldn't offer you a lift then?”  He ran his hand along the edge of the console as if to tempt her.  
               “I better not.”  She admitted.  He nodded his head in understanding.  “Well, guess I should be going then, in case he shows up before me.”  
               “Guess so.”  He replied disappointedly.  
               She headed for the door, hesitating just before reaching it, then turned back around to him.  “When can I see you again?”  
               A smile formed on his face at the question, “As soon as you'd like.”  
               “Good.”  She returned the smile and then exited the ship.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara has been meeting with the Doctor in secret, itching to go on another adventure despite her current circumstances. The Doctor is torn between Clara's safety and his own temptations. A presence in the ship lets itself known.

               Over a month had come and gone since the day he found her at the park and brought her back “home."  She came to visit him as often as she could.  The more he saw her the more he felt whole again.  Though she rarely brought up her personal life, he was fairly certain she had been sneaking away in order to see him.  It was as if she were a young girl waiting until dark for her parents to go to sleep before heading stealthily out her window to go visit a boy.  The more their child grew inside of her the greater the risk of traveling with her had become.  He felt the need to constantly invent new excuses not to bring her anywhere in order to keep them safe. It was becoming far too dangerous for both of them.  
               The Doctor was seated with his feet on the console, a late twentieth-century electric guitar in hand and playing a tune while deep in thought.  He had spent the past several hours tinkering around the control room working on a possible cure for their disease but had given up when what little information he could find available claimed there was none.  Turning towards the console he initiated a complete scan of his body, the results displayed shortly after on the view-screen in front of him.  The TARDIS had identified the foreign object in his mind, almost completely unnoticeable to the naked eye.  Enhancing the scan he was able to see the area in which the small sliver was lodged, the impact of it slowly spreading over more of his brain as time progressed.  Sighing he tapped a button on the console which replaced his scan with the most recent one he had taken of Clara during her last visit, unbeknownst to her of its true intent.  He felt it best to let her believe he was scanning for abnormalities within their child rather than frighten her with news of their incurable illness.  The results showed the same progression of the virus running through her frontal lobe impacting her emotions and behaviors.  
               Such a capable creature the Persuader was, he thought.  Able to turn any good and honest person into a monstrous one, as well as the reverse.  Because of the nature of their snare after it had been implanted, one could not just simply wipe the memories from their minds attempting to void out the effects.  Therefore, the memory worms were useless in this case and far too dangerous.  A single touch of the worm's skin could vary in the length of time a memory could be erased, anywhere from a few hours to a few days and they were well past that point.  A single bite from one could erase decades' worth of memories.  For Clara that could mean her entire lifetime's worth resulting in her not even knowing who she was any longer.  For him, he could be risking erasing her completely from his mind forever.  
               The longer she stayed with him the greater the passionate tensions that arose between them.  As exhilarating as the desires he had for her were, he knew he had to find another way to reverse the effects of the virus before it became too dangerous for both of them.  He needed to be able to have control over his own thoughts again before he found himself in a situation where he had to make a clear decision, unable to make a choice because his mind was constantly clouded with the thoughts of his companion.  Just as she needed to be able to choose to stay with him if she wanted to on her own, not because she was being forced to by an unyielding passion for him.  Until he could find a fix he felt it best to continue to remain silent on the matter of their illness.  
               As he sat strumming his guitar and drawing upon possible solutions to their problem, he was suddenly startled by a most unsettling noise resonating from somewhere deep within the ship.  A hauntingly sorrowful moan that sent a chill down his spine.  He froze in fright, listening in to the noise emanating like an echo from an unknown source.  Then it disappeared as quickly as it had begun.  Hoping the only explanation behind the sound was that it was simply a figment of his imagination, he was almost too terrified to even consider investigating when the door to the TARDIS opened and Clara burst in unexpectedly.  Her face was flushed and damp as if she had been chased.  
               “Did you hear it?!”  His face still full of fear.  
               “Hear what?”  She asked, nearly out of breath as she closed the door behind her.  
               “Nothing.  Well... _probably_ nothing.  Never mind.”  He noticed her heavy breathing, “What is it?  What's wrong?”  He suddenly became worried.  
               “She moved!”  Clara finally announced after catching her breath.  
               “Who did?”  He wondered if he should be concerned with his companion's sudden outburst.  
               “The baby, she moved!”  She started to approach him.  
               “...to where?”  
               “No, you daft man!  I _felt_ her move, inside me.”  Clara leaned on the console to steady herself as she waited for her heart to stop racing.  
               “Is that... normal?”  He asked, unsure of how to respond.  
               “I should hope so.”  She answered, now much more recovered.  She took notice of his guitar and the overall clutter surrounding him.  “What have you been doing in here?”  
               “Thinking.”  
               “About?”  
               “Why is your face all red?”  He avoided the subject.  
               “I ran here.”  
               “You look like you just had a wash with your clothes on.”  
               “It's raining.”  
               “Were you in some kind of danger?”  
               “No.”  She quickly stated, ignoring his ignorance as he raised a questioning brow.  “I just wanted to see you is all.  I guess I just thought I should be here... you know... in case she moved again.”  She thought about how his lack of emotional response towards any situation, including this one, was the main reason she created cue cards for him to read off of in the first place.  Although the thought of having to add an additional situational card for “sorry I put my alien offspring inside of you” had crossed her mind.  
               “Ah.  Well... that sounds more like _your_ area of expertise.”  
               “...right then.”  She knew it was pointless to spend her energy attempting to reverse his remarkable disinterest in the changes going on inside of her.  “Anyway, Danny's away visiting some friends over the weekend.  I felt it best if I didn't tag along.  You know... would probably raise a lot of... questions.”  She motioned towards her middle.  “So for the next two days, it's just you and me.”  
               “I take it you haven't mentioned anything to him yet... about me.”  He stated dryly, leaning the guitar on the console as he stood from his chair.  He moved away from her and quickly cleared the view-screen from the evidence of their scans.  
               “Haven't really found the right moment yet.”  She tucked her hair behind her ear as she approached him at the console.  “Besides, I didn't know how long you planned on sticking around this time.”  
               He sighed, not entirely sure how to respond.  All he knew is that he didn't want to fight with her.  He didn't want to ruin whatever it is they were to each other right then.  “Listen, Clara... I-”  
               “I know.”  She stopped him.  “Look... let's just enjoy this time for what it is, okay?”  
               “Okay.”  He agreed as a smile formed on his face.  He knew better than to argue with a pregnant woman.  
               “So... can we go somewhere?”  She asked with a bit of excitement.  
               “Clara... I really don't think that would be in your best interest right now.”  He moved around the console away from her while trying to ignore the temptation.  
               “Please?”  She followed after him.  
               “No, I don't think so.”  He moved faster creating as much distance from her as he could.  
               “Come on!  You know you want to."  She gave chase.  "Just think of all the adventures you're missing out on while you've been sitting around here moping!”  
               “I'm not moping!  It's far too risky for a woman in your... situation.”  He continued to circle the barrier between them like a game of cat and mouse.  
               “Just a little trip?”  
               “Why even go anywhere, plenty of stuff to do right here!”  He stopped at the view-screen and started typing in a few local locations.  “Didn't they just open that new shopping... thing... with the clothes?  That sounds much safer, besides you could do for an upgrade.”  He gestured towards her appearance.  
               “Doctor, please.”  She pulled the view-screen out of his reach.  “I haven't been anywhere in weeks!”  
               He sighed knowing he was about to give in as he looked at her pouting face, “Fine.  But just one trip!  And nowhere too exciting, wouldn't want this to become a thing.”  
               “Deal.”  She agreed, smiling up at him.  
               “And stop it with the eyes!  Don't do that with the eyes.  How do you do that anyway?  It's like they inflate!”  He added, becoming soft.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor reluctantly takes Clara back in time to a very memorable moment from his recent past. Though he can never seem to tell her how she makes him feel he decides to let their journey do the talking for him. What he didn't expect was what will happen to them while they are there.

_London, England 1865_

               Clara opened the door to the TARDIS and confidentially stepped outside the box.  She had graciously substituted her damp clothing for a maroon-coloured mid-nineteenth-century European day dress with matching chemisette as per request from the Doctor before their departure.  He soon appeared next to her from the doorway bearing a similar in colour waistcoat and trousers as he placed a black top hat upon his head.  
               It was early evening, the lamps on the streets were in the process of being lit as a light snow began to cover the cobblestone path in front of them.  The doors to the small residences on the alley had been decorated with ribbons and holly, the scent of wood being burned from the nearby chimneys filled the air.  The faint sound of carolers could be heard from somewhere nearby giving off the warmhearted feeling of Christmas time.  A horse-drawn carriage made its way past as the coachman tipped his hat in greeting towards them.  
               “Remind me where we are again?”  She leaned in towards the old man.  
               “London, Eighteen Sixty-Five.”  He informed her, taking in the fresh air around them.  
               “All the planets and stars in the universe at our disposal and you went with Earth.”  She frowned, fastening the button of her small fitted coat.  
               “What's wrong with Earth?”  
               “Did people seriously wear this many layers of clothing?  I think even my sweat is sweating.”  
               “Have I mentioned how lovely you look when you're trying?”  He smiled at her appearance.  
               “You're being nice.  Why are you being nice?”  She raised a curious brow.  
               “Because it works on you.  Shall we?”  He gestured forward.  
               “Probably could have done without the corset though, how did women even breathe in these things?”  She adjusted her undergarment attempting to relieve the pressure to her waist, then took his arm as he led them down the path.  The alley was fairly busy with life, a few children were playing in the fresh snow, the shop owners were locking up their doors for the night.  Several young couples strolled arm in arm, the men tipped their hats in acknowledgment of each other as a few noticeable glances were given in her direction from the wandering eyes of the ladies they were accompanied by.  If there was ever a time for a young woman such as her to be with child while escorted by a gentleman much older than herself and not feel a sense of judgment from the norms of society it would be then.  
               They continued to walk through the town.  Clara took in every moment she could as she felt that it would likely be her last trip with him for the foreseeable future.  The last hurrah.  She observed the various passing scents of supper being served from their pots, the gathering of friends and family around their small tables.  To her surprise, the Doctor remained fairly quiet in lieu of normal conversation unlike their previous journeys together.  For once he wasn't looking for danger, analyzing objects out of place or people not meant to be there.  It was as if he truly was there just for her with no sign of an underlying motive to be unearthed.  
               “I've been thinking...”  She started, putting the silence to rest.  
               “I thought I detected burning wires.”  
               “Shut up.”  She lightly smacked his arm.  
               “You know, you should really come with a warning label.  'Small but fiery, please use extreme caution'.”  
               She ignored his humour, “We haven't really discussed much from that night, back on Prima Nova.”  
               “What is there to discuss?”  He tried to avoid where he knew the conversation was headed.  
               “Well, for one, how did we get back the first time?  How did we end up back at my flat in the TARDIS?”  
               “I don't know.  The link to the Persuader was broken before I could receive all of my memories.”  He tried to remain as vague as possible hoping she would accept what little information he had to offer.  
               “Okay, so... what  _did_  the Persuader show you?”  
               “Oh... images really.”  He answered nervously.  “A bit of sporadic bits and pieces here and there.  It's all one big blur.”  He felt his face flush from the lie.  
               Clara studied his expression, she could always tell when he was keeping something from her.  He had this funny way of humouring a situation when he knew they were in danger so she didn't fret herself over their impending doom.  “Are you... blushing?”  A smile formed on her face.  
               “It's the cold.”  
               “You're hiding something.”  
               “Look who's become the expert.”  
               “You're being mysterious, and you know what that means?”  
               “I'm a man of mystery.”  
               “I think you saw more than you've been letting on.”  She tested his reactions carefully.  
               “And I think you're being ridiculous.”  He attempted to defuel the conversation, yet he knew she would never give up so easily.  
               After only a moment of the wheels turning in her head, she turned back to him.  “Oh my god!”  She exclaimed as the realization finally hit her.  “You saw  _everything_ , didn't you?!  You saw... us! ...  _Together_! ... In the act!”  She began to understand why he had been acting so strangely around her, why he could barely look at her in the eyes anymore.  
               “Can't be sure what I saw.  It was all just a jumbled mass of... body shapes... mixing together.  Could have been anyone.”  He forced himself to keep focused on anything but her, his face fought to not reveal any possible reaction that she could read.  Feeling her eyes peering into the side of his face he couldn't help but turn back to her.  She remained fixed on him, her brow raised even further, unwilling to back down from the topic.  “Alright, fine!”  He continued, lowering his voice so as not to attract any attention to their conversation.  “Yes, I saw everything!  Every bloody detail.  There are you happy?”  He sighed with frustration over his own embarrassment.  
               She looked towards the ground, shielding her face as she reflected on the idea of what he had seen.  Her imagination ran wild with the possibilities of what they had done together.  A small smile passed over her face as her cheeks lit up bright red.  “So... was it... memorable?”  She teased, trying not to laugh at the irony.  
               “Clara, do we really have to discuss this now?”  He frowned at her humour.  
               “Is there something...  _else_... you'd like to talk about?”  She wondered, knowing how much had been left unsaid up until this point.  He remained quiet, she felt perhaps he was still trying to relieve himself of the returned memories.  Yet, for him, they had never really gone.  “Why did you bring me here?”  She asked, breaking the awkward silence.  “There are thousands of places we could have gone at any point in time.  Why this one?”  
               “I wanted to show you something.”  His arm still bound to hers he continued to lead her through the small alley.  Passing through a narrow archway to the next path he stopped suddenly as a familiar sight came into view.  Several paces in front of them stood a small tavern, above it an inn.  The lamps were still lit inside accompanied by the sounds of laughter as the guests clinked their cups together in celebration.  Just above the door to the establishment, a decorative wooden sign hung with the words “The Rose  & Crown”.  Just as he had remembered it.  
               “You brought me to a pub.”  She frowned.  
               “This is where I first saw your face.”  He studied her reaction, taking in every detail of her as if trying to recall how he felt the first time he saw her in his last body.  Back when he wasn't the Doctor, back when he was no longer interfering with the lives of those he had once promised to save.  
               She glanced up at him, a confused look upon her face.  “How is that possible?  I've never been here before.”  
               “She was another version of you.  A part of you that you don't remember, but she was still you.”  
               “I don't understand.”  
               “Back on Trenzalore you started to remember things you shouldn't have, impossible memories that should have been erased from time itself.  After you entered my timeline the echoes of you spread throughout each of my lifetimes.  The first time I heard your voice was at the Dalek Asylum, I didn't know it was you.”  He looked deeply into her eyes, “You sacrificed yourself to save me.”  
                Clara was left speechless, shocked by his words.   _Why had he never told me this before?_  After he had saved her from entering his timeline he refused to speak about who or what she saw in there.  But now it made sense to her why, he didn't want her memories to begin to resurface.   _But why tell me now,_  she wondered.  
               “And right here,” he continued, “nearly thirty years from now, this is where I will first meet Clara Oswin Oswald.  The impossible barmaid and governess.  She hasn't even been born yet.”  His mind flooded with the memories of their first meeting face to face.

 _“Did you make this snowman?”  Asked the barmaid in her heavy cockney accent._  
  _“No.”  Said the man as he continued to walk past her._  
_“Well, who did?  Because it wasn't there a second ago.  It just appeared, from nowhere.”_  
_The man, halted by his curiosity, turned around to meet the face of the woman.  “Maybe it's snow that fell before.  Maybe it remembers how to make snowmen.”_  
_“What, snow that can remember?  That's silly.”_  
_“What's wrong with silly?”_  
_“Nothing.  Still talking to you, ain't I?”  She jested with a smile._  
_“What's your name?”  His interest now peaked as if he had met her somewhere before._  
_“Clara.”_  
_“Nice name.  Clara.  You should definitely keep it.”_

               “Why are you telling me this?”  She asked, bringing him back to the moment between them.  
               “I was in a dark place then.  I had renounced my name, given up everything I ever stood for.  I hid away in the TARDIS for a long time, refusing to keep a promise I made long ago.  I felt that the universe didn't need me anymore, that it didn't care who I saved.  Until I met you.”  He turned to face her, taking her hands in his, “You brought me back to life, Clara.  You reminded me of who I really am.  The Doctor.  It is because of you those two words have meaning once again.”  
               “But... she wasn't me.”  She added, saddened by his fond memories of which she had no part of.  
               “Oh, but she was.  They're all you.  She's the reason I set out to find you,  _this_  you.  If it weren't for her I would have been lost, forever roaming the world hoping that one day I'd find her again.  And here you are.”  
               “I... I don't know what to say.”  She confessed as his words began to touch her heart.  She looked into his eyes, for the first time truly understanding how much she meant to him.  “What happened to her?”  
               He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them gently, then rested his cheek on top of them and forced a saddened smile to his face.  Though he did not answer he did not need to, she understood.  
               “I'm so sorry, Doctor.”  She consoled him, her heart tore for her friend.  “Thank you... for showing me this.”  She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close to her as she placed her head upon his chest.  He hesitantly closed his arms around her embracing gesture.  As often as he tried to convince himself and those around him that he was not a hugging person he no longer seemed to mind receiving them from her, as few and far between as they were.  
               They stood for a while simply enjoying the moment while listening to the customers in the tavern continue to laugh and sing songs of better times.  Nearby she heard the distinctly recognizable sound of a horse nickering.  Her eyes searched for the animal, finding it at the end of the path attached to a stopped carriage.  Atop the carriage sat its coachman cloaked in black, his hood up over his face concealing it from within, remaining stationary as if waiting for someone.  An uneasy feeling came over her as the hooded man turned his head slowly towards her, staring her down from beneath the darkness of his cloak.  Though she couldn't see his face, something about him frightened her.  Suddenly she felt a sharp pain rising up from within her womb.  She screamed out in agony as she clutched her middle and began to fall.  
               “Clara!”  The Doctor shouted as he scrambled to catch her.  She fell to her knees holding her stomach, rocking herself back and forth as the unbearable pain intensified.  He dropped beside her, his hearts racing with concern.  “Clara!  Are you alright?!  What's wrong!”  He placed his hands on her waist to steady her then brought a hand around to her abdomen, frantically searching to find the cause of her pain.  “Are you going into labour?”  He began to panic.  
               “No!  It's too soon!  Something is wrong!”  She continued to yell out in pain as tears made their way down her face.  
               Thinking quickly he pulled out his sonic-screwdriver and scanned her body.  He could feel the blood draining from his face as the readings fluctuated in his mind.  “Clara, the baby is in distress.”  He told her, trying to remain calm.  “We need to get the both of you out of here.  We have to get back to the TARDIS immediately.”  She nodded as he helped her to her feet.  Placing an arm around her waist, he led her towards the carriage.  As they approached the hooded man she stopped in her tracks, his darkened hidden gaze stared down at the pair.  
               “Wait, Doctor.”  She pleaded, her body trembling.  “Not the carriage.”  
               “Clara, don't be ridiculous.”  He argued, trying to lead her towards the door.  “The TARDIS might as well be an eternity from here, we'll never make it like this.”  Hesitating, she nodded allowing him to open the door and help her inside.  “Fleet Street, quick as you can!”  He ordered the man.  The hooded man nodded silently.  The Doctor climbed into the carriage and shut the door, removing his hat and situating himself next to his frightened companion.  The sound of reins slapping against the backside of the horse was heard as the carriage began to move.  He took her hand in his and with the other he pressed it protectively over their child, hoping his touch would provide his friend with some comfort.  His eyes were wide with worry, his face devoid of color.  The panic inside him was rising as the fear of losing them began to set itself in his mind.  
               Clara, having never seen him in such a state, reached out towards him and placed her hand upon his cheek.  “She's going to be alright.”  She comforted him, lightly stroking his face and running her fingers through his gray-coloured hair.  “We're going to be just fine, don't you worry.”  She leaned over and softly kissed his cheek then brought her arms around him in a loving embrace.   
               He held her tightly and fought back his fearful tears as he ran a trembling hand through her hair.  He tried to keep himself calm as he took in her scent.  The love he had for her and their child, the love he had sworn to push away to remain unattached, was intensifying with every breath she took.  “This was a mistake,” he held her close, “I should never have brought you here.  If anything happens to either of you I'll never be able to forgive myself.”  
               She leaned away from him, his saddened expression hidden in shame.  She pulled his face to meet her eyes.  “No, don't you do that.  Don't you dare blame yourself.  This is not your fault.  If it was going to happen anywhere... I'm glad it was with you-”  She winced as the pain returned to her.  
               He gently leaned her back against the seat and rubbed the side of her abdomen in an attempt to help relieve her of her discomfort.  He could feel a faint fluttering within her for the first time, a movement so emotional for him that he should have felt overjoyed.  But not now, not at the cost of his companion's suffering.  After a moment she let out a sigh of relief as the pain finally began to subside.  “Better?”  He continued to feel around for signs that the child was still alive.  
               She nodded and began to relax as he soothed her.  “What was she like, the other me?”  She tried to take her mind off of the pain.  
               He looked up at her, a smile formed on his face as he recalled the memories of the companion that could have been.  “Oh... she was very clever... and brave... and beautiful.  Just like you.”  
               “We're doing charm now?”  She teased.  
               “Wouldn't dream of it.”  
               She smiled and closed her eyes as she concentrated on positive thoughts to avoid thinking about what could be happening inside of her.  Trying to rid her mind of worry she allowed the carriage to rock her in the seat.  Noticing something strange she opened her eyes again.  “Is it just me... or have we picked up speed?”  She hoped she was just being delirious from the pain.  
               The Doctor paused, feeling the vibrations of the carriage as it quickly headed down the unpaved road.  He bolted to the window and peered outside.  “Yes, we have.  And we're going in the wrong direction.”  He pounded on the roof of the carriage to gain the coachman's attention, “You up there!  Stop this carriage immediately!”  Silence came from above as they heard the sound of the door locks being set electronically.  He grabbed the handle and attempted to open the door, it wouldn't budge.  “But... that's not possible!”  
               “Doctor?”  She felt herself becoming more frightened.  
               He continued to pound on the roof.  “Where are you taking us?”  He shouted up towards the coachman.  “I demand you let us out!  My friend needs immediate medical attention!”  The carriage continued to gain speed as they headed further away from the TARDIS.  He pulled out his sonic-screwdriver and pointed it towards the lock.  Sparks began to fly from the handle as the door unlocked itself.  He pushed open the door and peered down at the road flying by below them.  “We have to jump.”  He announced as he turned back to her.  
               “You can't be serious.”  She uttered in shock.  
               His eyes brought themselves back to her middle, reminding himself of their precarious situation.  “Right.  Never mind.  Forget I said anything.”  He grabbed hold of the roof and pulled himself halfway out of the carriage, his body partly dangling over the side.  
               “Doctor!  What are you doing!”  She called from inside.  
               “Hi there!”  He addressed the back of the coachman.  “Excuse me, but I believe Fleet Street is back that way.”  The hooded figure slowly turned his head around towards the old man.  The Doctor caught a glimpse of the inside of the man's hood, a black mask covered his face, his eyes hidden behind shaded glass.  In the distance, he could see they were rapidly approaching an old run-down abandoned building.  A decommissioned factory or mill perhaps.  The coachman continued to silently stare down his passenger.  “Right then!”  The Doctor conceded as he retreated back into the carriage and shut the door.  
               “Doctor, what's happening?  Where is he taking us?”  She feared for what was to become of them.  
               “Listen, Clara...” he placed his hands on her shoulders, “whatever happens, I will protect you.  I'll find us a way out of this, I promise.”  Before she could reply they heard the sound of the horse's cries as the carriage began to reduce its pace.  They glanced out the window as the building came into view.  As the carriage came to a stop near the entrance they noticed two armed soldiers, wearing uniforms appropriate to their century, appear from the darkness and approach.  Their dated rifles were drawn and pointed towards them.  They heard the thudded sound of the coachman dropping from his seat to the ground, his footsteps coming around the side of the carriage to stand between his soldiers.  Getting a better look at their kidnapper they could see several symbols aligned on his chest, a row of ammunition wrapped around his torso.  
               “Who is he?”  She whispered.  
               “Guessing?”  
               “Go on, let’s have it then.”  
               “Judging by the decorations and overall wear of his uniform... possibly... bounty hunter?”  
               “Great!  Leave it to me to travel around with you when there’s a price on your head.”  
               One of the soldiers opened the door while the other's weapon remained trained on the passengers.  He motioned for them to step out.  The Doctor exited first then reached inside and took Clara's hand to help her safely out.  
               “Are we late for the party?”  He addressed the armed men.  
               “Bring them.”  The coachman commanded in a deeply distorted androdic voice.  He then turned around and headed for the building as his soldiers positioned themselves behind the pair and pushed them forward.  Clara stumbled from the force, then caught herself as she grabbed hold of the Doctor's arm.  
               “You're taking an old man and a pregnant woman hostage, is that really necessary?”  He called back to the soldier as he led them forward.  As they came closer to the building they felt themselves walking through a type of distortion field which changed the appearance of the abandoned ruined building into a perfectly well-maintained structure shielded within it.  “Perception filter... interesting.  I bet you don't get a lot of salesmen around here.”  He turned towards the soldiers whose appearance had also adapted to the filter, revealing themselves as cybernetic beings armed with alien-enhanced weapons.  The large doors opened as they approached, then closed behind them.  He observed the darkened room they now found themselves in.  Crates had been stacked on top of each other lining each wall.  A few armed robotic guards of the same make and model were meticulously sorting the items inside of an unsealed crate and inputting their data onto a mobile server pad.  His keen eyes spotted some of the items being stored and ready to be packaged ranging from jewelry to paintings, statues to expensive furnishings.  From next to him he could hear the heavy controlled breathing of his companion attempting to soothe her mind from her pain.  
               “How are you feeling?”  He whispered to her.  
               “Keep moving!”  The soldier behind them ordered as he pushed them forward.  
               “Ask me again when you've gotten us out of here.”  She whispered back through gritted teeth.  
               They were lead into the next part of the building, a long hallway with a singular closed door guarded by two additional androids.  As the hooded coachman drew near a guard opened the door allowing the five of them inside and shutting it behind them.  The Doctor quickly analyzed their surroundings.  The room had all the makings of a battle-room.  The walls were lined with coordinates to planets and stars around several solar systems, a map of numerous bases of operations could be seen.  Lists of heisted items were scattered across a large table along with weapon schematics.  A case of perception filter badges, which he assumed was how the soldiers appeared human outside of the field, rested on the table.  There was a secondary closed door which appeared to lead towards an access point directly to the factory’s assembly floor as well as the rest of the building.  At the far end of the room stood the coachman.  His hands clasped behind his back as he faced the large glass viewing window overlooking the floor below them.  
               “You have no idea how many years I've waited to finally meet you, Doctor.”  The hooded man spoke, his robotic voice still disguised behind his mask.  
               “Ah, well, you could have just phoned.  I'm sure I could have jotted you down somewhere.”  The Doctor replied.  
               The coachman snickered under his hood, “Such a wonderful defence mechanism, humour.  She said you'd be funny.”  
               “Who did?  How do you know me?”  
               “There's not a star in the universe safe from the whispered mentions of your name.”  
               “How did you know I was going to be here?”  
               The masked man turned around at his question, “The answer to that will be revealed in due time, my friend.”  
               “What do you want from me?”  
               The coachman turned his masked face towards Clara, “Bring me the companion.”  He ordered.  The soldier grabbed Clara's arm as she struggled to break free of his grasp.  
               “No!  Wait!  If it's me you want, take me!”  The Doctor objected as the second soldier hit him in the stomach with the end of his weapon.  He gasped as the air was forced from his lungs.  
               “Doctor!  Let go of me!”  She screamed towards the soldier as she was dragged to the hooded figure and forcefully thrown at his feet.  
               The coachman looked down at the fallen woman clutching her belly and wincing in pain and then back to his soldier.  He shook his head and tsk-tsked in disapproval.  “Manners my friend, these are our guests.  A true gentleman would never harm a lady.”  He claimed, pulling out a modified nineteenth-century pistol from his cloak, taking aim at his soldier and killing him instantly.  His limp body collapsed to the floor as Clara screamed out in terror.  The coachman replaced his weapon beneath his cloak and turned his attention back to her, “Apologies.”  He pulled out the chair next to him and extended a gloved hand towards her, motioning for her to take it, “If you please.”  She reluctantly accepted as the man helped her from the floor and into the chair.  The man slowly circled her, staring down at her appearance and stopping next to her.  He reached out his hand and took her chin in his palm, “Such a pretty thing.”  He admired as she angrily pulled away from his grasp.  A small and quiet snicker escaped through his mask as he observed her fuller figure trying to hide beneath her dress.  “I see you’ve been busy, Doctor.  I didn’t take you for a family man.”  
               “Yes, well," he started as he began to regain his breath, "there’s a lot you don’t know about me.  We’ve only just been acquainted.  Seems unfair, you know who I am, yet I don’t know anything about you.  To what name should I be addressing our most gracious host?”  He tried to mask his concerns for Clara's wellbeing as she held a hand to her stomach and continued to breathe heavily.  
               “Ah, yes.  How very inconsiderate of me.”  The masked man replied.  “I am known by many different names across the galaxy.  My enemies refer to me as The Raven, those who have been enslaved under my command have called me The Shade.  I'll admit, those titles don't carry quite the same resonance throughout the stars as yours does, Doctor.  However, titles aside, the one most dearest to me named me... Quynn.”  
               “Funny things, names.”  The Doctor started.  "I've known more species in the universe than you can even imagine.  I've been to places you've only seen in your nightmares.  Yet, in all that time traveling throughout time and space... I've never heard of you before.”  
               “Perhaps your attention has been concentrated elsewhere.”  The man suggested, carefully running his fingers between the ruffles of Clara's blouse.  “Tell me, Doctor.  Do you know why I've brought you here?”  
               “I haven't the faintest idea.”  He held down his temper.  
               The man turned back towards the large window and peered down below.  The assembly floor was busy with movement, his robotic followers were preoccupied with their duties of uncrating and inspecting several different types of weapons.  Soldiers were welding together parts of armor to each other, others were engraving the symbol of a red raven onto the upgraded breastplates.  “I built this army and everything you see from the ground up.  Although I did not do it alone, I had help along the way.  Some may call it my legacy, but I see it as an opportunity.”  
               “An opportunity to do what, exactly?”  Glancing to Clara he watched as she slowly brought her hand to the table next to her while the man's back was turned and quietly grabbed a sharp cylindrical object, a pen of sorts perhaps.  He glared at her, eyes wide with fear as if to say, “ _Don't you dare!  You're going to get yourself killed!”_ Keeping her eyes focused on the Doctor she stuck the object into the sleeve of her coat.  
              “The universe can be so unforgiving, out there the rules we set for ourselves don't apply.  A dying star can pull entire worlds into its destruction, destroying millions of lives, bringing extinction to an entire species.  Such power.  Everything you've ever cared about, everything you've tried so hard to protect could be gone in an instant.  The universe doesn't abide by the concepts of good and evil.  It doesn't care about lives being saved or lost.  You of all people should understand that, Doctor.”  The man turned around to face him.  “But what if you could prevent the inevitable?  What if you could save billions of lives from war and genocide, protect them from collapsing stars and expanding suns?  What if you had the power to choose who lives and who dies.”  
               “I’d say you were describing the powers of a God.”  
               “Gods are nothing but myths and legends, stories devised to frighten people into submission.  I’m speaking of  _real_  power.”  The man returned to Clara's side.  “I've seen countless worlds brought to their knees by superior races hell bent on conquest.  I've watched one planet after another fall victim to their own planet's destruction.  You might be surprised to know how much a person would be willing to give up, to trade away for their own life or the lives of those they treasured most if they knew you had the power to save them.”  The Doctor's eyes conveyed a deep understanding of the truth behind his words.  “And if you were to offer them a choice, to swear their undying allegiance to you or suffer their inevitable fate... which do you think they would choose?”  
               “Aren't you the mighty hero.”  The Doctor's sarcasm took form.  “Saving innocent people from their doom, and in return, you offer them an eternity of slavery.  These people, these followers of yours are nothing but the spoils of war.  Had they any idea what was waiting for them at the cost of your protection... I think they'd rather take their chances.”  
               The man snickered.  “I would have thought you'd be on my side, Doctor.  Isn't that what you do, what you are known for?  Saving lives?”  
               “Not at the cost of their own free will.”  His temper was rising.  “Have you thought about what the consequences of saving these people, let alone an entire species, could do to the fabrics of time?  Those billions of lives you are sparing from their fate could create a ripple throughout the universe causing it to collapse on itself, all of life as we know it could cease to exist.  If I could save every single person that was marked for death, be able to alter every fixed point in time with no repercussions, don't you think I would?”  
               “So you would have them all die then?”  The masked man asked with a hint of curiosity.  
               The Doctor glanced at Clara, hesitantly thinking about his answer as the faces of those he had to let perish or risk tearing the universe apart flashed into his mind.  “Yes.”  He felt a sense of shame in his answer.  
               “My my, how intriguing.  It would appear there's a more monstrous side hiding inside of you after all, Doctor.  I dread to imagine what would become of those in your path if it was ever fully unleashed.”  The man looked down at Clara observing her terrified face at his closeness, her deepened breathing, a bead of sweat trailed down the side of her face.  He suddenly grabbed her wrist forcefully in his hand and twisted it up towards him as she screamed out in pain.  The Doctor felt himself fall forward to rush to her side but was held back by the remaining soldier.  The masked man's other hand gently reached into her coat sleeve and pulled the sharpened object hidden from within, then released his grasp on her.  She cradled her wounded wrist as angered tears fell down her face.  The man stepped in front of her and glared down at her form.  “Your companion seems to lack a few crucial lessons in manners.  How disappointing.  I may just have to teach her myself, although my ways have been known to be a little more... disciplined.”  He raised his hand and slapped her hard across the face.  She cried out and held her cheek as blood formed at the corner of her mouth.  
               “Stop this!”  The Doctor shouted with objection, trying to fight the soldier's hold on him.  “Where is your honour?  What happened to a gentleman never harming a lady?”  
               The man turned around to face him and returned his hands behind his back, “Leave us.”  He ordered the remaining soldier still clinging to the Doctor's arms.  
               “Sir.”  The soldier obeyed with a nod.  He released his grasp and exited the room, shutting the door closed behind him.  The Doctor and Clara found themselves alone in the room with the man, neither one of them making any sudden movements to avoid the fate of the dead soldier still sprawled out on the floor.  Once it was decidedly safe the man reached his hands up to his hood and slowly pulled it back to fully expose his darkened mask.  He released the two clips at the back holding the mask around his face and carefully removed it from where it once rested.  The Doctor was suddenly hit with a wave of telepathic abilities emanating from the newly unmasked figure.  To his utter surprise, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw standing before him; a woman.  
               “At last we finally meet face to face, Doctor.”  Said Quynn, setting her mask down on the table beside her.  Although her voice was feminine in nature it had an unforgiving harshness to it that seemed disturbing.  Yet something about it was so very familiar to him, a voice he recognized but couldn't quite place.  
               The Doctor stood in disbelief staring at the recognizable features of the woman in front of him.  His mind filtered through the many faces from his past as he tried to determine where he had seen her before.  And then the realization hit him like a slap to the face as his memories became more clear... Missy's assistant.  The young woman holding the Comasphere back on Prima Nova, it was her.  Aside from a few new scars on her face, possibly obtained over time in battle, the woman looked almost exactly as he had remembered her that night.  “You!”  He exclaimed as his shocked expression took over.  “Of course!  It all makes perfect sense now, why didn't I see it before?!  The crates, the ones containing all the artifacts.  You've been heisting them from locations spread throughout the universe, using the Persuaders to force people of power to trade their weapons to upgrade your armies without them even realizing what they were doing.”  He observed Quynn's impressed reaction which further confirmed his accusations, his mind began to connect his thoughts together.  “It was  _you_  who called the TARDIS emergency line, I recognize your voice!  But how is that even possible?!  The events of the auction won't have taken place for centuries from now.  You claimed to have been waiting for me all this time, yet you have barely aged a single day since I saw you last.”  
               “It's true.  I've been waiting for you longer than I can even remember, and longer still to trace you to this exact point in time.  And now... here we are.”  
               “Who are you, really?  What does any of this have to do with me?”  He tried to piece together the events that were unfolding before him.  
               Quynn smirked at the old man's humourous ignorance.  “Can you hear it, Doctor?  The ringing in your ears, the link to your mind from someone like yourself calling out to you?  Can you feel the electricity within your fingertips?”  
               “Yes.”  His hearts began to race as he questioned everything the young woman seemed to know about him.  “How can you possibly know that?”  
               “Because... I can feel it too.”  She traced her fingers along the edge of her mask.  “I've encountered countless species with the ability to telepathically link to one another.  But only one that I know of with the capability to be the most powerful race in the universe.  The great Time Lords.”  The old man's hearts dropped at the sound of the name.  “Pity there's so few of us left.”  
               The Doctor continued to stare at the woman in disbelief, unable to find any truth in her words.  “That's not possible.  The Time Lords are gone, stuck in a pocket dimension never to return.  I should know, I put them there.  Whatever  _you_  are is something... else.  Which brings me to my next question, the one you haven't answered yet.  Why did you bring me here?”  
               “I was sent here with a message for you.”  A menacing smile crossed over Quynn's face.  She walked over to the table and pressed her hand upon the top, a view-screen lit up on its surface.  She typed a few commands into its interface then removed her glove and pressed her thumb down as it scanned her print for recognition.  A panel slid open next to the screen.  Reaching in she pulled out a small wooden box from inside, set it on the table, and slid the box towards him.  
               “What is it?”  His brow raised in curiosity.  
               “A gift.”  Quynn maintained her position behind the table.  
               The Doctor hesitantly approached the table, keeping a watchful eye on Clara who seemed to have recovered somewhat from her pains.  Bringing his attention back to Quynn he slowly picked up the small box and opened it to examine its contents.  Inside was a lady's brooch depicting the profile of the Roman Goddess Flora.  Though many women of the Victorian era could be seen wearing a very similar piece, this particular one was made of a rare type of metal he knew to be dark star alloy able to pierce even the strongest of metals.  A dreaded feeling began to rise inside of him as he realized that the piece he held was one he knew very well, the very same one that used to belong to him before he gave it to someone he thought he could trust.  Someone he knew would not have parted with it so easily without good reason.  So many thoughts began to flood his mind at the same time.  “Where did you get this?!”  He demanded.  Quynn remained silent at his question, grinning to herself as she watched him become more aggressive with each second that passed.  “The woman you spoke of before, the one that told you I was funny, who is she?!”  Quynn's infuriating silence was even more of a sign that his worst fears were validating themselves.  “All this talk of doomed planets and enslaved armies, waiting centuries for the chance to bring me here just to give me a message, and now suddenly you have nothing to say.”  He began to pace rapidly as he tried to gather his thoughts, each one that entered his mind caused the fear and anger to rise within him.  “You said the one dearest to you named you Quynn.”  He approached her as closely as he dared to go, his concerns for their safety becoming second to his overwhelming desire for the truth.  “Was it she that sent you here to find me?  Is she the one that gave you this?”  He held up the brooch in front of him.  
               “I suspect you already know the answer to that, Doctor.”  She could feel his gaze burning fiercely into her eyes as he awaited her answer to his inquiries.  “After all that you've been through thus far, after everything we've learned about each other, knowing all that has been and could be accomplished with you by my side... does it really matter who sent me here?”  
                “Believe me, it matters.”  He assured her, continuing to hold the piece in front of him.  “Do you have any idea what this is?”  
                “It's nothing more than a family heirloom, an offering to persuade you to view things in a different light as we do.  I'll admit... I had my doubts that a gesture so small would have any effect on the outcome of you joining us.  However, seeing you this disordered over a piece of jewelry has been quite entertaining, if not a bit overly dramatic.”  She observed the erratic behaviors being displayed by the old man.  
               “A family heirloom you say, how interesting.”  He began to regain himself.  “As in having been passed down through generations.  From grandparent to their future descendants, from a parent to a child, or perhaps in this case... from a mother to her daughter.”  
               “I am aware of the concept, Doctor.”  
               “Are you? ”  He raised his brow.  “Tell me then... after all this time you've been waiting for me, spending countless years keeping this safe until the moment I was standing right here, have you ever asked yourself why it was saved for  _me_?  Surely something as valuable as this ought to have been passed down to its next rightful heir?”  
               “It is not my position to question the orders in which I am given, only to see them out in the manner in which they are received.”  
               The Doctor could sense a hint of frustration and possibly a slight resentfulness emanating from within her.  He felt that his strategy of disarming her with his words seemed to be proving itself effective.  “Ah, I understand now.  You're merely a pawn in all of this, just a piece to be played.  The messenger who doesn't question anything, who does exactly as she's told!”  
               Quynn smirked at the old man's words.  Cupping her hands behind her she slowly turned her back to him and made her way to Clara's side, keeping his companion between them.  “I know what you're doing, Doctor... and it won't work on me.  When it comes to playing mind games I was trained by the very best.  I know every trick in the book there is.  So what do you say we change the rules of the game?  Up the stakes a bit, shall we?”  She insisted as she removed her pistol from its holster and pointed the barrel at Clara's head.  Clara's eyes went wide with fear as she froze in place, frightened tears began to stream down her face.  The Doctor retained his calm demeanor, unwilling to show any signs of weakness that could be used against him.  “I can make this as simple or as difficult as it needs to be.”  She continued.  “My orders are fairly straightforward.  I can offer you a choice.  Either you can come with me willingly and I spare their lives, or I can shoot them now and force you to come with me anyway.”  
               “Well yes, you  _could_  shoot them...”  He started.  
               “You better be joking, Doctor.”  Clara warned, flashing him a heated glance.  "Surely you're joking, yeah?”  Quynn found herself surprised at his response yet maintained her position.  
               “However...”  He continued as he looked to Clara, using all of his energy to fight to keep his emotions under control.  His eyes stared into hers apologetically for what was to come, for what he knew he had to do to save them.  “If you kill them... you'll be killing yourself.”  He affirmed with a heavy sigh.  
               “Hang on... what?”  Clara exclaimed.  “Doctor... what are you talking about?!”  
               “She's our daughter, Clara.”  Somehow the thought of his own words brought a smile to his face despite their current situation.  
               “I don't understand.”  She admitted as a mix of confusion and dread rested upon her face.  
               The brief moment between them was interrupted by the sound of Quynn's unexpected hysterical laughter filling the small room.  “I apologize.”  She stated, lowering her weapon back down to her side.  She continued to laugh wiping a tear from her eye as she attempted to compose herself.  “I have to admit, I was not expecting that from you, Doctor.  If you really thought you'd be so bold as to try and make a fool out of me, I'm quite certain you've made a great miscalculation of character.  I should be offended, however, it doesn't surprise me that you would be willing to say anything to try to protect the mother of your child.”  
               “I'm afraid it's true.  Every word of it.”  
               “Seriously, Doctor.  What are you talking about?!”  Clara repeated with urgency.  
               “I am also curious to see how far you are willing to go with this charade.”  Quynn added.  “I trust you've spent this time devising an explanation to accompany your absurd accusations.  Luckily for you, I have all the time in the universe to be entertained by any reliable evidence you have to offer.”  
               “All the evidence you will ever need is right here.”  He placed the brooch on the table in front of him.  
               “I'm afraid it's going to take a little more than a bit of jewellery to convince me.  I'll give you another chance before I come to the conclusion that you're merely trying to test my patience and I decide to kill all three of you instead.”  
               “I expected as much.”  He leaned against the table and crossed his arms.  “The reason the brooch was to be delivered to me is that it would never have belonged to you in the first place, it was never intended for you.  You were sent here with a message, that much is certain.  But you didn't need to spend all this time waiting for me to show up just to give me a bit of boxed jewelry.  This was never about the gift.  This was never about wanting me to join you as you circumvented the universe looking for worlds to save and people to enslave into your armies.  I'll admit, you had me believing you for a moment.  That maybe you did, in fact, hold the answer to cheating all the laws of the universe without consequence that I could never quite reach.  I thought that maybe if I had agreed to come with you I could somehow convince you that saving people is its own reward.  But then you showed me this,” he stared at the brooch on the table, “and suddenly everything became so very clear.”  He gently picked up the piece and began to turn it around in his hands as if trying to read all of its dark secrets.  “You see... the woman that sent you here, the one you work for, I know her very well.  You might even say we were good friends once.  I was the one that gave this to her back on Gallifrey... so many years ago.  It was a gift for her daughter, her  _real_  daughter.  I don't expect she's ever really forgiven me for what happened to her, for what I did... for what I  _had_  to do.  And for that, I will always have my regrets.”  He slowly replaced the piece on the table and stood to face the woman eye to eye.  “Missy is not your mother, Quynn.  Whatever she's told you about me, whatever reason she had you bring us to Prima Nova, it was all a lie devised to manipulate you into taking her revenge out on me.  She didn't send you here with a message for me to join you.  You, my dear,  _are_  the message.”  The room went quiet as his eyes traced back and forth between the startled looks of the women in the room.  
               “Tell me, Doctor.  Why exactly should I believe any of this?”  Quynn asked the man as she tried to fill in the empty spaces in his story with her own thoughts.  
               “Because it's the truth.  Because...” he sighed, “I'm the one to blame.  I'm the reason for all of this!”  He felt the familiar sense of anger rising up in him again.  
               “Doctor... what are you saying?”  Clara tried to keep up with all that had been revealed thus far.  
               The Doctor placed his face in his hands as he tried to come to terms with what he knew he must confess.  The rage was building inside of him, it took all of his strength not to explode with emotion.  “Oh Clara, Clara, Clara.”  He ran his hands down his face in frustration, then looked her deeply in the eyes.  “I'm so sorry, Clara.”  
               “Doctor?”  She called.  The uncertainty she felt towards his words had turned to fear over the unmistakable guilt that now consumed his expression.  “What have you done?”  
               “What I had to do.”  The look of shame and sorrow passed over his face.  “I made a deal with Missy.”  He confessed as another heavy sigh passed his lips.  “I agreed to trade our child away to her... in exchange for your life.”  He could only describe the emotions running over his companion's face as shock and hatred.  
               “You didn't.  Tell me you didn't, Doctor.”  She asserted, making sure each word she spoke was clearly understood by him.  
               “It was the only way to save you.  She was going to kill the both of you if I hadn't agreed.  I've spent the last few months trying to find a way out of our deal hoping to buy us some time before she would eventually come for our child.”  He glanced at his daughter standing behind the woman still carrying her.  “And it would appear as though I will have been unsuccessful.”  Clara leaned back in her chair, her mouth agape as his words encompassed every part of her mind.  
               “I'm quite impressed.”  Quynn interjected.  “You've really thought this all out, haven't you?  One day they may end up writing such magnificent stories based on your tall tales of woe.  But until then, I think I've heard quite enough fiction for one evening.”  She declared, slowly running her fingers through Clara's hair as if taking one last look at her.  “What a shame, she was such a pretty thing.  Anything else you'd like to tell your companion before I kill her?”  She raised her pistol to the back of Clara's head and cocked it.  Clara closed her eyes, accepting her fate.  
               “If you kill her none of this will have ever existed.”  His concern for Clara's wellbeing was growing rapidly as he felt he was losing control of the situation.  “All that you have worked for, all the planets and people you have saved, all that you have accomplished will be erased from time itself.  Don't you see?  Your entire existence is a paradox.  If you kill Clara you would have never brought us to Prima Nova, you would have never been conceived and therefore would never have been born.  Time will have rewritten itself to its last fixed point before any of this ever started.”  He tried to reach through to her.  “Is that really a risk you'd be willing to take?  I'm offering you the chance to start a new life, the life you should have had... with us.  Please, don't do this.”  
               Quynn stayed silent for a moment as if considering the Doctor's proposal carefully.  “Even if what you say is true, and believe me I  _will_  discover the truth, I see no reason to assume that killing you instead would have any effect on the outcome of what has already taken place.”  A small smile formed on her face as she changed her target from Clara and took aim at the centre of his chest.  
               “NO!”  Clara fell forward in her chair.  
               “No, Clara!”  He held his hand up as a peaceful gesture to stop her from standing.  “It's okay.  All of this was my fault.  If it hadn't been for me none of this would ever have happened.  I put you and our child in danger and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that.  I deserve whatever is coming to me, I've lived for far too long.  This is right.”  
               “No, Doctor!  Please!”  She cried.  “I can't do this without you.”  
               “It'll all be okay, Clara.”  He wanted to comfort her, to hold her in his arms fearing this would be the last time he'd ever get the chance to do so.  They had been through so much together, her lifeforce was deeply entwined in his own.  She deserved better than what he had done to her, to the both of them.  He hated goodbyes just as much as he hated endings, no matter their nature.  “I know you're going to be a wonderful mother.  Take care of our daughter.”  
               “Goodbye, Doctor.”  Quynn remarked as she placed her finger on the trigger.  He closed his eyes awaiting the darkness that was coming for him.  
               “NO!”  Without even realizing what she was doing, Clara flung herself back into her seat with brute force using her legs as propulsion which sent her and the chair flying back straight into Quynn.  Quynn cried out from the blow, her shot missed the Doctor by inches as she was knocked nearly over.  Clara fell from her chair to the floor landing on her side next to the body of the deceased soldier.  Without delay, she grabbed the weapon from his dead grasp and spun around to face her daughter.  Quynn, having recovered from the shock of Clara's unexpected attack, turned her weapon towards her mother to take aim.  
               “Clara, NO!”  She heard the Doctor shout as she pressed down on the trigger and fired off a shot directly into Quynn's chest.  The blast from the gun sent Quynn flying back and smashing through the glass window.  She let out a scream as her body was flung like a projectile out of the room and downwards to the assembly floor far below them.  A loud crash was heard accompanied by the startled voices of the soldiers below.  
               The Doctor rushed to where the window once was and peered down.  He could see Quynn's limp lifeless form sprawled out on the ground, her body had fallen upon several stacked crates which had obliterated them into pieces.  Several armed guards rushed to the scene.  They stood over the fallen body of their commander, then glanced upwards to the direction of where she had fallen from to meet the shocked face of the man looking down at them.  At once they began to assemble themselves and exit the floor, their weapons drawn and ready for combat.  Moments later an alarm was heard being broadcast throughout the building.  “I think we've outstayed our welcome.”  He concluded, turning to his companion who was frozen in shock.  Thinking quickly he rushed to the door they had entered through and pulled out his sonic-screwdriver, aiming it towards the lock.  The locked clicked and sealed as the guards from the outside began to pound on the door.  He rushed back over to Clara and placed his hands on her shoulders.  
               “Clara.”  He addressed her, trying to break her of her petrified state.  
               “I shot her.”  Her eyes were wide and full of tears.  
               “Clara, we need to leave.”  He tried to pull her from the floor.  
               “I shot her, Doctor.”  She began to sob, placing her face in her hands.  
               “Yes, I know.  But right now I need you to get up for me.  That door won't hold much longer.”  He stood and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her to a standing position.  Once he felt she was able to stand on her own he rushed around the room to collect what he needed for their escape.  He ran to the table and opened the case of perception filter badges, took out two of them, then returned to where she still stood.  Using his screwdriver he initiated a complete scan of the dead soldier's body.  
               “Is she dead?”  She finally managed to speak.  She looked white as a sheet, her eyes remained wide as the tears found their way down her cheek.  He raised his brow at her question as he continued to work hurriedly on the badges, placing his screwdriver on the small devices and updating their data.  “Doctor?  Please, tell me.”  She pleaded.  
               “Here.”  He handed her one of the badges.  “Put this on.  I've re-calibrated its internal circuitry drive and reversed its projection systems to mimic the revised primary data model.”  She stared at him as if he had just spoken to her in fluent Gallifreyan.  He sighed, “If we want to get out of here alive we can't just walk out of here appearing human.  If I've done my calculations correctly, these perception badges should be able to project the most recent image uploaded into its database.”  He placed the badge on his lapel and activated it which replaced his familiar furrowed gray-haired form into an exact replica of the soldier.  He helped her place hers on and activated it, changing her appearance from a Victorian woman into an armored android.  
                She raised her hands and turned them over to observe their cybernetic features, then peered down the rest of her body.  Where once a noticeable fullness extended from her middle, there was now a flattened metal armoured plating.  She attempted to hold back her grief and shock to focus on what she needed to do to in order to save herself and her child's life.  All the emotions flowing through her at that moment were being silenced by her greater need to survive.  “Are you sure about this?”    
               “About eighty-seven percent sure.”  
               “Fair enough.”  
               They heard a loud thud on the door as the soldiers attempted to break it down.  “Time to go.”  He insisted as he turned towards the secondary door.  “And bring that,” gesturing to the weapon she had used on Quynn, “we just may need it after all.”  The alarm continued to sound as he headed to the secondary door and slowly cracked it open, peering outside for any sign that more soldiers were approaching.  Once it was decidedly safe he opened the door to observe the new undiscovered area.  The long darkened corridor was vacant of any lifeforms to be concerned about... for the moment.  He motioned for her to step through then used his screwdriver on the door, locking it from the outside.  Taking her hand, he led her down the corridor to its end and turned the corner.  Suddenly he heard the sounds of two soldiers approaching nearby making their way past the adjacent pathway.  He yanked her back behind the wall, pulling her into him and wrapping his arm around her front to steady her.  She yelped in pain, bringing a hand to her middle that was still being disguised as armor.  He quickly covered her mouth with his hand and held her still in his grasp to keep her as silent as possible.  She breathed deeply through her nose, trying to concentrate on anything but her pain.  Once the soldiers had passed he whispered into her ear.  
               “We'll wait here.  Once it's safe we're going to head for the exterior access hatch.  We may have to reach it quickly before we're spotted and our disguises are uncovered.  Can you make it?”  The adrenaline pumped heavily through his veins.  She nodded, her mouth still covered by his hand.  From down the corridor they heard the sounds of pounding on the door they had come through, the soldiers making it past the first barrier he had created for them.  “Change of plans!”  He blurted aloud, releasing his grasp on her.  Taking her hand he hurriedly led her through the corridor into the adjacent one and searched for anything remotely resembling an exit of any kind.  Spotting a singular door at the far end of the hall they picked up their pace and headed towards it, pushing it open and bursting their way through.  They stopped dead in their tracks as they realized they had found themselves in a loading dock, several soldiers were arming themselves as others were unloading crates of weaponry from the back of the large vehicles parked within.  
               “Correct me if I'm wrong, but this doesn't look like an exterior access hatch to me!”  She whispered through her teeth.  
               “Yes, well, next time I'll be sure to stop and ask for directions before we begin running for our lives!”  He snapped back.  “Just remain calm and do exactly as I do.”  He headed down the stairs to the dock floor with Clara following close behind.  Spotting the exit, he calmly led them past the soldiers towards it.  
                “You there!”  One of the higher ranking officers shouted at them.  They froze, then turned their attention towards the voice.  “Where do you think you two are going?”  
               “Uh...”  The Doctor started, his brain working overtime to come up with a believable scenario.  “Perimeter reinforcement!  They needed more eyes on the outside keeping a lookout for the two escaped human prisoners... Sir!”  He felt ridiculous having to recite titles to a robot even if it was a matter of life and death.  
               The Lieutenant raised what could only be assumed was an eyebrow, “Where is your weapon, soldier?”  He had taken notice of the Doctor's defenselessness.  
               “Um... it had a slight... malfunction, I'm afraid.”  He lied.  Clara groaned in the back of her throat as she was hit with a wave of pain.  He could feel himself beginning to panic.  
               “What's wrong with him?”  Asked the Lieutenant.  
               “Oh... uh... the thought of humans running about disgusts him.  Weak servomechanism system I'd say.”  He was thankful that the perception filter was able to mask his obvious sweating.  
               The Lieutenant eyed the two strange infantrymen, making the old man more nervous than he intended to be.  After a moment he removed the strap attached to his rifle off his shoulder and stuck the weapon in the arms of the Doctor.  “Here, take this one.  Make sure to perform a sweep of the entire perimeter wall.  Call if you find anything.  If they  _have_  made it out they won't last very long out there in this weather.  And don't let me catch you without your weapon again.  Is that understood, soldier?”  
               “Roger that.”  He nodded, keeping his hands from trembling.  The Lieutenant departed from the pair and began assessing his other troops.  The Doctor turned to Clara and cocked his head towards the exit.  Making their way towards it he opened the door to the outside, the cold air nipping them in the face.  The ground was now completely covered in snow as they approached a large gate used for transport vehicles on the side of the building.  
               “I can't believe that worked.”  She tried to ignore her unsettling pain.  They reached the gate to find that it was locked, a chain wrapped around it.  He pulled out his screwdriver and aimed it at the lock, it sparked and unlatched itself allowing them to push it open and escape from the grounds into the surrounding forest.  Once outside the perimeter, the perception filter badges returned them to their original forms.  The Doctor grabbed Clara's hand and lead her hurriedly towards the TARDIS.  She struggled to keep up, holding a hand under her middle for support.  “I don't think I can make it.”  She admitted out of breath and fighting back her pain.  
               He stopped and turned to her, removing their weapons and dropping them in the snow.  Taking a closer look at her he could see her face was damp with sweat and flushed.  He pressed his hand to her forehead, sensing the beginnings of a fever.  “Yes, you can.”  He insisted, placing her arm around his shoulder and putting his hands on each side of her waist.  “We're nearly there, the town is just ahead.”  They walked several paces through the darkened forest.  
               “I think I need to rest.”  She stopped for a moment to catch her breath.  
               “Clara, we need to keep moving.  Once the soldiers figure out what has happened they'll be headed this way.  We have to get to the TARDIS as quickly as we can.”  
               “Easy for you to say, you're not the one carting around an extra passenger!”  
               “Would you like me to call us a carriage?”  He asked, not even trying to hold back his smile.  She was not amused.  
               “Carry on, soldier boy.”  She forced herself to continue.

 

********************

 

               The walk through the forest and into the developing town felt like an eternity.  The Doctor managed to maintain his grip on her the entire way as the familiar sight of the TARDIS began to come into view.  At last, they had made it to the blue box.  Opening the door he assisted her inside towards the nearest seat then returned to the entrance to close it.  As he did he heard the sound of an enormous explosion coming from far away in the direction of the factory they had just escaped from.  Startled by the sound, he stepped outside to get a better look at the brilliant sight in the distance.  The blast from the building arose far above the trees, but to his shock, it wasn't being caused by fire.  An immense golden-yellow beam emitted from its location sending it soaring into the night's sky and outwards destroying everything in the vicinity around it.  The blinding column of light penetrated the darkness which illuminated everything the area for miles in all directions.  He shielded his eyes from its immaculate glow.  The electricity he felt emanating from it could have powered an entire continent.  Great fear tore through him as he realized there was only one thing that could have caused such an eruption... regeneration energy.  
               He quickly ran inside and shut the door, his hearts pounded in his chest.  He pressed his forehead to the door to steady himself and take control over his emotions.  The frightened feelings running through him were being fueled by the knowledge that his daughter was still alive, which meant only one thing... that they were in even greater danger.  Once he had composed himself he rushed to the console, pushing buttons and pulling levers he sent the time machine towards its instructed coordinates.  The TARDIS bucked and whirred as her passengers held on to whatever was around them.  
               “Where are we going?”  Clara managed to ask, her defeated form gripping herself to one of the few comfortable seats available.  It took all of her remaining strength not to fall out of the chair as her fever began to worsen, draining the last bit of energy helping to keep her conscious.  
               “Somewhere safe.”  He kept an eye on the view-screen and held on to the console.  “We may need a place to hide for a while.  I fear they've been tracking us for some time now.”  The sound of the ship's signature thudded landing was heard as the interior rocking ceased.  “I've taken us to the Horsehead Nebula, specifically, the Ood Sphere.  Its inhabitants are all telepathically linked to each other by the hive mind.  If we remain here it's possible that we can disguise ourselves under their telepathic field to camouflage whatever signal is transmitting itself from inside the TARDIS.”  
               “How long do you plan on keeping us here?”  She attempted to sit up.  Feeling the pain returning she winced placing her hand over the source of her discomfort.  
               He came to her side and knelt before her to rest a hand over hers.  With the other, he placed it above her damp brow and concluded that her fever was worsening by the minute.  “I'm not sure.  But first things first, we should find out what's really going on in there.”  He gestured to her belly and pulled out his screwdriver.  He scanned her middle and brought the device into his view to examine its findings, then returned himself to the view-screen and uploaded the data he had received.  After a moment of staring at the readings being displayed on the monitor, he ran a hand down his face in frustration.  
               “Doctor?  What is it, what's wrong?”  She became nervous at his less-than-satisfied reaction.  
               “There appears to be a tear in the uterine wall.”  His attempt to conceal his saddened expression offered little comfort to his companion.  “A separation of tissue... right here.”  He pointed at the screen to a position just beside their growing child.  He hung his head deep in terrified thought.  The tearing had been severe, the scans showed signs of a vast amount of internal bleeding.  Her increasing fever was even more of a confirmation that if they did not seek medical attention soon... he feared she would not be able to survive much longer.  
               “Is she going to be alright?”  Her voice trembled.  His silence worried her even more.  “Doctor... how bad is it?”  
               He turned around to face her.  “I don't know.”  He lied.  “There isn't enough information available on Time Lord and human pregnancies to know for certain.”  
               “But it's been done before, yeah?”  She asked, remaining hopeful.  
               He stared into her eyes knowing very well that it had.  “Yes.”  He confirmed.  “But not all are the same.  There's no way of knowing how your body will react to this, given enough stress this pregnancy could be fatal to you and our child.  I could lose you both.”  He hadn't realized how much the thought of losing them truly terrified him until he heard the words spoken aloud.  
               “So what do we do?”  She pushed her fears aside.  If she had learned anything in her time traveling with him she knew that wherever he was there would always be hope.  He slowly approached and knelt before her once more, a heavy-hearted sigh escaped him as he placed his hands on either side of his child.  He lowered his head and gently kissed the top of her belly.  Closing his eyes he carefully rested his forehead on her middle as if attempting to communicate with the small being living within her.  Clara was conflicted by the feelings flowing through her at that moment.  Though a part of her felt moved by his unexpected sudden affections, running her soft fingers through his wavy hair in an effort to comfort him, a greater part of her was still angered and betrayed by his most recent confession of having promised their child away.  It wasn't very often she was shown the sensitive side of this regeneration he had become, but in that moment she knew how much this child meant to him no matter what his previous actions had proven otherwise.  Having heard the stories of his past and the children he had once fathered and lost, this was the closest he had come to reliving that title since the day he had lost them all.  “Is there nothing that can be done?”  She tried to fight back her tears.  
               He raised his head and met her sad eyes with his own.  “There is one thing.”  Leaning away from her he lowered his gaze to his hands, after only a moment they began to glow an ambient golden-yellow.  
               “Don't you dare!”  She commanded, knowing full well that what he was offering was more than just a part of himself, the essence that made him everything that he was, it was a piece of his irreplaceable soul that she would never be able to repay.  
               “What other choice do we have?”  He stood and stepped away from her trying to keep himself calm.  “What would you have me do, just stand around here waiting for one or both of you die?  I'm sorry, Clara, but I can't-” he sighed, then returned his gaze to hers, “I  _won't_  let that happen.”  
               “We'll find another way.  We always do.”  
               “This isn't just another intergalactic space pickle we always seem to find ourselves in.  This isn't about all the times we escaped near death and then sat around the table having a good laugh about it over tea and biscuits.  We are talking about your life and the life of our child.  Unless we seek medical attention immediately... both of you will die.”  The words tore through him like a knife.  It took everything in his power to remain strong for her as his world was crashing down around him.  
               “Then we find help.  Surely someone out there can help us.”  
               “And go where, exactly?  Last time I checked the list of available hospitals in the known universe housing a vast knowledge of Time Lord pregnancies seemed rather short.”  His sarcasm was getting the better of him.  He sighed and brought himself back to the situation.  “I've already caused enough damage.  I've betrayed your trust, risked our friendship, put all of our lives in danger all because I thought I was doing the right thing.  Please... just let me do this for you, allow me this one thing.  A chance to set things right.”  His eyes begged for her to reconsider.  
               She felt herself struggling to keep herself awake, her eyes strained to focus on the old man's sorrowed face.  She could feel her body starting to fail, her vision began to fade.  The disheartening realization finally hitting her that her time was running out more quickly than either of them had fathomed.  That even if they somehow managed to find help, she feared they would be too late.   “...Okay.”  She nodded after carefully considering her limited options.  
               He approached and knelt in front of her a final time.  Bringing his hands in front of him they began to glow once more.  “Are you sure?”  
               “As I can be.”  She answered weakly, then raised her brow.  “Space pickle?”  
               “Shut up.”  He pressed his hands on her belly and closed his eyes, concentrating all of his energy on healing the tear.  Clara was losing the fight for consciousness, she felt her heavy eyelids close and her head drift off to the side as he worked hurriedly to mend her internal wounds.  “Stay with me, Clara!”  He shouted, trying to keep her awake and alert.  Her hands slid off her body and landed limply to her sides as she slipped out of reality.  As the darkness took over she could barely hear the faint cries of the Doctor frantically calling out her name.

               And then there was nothing.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is calling to Clara in her dreams, she realizes there is more truth than the Doctor is letting on. His plans to protect them from the grasp of his enemies have caused more harm than good. Clara tries to take matters into her own hands even if that means letting go of her best friend.

_The embers burned bright as they devoured the remaining fragments of the once standing structure, spreading like a virus within the ruins of what once was.  A blanket of ash filtered through the air like a fog as the flames began to subside amongst the wreckage of the large factory.  The surrounding scorched earth was littered with the debris of mangled limbs torn from their inhuman frames._  
_From within the settling dust, a figure parted its way through the dense fog-like smoke, raising itself from the ashes like a phoenix.  Its flesh, barren of garments and unscathed by the devastation that surrounded it, strode through the fiery path as an indestructible force leaving the remains of the structure behind it.  As the figure drew further from the heated source, its skin was welcomed by the icy chill of the night's most recently departed snowfall.  Gazing upwards towards the clear night's sky, the moonlight pierced through the darkness to provide the only source of light for miles in any direction.  Its brilliant beams shined brightly over every reflective surface that it could inhabit.  The being turned its head toward a glistening object buried halfway under the fresh powder.  It approached with curiosity, slowly reaching down to spare it from its inevitable fate.  As it brought the object toward it for inspection, the powdered snow fell off its surface revealing a familiar sight; a darkened mask.  It's scorched outer layers had retained most of its original integrity, the shaded glass still intact.  The being ran its fingers gently over its recognizable features.  Bringing the mask towards its face, it glared at the new reflection on its surface._  
_Her red hair burned brighter than the flames she had resurrected from.  Her eyes, once cold and calculated, were now consumed with vengeance and hatred.  The scars of war she once proudly wore like a badge of conquest had vanished.  Her once youthful features had been upgraded to a level of maturity that matched her experience and wisdom._  
_As Quynn took in every detail of her new form, a disturbing presence could be felt from just behind her as if it had been watching her... waiting for the right moment to strike.  Tilting the mask, its shaded glass caught the distinctive reflection of a familiar lifeform.  It stood but an arm's length away as if it had suddenly appeared out of thin air.  Like a phantom who was merely passing through the world of the living.  Quynn recognized the lucid apparition immediately.  Its unforgettable terrified expression had burned itself into her memory not so long ago.  The first menacing smile of her new body was born the moment their eyes shared a connection to each other, a moment which would fully ignite her inevitable pursuit for revenge._  
_Quynn knew that of all the phrases in all the languages of the universe, there was only one thing she wanted to say to this unfortunate soul she now sought to destroy.  One undeniable truth that would follow it wherever it fled.  The single most terrifying thing it would forever fear until its inescapable death.  Breaking the silence between them she finally addressed the infiltrator of her mind._  
_“I'm coming for you... Clara.”_

 

_********************_

 

          Clara gasped for breath as she flung the blanket off her trembling body and brought herself to a sitting position.  A cold sweat clung to her damp brow as the nightmare had started to fade from her consciousness.  She observed her surroundings.  The fragments of her last retainable memories were bleeding back into her mind.  She had awoken on the couch, assuming the Doctor had placed her there after she had fainted.  Peering down the length of her, she took notice that her day dress and corset had been removed leaving her modestly clothed within her remaining undergarments.  As she recalled the moments prior to the darkness befalling her, she realized the pain that she had felt from the tearing inside of her had entirely subsided and bore no trace of its former existence.  Looking around the console room of the TARDIS, she noticed that she had been left unaccompanied.  There was no sign of the Doctor anywhere to be found leaving her alone within her own silence.  
          The TARDIS seemed eerily quiet without the presence of the Doctor somewhere nearby banging together some project he was working on.  Not that she hadn't been left alone to wander the ship before.  In fact, she had many fond memories of it entertaining herself by hiding Clara's room from her while they were in the getting-to-know-one-another phase of their relationship.  The ship had a way of feeling much smaller whenever the Doctor occupied her.  It was as if his larger-than-life persona filled in all the empty spaces inside it.  The thought of going out to look for him had crossed her mind when the door to the TARDIS opened and he walked in shaking the snow off his clothing.  
          “Doctor?”  She called, alerting him to her newly awakened state.  
          “Ah, Clara!”  He smiled in her direction.  “Good, you're awake!”  He rubbed his hands together for warmth and headed towards her.  “How are you feeling?”  
          “A bit of brand new.  Is that what you feel after regenerating?”  
          “Uh, well, more or less.  At least you have the fainting part down.”  
          “How long was I out?”  She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.  
          “Long enough for me to get a head start on our next course of action.”  
          “Which is?”  
          “I've just spoken with the Ood Council.  They've agreed to let us stay as long as necessary while we shelter ourselves from the reach of anyone who might still be looking for us.  Let's just say they owe me a few favours.”  
          “Good to know there's still one race of people _not_ trying to kill you.”  She cautiously stood to ensure there were no after effects from her recent endeavours, then brought herself down to him as he fiddled with the view-screen.  “Doctor...” she started, “exactly how long do we intend to stay here?”  
          “As long as needed until I am absolutely certain we are no longer being tracked.  This is the safest place I can think of, so long as you are here no one will be able to find you.”  
          “You mean Quynn... don't you?”  She observed the old man's avoiding brow as he pretended to not have heard her.  “She's still alive, isn't she?”  He chose to remain silent on the matter.  “I feel like we are being connected somehow, I could see her in my dream.  But something about her is different now, something darker.  She scares me, Doctor.  It's as if something is trying to tell me that she's still alive... and coming after me.”  He continued to ignore his companion's words, his eyes searched for a distraction.  “But you already knew that.  You've known since before we left London, haven't you?”  
          He hung his head and sighed.  He had hoped she would have felt safer believing their daughter to be dead and not on the hunt to find them.  “Yes.”  He finally answered.  
          “Why didn't you tell me?”  
          “Well... at the time I didn't think it was important.  I had other precious matters to attend to, such as saving your life.”  
          “So that was your big master plan?  To just go on letting me believe I had killed her?”  
          “There is no 'master plan'!  It's just you and me against all the odds.  While we stand here wasting time arguing over what hasn't been said, another moment that we could be preparing ourselves is lost while Missy and Quynn seize the opportunity to plan their next attack.”  
          “Spoken like a true soldier.  Maybe Danny wasn't so far off about you after all.”  
          The Doctor rolled his eyes in frustration.  Their stubbornness was equally matched, like two rams in the heat of battle with each other for dominance.  And he loved her even more for it.  “Alright,” he started, turning around to face her, “I can see there's something on your mind.  You have my undivided attention, ask away.”  
          “When you brought us here did it even cross your mind as to how much time hiding away from danger would buy us?  How long do you think it will take before they eventually find us?  We cannot hide here forever, you must have some kind of plan for getting us out of this.”  
          “And what if I don't?  Staying here is the best case scenario we have for ensuring our survival.  Out there nothing is certain.  What would you have us do?  Just walk right up to our enemy's doorstep armed with nothing but our wit and demand they surrender?”  
          “Wouldn't be so far out of character for you.”  
          He frowned at her humour, “There is much more at stake here than the chance to make a fool out of those who try to cross me.  I will not allow them to take you from me no matter the mistakes I've made or promises I swore to keep.”  
          “And what about what I want?  You may be able to wait an eternity hoping that they will give up trying to find us but I do not have that luxury.  I have a life, I have people who care about me.  I cannot just abandon them.”  
          “We're in a time machine, Clara.  I can take us back whenever you want.  All I ask is for you to allow me a little time to find a way out of my deal with Missy.  Once we are safe I can take you back home.”  
          “Time is not something I have plenty of right now, Doctor.  How much more time do you need from me?  In case you've forgotten, I'm still carrying your child.  You might think that Danny is nothing more than a brainless soldier, but I'm pretty sure he'll figure out where I've been when he comes home from visiting his friends to find a baby in my arms!”  
          “Yes... well, I could see how that might look a bit suspicious.”  
          “You think?!”  Clara tried to calm herself as her frustrations took hold of her emotions.  “What exactly do you plan to do then if this baby comes and we are still stuck here on this planet?”  
          “The TARDIS has everything we need if it were to come to that.”  
          “Have you ever delivered a baby before?”  
          “Of course I have!”  He assured her.  “Although... it was a long time ago, during my second visit to Aridius.  A female from the Mire Beast tribe of octopus-people was giving birth... well... the baby sort of pulled itself out on its own, but I helped.  Actually... now that I think about it may have been River who assisted with the actual delivery part... but I was there... somewhere... in the background.  Anyway... how hard can it be?”  
          “Thank you, Doctor... you've been very reassuring.”  
          He smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders.  “There's absolutely nothing to worry about.  No matter what happens, I will take care of both of you.”  He leaned in and gently kissed her forehead, then released her and excitedly headed for the bookshelf on the upper platform.  
          “Doctor...”  She tried to stop him before he even started to plan out whatever thought was pulsating through his mind.  
          “Besides, I can prepare whatever you may need in the meantime right here on the ship!”  He pulled a book off the shelf and flipped through its pages.  “I found some materials that might be able to help guide us through this.  Look, this one here is filled with all sorts of... uh... _interesting_ information!”  
          “Doctor- ...wait, hang on... have you been reading pregnancy books?”  
          “Well, I thought that maybe _you_ could read it and then just paraphrase the important parts.”  
          She rolled her eyes and tried to pull him back to reality.  “Doctor... listen... I-”  
          “I know it's been a while since I've done this, although I'm fairly certain not much has changed in the past two thousand years.”  He slowly headed back down the stairs trying to find the words he had been housing since the moment he discovered she was with child.  The look in her big brown eyes drew him in like a drug as he approached her.  “I know I'm not much to look at, and the TARDIS isn't exactly the safest place to raise a child, but I am prepared to do whatever it takes to make this just as much a home to both of you as it is to me.”  
          “Doctor, please...”  She found it nearly unbearable to look him in the eyes.  His resounding happiness was overwhelming her.  Her mind was constantly at war with itself over how she truly felt about him.  Always torn between whether or not to ignore her fears and embrace his open arms or slap him for being so stupid at times.  As often as he had put her right in the middle of real danger, she knew there was no denying how much he truly cared for her.  Despite her feelings towards him, she still felt as though there was something terribly wrong going on inside her mind.  Something she knew she hadn't had control of since before their memories were wiped.  She had noticed not only a change in herself but in him as well.  It was as if he was letting go of everything that made him who he was for the sake of her safety.  She knew the reason he continued to keep a companion around after all those that he had witnessed parish before her was because they offered him a glimpse into humanity that he could never quite reach.  They kept him from a path of destruction, always reminding him of the promise he swore to keep.  Yet the longer she stayed around him the more she felt those responsibilities to each other being compromised.  
          “Just say you'll stay.”  His softened gaze remained hopeful that he would win her over with his attempt to charm her.  
          She held back her tears as the burning in her throat made it difficult to speak.  “I can't.  I'm sorry, Doctor, but I must go back.”  
          He couldn't help the wounded expression that formed on his face at her words.  He knew she didn't owe him anything after everything he had put her through.  Yet he still felt hurt that his efforts to mend what he had broken were being unreasonably rejected by her.  “Clara, the second we leave this atmosphere we are at risk of being discovered.  Beyond this world, I cannot protect you.”  
          “Oh?  Like you protected me on Prima Nova?  Or from being kidnapped?  Or how you thought it would be better to sacrifice yourself and leave me in the hands of our enemies?”  
          “That's fair.  I deserve that.  You're angry with me.”  
          “Of course I'm angry with you!  All I wanted to do was go on a date with my boyfriend, but you had to go and literally drag me into another one of your perilous adventures.  It was you who answered the phone, it was you who put us in that carriage, and it was you who forced us into hiding on this alien planet billions of miles from _everyone_ I know and love!”  
          “...everyone?”  He nearly whispered, almost too afraid and ashamed to even ask.  
          “Not to mention you traded our own daughter away before I even knew I was carrying her!  If it weren't for you none of this would have happened!  Just when I thought there was finally starting to be some normality in my life you had to go and be so... so...”  
          “What?”  
          “You!”  She sighed, attempting to calm her frustrations and speak to him in the only way she knew he would understand.  Taking a step towards him, she placed her hands with care into his and tried to remain confident in his presence.  “I may never be able to fully forgive you for what you have done, but I understand why you did it.  I can only imagine what it must have been like for you to have been put in a position where you were forced to give your own child away to save me.  To have to choose between my life and whatever future may lie ahead for our daughter.  We have seen what she will become, we know that whatever happens only one thing is certain... that my fate is unavoidable.  Whatever is coming for me cannot be escaped.  We may be safe for now, but who is to say that she won't be waiting for us to return?  What if she decides to harm my family or go after my students in an attempt to lure me out?  Don't you see?  I cannot hide from this, what has been done is done.  I must face whatever the consequences will be.”  
          “Clara, please-”  He tried to stop her before she had made up her mind.  
          “Doctor, you are the best friend I have ever had.  Traveling with you has given me more than just a glimpse into your life or the thrill of adventure.  It has given me something I will cherish for the rest of my life.  You have shown me what it means to be human more than you even know.  You may have needed me to keep yourself from falling down the wrong path, but I needed you as well.  Not just to save me all the time but to show me what it truly felt like to save others.  That every person is important... especially you.  There are people out there that still need the Doctor.  There are still lives that need saving without even knowing that what they are waiting for is a man in a blue box to show up and offer them hope.  The universe is so much bigger than you and I, and right now it needs you.  Our daughter is out there enslaving people and building up her armies.  There is only one person I know of that can stop her.”  
          He lowered his head and concentrated on keeping the look of disappointment from expressing itself on his face, his focus drawn to the life inside of her being gently pressed between them.  His hands found their way to either side of his companion's extended form and protectively caressed the curves that housed his growing child.  The maternal glow she had about her was simply breathtaking.  The more his child grew inside of her the more irresistible she had become.  As his fingers carefully grazed over the surface of her middle a great sadness came over him.  He knew that what she was asking of him was to let her go.  To show him that his feelings for her was undoubtedly his greatest weakness and had been preventing him from continuing to be what he knew he must.  His fears were becoming reality as he realized that the Persuader's hold on him was succeeding in its quest to dominate his mind.  The more he tried to fight it the weaker he became as if it was siphoning out all of his energy to ensure he would submit to its will.  He felt exhausted both in mind and body.  Going up against Missy and his daughter without Clara there to remind him of what he was fighting for made him question his own capabilities.  But even more upsetting to him was that he knew that giving up Clara meant he'd never be able to experience what it felt like to live the life he could have with her over the never-ending desire to prove himself worthy of his own title.  As long as he remained the Doctor there would always be lives in need of saving.  “Will there never be peace?  Can I never rest?”  
          An understanding smile formed upon her face as she gently raised her hand and placed it tenderly on his cheek.  “That's entirely up to you, but I will not be your reason.”  
          He stared deeply into her eyes and forced the only smile that would permit itself in her presence.  “Oh, Clara.  My Clara.  What would I ever do without you?”  
          “Be the Doctor.”  She answered as she continued to cradle his cheek in her hand.  “Time for you to take me home, old man.”  
          He took her hand in his and gently kissed the top of it, taking in as much of her warmth as he could before she left him for what could be the last time.  His eyes charted every inch of her memorizing gaze before nodding his head in acknowledgement of her request.  “Whatever you say, boss.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor struggles with keeping the terrifying part of himself at bay, the separation from Clara has caused his inner demons to spiral out of control. Clara has been suffering her own tragedies as she looses sight of herself and what makes her who she is.

_Cumbria, 1212 A.D._

          The lifeless bodies of the holy men of God lined the floors of the hauntingly quiet monastery.  Their frozen expression portrayed the horrors of the last thing they had witnessed before ceasing to exist in the vessels they were born into.  The stone walls shed crimson tears; the blood of the massacred.  The only sound permitting itself within the silent walls of the sacred structure was echoing from inside the dining hall; a determined tapping.  
          An agitated Missy paced back and forth beside a long dining table centred in the middle of the drafty room, her heels striking the floor in rhythm as they strode across it.  On the table's surface sat the wicker capsule, the linens having been draped over it to hide its contents.  Turning on her heels at each stopped position she glared at the gifted basket in front of her.  Another strange sound was heard from under the cloth.  She halted her pace and turned to the source of the foreign noise.  Taking a few hesitated steps in the basket's direction she placed her hand upon the fabric and pulled it up to expose the creature inside; an infant.  
          In its small hands it grasped a perfectly round orb, far too strange in design to have been a child's toy, and proceeded to attempt to put the object in its mouth.  Missy's face contorted in disgust as the child began to slobber and drool on the ball.  Taking a closer look at the tiny beast her nose twitched in reaction to a ghastly smell coming from the cloth draped around the infant's body.  
          “Ugh!  Such repulsive creatures.”  She uttered as she held a hand to her nose in protest.  The infant focused its attention on the woman, a toothless grin formed over its face.  “What are you looking at?!”  Missy demanded.  “If you think for one second that I'm going to change you...”  The baby continued to smile at the strange woman in front of her.  “What does this look like to you, a daycare?!  Be warned, when it comes to babysitting I take that quite literally.”  The child brought its attention back to the orb and continued to try to fit it in its mouth.  “Yes, that's it.  Go ahead and choke on the ball, one less stupid human on this planet to deal with.”  She stood maleficently over the child as she observed the construction of the strange sphere in its hands.  “What is that thing anyway?”  She asked grabbing the orb from the child to examine it closely.  The infant pouted and began to fuss flailing its small arms with objection.  It opened its mouth and started to wail in disapproval.  
          “Waaahh!”  Missy childishly mimicked the small creature.  It began to cry louder bringing its tiny fingers to its mouth.  The Time Lady rolled her eyes in annoyance and pulled an object from her blouse.  “That will be enough of that I think.”  She claimed, aiming the weapon at the baby.  Before she could vaporize the innocent young mortal she noticed a parchment partially tucked behind the quilted bedding.  Replacing her weapon beneath her blouse she reached into the basket and pulled out the folded paper.  Opening it she read the letter quietly to herself as the infant whimpered in hunger.  Reading through its contents she raised a questioning brow as she began to process the information in which she was receiving.  Once she had read through its entirety she placed the letter into her blouse and leaned forward pressing her hands onto the table, she grinned to herself as she glanced eerily into the basket at the small baby.  
          “My my, how extraordinarily clever I am.”  She told the creature as it continued to cry.  “There there, hush now.”  She cooed towards the infant.  Placing her hands inside the basket she reached in and carefully picked the child up from within, embracing it in her arms.  As she gently rocked the tiny being, whispered her calming lulls, the young girl began to cease her crying as she stared up in amazement at the face of the woman she had come to know.  “That's right, _mummy's_ got you.”

 

********************

 

          The Doctor leaned on the console, distraught over the events that had brought him to this point.  Four weeks had passed since Clara had left him alone in his TARDIS once more.  He was overwhelmed with sadness and guilt, he pined away every waking moment with the thought of how deeply he had damaged his companion.  Every moment spent without her under his protection was a chance she could be in danger.  The life and love he could be sharing with her were being given to her by another man, a man who could barely take care of himself let alone her.  He loathed every part of himself, his regrets were tearing him apart piece by piece.  He screamed out with such uncontrollable rage and slammed his fist upon the keys.  The vengeance inside of him was transforming him into something he feared he'd never be able to come back from.  He was terrified of himself and what he knew he was capable of.  
          He had missed his sleep cycle, becoming delirious with exhaustion and anger.  The visions of his daughter falling to her death played over and over again in his mind like a nightmare.  The fear of uncertainty over what her new transformation would be like and how many faces she had gone through in the past frightened him.  He hated himself for feeling responsible for what Missy had done, for what he had let her do, and for how far she had gone to betray him.  He was lost in his mind and in his self.  He felt as if he had lost his best friend and with her his unborn child.  He had tried to contact her yet she refused his calls.  He wanted so badly to tell her how sorry he was, how much she meant to him, but he knew he deserved no forgiveness from her for what he had done to them.  Everything she had said about him was true, he couldn't deny the fact that his very nature was the sole cause of her grief.  He had lost himself within his own irresistible temptations and would forever suffer the consequences.  
          He rested his head on the console as tears fell from his face.  He felt more alone than he had ever felt before.  His only companion to keep him company was the frightening version of himself from within.  After a moment he sighed and lifted his head from the console, running his hands through his hair in an effort of maintaining his composure.  Suddenly he heard the unexpected yet familiar sound of haunted shrieking coming from somewhere behind the walls of the ship once again.  This time closer, as if the ship herself were being possessed by some unnatural entity.  The voices seemed to engulf the room, resonating off the walls and encompassing the space around him.  He felt himself breathing rapidly, his eyes wide with fear, until the sound slowly faded itself from his ears.  Just when he was beginning to think he was losing his mind he was startled by the sound of the console phone ringing nearby.  Rushing to it he brought the phone to his ear.  
          “Clara!”  He called out without even realizing it.  
          “Doctor.”  He heard her say, yet something was different about her voice.  Something was wrong.  
          “Clara?"  He repeated, now concerned.  "What has happened?”  
          “Doctor... I need you.”  She sounded distressed, he detected a sadness in her voice he'd never heard before.  Whatever had happened there was only one thing he knew for certain, she was calling for him.  
          “I'm coming, Clara.”

 

********************

 

          The streaks of rain ran down the panels of Clara's bedroom window as she stared blankly out of it towards nothing in particular.  The sound of their drops tapping along the sill outside were the only noises permitting itself into the silence that had befallen her small flat.  Her eyes glazed over in sadness as her most recent tears had long since dried upon her cheeks.  In her hand she clung to a full cup of tea having now cooled itself long ago in her grasp, she hadn't even remembered making it.  Her heart was in ruin, shattered among the emotions she could not escape from.  She couldn't recall the last time she had eaten, the feeling of hunger no longer seemed to persist itself inside of her.  She felt suspended in thought as if the world around her had come to a halt, frozen in time, only to be awakened from her catatonic state by the small movements felt from within her.  As the days had passed by she had no memory of the last time she had changed her clothes, had a wash, or spoken to another in person.  She had shut everyone out; her family, her work, and her best friend.  She had been avoiding the persistent calls from the Doctor allowing the phone to ring unanswered, ignoring the continuous knocks upon her door.  She couldn't help the tragic daydreams that plagued her mind as she closed her eyes falling deep within her own thoughts.

 _She opened her eyes.  The wind blew through her dark hair, her fingers raw from the cold London air.  “So quiet here.”  She thought.  The clouded skies provided her no comfort as she hesitantly stepped forward into her surroundings.  The building seemed to form itself underneath her footsteps as she walked closer towards the ledge of structure she had found herself atop of.  A black raven flew high overhead cawing as it passed her.  The city in front of her stretched as far as she could imagine.  The sound of the howling wind was the only company she had as she peered down at the street far below her.  The people passing by took no notice of her as they went about their lives flowing like a deep river towards their destinations.  The frightened feelings she would have felt were not present as she stepped closer to the edge and peered down at the passersby.  From the sea of faces a man she knew very well stopped and slowly looked up towards her, his eyes grieved at the sight of her._  
_“Danny.”  She whispered as a tear ran itself down her face.  She closed her eyes and upon opening them the people had gone, all but Danny.  He looked at her with such sadness._  
_His whispered words rang inside her mind so clearly, “Don't do it, Clara... please.”_  
_She could not stop her tears.  Her heart tore itself apart as she brought her trembling hands to her belly, rubbing it affectionately.  She could feel a small warmth rising from within her longing to communicate, a warmth she had nearly forgotten.  “I'm so sorry.”  She whispered to her child, her tears fading into her blouse.  Her dreams had been so vivid she was no longer able to distinguish if the feelings she still clung to were real or simply imagined.  A sudden burst of confidence found its way to her as she released her hands from their place and lowered her arms back to her sides.  “It's the only way.”  She closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall from the ledge into darkness._

          The Doctor stood in the doorway of Clara's small bedroom observing the familiar sight of his companion as she sat at the window.  Neither the sound of the TARDIS manifesting itself in her living room nor his presence in her flat seemed to stir her from her position, her eyes were closed as if she were deep in meditation.  Taking notice of her appearance and the overall clutter around the room he wondered how long she had been sitting there or even the last time she had ventured outside of this place.  He hesitantly raised his hand to the frame of the door, though somewhat worried that even the quietest knock would have startled her.  
          “Come in.”  She opened her eyes, her back remained turned toward him.  
          He cautiously approached not knowing what to expect from her any longer as if they were nothing more than strangers.  As he drew near he felt his hearts begin to drop, the blood drained from his face as his eyes focused on her more wilted form.  She appeared almost skeletal, her darkened eyes looked as if they had sunken into their sockets, her clothing seemed to dwarf her in comparison.  Every part of her was thinning, all except for her expanded middle.  The warmth he usually felt in the presence of his child was nearly extinguished, a feeling which terrified him immensely.  
          “You're late.”  She added as a weak smile formed itself on her face.  
          “Yes, well, I had to drive around the block a few times.  The traffic was hell!”  He smiled back.  He took a seat next to her on the cushioned ledge.  As hard as he tried to set his concerns for her aside, seeing her so frail was tearing him apart.  He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her close to him and tell her that whatever had happened he would do everything in his power to fix it.  But more importantly, he feared that their child was dying.  The absence of her warmth and telepathic connection frightened him.  “You look...” _Pale?  Malnourished?  Cadaverous? "_...different!  Is it your hair?  You've done something new with your hair, haven't you?”  He tried to sound even the slightest bit complimentary.  
          “That bad, eh?”  
          “Well, nothing a simple comb couldn't fix.”  He teased.  They remained silent for a few moments.  He couldn't help but look at her with such terrible sadness in his hearts for her.  The woman seated in front of him was barely even a shadow of the one he had come to know and love.  
          “I wasn't sure you'd come.”  Her eyes began to water as she continued to stare out the window.  
          He carefully brought his hands to hers still grasping the cup of untouched tea and removed the dish setting it on the reading table next to him.  Placing his hands in hers he found himself staring at her as if trying to read her thoughts.  The vibrant electricity he felt the last time he held her had vanished only to be replaced by the chilled touch of her skin.  “Clara-”  
          “Danny's dead.”  She stated coldly towards the window.  
          The Doctor was startled, he felt himself searching for the right words to respond.  She was so fragile at that moment that failing to be what she needed from him the most would most certainly have broken her.   _Where are those bloody cue cards when I need them_ , he wondered?  With a heavy sigh, he gently squeezed her hands, running his thumbs over her cold fingers.  “I'm so sorry, Clara-”  He replied sincerely.  
          “Don't.”  She stopped him harshly, pulling her hands from his.  “I can't handle another apology right now.  I've been drowning in the sea of everyone's sympathies for weeks.  Please, no more.”  
          He sighed and ran his hand down his face trying to stay focused on mending her broken heart.  “What happened?”  
          “There was a car.  He didn't see it.”  The tears fell from her face.  “I was on the phone with him when it happened.  I heard everything, Doctor.”  
          He found himself somewhat angered by her words.  Not because of the fact that he wasn't particularly fond of her feelings for her soldier boyfriend, nor that he genuinely felt very little sympathy for him not being alive any longer, but because he had stupidly gone and died leaving her alone without any protection.  Though in the face of true danger P.E. couldn't have been trusted to save her from practically any situation the Doctor could possibly think of, at least having one person watching out for her while he was being shut out of her life was better than having no one.  “Why didn't you call me sooner?”  He tried to keep his anger and hurt away.  
          “I needed to be by myself for a bit, think things through.”  She could barely look at the old man.  Having solely been with Danny the past month the intense feelings she continually had for the Doctor had subsided under the reality of having let him go.  Just being around him, even now, the uncontrollable thoughts she had been burying under layers of denial had been fighting their way back to the surface of her emotions.  The more she was away from him the stronger the desire to be with him had become.  “I'm so sorry, Doctor.  For what I said... for letting you go.”  She could no longer hold back the tears that forced their way down her soft cheeks.  “The truth is... I'm scared.  No... I'm terrified.  When the time comes for this child to be taken away from me... from _us-_ ”  
          “That won't happen.”  He protested.  
          “But what if it does?  What if you cannot stop Missy from coming for our daughter?  You saw what happened to her, what she will become.”  
          “History can be rewritten.”  
          “Not if we already know what is going to happen.”  She noticed his frowning brow.  “You see, I have learned a few things from travelling with you.”  
          The Doctor sighed, as infuriating as it was having his own words turned against him he knew she was right.  “There is still a chance we could change the outcome.  There's still time to find a way out of the deal, to possibly discover something she wants more than this child.”  
          “And what if you're wrong?  What if she comes for her and I can't give her up?  What if she kills us both because I'm not strong enough to do what I have to do?”  She stared into his eyes as if searching for the answers within his unreadable expression.  “I never asked for this, for _any_ of this.”  
          “I know.  And I'm sorry.  You have no idea how truly sorry I am that this happened to you... to us.”  Seeing his companion so frightened added even more guilt to his hardened conscience.  The moment between them became silent as their troubled thoughts dominated their minds.  His eyes lingered over her sorrowed form, resisting the urge to hold her in his arms and comfort her.  He hated not being able to determine if what he was feeling for her at the moment was real or merely placed there by the Persuaders.  
          “Now that Danny is gone I feel like I've lost everything; my boyfriend, my best friend, and soon even my own child will be taken from me.  Sometimes... I can't help but feel as though I have no reason at all to even go on living anymore.  And that feeling frightens me more than anything.”  
          A concerned frown formed over the Doctor's face.  He had never heard her speak in such a way before.  The Clara he knew was always so full of life, the brilliant light that guided him through the darkness, the fire that burned on the coldest of nights.  He knew she was hurting, that she was suffering in more ways than he could even imagine.  But it still pained him greatly to hear her say such things.  “You have me, Clara.  And you always will.”  He affirmed with deepest sincerity.  
          Her eyes returned to his, smiling for the first time in ages as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.  “Good.  Because I could really use a friend right now.”  She leaned in towards him and rested her head on his shoulder.  
          He wrapped his arms around her and placed his cheek on the top of her head as he cradled her.  His concern for her pulled at every heartstring, worried that she was slipping deeper into a place he could not pull her from.  He was angered that she had gotten to this point, withered away and refusing his help.  The living visual of the damage he had caused was resting herself between his arms, he felt so powerless against its hold on her.  As she absentmindedly ran her fingers over the buttons on his vest his hearts were breaking for her.  He knew he had no control over her and never would.  He was in constant guilt over putting her in this position in the first place, knowing that he did not deserve the forgiveness he so desperately sought.  
          “I can't feel her anymore, her warmth.”  She confessed as she ran her hand along her middle.  “Her movements are so small now I hardly even notice them.”  
          “Well, I'd be lying if I said that didn't worry me greatly.”  He placed his hands on her shoulders and gently leaned her away from him so that he could see her face.  “Clara, I'm extremely concerned about you.  I've seen twigs that look better than you do right now.”  She frowned at his words.  “I'm being serious.  I understand that you are upset and you have every right to be.  But now is the time for you to be strong.  If not for yourself... then do it for her.”  He lowered his hands and carefully rested the tips of his fingers over his child, slowly gliding them along the surface of his companion's abdomen as if he were reading braille.  “I know I have no right to ask anything of you.  I do not expect to ever be forgiven for my actions.  All I can do is tell you how deeply sorry I am for what I have done, to beg you to take your anger and pain out on me.  Blame me for Danny's death if it will help you but please, Clara... spare her from the wrong that has been done to you.  I am the one who deserves to be punished, she is innocent.”  He felt his head hang in remorse, his hands gently cradled either side of their child.  There was a stillness inside of her, an absence of life and light that saddened him beyond all words.  There was a sense of loss he hadn't felt in such a long time.  Then suddenly there was a faint flutter, so very weak he barely detected it at all.  He closed his eyes and concentrated on the small movement.  He felt himself being drawn into her life force once more.

          He opened his eyes to find himself engulfed within the familiar darkness he had previously visited before.  Where there was once an unconditional feeling of love and light all around him he discovered only despair.  The particles that made up the essence of his daughter's life had diminished almost entirely.  He found himself utterly alone inside the void of her existence.  Fearing the worst, he had all but given up hope that she was alive when a small speck of light found its way to him.  And then another.  Far off in the distance, almost too small to detect, he discovered the source.  Hesitating for only a moment, he cautiously made his way towards its captivating glow.  Her once vibrant form had been nearly extinguished, barely even large enough to fill the palm of his hand.  He could see that she was suffering, almost too weak to cling to even the smallest thread of life still reaching out to her.  He felt the spear of sorrow pierce his chest, finding it difficult to breathe as he looked upon her dimming light.  Her faint whispers called out to him as he cradled her remaining warmth.  Their minds connected to each other.  
          Upon their touch he saw her thoughts flooding into his own, allowing him a glimpse into her first memories.  Yet the images he received from her were more daunting than he could have ever imagined.  Where he should have seen love and kindness he saw only agony and grief.  He was engulfed by the memories that his child shared from her mother's mind; her tears, her despair, her darkness, her yearning for an end to her pain.  He could see Clara's deepest darkest secrets, the shocking thoughts she carried of taking her own life that had been haunting her in her dreams.  He became consumed with fear as he was forced to watch the images of the woman he loved imagining killing herself over and over again, a never-ending tragedy.  The thought alone of not being able to stop her from hurting herself ripped him apart.  But more importantly, he was uncertain as to how her mind had become plagued with these thoughts.  The illness inside of them had been gaining in strength since the moment he discovered they had been infected.  The longer the virus remained inside of him the deeper the desires to be with her had become.  A longing he knew she must equally share.  The only explanation he could contrive of her current state of mind was that her subconscious had somehow become aware of the infiltration that had been forcing her to submit to its true power.  And she was fighting back.  
          As terrified as he was of his companion's metaphysical state, there was none so great a fear than his child's whose own life now hung in the balance between their connected life force.  A fear which penetrated every part of his being.  He opened his mind to hers in an attempt to soothe her frightened thoughts.   _I'm here now... don't be afraid_ , he called out to her.  He reached into his soul and showered her with visions of the love he shared for her and her mother.  He wanted to show her that she brought him a new sense of happiness into his life and that it was worth fighting for.  He greatly desired to bring hope back into her life.  As much as he felt responsible for her withered state of being, he could not just stand by and let her fate be determined for him.  In order to save his child, he would need to save Clara... whether she wanted him to or not. 

          With a small gasp, he pulled himself back to consciousness, meeting Clara's weakened gaze.  He felt himself losing control of his emotions.  He glanced away as the tears began to form at the brim of his eyes so that she would not see.  He cleared his throat and stood abruptly, turning his back to her.  He felt the need to release himself from her side before he became lost in her presence.  He brought his hand to his face, his fingers pressed over his eyes as if attempting to keep his tears at bay.  The more he tried to resist them the more they persisted in being known.  He had been so accustomed to concealing his emotional weaknesses from everyone he had ever known for so long that he had not anticipated its true power over him.  The Persuader's snare had been succeeding in tearing down his walls piece by piece, dismantling his defenses like an indestructible army.  He became frightened of what would be left of him once his mind had been completely taken over by the virus still thriving inside of him.  
          “Doctor?”  Clara called softly towards him.  When he didn't answer her she raised herself up from the ledge and slowly approached him from behind.  She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, letting him know she was there for him if he needed her.  Through all of her travels with him she had seen the many different sides to who he was; his anger, his frustration, his excitement, and his determination.  The man who stood before her now was completely uncharted, a side of him that was so rare she didn't know how to be what he needed from her.  As reserved as he was pretending to be in front of her, she knew there was something going on inside him that he couldn't control.  A pain that even she could not feel.  “Doctor...” she called again, “what did you see?”  
          He remained silent for a few moments, fighting back all of the emotions threatening to push their way through his barriers.  He felt a sense of guilt for having invaded her private thoughts.  He was angry at himself for failing his companion in the first place, he was angry at her for letting him go, he was disheartened by her state of mind and body being the cause of his child's suffering, and he was frightened of losing the two people he loved the most.  In order to save them, he couldn't just talk his way back into Clara's heart, he knew she was much too clever for that.  He wanted her to see that he didn't need her so that he could be the Doctor he needed to be, that she wasn't just someone who could easily be replaced, but that he needed her in his life because she was worth fighting for... and even dying for.  The most important thing to him now was their survival, even if that meant there was no longer a place for him in Clara's life.  He turned around to face her, his concerns for exposing his weakness had suddenly become secondary to his greater need to save her from herself.  He gently grasped her opened hand, slowly tracing the tips of his fingers over the chilled touch of her palm as if he were memorizing every last detail.  “I need your help, Clara.  One last time.”  
          Her eyes studied his with anticipation, yet she remained somewhat startled by his request.  The spark she normally would have felt at such an offer would have surely awoken the adventurer side of her, however, the reluctance she felt towards him at that moment stemmed entirely from his inability to have kept them out of harm's way as of late.  The trust she had once felt confident in bestowing had been severely damaged.  It was as if there were a part of him that had shrugged off all responsibility as a consequence for agreeing to have become his companion.  But this time felt different.  As she looked into his tearful eyes she knew that this wasn't just the next adventure he had in store for them.  This wasn't just some attempt at letting her become the bait so that he could rush in at the last minute and save the day.  This time it was serious, this time it was real.  “I'm here, Doctor.”  
          Bringing her hand to his lips he gently kissed her softened skin.  “Help me, Clara.”  He pleaded to every ounce of her that was still remaining.  “Help me save her.”  
          Her heart shattered the moment she realized that his love for them was more overwhelming than she could have imagined.  It had triggered an emotion inside of her so strong it had encompassed every part of her being by bringing life back into her emptying soul.  As determined as she had become to protect herself from all the threats of the universe he had somehow managed to find himself apart of, his loyalty to her had remained a constant in their relationship no matter how hard she had tried to push him away in the past.  For the first time she truly understood what type of man he had been hiding, not only from her eyes but from himself as well.  She suddenly experienced the exhilarating sensation of no longer feeling weighted down by her uncertainties nor the guilt of hurting the man who had risked everything just to be with her.  She peered into his eyes with a new understanding of the love and affection they each shared for one another.  Yet deep down she was terrified of the darkness growing inside of her that had been steadfastly taking control of her mind and heart.  She knew it was only a matter of time before her predestine had caught up with her, the only hope she had at calming the rising tide resided within him.  She tenderly wiped the remaining tear from his cheek and whispered to him her answer.  
          “Show me how.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor explains the concept of a bootstrap paradox as the TARDIS sends them to a very familiar place.

               “Has it always been this cold in here?”  She asked as the Doctor gently lead her through the threshold of the TARDIS.  
               He raised his brow at the question, concentrating all of his energy on delicately guiding her towards the seat as if she would shatter at any moment.  “Ah, yes, I've been meaning to fix that.”  He lied.  He helped to situate her on the cushioned chair then headed back through the door into her flat once again.  “Make yourself at home, I'll only be a minute!”  He called from outside.  
               Clara took this momentary time to herself to scan the familiar room for anything that might have been out of sorts since the last time she was on board.   _So many memories, this place,_ she thought as she reminisced through all that she had encountered both within the ship and wherever it had taken her.  It had become a part of her heart, the missing piece to the puzzle that was her existence.  She couldn't even imagine what her life would have been like had the Doctor not shown up on the doorstep of the Maitland household that day.  She wouldn't have even been alive if it were not for him.  Her consciousness would have forever been lost inside the digital world for all of eternity without him there to pull her out of it.  The woman she used to be was consumed by the never-ending desire to one day travel the world, filling the pages of her scrapbook with the extraordinary journey into self-discovery and exploration.  He offered her the universe.  
               Upon her observations, she noticed that the work table, normally reserved for engineering all of his oddly structured gadgets and inventions, had been repurposed as a drawing board for several dozen different sketches and mathematical calculations.  Her curiosity got the better of her as she stood to gain a better look at his project.  Sifting through the pages, she encountered numerous models of planets and solar systems charted throughout the galaxy.  Each location given a precise numerical equation and symbol beside it.  “What have you been doing in here all this time?”  She called out to him.  
               After a few moments, he re-entered through the door holding a travel bag full of maternity clothes and the warmest throw blanket he could find.  “I wasn't sure what you would need,” he gestured to the articles in his hands, “I hope these will be sufficient.”  He placed the bag on the floor and began unfolding the blanket.  
               “What is all this?”  She held the drawings up to the light.  
               “Ah, I see you've discovered my battle plans.”  He gracefully placed the blanket over her shoulders.  
               “Have you been scheming to start a war I don't know about?”  
               “We're already at war... and I intend to stay one step ahead of it.”  He moved to the table and spread out the pages in front of him.  “According to the charted maps lining the walls inside of Quynn's battle-room, these are the exact locations of her bases of operation.”  
               “Wait... hang on... did you seriously memorize all of this from just one glance?”  
               “Of course I did.  What else did you expect me to do while she tangentially rambled on about herself, make tea?”  
               “What are you planning to do?”  
               “In order to gain an advantage over her forces, I'll need to disrupt the inner workings of her infrastructures, even if that means I have to take them out one by one.  The weaker her hold on the planets she controls the easier it will be to bring her down.”  
               “And this is what you needed my help with?  To go into battle with you?  Have you seen me lately?”  She gestured to her appearance.  
               “No, no.  Your job is much more important... and far less dangerous.”  He assured her.  
               “What did you have in mind?”  She asked.  He reached into his pocket pulling out a pair of small audio devices and held them out in front of him.  “Let me see if I've got this right,” she hesitantly took one of them from his opened hand, “you want me to stay here on the ship... while you charge straight onto the battlefield... alone?”  
               “Precisely, I need you to be my eyes and ears.  We have no idea what could be out there, what dangers we may face.  This is the best alternative we have to keeping you safe.”  
               “And what about you?  What if you end up getting yourself killed out there?”  
               “The TARDIS' safety features will be activated in the event of my death.  She will take you back home and dematerialize, hiding herself away so that she does not fall into the wrong hands.”  
               Clara sighed and brought her fingers to her temples in mild frustration.  It certainly wasn't the first time she had considered his reckless plans to be positively suicidal... and it wouldn't be the last either.  “And what about the TARDIS, isn't she still being tracked?  Won't they know we are coming?”  
               “Ah, I've thought about that.”  He headed to the console, pressed a few buttons on its interface, then grabbed a handle-like apparatus and pulled it down towards him.  Suddenly the ship began to shift its power, the emergency lighting activated and flashed all around them.  
               “What are you doing?”  
               “I'm switching off the safeguards, turning off the navigation computer.”  
               “Uh... okay.  And why are we doing that exactly?”  
               “If I had to guess I would say that Quynn has been tracking our movements via a tracer attached to the nav-com.  It must be broadcasting our time vortex signature directly to her and she's been using it to follow us through the wake we leave behind.  I'm simply interrupting the broadcast.  The TARDIS is equipped with certain safety measures to ensure that flight is still possible in the event that the navigation computer became damaged.  Remember, we've done this before.  We plugged you into the TARDIS telepathic interface.”  
               “You mean the squishy thing?”  
               “Clara... this is the most advanced ship in the entire universe, equipped with more scientific technology than any other race in the galaxy will ever possess.  She's a living breathing machine able to psychically translate millions of languages directly into your mind.  The sheer complexity of her very existence and capabilities would take me an entire lifetime just to explain to you.”  He removed a panel from the console revealing the gel-like material that formed its telepathic interface.  “And yes, the squishy thing.”  
               “Doctor...” she started as she watched him head back over to the table and proceed to look over his plans, “exactly how do you intend to take out her forces?  We've seen their defences, their weapons.  We know how powerful they are.  Let's just talk this out a bit, do you honestly think you'll defeat them all by running straight into battle armed with only a screwdriver?”  
               “Every army has its weakness, the key is simply finding it before they discover yours.”  
               Clara sighed conceitedly as she began to accept the fact that his mind had already been made.  “Are you absolutely sure about this?  What if Quynn is there waiting for us?  What if this plan of yours doesn't work?  What then, Doctor?”  
               He sighed and turned around to face his companion.  The thoughts he protected inside himself had begun to bleed out.  The more he tried to bandage them the larger the wound had become.  The greatest truth he had always been haunted by was the fear of failure both in himself and everyone that had ever counted on him.  The fear of failing his own title when challenged by the never-ending threats that seemed to find him at every turn.  Yet there was not a single thing that could even compare to the fear of losing the one person he loved most of all.  The fear of not being able to protect her from the dangers of the universe... nor even himself.  As she looked upon him with considerable apprehension in her gaze, he couldn't help but feel defenseless against each passing moment as if it would be her last.  Attempting to raise her spirits with calming conversation seemed even more irrelevant the closer they came to fighting back against the unknown dangers they now faced.  
               “I wish I could tell you that there is nothing to worry about, that I could guarantee our success.  For all I know this could very well be the single most devastating risk that I have ever had to take.  As hard as it has been for me to admit it... you were right.  Whatever your fate may be cannot be avoided nor can it be predicted.  But that doesn't mean we have to sit here and allow it to happen without a fight.”  He approached her slowly, suddenly breaking free of the petrified state that had kept him bolted him to the floor.  His words became more intense as he drew closer to her.  “I will not allow the mistakes I've made define who I am or what I am capable of.  There are people out there suffering and it is all because of me.  The universe is being torn apart, history as we know it is being rewritten... and it all comes down to one small moment, one fixed point in time occurring over and over again.  Every action that has been taken, every word that has been said, even this very conversation... it has all happened before.  A continuous loop, an infinite amount of scenarios all leading to the same outcome.”  
               Clara suddenly felt so small in front of him as he towered over her, trapping her between himself and the console.  “I don't understand,” she started, almost too afraid to speak, “what do you mean this has happened before?”  She could sense the tension rising between them at the closeness of each other.  She felt both cornered and protected all at the same time, a strange combination of uncertainty.   
               A grin formed on the Doctor's face at the question, it had been far too long since he was last able to explain the laws of time and the universe to anyone.  He removed himself from her personal space and quickly headed to the upper part of the platform, the thoughts in his mind bursting their way out in all directions.  “Every causal loop is caused by an unchanging self-originating constant, some  _thing_ that must exist simply because it has to.  Time travel can be a very tricky, very dangerous thing if you don't know what you are doing.”  Clara watched as he hurried along the railing and stopped suddenly at the familiar stone bust of a man which sat on a small table near one of the bookshelves.  “Take, for instance, Ludwig van Beethoven here.”  He employed her, placing his arm delicately around the shoulder of the bust as if they were longtime friends.  
               “The composer?”  She asked, a confused look upon her face.  
               “No, the astronaut.  Of course the composer!  Now, let us also imagine there is a man who has a time machine.”  
               “… I'll give it a go.”  
               “Up and down history he goes getting into scrapes.  Another thing he has is a passion for the works of Beethoven.  And one day he thinks to himself, ‘what's the point of having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes?’  So off he goes to eighteenth-century Germany before the very thought of a musical masterpiece was even a figment inside the composer's mind.  But when he gets there he discovers that Ludwig has fallen upon dark times and refuses to ever compose another piece again.  This didn't happen, by the way.  I've met Beethoven.  Nice chap, very intense, loved an arm-wrestle.  No, this is called the Bootstrap Paradox.  Google it.  The time traveler panics, he can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven.  Luckily he'd brought all of his sheet music for Ludwig to sign.  So he copies out all the concertos and the symphonies, then promises to give the composer back his inspiration if he passes the music off as his own.  Ludwig accepts and history continues with barely a feather ruffled.  Until one day those copies reach the time traveler's future self which prompts him to travel back in time to meet his hero.  A never-ending loop.  But my question is this, who originally put those notes and phrases together?  Who really composed Beethoven's Fifth?”   
               “You're doing that thing with your face again.”  She informed him through her puzzled expression.  
               “What 'thing'?”  
               “That look you give when you're trying to explain something to me that makes my head go fuzzy.”  
               “It's called a smile, Clara.  Apparently, it's what people do.  Or so I've heard.”  
               “Right... wouldn't want anyone to see passed your clever disguise.  Anyway, what exactly does Beethoven have anything to do with us?”  
               “Nothing, and everything!”  He exclaimed as he headed back down the stairs towards her.  “All this time I've been blaming myself for picking up the phone, for believing myself to be solely responsible for what has happened.  But I've realized my focus has been concentrated in the wrong place.  In the end, it doesn’t matter who really wrote the music.  Only that it exists.”  He felt himself being pulled back to her as he approached.  The force that bound them together was unmistakable.  The connection shared between them could never be simplified to emotion alone, they were two parts of the same mixture.  No matter what they had experienced in the past, there was an unbreakable trust that had kept them bound together.  A trust he could see in her eyes even now as he stood as close to her as physics would allow it.  “Whatever has happened to us may never have a true beginning nor an end.  The only thing that is certain is the existence of the constant that binds you and I together.  A constant which now rests itself between us… quite literally.”  He smiled and peered down the length of his companion to where her body met his own.  
               “So you’re saying that all of this is her fault?  That she has trapped us in this… loop, or whatever it is, forever?”  She placed a protective hand over her middle.  
               He snickered and rested his hand atop her own, “Not even born yet and already a trouble maker.”  He teased, his grin still maintaining itself on his face.  
               “She must take after you then.”  She replied smirking.  
               “If we ever make it out of this alive I’d expect we’re going to have our hands full.”  He made his way back towards the console’s telepathic interface.  
               Clara felt her smile begin to fade at his words regardless of how harmless his intentions were.  There was more truth to that statement than she even realized.  A great cloud of doubt arose inside of her over his hubris in their success of this potentially suicidal mission.  What if he was right?  What if none of what they were trying to accomplish would even matter in the end?  There was no way of knowing if this plan of his had already been tried and failed a hundred times before.  No way to know if they would be altering their daughter’s future or simply allowing it to happen.  What if there really was no way out?  
               The Doctor rubbed his hands together in preparation for their departure to the first location on his list, then hovered them over the interface as he looked to her for support.  “Are you ready?”  He asked her nervously.  The reluctance in her nod was as transparent as the room they stood in.  He couldn’t help reminiscing over the liveliness she once displayed towards him whenever they found themselves embarking on a new adventure.  It was as if the fire inside of her had been left to die out.  He took a deep breath and slowly lowered his hands towards the gel-like interface.  
               “Doctor, wait.”  She spoke, freezing him in place as she placed her hand upon his forearm.  “We’ll do it together.”  
               He braved a smile her way, then closed his eyes and dipped his fingertips into the cool substance below.  He concentrated all of his thoughts towards their destination, allowing his mind to focus on a singular image.  His senses began to paint a picture of the tangible dampness of the controls, the feel of its material on his bare skin, the grip of her fingers around his arm, the rhythm of her heart beating through the palm of her hand.  He tried to ignore the distractions surrounding him and the concerns he had for his companion’s wilted form.  In order for them to land safely at the correct location, his mind must first be completely relieved of any attachments he held inside of his aching hearts.  The gel forming around his fingers connected to every fiber of his skin as if they were one and the same being.  He thought about where they needed to go, what they needed to accomplish, and above all the importance of being successful in their mission.  As he focused on the image of the planet in his mind, sending it through the interface like coordinates on a map, his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the strong vision of his fetal daughter calling out to him through her mother's touch.  His mind was being redirected to the love he shared for her and his determination to save her in the hope that he would one day be able to hold her in his arms.  
               His eyes flew open at the sound of the time rotor starting up.  The mechanisms inside the center chamber began to ascended and descended back into itself.  A look of concern passed over his face at his lack of concentration during the interlinking process.  He had no way of knowing if the destination had been correctly received by the interface.  The only certain thing was that the TARDIS had suddenly begun to materialize into action as her signature time-traveling clattered chorus sounded all around them.  He hastily shifted his focus towards his friend.  The look of surprise confined in his expression at their departure was matched only by her uneasiness of what they were about to encounter once they landed.  
               “I'm suddenly having my doubts about this.”  He managed to say aloud.  
               “Well, the TARDIS seems to think she knows where she's going.”  She countered, trying to remain positive.  
               “One can only hope."

********************* 

_Messaline, 6012 A.D._

               The TARDIS landed abruptly at its psychically charted destination despite the Doctor's distracted thoughts having led the way.  He found himself slightly amazed that the ship had been able to locate the new point of interest, yet was suddenly intrigued by the endless possibilities waiting for him outside the safety of his blue box.  Having disabled most of the ship's safety control systems he felt as if he had wandered blindly into a dark and dangerous jungle armed only with his bare hands.  Checking the view-screen he raised a curious brow as the surrounding elements on the outside appeared to be somewhat familiar to him, though he could not determine where or when he had seen them before.  A series of underground tunnels had encased them inside of its jagged stone walls.  With the safeguards and nav-com turned off it was impossible to determine what potential lifeforms could be lingering outside... if any.  Had it not been for the undying thirst for discovery and the ever increasing eagerness to explore their new surroundings drawing him out he would have forced himself to revise his previous coordinates… favorably without the unpredictability of his wandering mind.  However, distractions aside, the TARDIS must have had some reason for bringing them there while his consciousness was interlinked within her interface.  
               "This is it, yeah?”  Clara glanced over his shoulder towards the view-screen.  
               “Only one way to know for certain.”  He tried his very best to sound as confident as possible as he placed the small audio device into his ear.  
               “I suppose there's no point in trying to talk you out of this, is there?”  She remained hopeful that he'd change his mind as she plugged the second device into her own ear.  
               “You'll be able to see everything I see from right here.”  He ignored her predictably disquieted glance as he pointed to the screen in front of them.  “With the nav-com offline we will not be alerted to the presence of lifeforms.  So... I'll need  _you_ to monitor the ship's surveillance systems and keep an eye out for any potential threats.”  
               “Sounds easy enough... so I'm basically your spy.”  
               “Aren't you the lucky one?”  He teased.  “Now remember, if something were to happen and I don't make it back to the ship you must use the telepathic interface to fly the TARDIS back home.  Don't hesitate, just go.”  
               “You want me to just abandon you here?”  
               “If it comes to that... yes.”  
               “Well, let's just hope it doesn't come to that then.”  
               “And whatever you do... stay here.”  He pointed a stern finger towards the floor.  “No matter what happens out there you must not leave this ship.  This is the safest place for you to be.  Best to keep you out of trouble this time 'round.”  
               Clara found herself frowning at his words.  Had it not been for his refusal to heed her warnings of potential danger they wouldn't have even been in this mess to begin with.  However, she knew there would be plenty of time to remind him of how awfully infuriating he was once all of this was finally over.  He headed for the door and cautiously pulled it open.  “Doctor...” She called to him, his eyes turned to meet hers.  “Be careful, okay?  Don't go and do anything stupid... like get yourself killed.”  She tried to force a small smile of confidence on her face to mask the worry that had embedded itself throughout her emotions.  Her currently over-sized matronly ensemble was the only thing sheltering her trembling body from his furrowed eyes.  It took all of her energy to calm her nerves so as not to reveal how truly frightened she was at the thought of him never returning to her again.  
               “When have you ever known me to do anything stupid?”  
               “Seriously?  Have you met you?”  She quipped as he responded to her humour with a rigorous brow.  
               “Right... don't worry, I'll be back before you know it.”  He exited the ship and closed the door securely behind him.

  
               The subterranean cavern surrounding him was as familiar as taking a stroll inside one of his own memories, one that hadn't been visited in such a long time.  A memory so unused it had nearly been forgotten.  Yet, at the same time, he experienced an overwhelming sense of uneasiness as if something in the back of his mind was telling him he had been here before.  He was left with the unfaltering sensation of déjà vu, taunting him with fragmented visions derived from his scattered recollection of this planet they had found themselves on.  As he surveyed the darkened space around him, he found himself relying almost solely on his senses to take in all the extra details he might have been missing.   
               The aroma in the air was palpable and stale; a rich fragrance of minerals distributed from the ground underneath his feet.  Even more noticeable was the soil itself.  The path in front of him had become a tramping ground forged by several unmistakable sets of footprints marking the way out.  A series of electrical wires ran like untamed vines across the ground as they branched out to bring life to the lights lining the bottom of the cavern walls.  The only source of illumination throughout the darkness engulfing him.  Lifting his sonic-screwdriver out in front of him, he activated its torch setting allowing him to better observe the area around him.  “Well, that's interesting.”  He spoke aloud.  
               “What is it?  What have you found?”  He heard her say into his ear.  
               “These cables, their construction is fairly new.  Which leads me to believe that someone has been here very recently.”  He carefully stepped over each wire and slowly headed deeper into the cave.  “I'm going to attempt to locate its source.  Whatever is powering these lights must not be far from here.”  
               “Just be careful, Doctor.  Knowing our luck this is probably a trap.”  
               The Doctor pushed forward.  His memories had begun to wake up to the senses around him.  Ahead of him, he encountered a flickering light as if whatever the source it had been attached to had been badly damaged.  In the darkness he could make out a sort of sealed glass structure, a chamber perhaps, embedded into the wall of the cave.  The lights inside of it continued to flicker.  Finally reaching the glass chamber he raised his torch to better observe the malfunctioning electronics lining its exterior hatch.  Suddenly his consciousness accelerated to full throttle.  The forgotten memories stored within him began to flood his thoughts.  A wave of suppressed emotions hit him unexpectedly as he finally realized exactly where he was.  He cautiously raised his hand to place it tenderly upon the surface of the glass.  He closed his eyes and allowed the memories of this forgotten place to run its course through his mind.  The voices of his past could be heard so clearly in his head it was as if they had never truly gone.

 _"Where did she come from?”  Martha asked, still confused from the assault on her friend._  
_"From me.”  He answered, still in shock at the young woman now standing before him._  
_"From you?  How?  Who is she?”  Donna interrupted them, even more confused than the others._  
_"Well, she's... well... she's my daughter.”  His emotions teetered between denial and acceptance._ _  
The young blonde woman stepped forward from inside the chamber and smiled towards the lengthy man in the strange brown jacket, "_ _Hello, Dad.”_

               “Jenny.”  He whispered aloud.  The pain of losing his loom-born daughter had suddenly returned to him as if all memory of her had been stolen from his mind.  
               “Doctor?”  He heard Clara respond in his ear.  “Are you alright?  Is someone there with you?”  
                _Why did you bring me here?_   He asked himself of the ship's decision to send them to this chosen location. _Must I suffer these memories as well?  Is it not enough that I am doing everything in my power to save my only remaining child's life?_ He felt anger rise inside of him at the ship's cruelness to send him there.   _Why this place?  Why here, why now?  What am I missing?_   He continued to ask as he attempted to find a reason behind this unwarranted detour.  He combed through the events leading up to their departure and retraced his thoughts before the ship had started up.  And then it suddenly became so very clear.  The final thing that entered his mind before their destination had been received by the interface was the thought of holding his daughter in his arms.  The TARDIS must have connected that emotion to the very last thing he had experienced during his visit to this place.  The act of cradling his dying daughter and the memory of watching the vibrancy of her short-lived life fading from her body.  
               Upon opening his eyes he began to take in all the details of the chamber's construction as if trying to remember exactly what it had felt like to have stood in front of it two faces ago.  Yet something strange had caught his attention.  The mechanism designed to pull DNA from a singular host had been altered.  The chamber itself had also been upgraded with more advanced technology than it had been fitted with before.  The Doctor felt the frown on his face deepen as he realized that whoever was responsible for altering it had found a way to manipulate the chamber's primary functions to successfully produce identical copies without needing the DNA of an original host.  
               “Doctor?  Can you still hear me?  Is everything alright?”  Clara continued to call to him.  
_Something is wrong_ , he thought to himself.   _Thi_ _s technology shouldn't even exist yet... so why is it here?_ Aside the chamber, he could make out what appeared to be a small console station fitted with a narrow slot intended for a type of holographic disk.  Approaching it, he scanned the console and activated its power setting.  Its interface struggled to power up before displaying the uploaded contents of the disk in the form of a view-screen.  The flickering image produced a detailed map of the cave and surrounding infrastructures.  He had seen this map before.  Although the technology had been upgraded, the layout of the building had remained for the most part unchanged.   _That’s strange_ , he thought as he attempted to expand the map to a view of the planet itself.  The image fluttered as its energy source began to drain more rapidly.  Aiming his screwdriver towards the interface, he redirected as much power as he could from the surrounding area directly to the console.  The view-screen suddenly came alive with vibrancy.  The detailed rendering of the degraded planet’s current condition filled every edge of the frame.   _Messaline_ , he thought as his suspicions had now been confirmed, _but it can’t be!_  
               Next to him, the lights continued to flicker inside the glass chamber.  He could hear the small panel adjacent to the sealed door fluctuating as it attempted to draw more power to itself.  The display and keypad were barely functioning as it faded in and out of life.  He directed his attention towards the malfunctioning panel and scanned its hardware for a possible answer to who might have installed the newer upgraded systems.  Suddenly the panel started to spark as the electronics inside of it surged from extensive corrosion.  “No, no, no!”  He screamed at the panel.  “Come on, don't do this to me!  I need to know!”  
               “Doctor?  Tell me what is going on, you're seriously starting to scare me.”  
               “I'm coming back to the ship.  We need to leave this planet immediately.”  
               “What?  Why?  Doctor, what is it?  What did you see?”  
               “Something I shouldn't have.”  He looked upon his own reflection staring back at him through the glass.  “Clara, I-”  He was suddenly interrupted by a loud bang as the panel suffered a complete system failure and exploded.  It was as if it had been rigged to go off in the event that any tampering had been detected.  The small blast sent out a shock-wave that shattered the glass door of the chamber and nearly sent him flying to the other side of the cave.  He managed to quickly raise his arm in time to protect his face from potential shrapnel before being thrown to the ground.  
               “Doctor?!  Doctor, can you hear me?!”  Clara called into her earpiece as the vibrations from the blast were felt from inside the ship.  “Doctor!  Are you there?  Answer me!”  She pulled the view-screen down towards her.  The once clear image of the cave had been clouded by a thick layer of smoke and dust making it impossible to receive a clean visual of the outside of the ship.  She had been blinded and completely cut off from the outside world.  Whatever had happened out there only one thing was certain, he was truly on his own now.  “What’s happening out there?!”  She yelled towards the silent Gallifreyan rings that held the time rotor together.  “Don’t you dare go quiet on me.  You are every bit as much to blame for us being here!  He could be in danger right now... or worse!”  The ship continued to play the silent game as Clara restlessly paced back and forth, unable to resist the horrid thoughts that entered her mind of what may have happened to her best friend.  
               “Something is wrong.  He should have been back by now, he would have responded.”  She spoke to the ship as if hoping for some kind of validation to her concerns over his well-being.  When there wasn’t any, she found herself suddenly very afraid of how truly alone she felt at that moment.  She continued to pace, biting her thumb nervously as she tried to come to terms with what he had told her to do in case he did not come back to her.  She shook the thoughts from her mind as a burst of confidence forced her to take drastic action.  “That’s it.  If you’re not going to help me I’ll do it myself.”  She asserted towards the interface as she headed to the travel bag the Doctor had packed for her and rummaged around for her jacket.  Finding it, she quickly placed it on and headed for the door when the ship finally responded with a series of unfavorable noises.  
               “Yes, I know what he said and I don’t care!”  She yelled back as she grabbed the handle and pulled, only to find it wouldn’t budge.  Clara spun around angrily to face the console.  “Open the door.”  She demanded.  The ship clattered with refusal.  “Listen to me you blue bucket of bolts and fancy whistles.  I realize that we haven’t always gotten along.  You’ve hidden my bedroom, you even put a leopard in my bathroom… but this… this isn’t about me.  This is about the man we both love, and right now he’s out there all alone and he needs our help.  If he dies out there it’s on you.  I swear with every part of my being that if something happens to him you will never be rid of me.  I will never leave this ship even if it means I'll die in here.  You will spend the rest of your lonely existence without your Time Lord, carting around a bloody pile of bones while I haunt the inside of these walls for all eternity.  Just you and me… forever.”  Her eyes were fierce, her voice threatening and angry.  “So… what’s it gonna be?”  The two of them remained in silence for a few moments as they squared off against each other for control over the situation.  Suddenly the door to the outside opened allowing the cool air from their surroundings to enter and pass through them.  A small smile formed on the young woman’s face as she peered gratefully towards the living machine.  “Thank you.”  She then turned and exited through the threshold on a mission to find her friend.  
               Outside the ship, the Doctor coughed and fanned the smoke from his face as he approached the decimated panel to better assess the damage.  Placing his hand to his ear he called out to his companion, “Clara?  Are you alright?”  The silence from the earpiece was concerning.  “Clara, can you hear me?  Clara!”  He called again, the realization finally hitting him that their communication had been severed.  He concluded that the blast from the panel must have destroyed the circuits inside the earpiece and had temporarily stranded them from each other.  
               “Doctor?”  A voice echoed in the distance.  
               He was almost certain he imagined it as he peered through the fine airborne sediment towards the sound of the voice.  He tapped his earpiece and called for his companion once more, “Clara, is that you?”  He asked, hoping the audio device had somehow come back online.  Through the thickened haze a shadow quickly approached him.  A spout of adrenaline rose up from within him as he prepared himself to engage in possible combat with the unknown being.  
               “Doctor?”  A feminine voice he recognized called out to him.  “Doctor, are you alright?  Where are you?!”  She coughed and batted her way through to him.  
               The Doctor gave a sigh of relief followed by frustrated anger as he realized who the voice belonged to.  “Clara!  What are you doing out here?!  I told you to stay on the ship!”  He headed to her and took hold of her arms as if trying to determine if she was indeed real and therefore stupid enough to be standing in front of him.  
               “What, and let you have all the fun?”  She replied, slightly out of breath.  
               “Ah yes, you finally discovered the truth.  We've really come all this way because I've secretly been planning a much needed fun-filled weekend holiday for two.  Surprise!  I hope you like the view, very authentic, I give it at least three stars.”  His furious temper and sarcasm had finally reached maximum capacity as he found himself nearly screaming at her.  “Now will you please go back to the ship!”  
               “I'm not going back there without you.  I won't let you do this alone.”  She insisted as she pulled herself out of his grasp.  
               “Clara, as much as I appreciate your concern, I don't think you quite understand the severity of the situation.  This entire planet is a war zone and we are currently standing right in the middle of it!  I will not allow myself to put you and our child in danger just so you can quench your thirst for adventure!”  
               “You said we needed to leave this planet.  So you're either coming back with me or taking me with you.  Your choice.”  She retaliated.  
               “I can't leave.  Not yet.  Something is terribly wrong here, some crucial point that I'm missing.  I cannot in good conscious leave until I find out exactly what that is.  Somehow history is being changed.  This entire planet should have been terraformed by now.  Before I left here there was peace between the species.  The whole planet's ecosystem had been completely transformed from a radioactive wasteland to an Earth-like paradise.  According to the readings I obtained from their computer systems, it is as if none of that ever happened.  Which either means the war never ended and we are standing on an active battleground... or someone won.”  He moved away from her and stepped towards the shattered chamber, sighing with frustration.  
               “If my fears are correct, I believe that a third party has played a hand at providing one side with an advantage over the other.  The upgraded technology in this room alone proves that it was not crafted by mankind nor is it of indigenous design.  If someone _has_ altered the course of events here... there's no way to know for sure how many other things they may have changed as well.”  He pressed his hands on either side of the chamber's frame and hung his head, completely submerging himself inside of his own thoughts as if he were drowning in the fear that was rising up from within.  He felt the comforting presence of his companion as she came up beside him.  He didn’t need to read her expression to know she was growing more concerned by his words.  He could sense the worry inside of her from an entire galaxy away.  Yet the real truth he now faced was just how foolish he felt to have believed this mission they were on would have ensured no resistance.  “I need to follow this to the end, Clara.  For all I know it may already be too late.  But I have to try.  If Quynn _is_ behind this there's no telling what damage she has already caused to the fabrics of time.  She _must_ be stopped.”  
               Clara placed her hand on his shoulder and gently turned him around to face her.  “Then we do it together.  Just like old times.”  She leaned her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his thin frame.  
               The Time Lord embraced her caring gesture and held her close to him, his fingers running softly through her brown hair as he rested his cheek upon her head.  “You and your infuriating stubbornness are going to be the death of me, I just know it.”  
               She laughed and held him tight.  “By the way, what happened in here?”  She took notice of the damaged equipment lying in pieces throughout the area.  “Were you _trying_ to blow yourself up again?”  
               “Very funny.  Although I did discover that one should always ask for consent before proceeding to probe around inside a computer’s secured interface.  A lesson well learned.”  
               “Sound advice.”  She teased as she immersed herself in his warmth.  “So…” she started as her eyes met his with a curious brow, “who's Jenny?”  
               Before the Doctor could respond, they were interrupted by a threatening voice from somewhere nearby which took them by surprise.  “There they are!  Open fire!”  The voice commanded.  Several armed men suddenly stormed in through the cloud of dust and smoke towards their location, completely blocking off their access back to the ship as they took aim.  A chain of weapons fire commenced.  Their ammunition tore blindly through the fog missing the Doctor and Clara by inches as the bullets ricocheted off the stone walls.  
               “Run, Clara!”  The Doctor screamed as he grabbed her hand and bolted deeper into the caverns.  The soldiers' footsteps could be heard closing in from behind.  
               “I’m starting to think this may have been a mistake!”  She admitted as she tried to keep up with the pace he had set for them in her weakened state.  
               “‘Just like old times’, eh?”  He was partially excited yet terrified all at the same time.  “I hate soldiers.  Don't you hate soldiers?”  He smiled, trying to make the best of their current situation.  
               “Yeah.”  She became more out of breath the farther they ran.  
               “Just keep running!”  He urged.  His hand tightened around hers fearing one false move could mean the end of them at any moment.  Rounding a corner they noticed that the soil beneath their feet had been reinforced with metal flooring.  Their footsteps clanked loudly across its surface as they headed towards the next area.  The jagged stone walls that once made up the cave had been reconstructed and molded into a narrow corridor that emptied out into a largely abandoned theatre fitted with a domed ceiling.  As the pair of them made their way to the center of the room, they stopped and peered around for a suitable place to hide.  “Over here!”  He whispered as he pulled her towards a stack of crates near an exit point and ducked down behind them to rest.  
               Clara took the opportunity of temporary rest to catch her breath.  “What was that machine back there?  Obviously something important to need this much protection.”  
               “A type of loom, very similar to the technology we used on Gallifrey to produce our own offspring.  I have a feeling someone has modified it, possibly to create an army of identical soldiers to win this war between the two species that occupy this planet.”  
               “Are you sure?  It looked a little small to fit a whole army in there.”  
               “Of course I'm sure!  It’s the exact same machine that was used on myself to create my daughter Jenny the last time I was here.”  
               “Jenny?  _She's_ the non-Gallifreyan child you once told me about?”  
               “Yes, born by genetic transfer but still of my own flesh and blood.”  
               “Hang on... something doesn't make sense.  If you are right about Quynn changing the course of history on this planet, if the war never ended, wouldn't that mean you were never here?  And if you were never here then wouldn't that mean that Jenny never existed?  So why can you still remember her?”  
               “For the same reason your memories began to resurface back on Trenzalore when they shouldn't have.  Because nothing is ever really forgotten so long as you can still remember it.”  
               She opened her mouth to respond but was met with the warm touch of his hand as he covered her mouth to shush her.  They watched and waited quietly as the soldiers who had been following them made their way into the room and began to search the area.  The troop leader signalled for his men to separate into adjacent paths.  The Time Lord and his companion found themselves alone in the room once more, not yet willing to move from the safety of the crates they hid behind.  When all was quiet and clear, Clara pulled his hand from her face and finally spoke.  
               “So what now?  Can we get back to the TARDIS from here?”  She whispered.  
               “Well we certainly can’t go back the way we came, but yes.  There is another tunnel that will lead us there.  Although they’re sure to be guarding the ship in case we try to leave.  I don't know about you but I'm really not in the mood to get shot today.”  
               “You said you've been here before.  They must have some kind of weapons room or something around here.”  
               “That's your plan?!  You want to charge through them, guns blazing?”  
               “Do they have one or not, Doctor?”  She became more agitated.  
               “Of course they do, it’s a war zone!  But there’s no way of knowing if it’s in the same place.  For all I know it could be a broom cupboard now!”  
               “Which way?”  She peered around the crates to locate the surrounding exits.  
               “Through there,” he pointed towards a corridor near them, “but we’ll never make it without being seen.  It could be heavily guarded.”  
               She waited until the footsteps of the soldiers had become silent then removed herself from behind the crate.  “Right then, let’s go.”  She instructed as she headed towards the next corridor.  
               “Clara!  What are you doing?!”  He called out to her trying to keep his voice as low as possible, his eyes wide with fear.  “Come back here immediately!”  
               “I’m getting us out of here, are you coming or not?”  She turned to him and waited only a moment before proceeding towards the undiscovered hallway.  
               “Clara!”  He called again.  Realizing that she was not planning to come back to him, he quickly left the safety of the crates to follow after her.  Her quickened pace made it difficult to keep up with which prevented him from preparing for any possible dangers ahead of them.  The next corridor proved much longer than he remembered.  As they rounded the corner they were met by half a dozen armed soldiers stationed at the end of the path.  Their weapons armed and ready to receive them.  The events that followed happened so fast he hardly had time to react.  His first instinct was to retreat back the way they came.  Yet Clara confidentially strode forward as they began to open fire on them both.  Raising his arms to protect his head from the slew of bullets flying all around them, he continued to scream out her name in the hopes that she would come back to him.  Despite the urgency in his voice, his companion maintained her current course towards the enemy as if she had been possessed - somehow unafraid of the severe possibility of being shot.  His hearts and mind raced as she proceeded towards the gunfire as if she were purposely trying to get herself killed.  The next door he came by he recognized immediately.  Thinking quickly he used his screwdriver on the handle.  The door unlatched and flew open allowing him access inside.  Before she could proceed any further into certain death, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the newly opened room.  “Not that way!  In here!”  He insisted as he flung her inside like a rag doll.  Looking back at the soldiers he aimed his screwdriver above their heads and pressed down on the button.  The piping above them burst open and exploded as the gases mixed with the electrical pulse being sent out.  The last thing he witnessed before closing the door behind him was the image of screaming bodies flying in all directions as their lives had been extinguished in flames.  
               He entered the room and glared in disbelief at the woman who stood before him.  Her eyes refused to meet his.  Instead, she focused her attention on the room around them.  Her distracted gaze made it clear to him that she had no recollection of how she got there.  Whatever the reason for her lack of concern over her wellbeing, the fact that she had so determinedly put all three of them in danger enraged him.  “Have you gone completely insane, or has pregnancy really made you this recklessly stupid?  You could have been killed!”  
               “What makes you so sure they were aiming for _me?_ ”  Her eyes maintained themselves away from his rage-filled expression.  
               He watched concernedly as she appeared to ignore his displeasure, becoming more disconnected from him every moment that passed by.  Every part of his being wanted to scream and lash out at her outrageous behavior having led them to their current situation.  His temper was unraveling.  His hands shook from the adrenaline running through his system after having just murdered several people.  He quickly hid his hands in his pockets and tried to calm his mind as he looked around the room to distract himself from how irate he felt towards her at that moment.  They had indeed found the small armory as she had intended.  The walls were thick and barren of any possible way out other than the way they had come.  Multiple well-armored crates had been sorted and stacked in rows along the floor creating a labyrinth of weaponry.  
               "So... here we are.”  He facetiously seethed in his own sarcasm.  “I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us.  Though it could be worse.  We could be trapped in a small room with only one door while an army of soldiers gathers reinforcements with the intent to kill us."  She remained silent, hugging herself with crossed arms as fresh tears began to build in her eyes.  As much as he would have wanted to comfort her, he was far too angry to allow her emotions to tamper with the thought of what she had done.  This time she had gone too far.  "Why couldn’t you have just stayed on the ship?  I told you not to leave.  I had everything handled without you putting yourself directly in danger.  Your job was to monitor the situation from inside the ship, and if necessary take the TARDIS far away from here.  What were you even thinking?!  Do you have any idea how furious I am with you?!”  
               “Are you sure it's really me you're angry with?”  She glanced his way, her eyes connecting to his with fierce intention.  “You and I both know those soldiers bore Quynn's insignia, which means her reach spans farther than we even realized.  She isn't just building up her armies, she's changing the course of history as you and I know it.  What if she reaches Earth?  What if she enslaves the entire human race?  What if there really is no stopping her?”  
               “Do you honestly think I haven't thought of that?  That I haven't been doing everything in my power to prevent her from becoming even stronger?”  His anger grew more rapid as he spoke.  The more he tried to control it the harder it was to keep contained.  She was testing his patience in more ways than one.  
               “What if it isn't enough?  What if she can't be beaten?  What if we are already too late?”  
               “Forgive me.  I must have forgotten how many wars you've fought in, how many armies you've commanded, how many innocent lives you've witnessed parish at the hands of an enemy much stronger than yourself yet somehow still prevailed.  You wouldn't know real sacrifice if it slapped you in the face!  You cannot imagine what it is like to have lost everything, to have done _everything_ you could to save the lives of the people who count on you the most.”  
                 “Not everything.”  She ran her fingers along the surface of the crate in front of her.  With the other hand, she undid the latch that held the crate closed and lifted the lid.  Inside were a series of enhanced pistols, the clips loaded and ready for combat.  She carefully lifted one from its holster and examined its intricate design in front of her.  
               “Clara... what are you doing?”  A strange feeling of nervousness crept up from within him.    
               Her eyes met his again.  Though her expression seemed almost apologetic in nature, there was also a sense of confidence and serenity he had never seen before.  “What I have to do.”  She instinctively released the safety from the weapon, its capabilities now fully armed and ready to fire.  “All this time the answer has been staring us right in the face, yet you have refused to admit it.  You've been so blinded by trying to save us that you couldn't see the solution right in front of you.”  
               “Clara, whatever you think you're doing-”  
               “I know _exactly_ what I'm doing, Doctor.”  She interrupted.  Her calm demeanour did little to cease the rising distress that was growing inside of him.  “I'm making the choice that you could not.  I'm saving us.”  She slowly brought the gun to her head and placed the barrel next to her temple.  
               His emotions fluctuated between sheer panic and shock at the sight of her actions.  “Stop this at once!  Have you gone mad?!  What has gotten into you-?!”  He stopped himself, suddenly recalling his unborn daughter’s warnings of his companion's terribly dark secrets as they flashed into his mind.  He had seen the pain that thrived inside of her yet had not known the depths of how far she would be willing to go.  The guilt of not being able to cure her overwhelmed him.  He could feel his time was running out.  If he did not find a way to bring her back to him... he may lose her forever.  “Ah, I understand now.  So this was all part of your plan, was it?  To fool me into bringing you here?  This was never about wanting to help me defeat Quynn.  You needed me to present the opportunity for you because you couldn’t do it alone.  How long have you been planning this?”  
               “Since eighteen sixty-five.  Since the moment you discovered that Quynn was our daughter.  The more I realized how powerful she was becoming the more I knew there was only one way to stop her before more people fell victim to her wrath.  After Danny died that feeling became even stronger.  The darkness inside of me has only been growing, it’s only a matter of time before it takes over completely.  I knew you’d never allow any harm to come to myself or the baby even if the entire universe was burning all around us.  Can’t you see?  Missy has finally succeeded in finding your weakness and using it against you.  The only way to stop them both is to beat them at their own game.”  Her hand began to tremble, her finger secured itself upon the trigger.  
               “Clara, please.  Don't do this.”  
               “You said so yourself, we could be trapped in this cyclical hell forever.  How many times do you think we have we been through this?  How many times have we tried to stop her and failed?  You can feel it, can’t you?  I didn’t understand what it was before, but now I know.  That feeling growing in the back of your mind that somehow you know you’ve done this all before but you can’t explain it.  That’s how I feel all the time.  It’s the feeling of living inside a never-ending nightmare.”  Tears began to stream down her face as the memories of her vivid dreams started to surface from its secured place in her mind.  “If our daughter’s only reason for existing is to one day bring us together to conceive her so that she could bring terror on the universe for all of eternity… then this is the only way I can see out of it.”  
               “There's no guarantee that this will even work, no way to know how far back the timeline may reset.  It could cause time to completely collapse on itself, or nothing could happen and you'd just be dead.  Are you really willing to take that risk?”  
               “Yes.”  She admitted with such confidence that it terrified him down to his core.  “I'd be willing to do whatever it took to stop her, even if that meant I'd die.  What's one life worth compared to the billions I could be saving?”  
               “More than I am willing to give up.”  He risked taking a step towards her.  In her startled reaction to his movement, she stepped back from him.  A look of warning flashed upon her face.  His hearts beat faster than they ever had before.  He'd rather be standing in front of an army of Cybermen or surrounded by Daleks than be facing the standoff he was currently in between himself and his friend.  “I'm begging you, do not do this.  We'll find another way.  We’ve come so far already.”  He held out his shaking hands in a peaceful gesture and took another step towards her as his world began to crash down around him.  He was so scared of what she was about to do he found it difficult to breathe.  He could barely hear anything over the sound of his own hearts pounding in his chest.  He tried to remain calm yet his entire body began to tremble as he drew closer to her.  “How can you possibly ask this of me, to just stand here and allow you to murder yourself and our child right in front of me?”  He could no longer control the tears that forced their way out over the thought of them dying by her hands.  He was being torn apart.  All the bravery and courage he held inside of him for so long had precipitously vanished, leaving him alone with the frightened child-like innocence that remained.  “I've already lost more than I can even bear.  Please, don't leave me here all alone.”  He begged with every ounce of his being as he dropped to his knees in front of her and buried his sobbing face into his quivering hands.  
               The sight of her best friend's crumpled form before her was unbearable.  Her tears continued to fall as she contemplated everything that she was doing.  She had never been more scared than she was right at that moment.  Yet deep down she knew she couldn't allow him to cause her to doubt what she felt was their only option left.  If there was any hope of releasing herself from her fate, she would have to be the stronger one.  “You take more risks than anyone I've ever known.  Tell me why can't I be like you?  Give me one good reason I shouldn't do this.  If there's even a chance we could escape this... why shouldn't I take it?”  She gripped the pistol even tighter.  
               The Doctor lifted his head from his hands and allowed his tears to fall openly as he finally exposed all of his weaknesses in front of her.  He had come to terms with the thought that if this was truly what she wanted to do, if this was the last time he'd ever see her again, then there was no reason he could possibly think of to continue to keep his feelings a secret any longer.  He would never be able to live with himself if he allowed her to die without her ever knowing how he truly felt about her.  If their friendship must end, then it would be on his own terms.  There was only one thing left to do.  One remaining ace up his sleeve he had been saving for the right moment... and there was no greater time right than now.  “Because... I'm in love with you, Clara.”  
               She felt almost light-headed as if she had been holding her breath.  His confession both startled and surprised her.  Unsure if she had simply imagined his words due to the emotional state she had put herself through or if he had genuinely declared what she thought he had, she finally spoke.  “What did you say?”  She asked, almost frightened of the answer.  
               “I'm in love with you.”  He confirmed.  “I always have been.  My face may have changed but how I feel about you has never faltered.  From the very first moment I ever heard your voice to this moment right here right now... I always have and always will love you.  You are my impossible soufflé girl, the mother of my child, the woman about to make me the happiest man in the entire universe by giving birth our daughter, and I love you more every day that passes for it.”  He looked into her eyes as he bore out his heart to her in the hopes that she'd truly understand how he felt.  “Please, don't take that away from me.”  
               Her grip on the pistol loosened as a river of tears came streaming down her face.  Her heart was tearing apart as his words began to sink into her soul.  The feelings she'd been denying and pushing away since his last body had now finally felt validation after all this time.  Yet a bigger part of her was so very angry with him for daring to spare her from how he truly felt until this very moment.  “Damn you, Doctor.”  She cursed his entire existence both in mind and spirit.  “Why tell me this now?”  
               “Because I’m afraid of what I will become without you.”  He professed.  His inner thoughts were spilling out uncontrollably as he finally released everything that he had been holding back from revealing to anyone.  “If you died I would spend every waking moment making sure our enemies had paid for what they have done.  There would be no rest until I had rained hell upon every last one of them.  I would break all of my own rules, I’d risk all of time and space, I’d let the stars burn, I’d watch as entire worlds collapsed on themselves while billions of voices screamed out in agony.  I’d give up all of who I am… if it meant you’d live.”  
               His shocking confession bewildered her, suddenly preventing her from determining if there was any actual truth behind his words or if he was simply spewing out idle threats merely out of desperation.  “I don’t believe you.  Your reign of terror would end with the sight of the first crying child and you know it.”  
               “No… I don’t.”  He admitted.  “None of you have any idea what I am truly capable of.  Or did you really believe that Quynn was the worst thing to have happened to anyone?  You’ve never known true horror until you’ve seen a Time Lord on a quest for revenge.  There would be no stopping me, nothing to hold me back from myself.  There would be more suffering than you can even imagine.  The universe has every right to fear me, as it should.”  
               For the first time, she found herself truly frightened of him.  She had never heard him speak in such a way before.  It was as if the man she had come to know and love had completely gone, leaving her alone within the presence of his inner demons.  “If that is true… then Quynn was right.  There really _is_ a monster hiding inside of you.”  
               A new sense of humiliation and shame in himself overwhelmed him at the harshness of her words.  He felt defeated and powerless against the truth behind them as he fell forward onto his hands and braced his sobbing form at her feet.  “Help me, Clara.  I'm begging you.  Don't let me become that man.”  
               She stared down at the fallen Time Lord below her as her emotions shattered into a million pieces.  She realized that he was right, that there was so much more at stake for the universe than what Quynn had in store for it.  If this plan didn't work she would be responsible for unleashing all the horrors within him... no matter who stood in his way.  There would be no one to stop him from himself.  No one left to remind him how to care for the lives of others.  Everything she had ever accomplished with him would be in vain as he chose the path of destruction over being who he needed to be.  The thought of how important her life was for the survival of the entire universe was overwhelming.  She had lost herself in thought.  Her once trembling hand holding the weapon to her temple had long since calmed as she slowly lowered it back towards the crate and released it from her grasp.  Glancing towards her fallen friend she knelt down in front of him and ran her fingers through his silver hair in an attempt to comfort him as he continued to sob in her presence.  
               He raised his head at her soothing touch, his eyes filled with tears as they instinctively met with hers.  The emotion in her expression as she looked to him was unmistakable, he had seen it only once before in his last body.  It could only be described as the look of undeniable love and compassion.  His hands found their way to her waist as he gently rested his head against her belly and took in her warmth for all it was worth.  The child fluttered and kicked from within her at his touch.  His hands pressed carefully on either side of her as he experienced the sensation of movement within his palms.  His hearts nearly burst with affection for her and her mother as they embraced each other.  “I love you both so very much.  Please, don't take her away from me.”  He pleaded to her with every last drop of emotion he had left inside his furrowed old body.  
               The love he displayed for them at that moment disarmed her from within as she gently wrapped her arms around him and cradled his head in her hands.  She knew there would be no turning back now.  Whatever their fate may be only one thing was certain, they would face it together.  “Well, old man...”  She carefully tilted his head to meet her gaze.  “What's your plan for getting us out of here?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds himself at the mercy of time itself as he prepares himself to face a challenge of great resilience and endurance.

               There was a hollow emptiness inside the ghostly silent walls of the TARDIS main control room as if the once vibrant feel of her living existence had been disabled and completely abandoned.  The red interior lights continued to flash as the ship’s current stasis remained in the same state of emergency power that it had last been left in.  The gel-like material of her telepathic interface steadily palpitated with energy providing a direct link from the Doctor's own beating hearts to the TARDIS internal medical scanners.  Prior to his departure, its primary function had been set to remotely monitor his pulse outside the safety of the ship in the event that his life had become unexpectedly eliminated, ultimately dematerializing herself to a new predetermined destination.  As she sat idling in her own mechanic lull, overseeing the uniquely rhythmical melody of his life-force, her interface detected an unexpected rise in palpitations as each beat of his hearts began to rapidly accelerate.  Her safe-guards deactivated, she was unable to determine what possible dangers could have caused such an adjustment to his emotional state.  The living machine laid still and quiet with attentive anticipation in the singular hope that her Time Lord would soon return to her unharmed.  The only thing left for her to do... was wait.  
               Suddenly her door burst open from the outside as the Doctor rushed abruptly through the threshold of his longtime vessel and kicked the door closed behind him.  His body was pumped with adrenaline while his breath struggled to catch up with him.  In his tired arms, he carried his unconscious companion tightly to his chest.  Her arm dangled down beside her thin frame as the look of absolute panic covered her rescuer's face.  The jumper and jacket she had last been seen wearing before leaving the ship were now soaked in her own blood.  A red stream ran down her hand as it dripped onto the metal flooring.  
               “Medical analysis!  Now!”  He commanded aloud as he hurried across the grated floor carrying his best friend’s lifeless body towards the center of the large room.  He quickly headed for the work table and gently laid her atop his drafted battle plans.  The ship's internal medical scanners activated as instructed and began to scan her motionless body, the results being promptly uploaded onto the view-screen.  He pulled his arms out from underneath her and bolted towards the console.  With his bloodstained hands, he brought the screen down to determine the prognosis.  The images were beyond concerning.  His hearts felt as if they had dropped from his chest into the pit of his stomach.  Where there should have been three distinct heartbeats there were only two.  Though very faint, the child still lived within her.  As for Clara... she had not been so fortunate.  The readings showed that she had suffered a direct trauma to the upper right side of her chest and had been killed shortly after impact.  He stared in disbelief at the screen in front of him.  The images of the events leading back to the ship flashed into his mind as if he were trapped inside of his own nightmare.

 _“Run, Clara!”  He called to her as he barricaded himself behind the opened armory door and protected her so that she could escape from within.  Heavy gunfire suddenly filled the narrow corridor originating from the new brigade of soldiers.  Their bullets fanned out in all directions with intent to eliminate the serious threat they now faced.  The continuous sounds of metal clanking upon metal rung his ears as the bullets ricocheted off the armored door in front of him.  He leaned back against it and watched as Clara made it safely around the corner.  His pounding hearts sent a pulsating wave through every extremity in his body.  His breath was heavy and rapid while he continued to hold the soldiers' attention on himself._  
_He closed his eyes.  The gears in his head spun wildly as they analyzed the exact distance from his position to the corner of the next corridor.  He calculated the number of seconds it would take to reach safety, there would be only one chance at success - failure was not an option.  “Five.”  He concentrated on drafting an exact replica of the dimensions around him by creating a blueprint of the space in his mind, making certain to utilize every detail of the area as a possible tactic for survival.  “Four.”  He tallied the number of bullets flying by, the capacity of the ammunition clips, the time it took the soldiers to reload.  “Three.”  He gauged the exact moment in which there would be the lowest probability of being killed.  “Two.”  And then, as if all the planets had been aligned with one another, as if millions of singing birds had suddenly gone quiet at the same time, he opened his eyes.  Not unlike the calming before the storm, his window of opportunity had finally come.  It was now… or never.  “…One.”_  
_A surge of confidence swept over him as he released himself from the safety of the armoured door and faced the soldiers man to man.  Surprised by his sudden appearance, the soldiers held their fire as their brigade leader ordered the old man's surrender._  
_“Abandon any weapons you may be carrying and submit yourself into our custody!”  He barked towards the strangely dressed silver-haired man._  
_The Time Lord grinned and passively brought his arms out to either side of him.  “Do you have any idea who I am?  The ridiculous look on your faces suggests you haven’t a single clue as to what you are dealing with.  Allow me to enlighten you.  I am the oncoming storm, the bringer of darkness, the shadow on the wall that keeps you awake at night.  Look up the greatest cause of death in the fatality index and you’ll find me.  I’m the one they call to kill the monsters.  I’m the Doctor.  As long as I stand between you and all that I have sworn to protect you will never know the taste of victory.  Not today, nor any other.”  He paused to observe the confused faces glancing at each other as if trying to determine amongst themselves how serious he was.  "Well,” he casually stuck his hands into his pockets, “now that we've been properly introduced I'd expect you'll want to throw down your weapons and retreat.  I'll give you a moment to think it over, but do be quick about it.  I'm in a bit of a hurry.”_  
_The brigade leader took a moment to study the unusual man.  A man that was so vastly outnumbered both in allies and in firepower.  Where the old man lacked in weaponry he surely made up for with his sly-tonged wit.  A desperate move perhaps, but not desperate enough to spare him from an executive order issued by his commanding officer.  He raised his arm to alert his men of his decision.  "Resume fire!”  He commanded.  His soldiers lifted their weapons again and fired upon their target with newfound accuracy, unloading clip after clip of ammunition down the long and narrow corridor.  Though their bullets flew true like a swarm of locusts on a path of destruction towards their enemy, they passed right through him as if he were made of air.  Like a phantom in the night.  As they continued to fire their rounds they were bewildered by the fact that their target had remained unharmed, he seemed unphased by their assault... and rather annoyed.  Their commander, stunned by the man still standing before them, raised his hand again and ordered a cease-fire.  An awkward silence fell over the brigade as their disbelief in what they just witnessed had finally set in, even the least superstitious of the group was convinced they were dealing with some form of sorcery._  
_“You know,” the Doctor started, brushing the debris off his suit, “you should really consider keeping your spare holodisks in a much safer place.  Any idiot with a screwdriver could just walk right through here and tamper with them.”  He informed them as he pulled a round object from his breast pocket and twirled it around in his hand.  He smiled at their startled faces, then hovered a finger over the small circular remote.  “Now... let's see how well you do in the dark, shall we?”  He aimed the remote towards them and pressed down on its surface.  His holo-likeness flickered and disappeared as the armory door closed to reveal the real Doctor hidden behind it.  In one hand he held the holo-disk remote and in the other, now raised towards a gray electrical box on the wall, was his screwdriver.  Before the brigade could react, the Time Lord activated his weapon of choice and flooded the hallway with its signature high-pitched humming.  Suddenly the lights all around them began to glow intensely bright before bursting apart one by one.  The soldiers shielded their eyes from the blinding light as the bulbs shattered on top of them.  The fuses inside the gray box blew from the enormous surge of energy and engulfed the entire base in absolute darkness.  Before the back-up generators could switch to emergency power, the Doctor, having memorized every path, bolted towards the direction of his fleeing companion leaving the blinded soldiers far behind him._

               The view-screen displayed the most frightening combination of red letters upon its surface he had ever seen.  The words “ _Status: DECEASED_ ” flashed below Clara's name and species which entirely destroyed him on the inside.  The Doctor stepped back from the console, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from the screen.  His hands were pressed to the sides of his head as if he were losing his mind.  “No... it's all wrong.  It isn't true.”  He finally broke himself away from his petrified state, then headed back around to Clara's side and stared down at her fallen form.  Frightened tears began to build in his eyes as he held onto the only sanity he had left in order to remain calm and calculated.  “Run it again.”  He ordered the machine.  The TARDIS clattered sympathetically in response to his command.  “Don't you dare apologize to me!”  He shouted towards the rings above him.  “This is your fault, you were supposed to keep her safe!  She was under our protection!”  His words were harsh and unforgiving as he screamed at the vessel, the expression in his eyes being torn between rage and devastation.  “I refuse to just stand here doing nothing but watch as she dies here on this table!  I've lost far too many people I've loved in my lifetime, I will not lose another.  Now do as you are told and RUN IT AGAIN!”  
               The ship reluctantly re-scanned the female companion's body.  Her understanding of emotion derived entirely from what she had learned in her experiences with the Doctor.  She understood what love meant as she did love her Time Lord very much.  She understood jealousy as often as he had brought companion after companion on board.  But this... this was something she wasn't sure she knew the correct emotion for.  By allowing Clara to leave the safety of her walls she had betrayed his trust.  Her jealousy had gotten in the way of her objective and the promise she kept to protect the mother of his child.  The only word to describe how she felt and would have expressed had she a body of her own again would have resembled guilt, the same feeling of guilt that began to overwhelm her systems as she displayed the results of the second scan on-screen.  There had been no change in her diagnosis.  As much as she wanted the scan to be wrong, there was no denying that Clara was dead.  
               The Doctor became hysteric over the unchanged results regarding his companion's death as he grasped her hand in his and pressed it to his beating hearts.  She was so beautiful to him even in death that he could not believe his own eyes at the sight of her.  Her skin was still warm and soft to the touch as it always had been.  Shaking the thought that all had been lost from his mind, he refused to believe that there was nothing more that could be done for her.  That maybe there was still a chance he could save her.  “C'mon Clara, don't do this to me!”  He called out as he carefully rolled her on her side, quickly removing the blood-covered jacket from her body and returning her on her back.  Tossing the jacket aside he began to tear apart the seams of her jumper as he ripped it open to better understand the severity of the wound in which he was dealing with.  Setting his gentlemanly discretion of her exposed form aside, he assessed the damage to Clara's chest.  The bullet had penetrated through the right side several centimeters below her collar bone and exited out the other side.  The memory of what had happened to her forced its way back into his thoughts.

 _He rounded the corner, the sight of her just ahead of him was all he could think of as he closed the distance between them.  Catching up to her he slipped his hand into hers and took the lead, nearly dragging her behind him.  Clara's hand cradled below her middle for support as she struggled to keep up with him, every muscle in her body was rapidly tiring as she pushed herself to continue on.  The corridor once again emptied out into the large theatrical room they had found themselves in before.  A large old fashioned chandelier hung low beneath the domed ceiling as it clung to the last reaming link still strong enough to bare its weight.  As they headed for the adjacent corridor leading back to the ship they suddenly stopped in their tracks as a lone soldier made his way into the room from the direction in which they were fleeing.  His weapon armed and precautionarily aimed towards them, he silently motioned for them to step back using the barrel of his rifle like a cattle prod.  Clara's grip on the Doctor's arm tightened as they were forced back towards the wall.  He pressed his hand protectively on her belly and shielded her behind him._  
_“We intend you no harm.  Just let us go and we'll leave quietly, no one else has to die here today.”  He pleaded as he cautiously removed his hand from her middle and raised it peacefully in front of him.  The soldier, ignoring the old man's words, raised the weapon's sight into view and placed his finger upon the trigger.  The Doctor suddenly became an unwilling participant in a dangerous altercation between himself and the soldier as if they were engaged in a high-noon duel.  He could feel a bead of sweat trail down his brow as his mind calculated his next course of action.  Thinking quickly he raised his screwdriver high above the soldiers head and pressed the button, the results severed the remaining link still barely attached to the chandelier.  The link sparked as it shattered, releasing the heavy decoration from its loosened grasp and sent it crashing down below.  The soldier, sensing his death upon him, glanced upwards towards the falling object as it barreled down on top of him.  The last remaining act of desperation before being impaled by the unsuspecting ornament caused him to fire off a round as he crumpled to the ground to meet his untimely demise.  The bullet flew through the air hitting its target in the chest, the impact forced a gasp from her lips as she felt it penetrate her body.  The pain was so fierce at first, and then less and less as her legs finally gave out from underneath her._

               Having cleared off a space next to the table, the frightened Time Lord flipped over the TARDIS emergency medical bag he had retrieved from down below the console and frantically dumped its contents out from within.  His shaking hands searched thoroughly for specific items essential in his attempt to revive his fallen companion.  Among the items sprawled out in front of him, he located several sealed silver packages and began ripping them open to reveal a stack of large colourful medical patches.  A gift from his adventures on New Earth, the patches were very similar in design to the Gallifreyan healing bandages he had once used in his early days on the TARDIS, only these were at least a thousand years more advanced and far superior.  Removing the outer paper from its adhesive backing he delicately placed the ointment-ready patch over the damaged flesh then repeated the process at the exit wound.   
               He tried to remain calm as his hands fumbled around the dismay of medical equipment until they came upon a cylindrical metal object.  More specifically, a type of medically advanced hypodermic syringe housing thousands of self-activating nano-robotically engineered organisms.  He removed it from its casing and flicked the centre of the chamber, the sensation of relief passed over him as the liquid inside began to react to the sudden disturbance.  With his free hand, he applied significant pressure to the centre of Clara's chest, his fingers feeling around her sternum and ribs in search of where her heart would be.  Finally locating it he raised the syringe above his head, his fist closing tightly around it.  A heavy sigh escaped him as he steadied every muscle in his shaking body.  He cleared his mind of all doubt as he concentrated on the hope that he would be able to hear her voice again, to feel the warmth he felt in his hearts at the way she smiled at him once more.  Once calm he glanced apologetically towards his companion's solemn face.  
               “Forgive me.”  He said aloud as he compiled all of the strength he had left towards aiming true.  Taking a deep breath he confidentially thrust down upon her like a hammer, the syringe struck her chest plate with a powerful thud as it penetrated through to her heart.  He quickly released the valve, evicting the contents of the chamber directly into her body.  Once empty he pulled the needle out of her chest then quickly backed away from her allowing the syringe to fall from his grasp onto the floor.  As if waiting for some miraculous performance to dramatize itself before him he was severely disheartened when nothing happened. 

 _“NO!”  He screamed out in horror as he scrambled to collect his companion before she fell to the ground.  Catching her he carefully brought her down across his lap as he cradled her limp body in his arms.  Her eyes were wide and frightened, fresh tears streamed down her face as she struggled to bring air to her lungs._  
_“Doctor…”  She whispered, her eyes sought for his as the light began to fade from her vision._  
_“Shhh.  I’m here, Clara.  You’re going to be alright, I’ve got you.”  He soothed her.  He gently brushed the strands of hair from her face and wiped her tears away so that he could see her in every detail.  He forced himself to remain as calm as he could so as not reveal how truly terrified he was.  The fear inside of him grew only more intense as he lifted the front of her jacket to discover how quickly the blood was soaking through the layers of her clothing._  
_“I'm so sorry, Doctor.”  She managed a last confession to him before exhaling her final breath.  Her eyes, the very same that had undeniably influenced even the most secured emotions inside of him since the moment they first connected to his had now closed.  Her head fell to her side as the darkness began to claim her as one of its own._  
_“No, no, no!  Stay with me, Clara!”  He cried out as he tried to shake the life back into her again.  "Not like this, don't let it end like this.”  She remained unresponsive at his attempts to revive her.  “Come back to me, Clara.  Don't leave me here all alone.  Please, don't do this to me!”  He felt his hearts shatter as he wept, his tears soaking into her jumper.  Holding her close to him he rocked her back and forth as he buried his sobs into her chest.  “Please, I can't do this without you.”  He pleaded with all of his being.  Lifting his head once again he gazed at her as if hoping it was all just a bad dream, that at any moment he would suddenly awaken from this nightmare to find her alive and well by his side.  When she did not stir in his grasp, the reality that she was truly gone from this world caused the devastation and rage inside of him to erupt as he screamed out in agony._

               “No.  This… this isn’t happening.  This can’t be happening.”  He tried to push the images out of his mind as he cradled his head in his hands and attempted to compose his crazed emotions.  He frantically paced between his companion and the console with such ferocity he could have burned a hole in the metal flooring.  He sensed the mania inside of him beginning to boil and fester as he slipped further away from sanity.  The longer it took for the nanobots to do their job the more he felt the loss of control over himself.  The beast inside of him was awakening with each moment that passed.  “What's taking so long!?”  He screamed aloud as if expecting some kind of response from somewhere inside the silence he was surrounded by.  After a moment the TARDIS finally spoke her mind as she clattered her thoughts to him.  “No, you’re wrong!  It’s not too late.  There’s still time, we haven’t lost her yet.”  He refuted.  Approaching Clara’s side once more he interlaced his fingers between hers.  Raising her hand to his lips he lovingly kissed the surface of her soft skin.  Each second that passed pushed him deeper into despair.  “C’mon, Clara.  Don’t let it take you, fight it!”

 _A symphony of noises resonated off the stone walls of the cave as the Time Lord hurried to make his way back to the ship holding his companion’s body in his arms.  His shoes tapped heavily across the metal grated flooring, his tired breath was rapid yet productive as he gathered all his remaining strength and energy to get her safely to their destination.  The murmured voices of soldiers could be heard from far behind him as they closed in on his location, their metal boots clanked in rhythm with each of their footsteps.  The floor once again became soil as he ran further into the cave.  “We’re nearly there, Clara."  He whispered to her in the hopes that there was still a part of her that could hear him.  “Just hang on a little longer.”_  
_At last, he reached the end of the tunnel as it opened up into the familiar scenery he had first arrived in.  The welcomed sight of the TARDIS could be seen only a few meters away as he headed for it as fast as his body would allow him to.  His sanctuary so close to him now he could feel the connection he shared with its interface intensifying with each new step in its direction.  His hearts felt as if they were bursting from his chest as the adrenaline pulsated through his veins.  Although his mission to get her onto the ship had taken such a priority in his mind, he suddenly realized the severity of his mistake in having dismissed his own previous concerns as two soldiers came around from behind the TARDIS to block his path._  
_He halted dead in his tracks.  The sounds of the brigade closing in from behind him confirmed the fact that they were now trapped.  He had not planned for this.  As much as he wanted there to be, there was no vision of quick escape in his mind this time around.  He was defenseless, like a sitting duck in open water he was surrounded and without the means to protect either one of them.  The sense of defeat and disappointment in himself was so terrifying and powerful it forced him to his knees in surrender.  As the soldiers lifted their weapons to take aim at the unwelcome intruders, the Doctor sighed and glanced down at his beautiful companion.  If this was how he must go, at least he would die knowing the last image he saw before fading from existence would be the face of the woman he loved.  He braved a small smile towards her even though he knew she could not see it.  His eyes begged for forgiveness, not only due to his inability to protect her and their child but for not being able to prevent the harm that had been done to them.  He knew he had allowed her to become far too reckless, he should have taken better care of her.  He had failed her.  Yet, as he looked upon her for the final time none of that seemed to matter to him anymore.  The only thing they had left of each other was this one last moment together._  
_“Well...” he addressed the soldiers, having come to terms with the inevitability of his fate, “get on with it then.”  The sound of readying rifles was the last thing the Doctor heard before closing his eyes to accept what was coming to him.  The mere seconds remaining between living and dead were never more apparent than they were right then.  For most species, those few final seconds of life came more quickly as their small brains had not yet processed what was about to happen to them.  For a Time Lord, well, they had been known to experience every millisecond before their deaths as if each one were an eternity.  Although for him, right then in that very moment, those few seconds between his own certain death seemed to span on longer than he had anticipated.  As the time ticked on he wondered if he had already died, as if he had skipped the pain and suffering he would have felt as the weapons fired upon him and had gone straight into eternal darkness.  Even though a deafening silence filled his ears he felt certain that his body was somehow still alive, that his consciousness was still intact._  
_Fearing the worst he opened his eyes.  Looking around he almost expected to find himself in some sort of unfavorable afterlife, one that had been waiting patiently all his long life to finally receive him.  But what he saw was not what he had expected.  He was still inside the cavern.  The TARDIS sat just a few paces from his defeated form.  Clara's body still rested limply in his arms as he clung tightly to her.  But more strangely was the fact that the voices originating from the oncoming brigade behind him had all been silenced.  The two soldiers that had marked him for death had vanished without a trace.  There was not a sound to be heard aside from his own gasp at the altered situation he had found himself a part of._  
_Was this his hell?  He wondered as he struggled to stand with the weight of her in his arms.  He circled around his position as the confusion began to set in.  In all the years he had spent circumventing the universe, meeting new species, escaping certain death, and overcoming even the most challenging of situations, there was one thing he knew he could always count on.  His intuition.  There was always an explanation for everything so long as he was patient and willing enough to see it through.  His instincts urged him to run as fast as he could to the safety of the TARDIS and never look back.  Yet his mind yearned for a deeper understanding of what was happening.  Out of the corner of his eye, he observed something of a most unusual nature beginning to form around him.  The cavern walls, once dreary and unflattering in colour, were now taking on a more vibrant shade as a heavy moss spread over every surface like a virus.  Strange new species of flora began to spring from the cracks in the stones.  The once maddening silence engulfing his surroundings had been replaced by the distinctive sound of rushing water from somewhere nearby, a river or waterfall perhaps.  Within seconds the cave had metamorphosed from a barren and desolate abyss into a subterranean oasis._  
_Having allowed himself several moments to analyze the new changes, it finally all started to make sense.  He had been through something similar to this before.  How could he have possibly forgotten what had happened to him back on Trenzalore?  After the Great Intelligence had altered his timeline, entire historic events began to disappear from both the past and the future.  Every life he had ever saved, every planet he had ever protected, every one of his successes had been turned to failures as his existence was being erased from all of history.  And it was happening again, right before his very eyes.  Only it wasn’t his own timeline that was being altered, it was his daughter’s.  Whatever damage Quynn had done to the fabrics of the universe was being repaired as time was beginning to rewrite itself.  This planet was now in the process of terraforming back to the way it had been when he last left it, and he finally realized why as his eyes passed over Clara’s dying form.  He was losing her._  
_“It's starting, Clara… we’re running out of time.”_

               As he continued to pace back and forth at the end of the table, the TARDIS' telepathically composed opinion of his companion's unfortunate fate echoed through his mind.  What if she was right?  What if it was too late?  Although he fought to keep those dreaded thoughts from consuming him, a part of him feared that Clara really was beyond saving.  The bitter-sweet nature of their situation had never been more discernible to him than it was right at that moment.  If his beloved companion was indeed lost to him, his contractual obligation to Missy would be nullified.  Though Missy could never be trusted to keep up her end of the bargain, she would no longer have collateral to hold against him.  There would be nothing to stop him from the wrath he was bound to unleash if she ever dared to take his child from him.  As confident as he was in believing himself to be a far greater challenge than Missy could have ever anticipated, there was a much more pressing matter to attend to.  If the TARDIS was correct in her accusations, if Clara really couldn't be saved, then maybe there was still a chance he could save their daughter before he lost them both forever.  By sparing his child from death he could be exposing the opportunity to liberate every person that had ever been enslaved by her, all the damage and suffering she had caused would cease to be.  He could raise her as she should have been, be a father once more.  As praiseworthy as it would have felt to be responsible for altering the fabrics of time, it would all be in vain as he knew that his Clara would not be there to see it.  No matter what he did... she would still be gone.  
               Approaching her side once again, he placed his elbows on the table and held his head in his hands as he became consumed in thought.  He knew what he had to do, but it required a set of skills that greatly surpassed anything that he had ever done before.  Being the Doctor was just the title he claimed, the name he chose as a promise to himself, not an actual medical occupation.  He didn't know the first thing about emergency deliveries nor the gestation period of a human-Time Lord pregnancy.  What if it was too early?  What if the child did not survive the procedure?  At the moment he wasn't equipped with the necessary tools to incubate a premature infant nor did he feel confident in his capabilities to nurture her back to health outside of her mother's womb.  Even if he knew of somewhere he could take her it was far too dangerous.  There was no way to know how many planets remained loyal to Quynn's command, how many spies she had working for her throughout the galaxy on the lookout for a man in a blue box.  Their location could be revealed, news of an infant Gallifreyan child would certainly spread to every corner of the universe.  She would never be safe.  There was no one he could trust.  But time was running out for them both, a decision had to be made... and quickly.  
               Turning his head he looked to his companion one last time.  His mind was clouded in remorse, distraught by the knowledge that he had suffered a great loss in the battle against his enemies.  They had taken something from him that could never be replaced.  Clara had become the only real family he had left, and now she was gone.  Even greater was the sense of discontent he felt towards himself by allowing his internal anguish to control his actions.  By trying to save Clara he would be effectively reversing the healing of time, the damage that had been done would once again be restored as it continued to spread throughout the course of history.  He realized that in his selfishness he would rather be willing to spend all of eternity forever trapped inside this never-ending paradox so that he’d always have her in his life than face the reality of her death.  He would risk all the laws of the universe for her, even if it robbed her of her own free will.  The monster inside of him had finally found a way out, its claws dug deeper than he ever could have imagined.  
               “Oh, Clara.  My Clara… what have I done?”  He sighed as he internally battled with himself over the morality of his actions.  “If only you were here with me now, I know exactly what you'd say.  You’d say I’m an idiot, to stop moping about.  That this whole plan to save you is rubbish.  That I need to move on, death is an inevitability.  Keep my chin up, be the Doctor.  Yes yes, I know.  Always the teacher, always a duty of care… always right.”  He reached towards her, his hand caressing her cheek in his palm.  “I'm so sorry, Clara.  I never meant for this to happen.”  He confessed as the tears built up in his eyes.  “I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to make this right.”  His other hand pressed carefully on her belly as he prepared himself for what was to come.  Where he would have expected to feel some kind of sign that the child was still alive, any small movement to set his mind at ease, he felt only stillness.  As the rate of her beating hearts began to decline he knew it was only a matter of time before she would be gone as well.  “I promise to love her, to protect her, to keep her safe.  She will always know of her mother's bravery and the care she had for the lives of others.  So long as I live your memory will never be forgotten.”  He took a moment to compose his devastation and despair as he forced his tears away.  There was no room in his mind for woe and self-pity.  Now was the time for him to once again become a man of action.  
               His eyes focused on the disarray of equipment still sprawled out on the makeshift medical table in front of him.  Of the remaining useful items to select from was a leather-bound surgical kit.  He untied the strings allowing the kit to unroll and expose the items housed within it.  It was all that could be expected of a surgeon's collection of medical necessities; a series of differently sized scalpels, scissors, clamps, gauze, thread, and suture needles to name a few.  As he looked upon the intimidating objects, his fingers grazing over the surface of the sharpened metal, he asked himself if he was actually considering going through with this.  If he did there would be no going back, and if he didn't he would lose them both.  Either way, there would be no escaping the consequences of his decision.  
               He carefully chose one of the razor-edged instruments from its secured place and examined it more closely.  The reflection shining off its smooth surface was barely even recognizable to him anymore.  The face that stared back at him belonged to a man he wasn't certain he knew any longer.  He hesitantly pressed his trembling hand against her belly to locate their baby’s position so as not to harm her.  Once confident he had found her, he took a deep breath and concentrated every nerve he could spare to remain as still as possible as he brought the blade just below his companion’s abdomen.  His mind had become his greatest tormentor as the images of his fondest memories with her began to flash into his thoughts.  He recalled the advice she had once given him as a child when he had lost himself in the quest to find her, he remembered the most important leaf in all of history that had led to her existence, the way her eyes lit up each time they found themselves on a new adventure.  But most of all he would always remember her infectious smile, her impeccable cleverness whenever the moment called for it, her unparalleled charm, how equally matched her stubbornness was to his own, and… of course… her many sacrifices.   
               The agony he felt from the visions of her caused his own severe hesitation and self-doubt to completely possess him.  He became inhibited by its hold over him as he conceded his grasp on the scalpel and allowed it to fall from his hand.  "I can't.  I can't do it, Clara.”  His cowardice was enough to make even the most prideful of men feel ashamed.  He knew it was only a matter of time before he had succumbed to the will of the virus inside of him.  He had finally lost all control in his ability to think rational thoughts.  He was no longer able to hear the voice of reason inside his mind through the dense fog that clouded his judgment.  The reality of her loss was just too great.  “Please, Clara.  Don't make me do this.  I’ll do anything to keep you.  You want me to stay forever?  Be a family?  Sod off?  Whatever you wish.  I’ll do whatever it takes.  Just come back to me.”  He begged her one last time, hoping that somehow the sound of his voice would reach through to her and pull her from the darkness.  As he hung his head in surrender and exhaled a deep disheartened breath, after having given up all hope of saving her... she finally stirred.  
               Her body jolted as if it had been hit with a defibrillator.  The Doctor, surprised by the sudden motion, gasped with elation as he took her hand in his own.  “That's it!  Fight it, Clara!”  He squeezed her hand.  Her body convulsed again, then laid as still as the calming sea.  _My Clara, stubborn even in death_ , he thought as he continued to hold on to her.  He waited patiently in the moment of stillness with great anticipation as the nanobots worked to restore the life back into her.  “C'mon, Clara.”  He whispered nervously, his hands still bound to hers so that she would know she was not alone.  Without warning, her body thrust a third and final time.  Her eyes flew open as she gasped for air.  “Good girl!”  He cried out.  “That's right, just breathe!”  He was overwhelmed with relief as he kissed her hand and rested his cheek in her palm.  
               Clara coughed and gasped as she tried to fill her empty lungs.  As her senses began to wake up from their brief dormancy she suddenly felt so very cold.  An unusual feeling of density had formed over her as if an increase in gravity was forcing her body to the table.  She searched her surroundings, her eyes felt heavy and in dire need of rest.  Feeling his presence beside her she met his grateful glance.  “Doctor.”  She barely managed to say in a whisper.  
               “Shhh.  I'm here, Clara.  You're alright, I'm right here.”  He soothed her.  He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel every movement of her fingers as they grazed along the surface of his cheek.  “You came back to me.”  He smiled towards her, meeting her gaze once again.  Her tired eyes struggled to remain focused on him before closing as she fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.  He was near tears at how truly fortunate he felt at that moment, he was so immensely thankful to have her in his life again.  His love for her had always maintained such a secure hold on him that he found it difficult to breathe simply being around her.  Yet nearly losing her made it clear to him that from now on he must do everything in his power to keep her safe.  Her life was much too valuable to allow her the freedom to put herself in danger again.  This time there would be no mistakes, if he had any chance at protecting her from their future endeavours... he would have to change the rules.

 

********************

 

               The scent of freshly brewed tea caught her attention as she began to awaken from her current state of rest with an exhausted groan.  Her entire body ached, her chest felt heavy and sore as her lungs struggled to fill to capacity with each new breath.  There was an unrelinquishing thirst inside her as if she had gone without water for weeks.  Her eyes strained to focus on her new surroundings as she looked upon the unfamiliar room with mild confusion.  Aside from the bed in which she laid, a Victorian style armoire, and a writing desk in the corner, the room itself was mostly barren save a few books lining a small shelf attached to the wall.  The sound of a fireplace crackling nearby caused her to glance in its direction, her weary gaze meeting the face of her best friend as he sat quietly at her bedside.  His cheek rested comfortably in the palm of his hand as if he were deep in thought, yet his attention remained focused on his newly awakened companion.  Though his presence by her side brought a sense of calmness, she couldn't help but notice the expression on his face appearing rather forlorn and melancholy as he silently looked to her.  
               In her fragile state, she carefully manoeuvred herself with great difficulty to a sitting position and rested herself against the headboard of the bed.  Having settled, her mind stressed to recall the last thing she did before waking up in the strange little room.  Her head started to fill with so many questions;  _how did I get here?  What kind of place is this?  Why can't I remember?_   The last thing her mind was able to recover was fleeing hand in hand down the dark and narrow corridor as the Doctor lead the way towards safety.  A dull pain in her shoulder caused her to reach towards it, her fingers trailed along the surface of the patch still clinging to her skin.  As the memory of their most recent escapade had finally resurfaced she found herself unable to look him in the face, the sense of shame she felt towards her own actions was just as painful in thought as it was physically.  She felt his furrowed eyes upon her, yet she could not find the words to express aloud that would have rewarded her any redemption for what she had done to him.  After what felt like ages, the Doctor finally spoke.  
               “It's good to see you finally awake.”  He acknowledged her as he clasped his hands in his lap and leaned back into his chair.  “I was beginning to think that at any moment a slew of dwarves would pass by to offer their condolences.”  
               “Very funny.”  She replied faintly, sensing the newly estranged tone in his voice.  “How long have you been holding that one in?”   
               “Oh… I'd say about three days, give or take an hour or two.”  He answered as if he hadn't been worriedly counting every second that had passed by while she slept.  
               “Yep… that feels about right.”  She managed to say with a painful moan as she shifted her aching body to a better sitting position on the bed.  Avoiding his deepened brow, she drew her attention to her swollen middle still prominently presenting itself beneath the cover of linens draped over her.  Tenderly placing her hands alongside her abdomen she felt around for any sign of life still living within her.  After several concerning moments had passed from the lack of movement she forced herself to glance back towards his direction.  “The baby... is she-”  
               “She is unharmed.”  He answered dispassionately, watching Clara’s expression provide her with some relief of her troubled thoughts.  “For the moment she seems to be resting quite comfortably.  She’s remarkably resilient given the circumstances, so very strong-willed and eager to survive.  And, of course, stubborn… just like her mother.”  
               “So long as she doesn’t have your eyebrows I think we can afford a little more persistence in our lives.”  She retorted, returning her attention to the swell beneath the covers.  Though she was terrified of what their daughter would become, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly thankful that their child still thrived inside of her despite the dangers she had put all three of them through.  Although she couldn't explain exactly what she and the Doctor were to each other anymore, nor knew what the future held for them, she still felt an aspect of security with him by her side.  The fear she had been carrying over the course of the last several weeks due to Quynn’s determination to find them had subsided for the moment.  Glancing back towards him she noticed that his eyes continued to observe her in her discomforted state with an intimidatingly hollow expression, his position in the chair unchanged.  “Have you been sitting there the entire time?”  
               “Yes, well,” he attempted to keep his facetious nature to a minimum, “I thought that maybe I should be here in case you woke up and suddenly had the urge to crash the TARDIS into a nearby planet, or an orbiting asteroid just for good measure.  Now that you've taken charge over everything there's no telling what sort of new ideas you have forming inside that head of yours.”  Though his words seemed cruel, the harshness in the tone of his voice only masked how he truly felt inside.  A part of him was still so very angry with her.  She had betrayed him, she had betrayed his trust and their friendship by threatening to take away everything he loved most.  But that would never stop him from loving her.  He cared for her so deeply that betraying him would never have made a difference.  
               His concern for her and their well-being was the main reason he had spent every waking moment by her side while she recovered from her injuries.  He wanted to be there when the time came for her to finally regain consciousness so that his familiar face would be the first thing she'd see.  In the meantime, he managed to find other ways to pass the time while she slept.  When he wasn't worriedly pacing about the room deep in thought he'd read to her aloud so that she could hear his voice.  After growing weary of that, he'd lay on the bed beside her and openly debate with himself in the hope that she would awaken if only to tell him to shut up.  When she never did, eventually even that became boring.  And when he became consumed by the torment of loneliness, he would attempt to connect with the baby so that at least _she_ would feel comforted by his presence.  Pressing a gentle hand against his companion's middle he'd speak softly to their child about the ways of the universe, becoming more amazed each time he felt his daughter push against her mother in reaction to his words.  Although it was an experience he hadn't much practice with, as all of his previous children had been loom-born, he found the sensation of movement in his palm quite fascinating.  Having notoriously kept his distance from Clara throughout most of her pregnancy, it was almost surreal for him to actually feel the life flourishing inside of her.  The rare moments of physical contact between them helped to remind him that there was a real person growing within her.  Though he knew Clara was perfectly safe where she was without him constantly there to care for her, there was nowhere he would rather be than by her side.  
               Clara leaned her head back against the headboard and sighed.  Though his words were painful she knew that she had caused a significant amount of damage to their relationship and the expectations they shared between them.  It was apparent that he was more than just angry with her, she could feel his deepened despondence towards her seething from his position in the chair.  His entire demeanor had changed.  It would have been so much easier to be dead than to face the regret she carried in her heart for having hurt him.  After all that they had been through together, he was owed more than what she had done to him.  “I was so sure I was doing the right thing.”  She admitted as soft tears ran down her cheek.  “How do you do it, Doctor?  How do you know which risks to take and which you can't?”  
               “I don't always.”  He confessed.  “The difference between you and I is that I'm just an idiot in a box with a screwdriver, just passing through, helping out, learning.  There's nothing special about me.  I am nothing... except I'm less breakable than you.  The choices I must make aren't always easy, sometimes all we have are bad choices but we still have to choose.”  He sighed and finally took his leave of the chair.  Tucking his hands in his pockets he made his way towards the fireplace, becoming mesmerized by the flames as he tried to find the words to say that would make her understand.  “For as many stars that are born every day, just as many others will die.  The universe is constantly changing.  But you, Clara, there is only one of you in this universe.  You are more rare to me than all the planets and stars in all the solar systems combined.  Every time you and I get mixed up in something dangerous like this, I keep thinking, what if something were to happen to you?  Every risk that I have ever taken with you by my side, the single most important thing I must ask myself is ‘will Clara be safe?  Will she be harmed?’  And if by chance I’m faced with the unfortunate decision of having to choose between saving an innocent life or the life of my friend and mother of my child… the answer will always be you.”  
               “I’d never ask you to choose my life over anyone else.”  Although she appreciated the genuine care he held in his hearts for her, she’d never be able to live with herself knowing that an innocent person died because of her.  
               “You shouldn’t have to ask.”  He glanced towards her, his expression revealing the sincerity behind his words as he returned to her side and sat down on the bed.  As much as he wanted to embrace her he couldn't help but think of the pain inside of him over having witnessed her death, how close he had come to making a decision he'd never be able to reverse.  He felt weighted down by the concept of immorality as he questioned whether or not he had done the right thing.  The struggle to keep himself from thinking about the real cost of what he had done was a continuous battle between equally matched opposing ideas.  
               Though she felt comforted by his nearness to her, she found herself somewhat conflicted over his constant desire to protect her.  A part of her wondered if she would ever again be entrusted to make the right decision whenever the situation presented itself.  She had hoped that whatever choice she had made would have been for the benefit of them both.  Between their momentary quietness, her eyes began to survey the dimmed room around them, remembering that she had never seen this unusual space before.  “By the way, where are we?  What is this place?”  She changed the subject.  
               “My bedroom.  At least I think this is my bedroom.”  
               “Seriously?”  She responded with a bit of surprise, taking one last look around as if expecting something new to be discovered about him.  “I was beginning to think you didn't have one, in all the time I've spent searching for my own room I've never come across this one before.”  
               “No one has.  Even I can't remember the last time I was in here.”  
               “Now I know I'm not the only one the TARDIS likes to hide things from.”  She looked to him and braved a smile despite the pain coursing through her chest.  As the room became quiet once more, she could sense his distracted gaze as he allowed his troubled thoughts to consume him.  She delicately placed her hand in his in an attempt to bring him back to her.  It wasn’t often they had a moment alone together just simply enjoying each others company.  After spending so much time always running and escaping near death it was a rather nice change.  
               “Well,” he stated coldly, removing his hand from hers as he rose up from the bed, “you should get some rest.  When you are feeling up to it, I’ll be in the control room.  There is something I'd like to discuss with you.”  Then he simply exited the room leaving her alone in her own silence.

  
   
********************

 

               Making her way through the quiet halls and tight spaces of the labyrinth made of metal corridors, she finally found her way back to the heart of the TARDIS.  Even in her discomforted state the ship never seemed to lose her sense of humour when it came to rearranging herself.  As she entered the large room she noticed the Doctor standing at the console, his back turned towards her.  He had been preoccupied with whatever task he decided needed his attention as she kept her distance from him.  She cleared her throat to alert him of her presence in the room, but he did not turn to greet her.  Taking a hesitated step towards him she tried again to gain his acknowledgement, “You wanted to see me?”  
               After a moment he finally responded with, “Yes.”  He kept his back to her as he continued to tinker with a new gadget.  “I trust you slept well.  How are you feeling?”  
               “Well... for a girl who died and came back to life, I'd say I'm doing pretty well don't you think?”  She stated almost brassily as if it were to be expected that she would always be standing there before him no matter what dangers they encountered together.  As if her optimism in the situation was worth being recognized by him.  
               Her words halted him from his work, setting the gadget down he braced himself against the console and sighed.  “Oh, Clara Oswald.  What have I made of you?”  His regrets of having stripped her of all that she used to be back when she was so pure and innocent had begun to plague his mind.  _How alike they were_ , he thought.  The more she had learned from him through their travels the more like him she had become.  It was both a proud yet terrifying feeling all at the same time.  He had made a lasting impression on her, that much was certain.  But to what extent?  Would she one day wake up to realize she didn't know who she was anymore, or simply never wake up at all?  He regretted his negligence of having not paid more attention to the woman she was becoming.  He had relied so heavily on her cleverness and intuition to solve her own predicaments that he had forgotten how human she was.  He had never traveled with anyone like her before, no one had even come close to how similar their minds were.  The pair of them were unstoppable.  Whoever had brought them together knew exactly what they were doing.  And that frightened him.  
               “What I did was of my own choice.  Please, don’t blame yourself for my mistakes.”  The uncertainty she felt towards their current relationship caused the guilt inside of her to surface.  Though she had made many mistakes before, she knew she had crossed a line that should never have been crossed.  She wondered how great her carelessness and disregard of the situation had ruined everything between them, if this time there would be no going back.  That somehow their friendship would never be the same again.  
               “I almost lost you, Clara.”  He finally turned around to face her, the pain and anger in his eyes connecting to hers.  
               “I know.”  She tried to swallow her own shame knowing that he did not deserve her tears.  “I can only imagine how scared and alone you must have felt after everything I put you through.  I never meant to hurt you.  If I could take it back, I would.  I had no idea the amount of damage I would cause us.”  
               “No you wouldn't, would you.”  His temper began to rise as he glared at her.  “If I had known how reckless you have become I would have left you in your flat, wasting away, moping over your dead boyfriend and feeling sorry for yourself.”  
               His words pierced through her heart, his anger had caused him to sound unloving and unkind towards her.  Though she was prepared to receive whatever punishment he felt she deserved for her actions, the fact that he would so easily soil Danny's memory with his cruelness was too much for her.  “Why _did_ you bring me then?”  
               “Why?”  He nearly laughed.  He asked himself how could he possibly make her understand what she meant to him if she couldn't see the man that was standing right in front of her?  “Because I've seen inside your mind, the terrible thoughts residing within you when the hour was at its darkest.  Because I had hoped there was still a chance I could bring the fire back into your heart before I lost you forever.  Because I thought that I could save you.  But I was a fool to believe that I could have done anything to stop you from wanting to harm yourself.  I should have left you behind.  At least you would have been safe, I could have just as easily handled this all on my own without you putting yourself in danger.”  He took a moment to compose himself before his anger caused him to say something he'd never be able to take back.  Once calm, the underlining heartbreak took its hold on him.  “You weren’t just risking your life, but the life you carry inside of you.  A life that is very precious to me, as are you.”  
               She hung her head, feeling every bit of how cold the room had suddenly become since she had first entered it.  “I know.  And I’m so sorry, Doctor.  Truly I am.”  She felt sick over how disappointed she was in herself by letting him down.  If she had any hope in redeeming herself in his eyes she would have to gain back his trust, starting with the truth.  Even if that truth was more painful to him than it was to expose her inner darkness.  “I wanted it to end.”  She felt her eyes connecting back to his with deepened certainty.  “Have you any idea what it feels like to have something so evil and corrupt growing inside of you, feeding off of you as you nurture it into existence?  No.  I suppose you wouldn't.  Every time I feel her movements inside of me I am haunted by the thought of being responsible for every life that has suffered, every person who has died because of her.  I can't help but see their blood on my hands.  When I think about all the pain she has caused, I don't see any part of us in her at all.  How can you expect me to love something so cruel?  She's a monster.”  She returned her gaze to the floor as her shameful tears fell through the grated metal she stood upon.  
               Approaching her, he sighed.  Though she was right about him having never experienced a life growing inside of him, he was empathetic to how it must feel for her as he thought about his own inner demons festering inside of him.  The constant struggle to keep himself from becoming just as evil was a necessary challenge he couldn't afford to lose.  But where Clara saw only corruption and malice in their daughter, he saw much of himself in her.  Somewhere buried deep within her he could see her own conflict threatening everything she was raised to be.  Yet he knew that where there was conflict there was also hope.  Peering down at his companion's hanging head, he gently lifted her gaze to meet his own and glanced sympathetically into her tearful eyes.  “She doesn't have to be.”  
                Clara was truly amazed at his ability to see even the most terrible of things in such a positive light when she could not.  With as much as he had suffered throughout his long life, it was simply extraordinary that he remained determined not to allow his many misfortunes to break him.  She wanted so badly to believe him, she would give anything to share in his compassion and the love he displayed for their unborn baby.  The way he marvelled at her growing form, protecting her from all that would cause her harm, Clara realized how much she needed him more than ever to show her how to love their daughter in return.  
               “There's something I'd like to show you.”  He took her hands in his.  
               She raised her brow in curiosity, yet allowed him to lead her around the console to the other side.  In front of her was not what she would have expected as she looked upon the recognizable shape of a newly constructed bassinet.  She nearly gasped at its surprising beauty, it was everything she could have ever imagined one to be.  Its entirety had been draped in ivory cloth, a mobile of stars and planets hung from above it.  She quickly turned to him.  “Did you make this?”  
               “You know... it may come as a surprise to you, but there's much more to me than just an idiot with a time machine.  I do have other talents.”  
               “The TARDIS made it… didn’t she.”  She casually rolled her eyes as a smile formed on her face.  
               “Well...” he cleared his throat, “there may have been a slight disagreement over the lack of round things, but... yes.”  He watched her approach its side and place her hands upon its rim as she gently rocked it, her smile continued to beam with tender appreciation.  His hearts became full again as he observed her reaction to his gift, imagining what it would feel like to tend to her as they looked upon their child resting inside of it.  “Do you like it?”  
               “It's beautiful, Doctor.”  She turned to him.  “But why?  We both know she won't be ours for much longer.”  
               “Because I still have hope left inside of me.  As long as I still have hope I will never give up.  No matter what may happen, I want her to know love and kindness.  That is my gift to her.”  
               His gesture had warmed her from within.  If she understood anything about him, she knew how much his willingness to fight for what was right had become one of the many reasons she found herself unable to resist her feelings for him.  She remembered what he told her after he had changed into this body, making it clear to her that nothing would ever happen between them.  Though over time she realized that he was only protecting himself from his weakness for her, she had not known how painful it would be to deny herself the ability to love him back.  His recent confession had given him the courage to reveal the man he really was beneath all of his many layers of security.  He had stripped off all his armor and allowed her to see everything that he had to offer.  A commitment to her she would never be able to forget.  Slowly approaching him, she tucked her hair behind her ear as she thought about his answer to the question that had been captivating her mind since the moment he had revealed his true feelings for her.  “Is it true, what you said back there in the armory... about loving me?”  
               “Every word.”  He whispered nervously as she drew closer to him, watching her every move.  
               She felt flushed with exhilaration as she strode towards him.  Her heart pounded in her chest as the lust and devotion she carried for him had broken free from the chains that bound them.  “As often as you've denied it, there is a part of me that has always known.  Just as there has always been a part of me that feels exactly the same way.  No matter the face you wear, you have always had my heart… and you always will."  Observing his surprised reaction, she continued her steps towards him.  "I may only have one go at life, but I would rather spend each day of my brief existence showing you all the ways I'm in love with you than to live a thousand lives without you in it.”  She admitted, unable to help the release she felt over having finally confessed what had been eating her up inside.  He remained speechless at her words, averting his eyes from hers as he struggled to process the information given to him.  “So... daft old man,” she spoke with a newly confident provocativeness about her, “what does that make us?  A couple?  Star-crossed lovers?”  
               As she drew even closer he felt the pace of his hearts beginning to quicken.  In his timidness he found himself stepping back from her the nearer she came to him.  “Uh... well...” he cleared his throat, “I hadn't really thought that far ahead.”  He continued to back away from her, his apprehension of the situation caused his body to tremble as he tried to distract himself with humour.  “I wouldn't necessarily consider myself an expert, but when it comes to non-linear relationships I'd say I'm two for two.  That's got to count for something.”  He exhaled a gasp as he felt his backside collide with the console, there was nowhere else for him to go.  His hands gripped the edge of the machinery.  The closer she came to him the more he could sense the pheromones in the air drawing her towards him.  The unpredictability of the situation unfolding before him was enough to make him believe that he was just as likely to be slapped by her as she was to wrap her arms around him.  Either way, his nervousness caused a malfunction in his thoughts, sputtering out whatever words that passed his lips as she finally reached him.  “Maybe it would be best... if we proceed by taking very small steps... or we could start over entirely-”  
               His thoughts were discontinued as she placed her hands on either side of his head and embraced him with a passionate kiss.  His hands raised out from his sides as if touching her would have burned his skin.  He was both startled yet intensely aroused by her sudden affections.  A part of him wondered if he had somehow been pulled back into his memories of their night on Prima Nova, that none of this was even real.  It had been far too long since he had last felt the embrace of the woman he loved.  He wasn’t sure if he still had what it took to please her, as if he were afraid he no longer had anything valuable enough left to offer her inside of his furrowed old body.  After what felt like a lifetime, she pulled herself away from him and gazed into his eyes.  In his shock over her actions, he wasn't exactly sure how he should respond nor proceed.  “Well, that was… quite unexpected.”  
               She smiled as a warmth arose from the feeling of ecstasy coursing through her.  She had spent so long drowning in darkness she had almost forgotten what happiness felt like.  Studying his reaction carefully, she lightly traced her fingers down his chest and felt him shudder beneath her touch.  “Was it... pleasurable?”  
               He found her sudden seductive advances irresistible.  Whatever insanity had taken hold of his mind... he wasn't so certain he wanted it to end.  “Well… perhaps once more couldn’t hurt, just to be sure.”  He replied as charming as he knew how to be.  Deactivating all of his internal safeguards, he took her into his arms and returned his lips to hers.  His hand secured itself upon her waist as the other gently grasped her neck and pulled her even closer to him, taking in every bit of her intoxicating scent as if it were his final breath.  He was so very careful with her as if she were made of glass, each touch of her skin under his delicate fingers drove his senses into madness.  He could feel her pulse rising beneath his thumb, her breathing deepened the more she became consumed by his tender kiss.  She tasted even more divine than he could have ever imagined her to be.  He felt every movement of her body against his, becoming one with each other as the passion between them intensified with each new embrace.  A new sense of euphoria came over him, finding himself overwhelmed by his desires for her as his buried emotions forced their way out.  The hand he had placed on her waist found its way to her middle, being mindful of her swelling form as the evidence of their lust for each other pressed into him.  After a moment he felt a harsh thrust to his stomach from within her and grunted from the unexpected assault.  
               A smile formed as she laughed and leaned away to see his face, “Sorry.”  
               “It's okay, she can kick me all she wants.  I probably deserve it.”  He grinned as he brushed his fingers over the softness of her cheek.  He couldn’t describe in words how complete he felt in her arms.  Her eyes were so mesmerizing he felt adrift from reality every time they connected to his.  He had waited so very long for this moment, having imagined so often what it would feel like to finally have her in all the ways he had only dreamt about, knowing that she was finally his.  He wondered whether this truly was where their relationship had always been destined for all along or if it were just another effect of the Persuaders’ hold on them.  Either way, there were far worse things they could have been forced to do.  
               “I never thanked you... for saving me.”  She professed, taking in the moment around them to reveal her appreciation in all that he had ever done for her.  
               “Oh, Clara Oswald.”  He smiled as he lovingly caressed her cheeks in his hands.  “It is you that has saved me, in more ways than you can even imagine.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is considering a very difficult decision as he struggles with the reality of his future with Clara.

               The Doctor's grip on the edge of the console tightened as he leaned upon it and hung his head with deepened contemplation.  His grasp on reality had been progressively slipping from him the longer he endured the unyielding nature of his eternal illness.  Every second that passed continued to drain him of rational thought.  Though he would never consider himself to be a stranger when it came to difficult decisions, they had become significantly harder to make the less control he had over his own free will.  Every choice, whether rash or not, had almost always been meticulously filtered through a series of precise calculations or matched with his own past experiences.  But now, as he struggled internally over the loss of his own morality, he found himself unable to determine if there was any part of him still remaining to help guide him towards the path of righteousness.  
               He lifted his head and glanced over his shoulder towards the sleeping form of his companion on the upper platform.  She looked so peaceful in slumber he hadn’t the hearts to disturb nor move her to her own room.  Up until this moment she had become increasingly restless, continually wandering about the ship aimlessly as if searching for answers within the walls that had kept her safely confined.  Whether it be due to having grown weary of her time spent solely on the TARDIS or simply a condition of her pregnancy, this was the first time he had truly seen her rested since bringing her aboard the ship.  Having spent the last few weeks under his care, he was relieved to see that her health had finally begun to improve.  The colour of her skin had a livelier shade to it than it had before, the once skeletal features of her face had filled out to its naturally intended beauty.  He found himself just as captivated by the return of her maternal glow as he was by her body’s ability to transform itself so magnificently.   
               Though her presence on the ship had brought a sense of balance and serenity back into his life again, there was something even greater weighing down on his mind.  Clara's happiness meant everything to him.  Yet he knew that as long as there was still danger lurking around every corner on the hunt to find them, they would never be able to leave the safety of these walls.  How much time could be spared before she'd start to resent him for keeping her trapped here like a caged animal?  How much longer before she'd yearn to feel the freedom of the sun upon her face once more?  There was nothing in the known universe he wouldn't give her, no request unreasonable enough to deny her.  When it came to her happiness and safety there was nothing he wouldn't consider, nothing too valuable to be bartered with... even if it meant his own life.  He sighed and closed his eyes as the thoughts of their most recent conversation filtered back into his mind.  
   
              _In the middle of a vibrant field of green sat the recognizable shape of the TARDIS as she rested herself beneath the crown of an ancient weeping willow.  Leaned against her side sat the familiar presence of her silver-haired Time Lord, his arms wrapped gently around the thin frame of his beloved companion as he supported her head on his shoulder.  Their fingers entwined, the old man absentmindedly stroked his thumb over the smooth surface of her hand as they looked out towards nature's most glorious scenery.  A light breeze rustled the blades of grass all around them.  The silhouette of trees in the distance swayed in motion with each gentle brush of wind as if partnered together to the rhythm of an amorous waltz.  One could not have asked for a clearer night’s sky as millions of brightly coloured stars shone down upon the admiring couple from the northernmost hemisphere._  
_“Cassiopeia.”  Clara stated confidently._  
_“Good.  And there?”  He spoke softly as he raised his free hand and pointed towards the next cluster of visible stars._  
_“And here I thought you had a challenge for me."  She teased him.  “Andromeda, one of the largest constellations.  Her name once meant the ‘ruler of man’.”  A coy smile escaped her as she tilted her head to meet his distracted gaze._  
_“Not bad... for a literature teacher.  You're improving.”_  
_“Was that... a compliment?”  She raised her brow._  
_“An observation.  Let's not get carried away.”_  
_“Hmm… I think you've been hanging around humans for too long, we're starting to rub off on you.”_  
_“Don't be ridiculous.”  He scoffed.  “If anything it's me they should be learning from.  Humans… so hilariously oblivious and predictable.  They spend far too much time staring down at the gadgets in their hands than they do at the stars and world all around them.  It's no wonder they walk straight into traffic-”  He stopped himself, immediately realizing his error as he observed the smile fade from her face.  He closed his eyes and sighed.  'Doctor, you really are an idiot!'  He cursed himself thoroughly.  “I'm sorry.  I wasn't thinking.”_  
_“It's okay.  What happened wasn’t your fault, there's nothing to be sorry about.”  She assured him as she tried to shake the thought of Danny's recently departed soul from her mind.  The pain of his absence, though still prevalent, had been diminishing as her days living with the Doctor continued to wear on.  Yet it would never take away the guilt she still held in her heart for having deceived the man she once loved.  The man who had seen past her faults, the man who had loved her for who she was even after the pain she had put him through.  A man that had cared for her so deeply that he had still loved her even as she carried a child that was not of his own blood.  She couldn't help but hate herself, even if just a little, as she dwelt upon the thought of how much she had hurt him.  And now he was gone.  Not matter the remorse she bore within her, he would never know how truly sorry she was._  
_As she tried to clear her mind of the images of the past, she suddenly felt the strong sensation of movement as their child began to stir and shift position within her.  Clara brought a hand to her middle and held her breath as a brief contraction caused a light pressure to form low in her abdomen.  Her other hand squeezed his firmly as she felt her muscles tighten instinctively around their baby.  The contractions had been appearing more often over the past few weeks, each one lasting slightly longer than before.  A progressively unpleasant reminder of things soon to come._  
_The Doctor, concerned by his companion's sudden discomfort, pressed a delicate hand to her belly and protectively massaged a series of small circles over their restless daughter in an attempt to calm her.  He could feel every push of her movements against his palm as she manoeuvred herself to a better position inside of her mother.  His hearts felt lifted with elation as her warmth spread throughout his body once more.  He could feel every muscle in Clara’s body tense, her grip on him tightened with intensity.  Sliding his way up and over her middle, he pressed his hand to her sternum and gently pulled her in closer to rest against him; savouring each beat of her heart as they tapped in rhythm against his fingers.  Hoping to ease her mind from the conditions of her pregnancy, he tenderly kissed her temple and placed his cheek upon her head as they waited patiently for her contraction to subside.  Though he cherished Clara for providing life to their growing child more deeply than even his own existence, he couldn't help but think to himself how surreal their situation had become.  Within his arms, he cradled everything that mattered to him the most.  It all seemed far too good to be true, and in his experience… that was a most unfortunate possibility._  
_After a moment he heard her exhale her held breath.  The tension in her muscles relaxed under his grasp as she finally released her firm grip on his hand.  “Are you alright?”  He whispered softly into her ear, returning his hands to rest upon the swell of her abdomen._  
_“Yes.”  She nodded as her mind and body melted back into his embrace.  “They've been getting stronger.  I seriously don't understand how women make it through this part.”  She peered down the length of her to where he cradled their child and placed her hands over his.  “Not much longer now.”  She informed him, unable to help the underlining hint of dread in her words._  
_“Yes.  And to think, you've only eight months more to go.”_  
_“Hang on... what?!”  Her eyes went wide with shock as she quickly turned her head towards him, only to discover his unsubtle amusement over her reaction being ridiculously painted by his wide grin.  “Not even a little bit funny.”  She noted, frowning at his humour as he continued to laugh._  
_As they returned their attention towards the brightly lit sky, he could feel their bodies unifying as one with each expansion of her diaphragm under his palms being matched to his own steady breath.  His hands drifted lazily along the surface of her belly, taking in every bit of her while he still could as he thought about their vastly approaching forthcoming.  “Are you frightened?”  He whispered._  
_“Terrified.”_  
_“That's good!  There's nothing wrong with scared.  It's a superpower you know.”  He smiled, attempting to ease her mind off of her troubled thoughts._  
_“So you've mentioned.  Doesn't make it any less real.”_  
_“Yes, well... when it comes to danger spreading fear into the hearts of its victims, there's one thing hardly anyone ever takes into account.”_  
_“Oh?  What's that then?”  She raised a curious brow._  
_“Me.”  He grinned towards her._  
_She found herself laughing for the first time all evening.  “Ah yes, of course.  I should have known.  I don't suppose you're offering to have this baby for me then, are you?”_  
_“Wouldn't that be something.”  His smile widened as he looked upon the beauty of her beaming face._  
_Clara looked out into the open field once more, taking in every bit of it as she could with a deep inhale of fresh air.  “Thank you... for bringing me here.  I really needed this.”_  
_“So did I.”  He admitted, hugging her tightly.  The moment between them became quiet and serene as they continued to enjoy the company of one another.  Being with her had given him a sense of purpose again, as long as he had her there was no need to question what he should be fighting for.  Everything he loved the most about her, from the softest touch of her skin down to the life she carried in her belly, she had brought more meaning to his existence than anything he had ever encountered.  Having spent so many years of his life saving others, he had finally realized that all the dangers of the universe could never love him back the way that Clara did.  'His Clara', he thought as he looked to her with unmatched admiration.  Her eyes had glazed over as if deep in thought, appearing content in the comfort of his arms yet absorbed with whatever concerning notion had taken her attention.  “You're doing it again.”_  
_“Hmm?  Doing what?”  She responded absentmindedly._  
_“The sad smile.  That sort of malfunctioning confusing one.”_  
_“Sorry.”  She brought herself back into the moment between them._  
_“What is it?”  He asked, genuinely concerned over her current state of mind._  
_“Nothing.  I suppose I'm just tired is all.”  She replied, running her fingers softly over the top of his hand._  
_“You're a terrible liar.  It doesn't suit you.”_  
_Clara let out a sigh as she thought about the right words to say that he would understand.  “It’s just that… I dunno, is this at all like what you'd have imagined it to be?  Us I mean.  Do you ever feel... trapped?”_  
_“Clara.  We're stuck inside a paradox loop for all of eternity, you'll have to be more specific.”_  
_“No, not that.  I mean... if I wasn't carrying your child, if we had never gone to Prima Nova, would we still be... whatever this is?”  She gestured to both of them.  “Would you have ever told me how you really felt?”_  
_Taking the time to consider his answer to her question, he leaned his head against the wall of the TARDIS and exhaled a deep breath.  It wasn't often he found himself revelling in his answers before speaking them, but she had a certain way about her that made him feel committed to being as collective as possible when it came to the importance of being truthful.  “In my own way... I think I would have, yes.  Perhaps not in those exact words, but I know that eventually we would have reached a point in our friendship where I could no longer bear to keep how I felt hidden inside of me.”  His attention drew itself back to her middle as he spread his fingers protectively over their child.  “She may have been the push I needed to let go of everything I had been holding on to, but I've never once felt confined by her existence.”  Though genuine in his answer, Clara remained unusually quiet at his words as if disconnected from him.  Somewhat concerned by her lack of response, he brought his hand to her chin and gently tilted her head to meet his sombre expression.  “Do you feel trapped here with me, Clara?”_  
_Regaining her mind, she peered deeply into his eyes and rested her hand to his cheek with care.  “You mean everything to me, Doctor.  Nothing you could ever do would make me feel that way about you.  I’m feeling trapped in my own body.  I feel trapped by who we are to each other being the reason we were forced into this situation, and by the thought of us never finding a way out of it.  I’ve come to terms with the very real probability that at some point really soon I will be giving birth on the TARDIS as a fugitive of my own fate instead of as a free woman.  So yes, I’m feeling trapped.  But not by you, never by you.  Do we understand each other?”_  
_He smiled sincerely at her question, allowing his fingers to roam freely over the softness of her cheek.  "Yes.  I believe we do."  He responded, his eyes lost in her gaze.  Her words were warm and comforting to him as he lowered his head and tenderly pressed his lips to hers.  He could feel her fold underneath his romantic gesture, opening her mind and soul to him as the taste of her lingered upon his lips.  Looking up from her he could see the sparkling reflection of the distant night's sky within her eyes, truly a sight worth remembering._  
_“What about you, are you scared?”  She asked of him._  
_“I have you, what could I possibly have to be scared of?”_  
_Hesitating for only a moment, she responded with, “Are you scared of being a father again?”_  
_Carefully considering her words, he thought to himself, 'My Clara, never ceasing to amaze me in so many ways'.  Though torn by her question, there wasn't a day that had gone by that he hadn't wondered the same thing.  He had spent so long believing that the universe would never allow him such joy in his life that he had convinced himself he couldn't be anything more than what he had become.  “I've lived a long time.”  He started, returning his gaze to hers.  “After so many years being absent from the place I once called home, away from the memory of those that once held my hearts in their hands, I can still remember their faces.  I'd tuck them in their beds and watch over them as they slept, always terrified that I wouldn't have what it took to protect them from all the dangers of the universe.  I remember the darkness that had consumed me after I had lost them.  I remember the vengeance I swore to unleash upon those that had taken them from me.  Yet, underneath all of the hatred and rage, they are just a part of me as the title I swear by.  They are the reason I continue to prevail against those who would do me harm.  As long as they are with me I will never give up fighting to save those who would suffer the same fate.  They've shown me what really matters in this life, that our existence is never about our individual quest for virtue and self-enlightenment.  Life is about our experiences and those we wish to share them with.  It's about family.  You are my family, Clara.”  He paused as his eyes focused on her middle, pressing his hand against her belly.  “This is my family.  I will do whatever it takes to protect it.”_  
_His confession had captivated every part of her soul.  The vision of what their potential future could hold for them consumed her as his words ripped through to her own heart.  There was nothing she wouldn't give to share even just a piece of what they could be together.  His eyes conveyed such love and compassion for her she found it difficult to breathe.  Her gaze followed down to where his hand met her belly and rested her hand over his.  “I want her, Doctor.  I want to hold her and watch her grow.  I want to be there by her side every step of the way as she learns about the world around her.  I want to be there for every scraped knee, every disappointment, every frown... which if she takes after you will be quite a lot.”  She teased before returning to her genuine thought.  “I want to be a mother to her.”_  
_“I know.”  He replied as his guilt of all the damage he had caused began to surface in his mind.  He had already taken so much from her, what could he possibly have to offer that would redeem himself of his actions?  He would rather spend a billion years being tortured by his enemies than to deny her whatever she desired the most.  There was only one thing left for him to do, one aspect of himself left untapped that he could trade for if it meant she would be safe.  The gears in his head began to spin as a plan started to develop inside of it._  
   
               Bringing himself back to reality, he took a deep breath and sighed again as his focus became drawn to the control panel in front of him.  He cleared his throat and adjusted his shirt collar before typing a message into its interface.  Hesitating for only a moment, he regained his confidence as his fingers pressed down on the send button.  The view-screen suddenly came alive with vibrancy as the encrypted message blinked steadily upon the screen.  Pushing all of his guilt and shame away he knew that he was gambling with his own fate... there would be no turning back now.  Whatever the future had in store for him, he had wiped his hands clean of it.  Raising his gaze to the screen, he felt defeated against its power over him as he observed his words displayed upon it.

              _“We need to talk.”_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor sets up a meeting to discuss his future in order to save Clara and their daughter.

_New York City, 1893_

                The scent in the air on the corner of South William Street was thick with the fragrance of coal fires and freshly laid mortar between the bricks of each new building that cast their shadow upon the darkened alleyways.  A symphony of bells and whistles from passing cable cars and nearby locomotives settling themselves onto the newly constructed tracks were accompanied by the trumpeting calls of steamboats traversing the surrounding sea.  The paved streets were crowded with the hustle of motor cars and horse-drawn vehicles as they competed with each other for the right of passage.  An abundance of canopy shops lined the lower exterior of nearly every building as merchants sold and bartered away their provisions to passing customers.  Those privileged enough to be able to afford to look towards the future did so as long as their fortunes held out against the downfall of the country's withering economy, while those less fortunate had no choice but to live each day in the present as if it were their last.  
                A harsh breeze wafted through the darkened underbelly of the expanding city, bringing with it the unmistakable perfume of sweat and desperation as its occupants struggled to survive within the epidemic that had brought them to their knees in despair.  The working class was suffering a new spiral of unemployment.  The streets were littered with the destitute and penniless victims of the newest depression to have swept the entire nation.  Vagabonds and beggars outnumbered the highly prized members of wealthy New York society by an alarming majority.  As businesses and banks had fallen into bankruptcy, soup kitchens had risen in their place to provide what little nourishment they could offer to the poorest of patrons lining up in droves around every corner.  The halt of imported goods by train and the weathering threat to crops had caused a significant amount of famine and starvation.  Gone were the gilded days of prosperity.  
                In front of a newly renovated bronze-coloured building stood a grey-haired man, his observant eyes fixed upon the tall triangular shaped structure's columned entrance.  Above the door to the establishment, the name “ _Delmonico's_ ” had been painted in gold lettering to welcome the most prestigious frequenters of fine dining.  The man stood cautiously with his hands tucked into the pockets of his trousers.  The passing breeze rustled his coat to reveal its red interior lining concealed underneath.  He waited patiently, mentally preparing himself for what was to happen once he had finally stepped through the threshold of the infamous lion's den.  
                A sound nearby forced the Doctor's focus to shift towards the weakened cries of a hungry infant being soothed in her mother's arms.  Beside her sat a young boy of no more than four as he clung desperately to his mother's torn skirt.  His clothes were disheveled and soiled, in his hand he presented a small child's cap in which he held out in front of him beseechingly.  His tearful eyes scanned each passing citizen in search of contribution to his family's withered state until they found themselves meeting with the Doctor's own.  The sight of them tore the old man's hearts.  He felt his stomach turn at the thought of what the future would hold for them.  His mind began to fill in the blanks of their story with the assistance of each clue provided to him by their disadvantage and appearance.  He couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the father.  Had he succumbed to some sort of unfortunate demise or simply abandoned them to their fate?  All he did know was that humanity had always been notorious for turning a blind eye to the repercussions of their own greed, why would he ever expect them to behave any different?  The Time Lord hung his head in sorrow, knowing there was little to nothing he could do to spare them from the debilitating grip the panic had placed on the country.  As unbearable as it was to relieve his mind of the suffering all around him, he had no choice but to remind himself of the fact that wasn't there for them.  Ignoring the pressing desire to offer his assistance to the sea of unfortunate souls surrounding him, he returned his gaze to the building in front of him and removed himself from his stagnant position on the street.  Each new step towards the structure's entrance caused him to become even less sure of what he hoped to accomplish on this task he had so determinedly set out for himself.  
                The foul stench of pipe-tobacco and old money filled his nostrils as he entered the main dining area of the popular restaurant.  A pallet of colours could be observed within the fabric of each lady's tulip bell skirt to the more traditional black and white tuxedo worn by the gentlemen seated at nearly every available table.  Each place-setting had been meticulously decorated with fine porcelain dishes, glass flutes, and polished silver.  Hung low from the ceiling were the most magnificently crafted crystal chandeliers the city had to offer to help brighten the mood.  Each wooden panelled wall was fastened with a piece of priceless artwork or lit with a pairing of gas lamps to accompany the crackling fireplaces in every room; all the essentials available to provide the diners with the warmhearted feeling of home.  
                As he glanced around the small ocean of finery, a recognizable female figure was seated alone at one of the few circular tables left available.  He felt his face frown at the sense of her presence in the room.  Taking notice of her era-appropriate attire, he observed that she was currently preoccupied with whatever literature had seemed to have kept her attention.  Slowly approaching her, he hesitantly filled the vacant seat across from her and placed his intertwined hands atop the table.  After a moment of glaring in her direction, he finally cleared his throat to alert her of his presence... as if she really needed it.  To his great irritation, she continued to ignore his existence and instead resumed her reading of the daily newspaper.  He let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes at her childish behavior, choosing to fill the silence between them by closely examining the room around them for potential threats.  Towards the rear of the dining hall he noticed a long table which had been entirely encompassed by variously aged gentlemen of significant wealth and stature engaged in praising conversation.  The darkened mood of the room had been purposely set by a number of hand-stitched privacy curtains drawn tightly over the frame of every window in the building to dissuade those who would be considered unwelcome from entering.  
                Returning his attention to the _other_ last of the Time Lords, he finally spoke.  “Nice touch, the curtains.  How difficult it must be to enjoy the finer things in life with the sight of filthy street urchins peering in, don't you think?  I mean, why even have windows at all?  Seems like such a waste of a perfectly functioning wall!”  His sarcasm now peaked, he eagerly awaited any sign of acknowledgement from her direction.  After a moment, a young man in a neatly pressed white-coloured uniform approached the table holding a lunch card out towards the Doctor.  
                “May I offer you a menu, Sir?”  He addressed the new guest of the table.  
                “That won't be necessary.  I have no intention of staying any longer than I absolutely have to.”  He answered roughly.  The irritation in his voice by the sudden interruption was impressively palpable.  The waiter simply nodded his head before removing himself from their presence and reuniting the pair with their own silence once more.  The Doctor impatiently drummed his fingers on the surface of the table and attempted to make use of his limited experience with small talk.  “Well, isn't this nice.”  He spoke facetiously.  “Although, I can't help but wonder how much money is sitting in this room all at the same time.  You can probably bet it would be enough to feed every starving person in this city for an entire year.”  
                “I believe you're missing the headline, dear.”  She responded from behind the newspaper without bothering to lift her gaze.  
                “Am I?”  He raised a curious brow.  “Let me guess.  There's been a murder and we're all here to figure out which one of us did it.  My money's on the waiter.  He's very sinister looking, that one.”  
                “No, I mean the actual headline.  Do try to keep up.”  She noted smugly as she folded the newspaper closed and tapped her finger on the front page.  
                Frowning, he reached over and casually pulled the paper from her grasp, ignoring the smirk that had spread across her face at his misuse of the obvious.  Holding it to the light he could make out several notable articles fitted with striking titles intended to grab the eye.  At the top were the words, “ _The World. New York: Friday, March 3rd, 1893_.”  Just below that, in the left-hand column, it read, “ _Silver the Trouble: More financiers point out bad effects of the Sherman law,_ ” and in the right, “ _For Four Years More: Cleveland in Washington to take command again._ ” _...Boring_.  But then he saw it.  Right in the center of the page were the words, “ _City welcomes innovative minds for tomorrow's patent convention._ ”  Lifting his furrowed eyes to meet with hers, he turned his head to revisit his attention towards the long table of rambling gentlemen.  Taking a closer look at each individual, he realized that they weren't just any ordinary humans.  He was so quick to dismiss them before that he hadn't noticed their faces.  Sitting at the head of the table, and most notably one of the eldest of the group, sat the one and only Alexander Graham Bell celebrating the very eve of his forty-third birthday.  Among the other guests included at the luncheon was the well-known and highly esteemed American inventor Thomas Edison.  Beside him sat his newly acquainted twenty-six-year-old chief engineer Henry Ford.  And last, but certainly not least, was the strapping young Nikola Tesla who had undoubtedly traveled there with the intent to promote his ideas for wireless communication after having briefly worked for Edison in the years prior.  There sat four of the most significant minds of the nineteenth-century... and they were all sitting together... all in the same room at the same time.  
                The Doctor closed his eyes and sighed as he came to understand why Missy had insisted upon choosing the time and place of their meeting.  What a tragedy it would be if something were to happen to those who would one day help shape the future with their life-changing inventions.  Though the thought of smacking himself in the head with his palm for being such an idiot had crossed his mind, he couldn't bring himself to visually admit his mistake in front of her.  He should have known she'd try something like this.  There was always an ace up her sleeve.  “How strange, I don't seem to recall hearing about this particular _convention_ taking place before.  What a coincidence that we all managed to be dining here at the same time... and I'm completely against coincidence.”  
                “Hmm... that _is_ peculiar.”  She started, placing her finger to her lips as if deep in thought.  “It would appear as though some mysterious person must have invited them all here.”  
                “Ah, I see.  I don't suppose there's any chance that their table _isn't_ rigged to explode at the push of a button, is there?”  He attempted to keep his temper under control, yet felt infuriated by the fact that she was toying with him by threatening to risk the course of history at the cost of losing the upper hand.  
                “Ooo, how clever.  Would you care to find out?”  She perked at the thought.  
                “I said no tricks.”  He warned.  
                Missy rolled her eyes and groaned at his ignorance.  “Ugh... have you always been this boring, or does 'perpetually distracted' come with the title?”  She narrowed her eyes and thought to herself that there was something different about him.  Something she noticed the moment he entered the room yet couldn't quite place.  Something... new.  
                “Yes, well... I've had a lot on my mind lately given the circumstances.”  He implied, yet knew deep down that she was right.  He had become painfully slow and oblivious to the signs all around him.  How could he possibly be entrusted to protect Clara if he was barely able to anticipate the threat of danger through his misguided judgment?  He was both depressed and disappointed in himself all at the same time.  _What is the point of me now,_ was the million dollar question he had been pondering longer than he cared to admit.  
                “Ah yes, of course.  And how is our Clara?  She must be ready to pop any time now.  How far gone is she these days?”  She asked as she nonchalantly sipped at her glass of water.  
                “There's still time enough left.  What's the hurry?  Is the call of motherhood so desperately knocking at your doorstep?  Was there no other unfortunate mate available to satisfy your biological needs that you had to come to me?”  
                “My dear Doctor.”  She laughed.  “Are you offering?”  
                “Don't be disgusting.”  He scoffed.  “It's bad enough I have to live with what I've done.  Speaking of which, I think some congratulations are in order.  I can always recognize your handiwork when I see it.  I've really been meaning to bring it up but your parenting skills could use a bit of attention.”  He noted, mentally dusting off an encyclopedia's worth of bantering material from his internal repertoire to sharpen his wit against the inevitable tango of insults and inquiries forming between them.  
                “She's quite magnificent, isn't she?  She reminds me so much of you, the old you that is.  So much potential there.  Pity she's only half as good as she could be."  
                “Or... perhaps you're afraid there might be more of me in her than you think there is.”  He provoked her.  
                “I dread to imagine.”  She teased as a smirk formed at the corner of her lips.  “So... tell me.  How are you enjoying our little loop so far?  I do believe it's one of my best yet.  Though I do rather enjoy a rousing critique from the greatest admirer of my work.  Especially from the one who had entrapped me in a loop of their very own design once upon a time ago.  I felt it only fair to return the favor.”  She raised her glass as if to offer a toast on his behalf.  
                “Is that what this is all about?  Revenge for something I did to you over a thousand years ago?”  He attempted to keep the volume of his voice maintained so as not to draw attention to their conversation.  
                “Has it truly been that long?  Seems like only yesterday.”  She replied coyly, reminiscing over their past feuds.  It had been far too long since the last time she and the Doctor had been on the verge of killing each other that she had almost forgotten how dearly she missed it.  It was practically their foreplay.  
                “And what about Greece, hmm?  Or have you forgotten what became of your little plan to help the Odobenidans invade Earth?  As I recall, it was _me_ who released you from being trapped in a time loop that _you_ created by mistake.”  He pointed his finger accusingly in her direction.   
                She scowled at his accusation.  “And as _I_ recall, it was the Time Lords who forced you to release me.  If it had been left up to you, you'd have left me there for all of eternity!”  
                “Oh come now, where's your sense of humour?  I would have released you on my own... eventually.  I was merely letting you stew in the error of your own ways.  Besides, didn't your mother ever teach you not to tamper with temporal mechanics?”  He quipped, keeping their rivalry to a certain level of maturity so long as they remained in the company of humans.  
                “Hmm... perhaps I'll keep that in mind when the time comes for you follow through on your promise to me.”  She bit back.  
                The Doctor sighed.  He folded his hands in his lap and leaned back into his chair to appear as non-threatening as possible.  The most difficult part of his dealings with her, no matter the form she had taken, had always been his inability to discover something she'd appeal to.  She had no sense of humanity as she was not human.  After having gone mad from looking into the time vortex through the untempered schism as a child, each incarnation of her held some level of insanity to one degree or another.  Everything she ever stood for had been carefully crafted by her never-ending desire for self-preservation and the urge to eliminate those who would stand in her way.  There was no reasoning with her, the only way to get what he wanted from her was if she offered it willingly.  "What is it you really want with her?  What are you trying to accomplish with all of this?”  
                “My dear Doctor, surely you know.”  She insinuated as she sat forward and peered into his eyes with a certain malice about her.  “The child is my insurance policy against you.  I've been planning all of this from the very start, everything I've worked so hard for is about to come into fruition.  Every foiled attempt I've ever made to bring order and destruction to the weak and useless species in this universe always had one thing in common... _you_.  It was only a matter of time before I'd eventually discover a way to keep you at bay.”  
                He opened his mouth to respond but was silenced by the sound of a phone ringing in his pocket, suddenly recalling the act of having left his companion asleep on the couch and had slipped out without her knowledge.  He felt it best to have kept her in the dark about his intentions rather than to cause her to worry in the delicate state she was in.  She would have never allowed him to face Missy alone nor have agreed to his reasoning behind requesting this meeting in the first place.  He couldn't risk bringing her, this was the only option.  Retrieving the phone from his pocket, he reluctantly stared at the screen where the name Clara Oswald displayed itself in the centre.  Hovering his finger over the button, his mind teetered between the decision to answer the call or allow it to ring.  There was no quick excuse in his mind to dissuade her from exiting the TARDIS and exploring on her own, yet knew that if he didn't answer she would assume something was wrong and make it her mission to find him.  
                “Ooo, and now it begins.”  The grin on her face widened.  “Doctor, I do believe you're on call.  Miss Oswald expects.  Who else but the girl who's got your number?  Whoops!”  She gasped, faking surprise at her own confession.  
                The Doctor's gaze shot up towards hers, reading her expression with precision in search of any truth to what she had so boastfully claimed.  Missy had always been notorious for her lies and misdirection.  Yet, as his mind quickly began to piece together the greatest mystery to have ever found its way to him, it all started to make sense.  Of course it did... how could he have been so stupid?  _The woman in the shop..._

              _Flashback to Cumbria 1207 A.D. inside an underground cavern._  
            _“Where did you get this number?”  Asked the man dressed in brown robes into the receiver._  
_“The woman in the shop wrote it down.”  Said Clara from the present time, desperately trying to understand technology in all of its intended usefulness.  “It's a help line, isn't it?  She said it's the best help line out there.  'In the universe', she said.”_  
_“What woman?  Who was she?”  His curiosity peaked, he couldn't help but think to himself that he had heard the female caller's voice before.  But more importantly, there were very few people he could possibly think of that would even have access to the TARDIS emergency line.  So why did she?_  
_“I don't know.  The woman in the shop.”_

 _Flashback to nineteenth-century London inside of Mancini's restaurant._  
_“Who put that advert in the paper?”  Asked Clara, suddenly finding herself on the trail of a mystery that had brought them both to their current location._  
_“Who gave you my number?”  The old man replied, adding to the suspense of why they had been summoned there to begin with.  The most important question with no answer that he had ever asked of her by his new body as well as his last._  
_“The woman.  The woman in the shop.”  Her eyes glazed over in thought, suddenly realizing that they had already had this conversation before._  
_“Then there's a woman out there who's very keen that we stay together.”_

 _Flashback to eight months ago in Clara's flat._  
_“Hardly anyone in the universe has that number.”  He baited her, distracted by the thought of who or what could be calling him, yet suddenly experiencing an odd sense of déjà vu all at the same time._  
_“Well, I've got it.”  She pointed out matter-of-factly._  
_“Yes, from some woman in a shop.  We still don't know who that was.”_

                “It was you!”  He spoke harshly through gritted teeth, allowing his companion's call to be missed by him.  
                “Computer helpline, love.”  She replied in a heavy cockney accent.  “That's the one.  Best helpline in the universe.”  
                “You put us together!”  He could feel the heat emanating off his face from anger and violation.  She had finally managed to find a way to manipulate him beyond all measure.  All the years he had spent pining and hiding himself away after losing his Clara for a second time, all the days spent searching for another version of her with the hope that he'd one day find her again, it had all been masterfully conducted and contrived by one of the most dangerous minds he had ever known.  
                “I kept you together.”  
                “Why?!”  His voice began to rise unintentionally.  
                “Cause she's perfect, isn't she?  The control freak and the man who should never be controlled.  If there's anyone who could bring out the monster in you it'd be her.  And by the look of it, she already has.”  
                The Doctor felt himself snap in a fit of rage as he slammed his fist down on the table, the dishes and silver rattled together loudly at the force of it.  All pairs of eyes in the room found their way towards the sudden disturbance, filling the air with momentary silence before resuming with their meaningless chatter.  
                “Oh do stop making a spectacle of yourself, dear.  It's embarrassing.”  She mentioned quite casually, and rather pleased with herself, as she pulled out a mirror from her coat pocket and preceded to address the smudge from her lipstick with the tip of her finger.  Satisfied with the rest of her perfected appearance, she replaced the mirror beneath her coat and clasped her hands atop the table with purpose.  “Well now, I think it's time you tell me why we're _really_ here.  You wanted to talk, so talk.”  
                He took a moment to reassess his elevated emotions, reminding himself of the importance of his mission to bring them together for this meeting.  Once calm, he finally directed them to the real point of all of this.  “I came here to negotiate a trade.”  
                “Ooo, how _sexy._   I do love a good negotiation.  And what, may I ask, are the terms?”  She asked, her interest now peaked.  
                The Doctor leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table, clasping his hands at his chin as he thought about the consequences of what he was about to offer her.  He felt vulnerable and scared of what she would do once he had finally laid it all out on the table.  But what other choice did he have?  She had him beat at every turn, anticipated his every move.  The only manoeuvre he had remaining was the element of surprise from right out in the open.  She'd have expected it any other way.  Every scenario had played itself out in his head over and over again, the only way to know for certain what would happen was to just come out and say it.  “I'm here to offer you my life... for the child's.”  His words were sincere and innocent as if to prove to her that there was no cause for deception in mind.  To show her that there was no trick up his sleeve or trap to be set for her, that this was as genuine as he knew how to be.  
                Missy's eyes narrowed with hidden interest as they concentrated on the Doctor's expression.  Her mind twisted around his words, pulling them apart piece by piece to better analyze his true intentions.  He had never offered himself so willingly before without a hint of ill-intent to be unearthed.  _So why is he giving himself away now_ , she wondered.  And then she understood.  Suddenly it all made perfect sense... he was in love. _Oh Doctor, what a fool you are_.  A wide grin parted her lips at the thought of how easily he had fallen right into her hands.  “My my my, I never thought I'd see the day.  I knew there was something different about you.  I could smell her scent on you from an entire galaxy away.”  She studied his reaction carefully as his eyes drifted down to the table.  Whatever thought was going through that thick skull of his was being purposefully hidden from her.  Was it guilt?  Shame?  Or was it something much deeper?  Whatever it was, his guard was finally down.  She had won.  “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, interspecies relationships seem to run wild on your side of the family.  Like granddaughter, like grandfather.  You know... I always thought there should be a law against _unnatural_ breeding.”  
                The Doctor's gaze shot up towards hers once again, angered by her lack of compassion.  “Oh?  And what about Lucy Saxon, or have you forgotten about her as well?”  
                Her smile faded at the question.  The audacity he had to bring up that name in her presence had quickly sparked a hellfire in her.  “I could never forget the face of anyone who has ever betrayed me, companion or not.”  
                “She was your wife!  What you did to her was unspeakable.”  He persisted.  
                “And yet, here we are.”  She gestured with open hands to their conversation.  “She wasn't the first to get close to me, only to betray me in the end.  She deserved what she had coming to her.  Besides, I didn't kill her... she took care of that herself."  She noted pridefully.  
                “How convenient for you.”  His brows furrowed with intent as he glared at her.  “And what if _she_ were to have become pregnant?  Surely there must have been one point or another in your marriage to her which would have warranted a consummation.  If she had carried your child to term, would you have ever allowed it to be raised so wrongfully by your enemies?”  
                “That's where you and I differ, Doctor.  I would have never traded my child away so carelessly... because there would never have been a child to begin with.”  She insisted, leaning forward and lowering her voice so that only he could hear.  “You see... the very moment it would have been revealed to me that I had managed to put a life in her belly, I would have counted the seconds it took her to reach the ground after I personally threw her off the Valiant myself.”  The smile that spread across her face at her confession would have frightened pure evil itself.  
                “You would have murdered your own child?”  He asked, shocked by her admission.  
                “Never keep any strings attached, Doctor.  The quickest way to discover your enemy's weakness is to threaten the people they love.  And there is no one in this universe I love more than me.”  
                “So you _never_ loved her then?”  
                “Now who's being disgusting?”  Having become bored and rather annoyed by the turn of conversation, she decided it was time to get back to the root of why they were there.  “Well, as much as I love hearing about myself, enough about me.  Contrary to what you may believe, this isn't about me getting revenge for all the times you've meddled in my plans.  As much as I enjoy our little _chats_ , I intend to keep as much distance between us as possible.  The further away you are from everything I am trying to accomplish the better.  And as for your offer... you've had your chance to be by side time and time again.  You chose your path long ago, it's about time you paid for it.”  
                The Doctor suddenly found himself truly defeated.  There were very few times that he thought he'd never come back from that feeling... but this was definitely one of them.  If she were willing to kill her own child, she'd certainly be capable enough to kill Quynn if he tried to stop her from whatever it was she was planning.  He realized that his daughter wasn't just an insurance policy, she was a hostage.  “Well then, it seems we have nothing more to discuss.”  He replied in frustration as he stood from the table and excused himself from the conversation.  
                “Doctor?”  She stopped him.  He kept his back turned towards her, refusing to look her in the eyes.  He felt his fists ball in anger.  He was so very eager to exit the room as quickly as possible, yet he couldn't help himself from halting at the sound of his name being called.  Hesitating for only a moment at her next choice of words, she finally spoke.  “You really are in love with her, aren’t you?”  
                The urge to reply lingered in his mind, but he knew that regardless of the answer it wouldn't have mattered either way.  Whether she knew if he truly loved Clara or not, the truth about how he felt would never have been enough to prevent Missy from coming for her.  The love he had in his hearts for Clara was the only part of him left she could never take away.  Knowing what she wanted to hear, he chose instead to remain silent at her accusation so as not to satisfy her with a response.  Then he simply removed himself from his position and vacated the building.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor returns from his brief meeting with Missy and now must face his companion armed with nothing but the truth. Distraught and on the verge of losing all hope, will Clara be able to help him before he loses himself as well?

               Clara stared down at the screen in her hand with mild concern, unsure of how worried she should be that the Doctor had not answered her call.  It wasn’t the first time he had left her on the ship and gone out exploring on his own.  In fact, she’d been left behind to babysit the TARDIS for an entire week once before.  By the time the Doctor had finally returned home, he discovered seven identical time copies of Clara, one for each night, running about the ship all at the same time.  Though the TARDIS seemed to think the practical joke was rather hilarious… all eight of his companions were not amused.  
               Before she had moved in with him, their adventures together had been for the most part routine.  Wednesday had become the most looked forward to part of the week for her, so long as he hadn't overshot it by a day... or several.  The days in which she wasn't with him usually meant he was off running about the universe with his own personal agenda for getting into trouble.  Yet, the moment she walked through those blue doors on _her_ day she knew he would have saved someplace special just for her.  She had missed it.  She missed the adventures.  She missed the excitement that lit her up inside the moment he pulled down on that lever, the thrill that coursed through her veins as the TARDIS clattered her signature thematic melody of time travel.  But now, everything had changed.  She had become the precious cargo that he needed to protect, the artefact within the glass case you'd never open for fear of it breaking.  Where she had once been considered his obsession, the greatest mystery to be solved that had ever plagued his mind, she had now become his possession.  What she wouldn't give to truly feel needed again, to have made a difference in someone's life once more.  
               Before she even had the chance to talk herself out of going to look for him, the door burst open unexpectedly as the Doctor stormed his way through and headed towards the centre console.  The look in his eyes as he passed right by her was that of fury and anger.  He reached the console and immediately began inputting a new set of coordinates into the interface in frustrated silence.  
               “Doctor?”  She called to him, sensing the tension the air being electrified by his despondence towards whatever it was that had riled him so.  He chose to ignore the underlying concern in her voice, continuing to keep his back turned to her as his attention remained focused on his work.  She approached his side and tried to read his expression carefully.  “What is it?  What's wrong?”  
               “You want to know what's wrong?”  He nearly laughed, refusing to look her in the eyes as he manually calibrated the small knobs in front of him.  “I'm completely useless is what's wrong!”  He continued, the intensity in his voice filled the vacant spaces all around him.  “All those years spent saving others, shedding blood for them, sacrificing myself over and over... and what have I got in return?  Absolutely nothing!  I am... _nothing_.”  His angered demeanor suddenly shifted to sadness as he thought about the reality of his own worth.  When faced with the most desperate of situations, he had always managed to come out on top even if the means of winning hadn't always presented itself until the very last possible second.  And now, as he faced the biggest challenge to ever have taken its hold on him, it had become apparent that he couldn't even trade himself away to save Clara and his daughter from their fate.  "Everything that I am… all that I've ever accomplished… is meaningless.  My life is invaluable.”  
               Clara felt her face deepen with concern at his words.  As much as he was trying to hide it, she could see the desperation in his eyes.  He rarely ever spoke in such a disheartening manner, but when he did she knew it meant that he had relinquished all hope of winning.  “Doctor, why are you talking like that?”  
               “Because it's true.”  He answered sorrowfully.  
               “No.  I know that face.  Something's happened.”  
               “I should have killed her when I had the chance.”  He circled away from her to the other side of the console and continued to calculate their next point of interest.  
               “Who?  Killed who, Doctor?”  She followed after.  Though she knew he was trying his hardest to avoid the conversation, she'd have to be blind to assume that something _hadn't_ gone horribly wrong.  She had known him long enough to tell when he was keeping something from her.  Leaving her on the ship confirmed that whatever it was would be something she wouldn't approve of.  The more she tried to read him the more she realized that there was only one person she could possibly think of that could have caused the anger he had in his eyes right then.  “Missy.  You've been to see her, that's why you didn't tell me where you were going.”  
               He sighed and hung his head, knowing there was no point in lying to her even if he wanted to.  “Yes.”  
               “Why?”  
               “Because I'm tired of running.”  He looked to her with newfound certainty in his eyes.  "Look what has become of us, Clara.  We've become encased by our own fear.  This is exactly what she wanted, this has been her plan all along.  I thought I could protect you by keeping you here, but in reality, we're nothing but animals waiting to be lead to the slaughter.  Or do you really think the cow feels safe in its pen watching as all of its own kind are taken away to become a number on the drive-through menu?”  
               She rolled her eyes and groaned irritably as she approached him.  “You always do this, make jokes when things become a bit too real for you.  The classic misdirection.  So what aren't you telling me?  What have you done this time, Doctor?”  
               “For once this isn't about what I've done, it's about what I tried to do.”  He replied, feeling the guilt inside of him intensifying as he thought about how many times he had tried to save her in his own way without her knowledge.  As often as he had promised her inclusiveness when it came to her involvement in his plans, there was no easy way for him to have prepared her to live the rest of her life without him.  
               “I can already tell I'm not going to like whatever you're about to say.  So go on then, get it over with.”  She crossed her arms, awaiting his next confession with significant apprehension.  
               He took the moment between them to find the right words to respond.  He knew that she would never be able to fully understand the reasoning behind his impulsive behaviour, especially not when it involved her.  The grief he still held in his hearts over what he had done prevented him from letting her get too close to him for fear of hurting her even more.  But they had a duty of care to each other.  Missy may have been responsible for putting them together.  Yet in the end, it had always been he who chose the companion to accompany him.   _I never know why, I only know who_.  Clara had a spark about her that was worth perusing.  There was a wonder in her eyes that reminded him of what it had felt like the very first time he became consumed by the idea of traversing the stars.  But now, over two thousand years later, he could no longer see what his previous companions saw the first time they watched a sunrise on a different planet, their first meteor shower on a distant star, or what it looked like for them to finally realize that they were not alone in the universe.  Their purpose had always been to help remind him that it was his job to save people, and more importantly, to understand what he was saving them for.  As for his Clara... though she shared the same compassion and understanding displayed by her predecessors, she was remarkably different.  Of all the companions he had ever travelled with, none of them had ever filled his beating hearts with so much passion quite like she.  
               “I want so much to give you everything, Clara.  Even if it breaks me.”  Though the truth had become more painful to him than letting her believe his lies, he knew that the love he had for her should never have warranted his deception.  If their partnership truly meant what it did to him, if he had any hope of keeping her in his life, then he must start by being a better man for her.  “Missy isn't after you, it's _me_ she wants to see suffer.  And, unfortunately, she has targeted you to be the collateral damage of a nearly two thousand year old rivalry.  I'm sorry, but I just couldn't stand by and allow that to happen.  The injustice she's done to you is because of me.  I felt the only way to make it right... was to offer her the one thing she has always wanted.  The one thing that has evaded her over and over again no matter how many times she's tried.”  He looked to her tenderly, hoping there was a part of her that would understand the heartbreak he felt he must endure at the cost of loving her so deeply.  As much as he wanted there to be, he feared there could never truly be a happily ever after waiting for them.  No matter the choice he would be forced to make, he'd still be the one to lose in the end.  “I offered her my life in place of our child.”  
               “What?  Doctor, you didn't-”  She tried to protest.  
               “By offering myself to her I could have caused the timeline to reset.  And even if it didn't, I still could have given you the chance to be a mother to our child, to raise her the way she should have been.  It is your right, after all.  I did it for you, Clara.  Your happiness means everything to me.”  
               Clara brought her hand to her brow and attempted to control the disbelief forming inside of her.  As much as she wanted to be angry with him for continuing to put his life on the line for them, she knew deep down that she was no better than him.  If he had learned anything about her from her confession on Messaline, he knew how far she'd be willing to go to save them both.  It should have come as no surprise to her that he would be willing to do the very same.  “But you knew I'd never allow you sacrifice yourself for me, so you chose to do this on your own.”  She accused him.  “Is this what our relationship has come to?  To see which one of us will find a way to sacrifice ourselves for the other one first?”  
               “I'm sorry, Clara.  I had to try.  But, as it turns out, I'm much more useful to her alive than dead.  As long as I'm alive and out of the way she is in control.  I should have known she'd be clever enough not to trust me, that she'd have come prepared.  This loop and everything in it is of her own design.  From the very first moment this all started to whatever the end may be, she knows what is at stake if any part of it were to be altered in any way.  She could end this any time she wants with just the snap of her fingers, but she chooses to keep us all trapped in here with her just to spite me.  This is all just one big game to her.”  
               “The thing about games is anyone can win.  But this is one game that isn’t over for us just yet.”  
               “And it never will be, not unless we can discover a way to defeat her.  A way that she will never be able to anticipate.”  He ran his hand through his hair in frustration, pacing about the room as he thought about how much he missed the satisfaction that came with overcoming a new challenge.  But this… this wasn’t a challenge that could easily be championed.  There was no way to tell how long she had been perfecting her design to accommodate for his intellect and capabilities.  Using the Persuaders to help her disable his mind wasn’t the only thing to be concerned about.  Though it had slowed him down significantly, it hadn’t completely debilitated him... yet.  What concerned him the most was Missy's ability to remain one step ahead of him at every turn.  As powerful as she was, he had proven time and time again that there had always been a way to bring her down.  The only thing he needed to do was find it, but how?  
               Clara watched as the old man huffed about the floor in front of her.  She knew this routine very well.  This is what it looked like when he was about to lose himself in the depths his own mind.  This was his desperation and exhaustion acting out the only way it knew how.  This was what the Doctor looked like when he had found himself relying on nothing but fumes to fuel him.  And now it was up to her to step up to the plate before he'd inevitably seek drastic measures in order to win.  She had to stop him before he went too far.  After all this time... it was finally _her_ go.  “Let me in, Doctor.  What's going on inside that daft head of yours?”  
               “I feel like I'm missing something obvious.”  He continued to pace, his focus drawn to anything but her.  
               “Then we find it.  Keep thinking.”  
               “I can't.”  
               “Yes, you can.”  
               “I'm sorry Clara, but I just can't!  I'm useless, there's nothing left up here but an empty void!”  He held the sides of his head as if it were about to explode.  
               “Wrong.  Tell me exactly what happened.”  She approached him, her voice rising with intensity.  
               “I've already told you, I offered myself to her and she refused.  What more do you want from me?!  I've tried everything I can think of.  It's simply no use!  She can't be beaten!”  He fought back, bracing himself against the console in defeat.  
               “Wrong!  Try again.  Why didn't she accept your offer?”  
               “You're the smart one, you tell me!”  He screamed facetiously.  
               “Stop acting like a child and think!  What more do we know about her?”  
               “That she agreed to meet with me even though she knew what I was planning.”  He gripped the edge of the console in frustration.  He knew that Clara was provoking him, it took all of his strength not to detonate in a fit of rage.  
               “And why would she do that?”  
               “I don't know, Clara!”  He growled, his eyes burned fiercely.  
               “Yes, you do!”  She insisted, refusing to back down from the argument.  “You know her better than anyone!  So get your head out of your arse and concentrate!  Think.  If this loop is so important to her, then why would she risk everything by agreeing to meet with you?”  
               He quickly turned his head towards her, throwing her a heated glance to respond out of childish spite, when the answer finally hit him.  “Ooh...”  
               “Oh?”  
               “Oh!”  He rushed to her and gently took hold of her arms, his fury having calmed itself.  “Yes, of course!”  His eyes were now wide with enlightenment.  “Because she already knew what was going to happen!”  
               Clara placed her hands on his shoulders to focus his attention as his thoughts flew by her at a thousand miles a second.  “And how would she know that?”  
               “Because she's been telling herself!”  
               “Which means?”  
               “That she hasn't been predicting the future, she has access to it!  She's been sending messages to her past.  She met with me because she _had_ to, it was part of the chain of events.”  
               “And?”  
               “And... she knows how it will end.  That's how she knew we'd be at the auction a second time!  That's how Quynn knew exactly where to find us!  She's known every move we plan to make even before we do.”  
               “So what are you going to do about it?”  
               “If I can find the end, I can stop her.”  
               “And how do we do that?”  
               “The same way anyone does.  One step at a time... except with a TARDIS.”  A small grin formed over his face.  He found himself relieved, and yet saddened all at the same time as he gazed into her eyes.  Where he should have experienced the unrelinquishing urge to spring into action, he felt only disappointment in himself for not having solved the problem sooner.  It was as if he were the last horse to have left the gate in the race of his lifetime, and it was only going to get worse for him from there on out.  He feared that by the time he finally reached the end, there would be nothing of him left still able to fight.  “Oh Clara.  I've been such a fool.  The answer has been right in front of me the entire time but I just can't see it anymore.  What is the point of me if I can't protect those that I love from harm?  I’ve failed us.”  He hung his head, his eyes meeting the space between them where their child continued to grow.  “I've failed you both.”  As much as he desired his companion's comfort in his time of need, the warmth she brought to him by her loving embrace, there was no one he could think of that deserved it less than he.  “I am unworthy of you.”  
               Clara brought her hands to rest upon the sides of his face and lifted his gaze to hers.  As much as it pained her to see him so distraught, this was the moment he needed her by his side the most.  This was her purpose to him, this is what he had been preparing her for ever since the first time he opened his doors to her.  “Now you listen to me.  Whatever Missy has planned for us, you will not let this defeat you.  I've seen you do so many miraculous things even when all hope had been lost.  You're a survivor, that's who you are.  You live to tell the tale.  You have a reason to keep going.  And you have me.  As long as I am here standing by your side you will never have to do this alone.”  
               “And what if I'm wrong?  If I don't succeed, she will still come for our daughter.”  
               “Then let her come.  Together we are stronger than she will ever be.  But the moment you give up everything you stand for, the very second you begin to doubt yourself... she will win.  If we truly are to succeed in this, then our fate will be the one to find us in the end.  Until then, I guess we’re both just going to have to be brave.”  
               The Doctor felt his eyes water as he brought his hand to hers and gently kissed her palm.  He found himself scared beyond all measure over the thought that the lives he cared so deeply for were at stake if he were to fail.  “What if I can't find her in time?  What if I'm already too late?  ...what if I'm making a terrible mistake and she kills you for it?”  He felt his hearts tear at the thought.  “I can't lose you, Clara.  I'm not strong enough.”  
               “I'm not afraid of dying, Doctor.”  She consoled him, trying her hardest to be as brave as she knew how to be.  “Do you want to know what I am truly afraid of?  I'm afraid that you will end up getting yourself killed out there trying to save us.  I'm afraid that you'll regenerate and not know who I am any longer... or worse... that you won't know who _you_ are anymore.  Every time you step out there to risk your life trying to protect us, I am terrified that you’ll come back someone else… that everything I knew you to be will vanish with the man I fell in love with.  If something were to happen to you, everything we are now and ever have been could be lost forever.”  She lowered her hands from his face and pressed them tenderly to his chest, his hearts beating steadily against her palms.  A sadness rose up from within her as she thought about the real truth taking hold of her heart.  Though she felt guilty over how conceited it all sounded in her head, she wanted him to know more than anything what truly frightened her the most.  “What if you were to forget me?  What if one day you woke up in a new body and came to realize you didn't love me anymore?”  
               His hearts began to bleed at her words.  He recalled the distress and confusion he had experienced at the height of his transformation into this body.  He remembered the look in her eyes after he had changed from the man she had fallen in love with to someone she had become afraid of.  Though he had forced himself to become distant and unkind towards her due to the guilt he carried from having put her through that, he had never forgotten the love he bore in his hearts for her.  A love that put a smile on his face even now as he carefully wrapped his arms around her and cradled her head in his hands.  “My Clara.  How could I ever forget you?  I've let you into my head, and now that you're in there there's no getting rid of you.  Believe me, I've tried.”  A small laugh escaped him before he returned to his genuine thought.  “Clara,” he placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned away to see her face, “you are more dear to me than anything I've ever laid eyes upon.  For as long as my hearts still beat within me, they will always belong to you.  No matter the face I wear, my love for you is eternal.  All that I am, both in mind and body, is yours... so long as you'll have me.”  
               Clara felt tears of admiration fall from her face, her eyes passing back and forth to each of his as his words filled every part of her soul.  “I love you, Doctor.”  She confessed, feeling the passion between them intensifying with each second that passed.  
               His smile brightened as he tucked her hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek in his palm.  “And I you, Clara Oswald.”  He lowered himself to her, pulling her towards him as his lips finally met with hers.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself as close to him as her body would allow it.  His fingers wove through her hair as he supported her head in his hand.  The fire inside of them was being fueled by the intensity of their embrace.  He couldn’t pull himself away from the maternal radiance about her that continued to draw him in like an addiction.  He felt a sense of power over her that he could not explain as he thought about how his love for her was responsible for the transformation that her body proceeded to endure.  A transformation that proved him wrong about what he thought he was no longer capable of as the result of his affection for her pressed into him.  She was more than just compatible with him, the fact that she was willing and able to carry a Gallifreyan child to term showed a strength in her he felt even more honoured to have by his side.  
               Each one of his senses were being overloaded by the electricity in her touch, the familiar fragrance she had about her that was bound to her and her alone, the way her voice brought comfort to his troubled thoughts even when they were apart.  The lust he had for her was even more powerful to him than any known elixir in the entire universe.  He closed his eyes and rested his forehead to hers, their minds connecting to one another.  He could feel every movement of her delicate touch as her hands slid from around his neck and down to his chest.  Her fingers worked slow and steady to unfasten the buttons on his vest.  An unexpected nervousness crept up from within him as he felt her pulse quicken beneath his thumb.  Having parted the first layer of defense, she moved on to the shirt underneath.  His breathing deepened as she untucked his shirt from the waistband of his trousers.  “ _Clara..._ ”  He whispered into her mind, his thoughts malfunctioning over the effect she was having on him.  His hearts skipped their steady beating as her fingers grazed over the surface of the last layer still able to protect him from her soft touch.  Her warmth penetrated his skin like sunlight as she finally freed the fabric from the fastenings that bound it.  He found himself unable to distinguish between his current reality and the past as his mind became flooded with the visions of their first romantic encounter together.  He was suddenly pulled back into the memory of the night she had conceived his child.  The images of what they had done flashed into his thoughts uncontrollably.  He remembered every detail of her vulnerable form lying underneath him once more.  His mind retraced every perfection of her skin as his hands and lips explored her.  The feel of her body against him as he pressed himself on top of her.  The indescribable warmth that emanated from within her as she opened herself for him and allowed him inside of her, guiding him to where he needed to be.  How gentle he was with her even when he no longer had control over his own mind.  The moment he left his mark of territory inside of her, claiming her for himself as she gasped beneath him.  The images were so powerful it caused the fire inside of him to burn out of control.  He became frightened of its hold on him.   
               He felt her hands upon his chest, their skin finally connecting to each other for the first time that her memory of it had remained intact.  His nerves caused him to tremble as he endured every moment of her touch on his skin.  Her fingers continued to trace their way down his torso as if they had a mind of their own.  His hearts pounded against his chest as she continued to explore him.  The fire inside burned like a fever, engulfing him in the heat of their passion.  “ _Clara... wait._ ”  His plea echoed softly into her thoughts, becoming overwhelmed by his own desires for her.  He felt a sense of vulnerability by her touch as she caressed the softness of his stomach.  A small gasp escaped him as her fingers slid just beneath his waistband.  The sudden urge to take her right then and there consumed him, a feeling which betrayed every part of his reserved nature.  The animal inside of him was clawing its way up to take control, he was afraid of what he would do to her when it finally escaped.  Before she could go any further, he brought his hands to hers and gently stopped her.  He removed himself from her mind, severing their connection to each other as he gazed apologetically into her eyes.  “I can't.  I’m sorry, but I can't.”  
               “What is it?”  She asked, her expression reflected that of concern for having somehow wronged him.  
               He glanced down at their held hands, running his thumbs over the smooth surface of her skin as he thought about his next words.  She had a way about her that could bring out both the best and the worst in him.  As much as he wanted her to be able to accept both sides of him equally, he'd never be able to live with himself if the parts of him he couldn't control were to harm her in any way.  “I'm afraid I'll damage you.”  
               A moment of understanding passed over her as she returned her hands to the sides of his face to comfort him.  As confident and intelligent and reserved as he had shown this body to be, for a moment she could see the child-like innocence of his last form from behind his eyes.  Perhaps all of his previous faces were there staring back at her right then, or just maybe... they had always been there.  Though it had taken her time to adjust to his new body, she realized that he wasn't only the Doctor she had come to know or a combination of his past selves.  He was _her_ Doctor.  She'd follow him to the end of the universe and back.  Just the Doctor and Clara Oswald in the TARDIS.  “You won't hurt me.”  She assured him, lowering her voice to a whisper as she gazed into his eyes, “Hold me, Doctor.  Don't ever let me go.”  She pleaded, returning her lips to his.  She could sense his hesitation for only a moment before becoming engulfed by the warmth of his embrace as he held her tightly to him.  His hands upon her, he remained a gentleman in her presence.  The rare moments of physical contact between them made it easy for her to forget that he was not of her world.  She closed her eyes, experiencing every movement of his lips as they trailed gentle kisses down her neck and shoulder.  Having become lost in the power of his passion, she was unexpectedly taken by surprise when he leaned down and carefully lifted her up into his arms.  She laughed and wrapped her arms around him as he held her.  
               “Not bad, for being two-thousand years old.”  He grinned.  
               “Oh?  And where are you taking me, old man?  Off to another adventure?”  
               “Spoilers.”  He teased, holding her tightly as they descended down the stairs into the underbelly of the TARDIS.

 

*********************

 

               The shadows on the walls were brought to life by the flickering light of the fireplace as the Doctor and his beloved companion laid quietly upon the bed facing each other.  His bedroom had finally proven itself to be useful after all by accommodating for the very important fact that his expecting human counterpart needed her rest more than he... among the  _other_ things that they had recently found to do in there.  He gazed upon her as she slept, his mind distracted by the way her bare skin glistened in the light provided for them.  His hand rested comfortably upon the swell of her middle, absentmindedly running his thumb over the surface of her skin while being careful not to wake her.  He couldn't help but admire her beauty, she was absolute perfection to him in every imaginable way.  She had sacrificed more than just her body by allowing his child to grow and thrive inside of her.  She had left behind her entire way of life for him; her friends, her family, and her work, all so that she could gift him with exclusive access to her mind and eternal soul.  A gift he could only repay by devotedly offering her the very same.  
               His child stirred underneath his touch, awakening to the sense of his presence around her.  Her warmth once again found its way throughout his body as he sensed her strong desire to communicate with him.  He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to seek a connection.

               Expecting to be transported into the familiar darkness that had once housed her expanding life force, he was bewildered to find himself surrounded by the breathtaking view of billions of iridescent stars shining brightly from every direction.  An entire galaxy composed of the finite particles that made up the essence of her existence had suddenly formed all around him, and she had become the sun.  The size of her light dwarfed him in comparison as he looked to her with significant admiration.  Her soft whispers called to him as if they were spreading out to every corner of the universe.  “ _I'm here, little one.”_    He called back to her, his words echoing from the center of his thoughts.  “ _What have you to tell me?”_    He inquired, hearing the song of her voice so clearly in his mind as she responded to him the only way she knew how.  A great light suddenly appeared from beside him.  Shielding his eyes, he could see that it was emanating from a tear in reality itself as if she had somehow managed to open a doorway into another dimension.  She spoke to him, offering for him to enter.  “ _What will I see in there?”_    He asked her nervously, surprised by how powerful her abilities had become.  In her silence, he hesitated for only a moment before striding forward into the illuminated unknown.  
               The light engulfed him like the swarming sea as he passed through the threshold of the tear, unprepared for what to expect when he had finally crossed to the other side.  His senses blinded, the first thing he experienced upon entering was the sound of singing.  No... not singing.  Chirping.   _Birds?  Here?_    As he lowered his hand, the world around him began to unfold as if it were fading into existence.   _A blue sky, grass, trees.  A field perhaps?_   The wind blew through his hair, bringing with it more distinctive sounds from somewhere nearby.   _Laughter._   Seeking the source, he saw the image of two figures in the distance.  He slowly approached, his eyes adjusting to the glow of the new world he had found himself in.  The figures, once faded, now began to take on a more definite identity.  A mother and her child.   _Clara..._   Her back turned to him, he need not see her face to know it was her.  No other being in the known universe had control over his hearts quite like she.  Her hair had grown long.  Her gown, white as winter's snowfall, flowed effortlessly with the passing breeze.  She knelt down, her attention focused on the small girl standing at her side.   _Quynn._   Their whispered words were taken away by the wind.   _What is this place,_  he wondered.  The visions were so real to him he was unable to determine if they were simply the remnants of a dream shared by their connected minds... or a possible view into the future.  It was not entirely uncommon for children of Gallifrey to be gifted with the ability to see what has yet to be at such a young age.  Their extraordinary talent for clairvoyance is what made them prime candidates for becoming a Time Lord at only eight years of life.  However, if this truly was a glimpse into what the future could hold for them, then his daughter was more powerful than either one of them could ever have imagined her to be.  
               He continued his approach, observing intently as they plucked a single dandelion from the grass below them and watched as its seeds were blown away by the wind.  The girl laughed at the sight, and then her mother.  Their voices echoed so vividly in his mind.  The girl clung to her mother, offering her a tender embrace.  Her mother hugged her close, then smiled as the small child ran further into the field to play.  His eyes upon his companion, being drawn to her like a moth to the flame, she finally met his gaze.  Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight in every imaginable way, her smile was brighter than he had ever seen it.  There were yellow flowers woven into her long brown hair like a crown.  The happiness she displayed at his presence brought about an indescribable glow to her; a radiance.  The nearer he came to her the more he could feel a familiar electricity emanating from within her.  The feeling was so real, so divine, he could think of nothing else that even compared to the hold it had on him.  
               Standing as close to her as he dared to go, she stood and turned to him.  His eyes peered down the length of her to where her hand was cupped delicately under the swell of her small middle, the place where their second child now flourished.   _Another?_ He suddenly found himself in awe of her, his affections exceeding themselves over how effortlessly she could carry his children within her petite form.   _Oh Clara, you truly are the eternal light that guides me._   He could feel the elation inside of him beaming with tender appreciation for her.  The desire for them to be a real family had filled him with a love he was unable to explain in words alone.  If this was merely a dream, then he no longer felt afraid of the darkness that had taken hold of her.  Her mind was starting to repair itself, with time it was possible he could cure her.  He could have purpose to her once again.  
               He allowed her to approach, the sight of her seemed to melt him from within.  Gently taking the beauty of her face in his grasp, he pressed his forehead to hers.  She embraced him, placing her hands upon his chest.  He felt the beats of his hearts quicken regardless of the mentality in which he had become a part of.  Her skin felt so real, her scent overpowered his senses.  This was the reality he yearned for more than anything, even if it meant he'd never be able to leave this place again.  All the concerns awaiting him in the real world had suddenly faded away.  She had become his drug, his addiction, his obsession, ...his everything.  His lips met with hers, she tasted just as lovely as he remembered.  He leaned away to see her face, the same brown eyes he had come to know so well stared back at him tenderly.   _“I_ _s this real?”_    His whispered thoughts had become the wind all around them.  
               She smiled up at him, taking his cheek in the palm of her hand.  _“_ _I’m real, Doctor.”_    Her mind responded softly.  
               His eyes lowered to the space between them and pressed a delicate hand upon the new life growing inside her belly, his fingers spreading protectively over the swell of her.  _“A_ _nd this?”_  
               Her smile brightened as she gently placed a hand over his.   _“If_ _you want it to be.”_  
               He stared admiringly into her eyes as if he'd never leave them.  After everything he had put her through, after all that she had suffered, he was truly aspired by her body's desire to be transformed by him again.   _“You'd have another child with me?"_    He asked softly, genuinely adoring every moment his hand remained pressed over her gift to him.  
            _“You seem to have a certain effect on me.”_ She responded coyly as she gazed at him.  
               Matching her wide smile with his own, he leaned in to place a tender kiss to her brow.   _“O_ _h, Clara Oswald.  I don't deserve the happiness that you bring to me.”_   His mind's profession filled the air as he thought to himself how fortunate he was to have her, realizing how badly he wanted this family more than anything he's ever desired.  
               “ _I'll_ _b_ _e the judge of that.”_    She teased him, taking in the moment between them for as long as it would remain in her consciousness.  
               As she looked to him, she noticed something shifting in the forest out of the corner of her eye.  Turning her attention towards the trees, she could make out what appeared to be shadows moving in the distance.  As her smile began to fade at the sight, the vibrant blue sky suddenly darkened to grey as if a storm were about to hit them.  The wind picked up in speed, bringing with it a new set of voices she did not recognize.  Her once elated expression had been replaced by the sensation of fear as she felt a presence around them that had not been there before.  " _S_ _omething's here with us, Doctor.”_  
               “ _W_ _hat is it, Clara?”_    He quickly became concerned by the terrified look in her eyes.  
               “ _We_ _'re not alone.”_   Her breathing became heavy with fright.   _“Th_ _ey're coming.”_  
               He felt panic rising up from within him at her words of warning,  _“Wh_ _o's coming?”_  
               “ _Wa_ _ke up, Doctor.”_  
               “ _No,_ _I won't leave you.”_  
               “ _You_ _have to.”_    She insisted, stepping back from him.  
               “ _Ple_ _ase, Clara.  Don't send me away.”_    He begged her, unwilling to abandon their strong connection to each other.  
               “ _The_ _y're scared...”_  
               “ _Wh_ _o is?”_  He approached and placed his hands on her shoulders to focus her.   _“Wh_ _o's scared, Clara?”_  
               “ _Yo_ _u need to wake up, Doctor.  Please.  I'll be fine, don’t worry about me.  Just-”_    She stopped herself as frightened tears fell from her face.  Then suddenly she became very still.   _“T_ _hey're here.”_  
               “ _Who's here?   What can you see?”_  
               “ _They're all around us, can't you feel it?!”_  
               “ _I'll_ _protect you, Clara.  No one is going to harm you!”_   He assured her.  She suddenly cried out, wincing and holding a hand to her belly as the image of her fluctuated in and out of their shared vision.   _“_ _Clara!”_   He called, frightened and unsure of what was happening to her and his child.  
               “ _Go.  Now!  Please wake up, Doctor!”_ She shouted into his thoughts, her image returning to him.  
               “ _I'm not leaving here without you!”_  
               “ _You must!   I'm only here with you in your mind... but my body is not.”_    She replied urgently.  
               “ _Is someone there with you?  Are you in danger?!”_  
               “ _Doctor, listen to me.”_ She pleaded, taking his face in her hands intently. _“Our daughter is trying to warn us that something is out there, I can feel her fear inside me.  Please, you need to release us.  Break the connection.  If they find us they will kill us.  You must face them._ _D_ _o as you're told and wake up, Doctor!  WAKE UP!”_ She raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face.

               The force of it jolted him awake as he gasped from the sudden shock of reality.  He quickly sat up and searched his surroundings thoroughly.  He was back in his bedroom, his companion's sleeping form lay still beside him.  Her brow was damp with sweat as if she were trapped inside a nightmare.  His mind raced with the recent escalation of their connected thoughts, her words of warning coursed through his mind.  He quickly scanned the room for danger but saw no immediate threat to them.  Clara moaned softly next to him as if she were in distress.  Returning his attention to her, he brought a hand to her brow and placed the other over their child.  Sensing their connected afflictions, he was certain that something serious must have brought them to their frightened state.  As much as he wanted to remain there to comfort them and ease their minds, he was much more concerned with discovering what had caused their fear.  
               He carefully covered his companion's exposed form with the blanket and removed himself from the bed.  Reaching down, he gathered his trousers from the floor and began to get dressed as quickly as his old body would allow it.  Placing on his white collared shirt, he started for the buttons when he was suddenly halted by the unexpected sound of haunting screams coming from somewhere within the ship.  And then silence.  Quickly turning to his companion, he could see that she had remained unaltered by the disturbance.  A great fear passed through him, suddenly very afraid that she may have been right about them not being alone.  
               He listened in, waiting for the sound to return.  Before he could conclude that he was simply losing his mind, a demonic-like voice from far beyond the corridor forced his attention back towards the doorway.  Its resonating bellow echoed down the path as if it were moving.  The Doctor held his breath, keeping himself as still as possible.  And then he heard another voice, this time closer.  There was more than one of them.  He was torn between his own curiosity and his fear of what could be powerful enough to infiltrate the TARDIS.  Whatever they were, he couldn't risk Clara and his child's safety.  In order to protect them, he would have to draw the demons away.  He cautiously crossed the threshold of the doorway.  His nerves caused him to tremble in fear of how many of them could be out there.  He glanced back at the form of his sleeping companion, reliving the terrified feeling that had taken hold of him long ago when it was his children asleep before him.  Whatever horrors were in there with them, he would not allow them to take his family from him this time.  Looking back towards the corridor, he pressed the button next to him.  The metallic door slid shut, sealing her within the safety of its walls.  
               He followed the sounds of the demons' calls, frightened by the thought that he was entering the unknown without the help of his befriended gadgets.  The further down the corridor he went the louder their voices had become.  Whatever the source, it sounded like concentrated evil.  He slowly rounded the corner, the sight of the next room ahead provided little comfort as he sensed the entities somewhere inside of it.  Approaching the doorway, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes attempting to pull himself together.  He concentrated on steadying his heavy breathing, calming his pounding hearts.  A bead of nervous sweat trailed down his brow.  He could hear them so close now.  “I know you're here.”  He braved speaking to them aloud.  Then suddenly... there was silence once again.  He opened his eyes, finding the courage to remove himself from the wall and enter the room.  The library.  
               The lack of sound inside was deafening aside from his own breath.  His senses on high alert, he cautiously headed towards the heart of the room.  Though he could not see them, he knew they were there.  Suddenly the walls appeared to come alive as the creatures hid their identities behind the tall bookshelves between them.  Their haunting moans seemed to form all around him, his legs bolted themselves to the floor as he listened in to their calls.  He couldn't recall ever being more petrified than he was right at that moment.  He heard their hiss to his right and then to the left of him as if they were connected in stereo.  He felt vulnerable and out of his element.  Realizing he could die at any moment, the one constant thing in his mind keeping him on the defensive was his desire to live.  Not for himself, but for Clara and his unborn child.  He needed to protect them, their lives depended upon his survival.  
               A simulated clicking sound was suddenly heard from behind him, freezing him in place.  A part of him wanted to run and never look back.  But he needed to know exactly what he was dealing with.  He raised his hands in a peaceful gesture and slowly turned around to face whatever it was that was standing behind him.  To his surprise, the familiar shape of the same creature who had taken control of his mind and body now floated before him.  His Persuader.  Its glass-like teeth glistened by the light of the room, its eyes vacant of life.  As his mind began to question everything he was seeing, a second Persuader appeared from its place of hiding to join the other.  His senses elevated to their highest point, he realized that the creatures were frightened of him.  “ _They're scared...”_    Clara's words echoed through his thoughts.  “Of course,” he started, attempting to appear as non-threatening as possible, “you've been trapped here this entire time, haven't you?  Lost within the infinite walls of the TARDIS ever since we left Prima Nova.”  The creatures hissed, bearing their teeth as they glared at the man.  “Sorry I'm not more properly dressed, I wasn't expecting company.”  Though he could sense their fear, it only made them more dangerous.  They had the upper hand, every move he made must be precisely calculated if he wished to survive them.  Before he could say anything more, the Persuaders screamed and moaned as they scattered and fled through the walls of the ship.  “No, wait!”  He called out to them.  “Don't be afraid!  I won't harm you!”  
               The Doctor rushed towards the exit of the library on a quest to follow the sound of the Persuaders' voices.  Entering the corridor he saw no sign of them.  He sighed and turned his attention towards the wall, placing his hand upon it.  He began his descent into the depths of the TARDIS, running his hand along the surface of the metal as if he were searching for imperfections.  “I understand how frightened you are,” he spoke towards the walls of the ship, listening in for a response, “how alone you must feel so very far away from your own kind.  Believe me, I know more than anyone what that's like.”  He continued on, his senses tuned in to their presence.  “This is my fault, if only I hadn't been so afraid.  You've been here all this time because of me.  Because of my cowardice.  Please, don't run.  Allow me to make this right.”  Approaching the next room he could hear them inside, distressed and calling for help.  
               He entered the antique room cautiously, not wanting to frighten them any more than they already were.  Though the room appeared vacant of any life, he could sense their presence nearby.  “Let's start over, shall we?”  He called out to them, hoping they would show themselves.  Searching the room, he continued his attempt to communicate with the unexpected stowaways.  “Introductions.  I always love a good introduction, don't you?”  He proceeded forward, his hands outwardly displayed to retain their unarmed status.  He came to the center of the room and stopped, his gaze shifting toward the ceiling.  High above him hovered the two Persuaders, hissing and flashing their glass-like teeth.  “Ah, there you are.”  He addressed them.  They lowered themselves upon him, swarming around him like prey.  The leader of the pair presented itself in front of him, observing the gray-haired man intently.  
               “Hello,” the old man began, “I'm Doctor Idiot, and I'm here to help you... if you'll let me.”  The creature bent its head at the strange man in front of it.  “I take it you don't remember me, or how you got here.  I believe I may have the answer to that.”  The Doctor lowered his hands to his sides.  “But first, we're going to have to be able to trust one another.”  The creature hesitated, then brought itself lower to the floor as if to explore the possibility of their equality.  “I want to offer you a trade.”  He continued.  “I have the ability to restore that which was taken from you.  I can unlock your memories.  This power I have can only be performed on another telepath, it would certainly crush the mind of anyone else.  So as of right now... I'm the only chance you have at finally being free of this place with your memories still intact.”  He paused to allow the creatures time to process the new information.  The second of the pair circled the old man closely, its razor-sharp talons displayed to reminded him of how deadly they were.  He could feel the hairs on his arms rise as the creature slowly grasped his neck with its ice-cold talons, piercing the first few layers of his skin.  He tried to remain calm, knowing that at any moment they could choose to kill him.  Though unarmed, his words remained his only weapon.  “Please.  I can help you.  I can bring you back to your home planet, reunite you with your own kind.  But I need something from you in return.”  After a moment, the Persuader hesitantly released its grasp around his neck.  The Doctor's hearts beat fiercely as he risked stepping closer to the leader, the look of desperation in his eyes.  “I need to know what Missy and Quynn are up to.  You are part of their plan and have been from the very start.  If there is anyone in this universe that knows where they are, it's you.”  The creatures remained silent at his words.  “Please, I need to know.  There is someone I love very much whose life is in danger, and right now I'm the only shot she has.  But I can't do it without your help.  Please, I'm begging you.  Show me what you know.”  
               The creature in front of him returned its attention to the second of the pair, their familiar humming connecting them to each other as if deep in conversation.  A few moments later, the leader finally turned towards the Time Lord and approached him.  Its lifeless eyes stared back into his, then bowed its head in acceptance of the offer.  The old man sighed with relief, feeling his hearts settle themselves from their heavy beating.  “Thank you.”  He spoke to them with genuine appreciation.  The Doctor closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath, preparing himself for what was to come.  When he was ready, he opened his eyes and gazed into the void of the creature's sight.  “I'm the Doctor and I consent to this memory link with an open mind.”  The creature in front of him suddenly screamed, its cries resonating off the walls of the room, then entered the body of the old man as he gasped from the sudden infiltration of his mind.

 _The Doctor was suddenly forced back to the memory of their first night on Prima Nova.  The walls of the structure seemed to form all around him like puzzle pieces coming together.  Glancing around the familiar scenery, he realized that he was now standing in the centre of the lobby just outside the room they had originally arrived in.  He was once again able to move freely within this memory like an out-of-body experience.  His keen eyes scanned his surroundings hoping that this time there would be nothing to stop him from discovering the truth.  In front of him stood the memory of Clara and his past self as they walked hand in hand towards the next room ahead of them.  The sound of the Persuaders’ connected humming from inside their bodies could be heard as they passed by him.  Taking notice of their clothed appearance and the lack of any other guests among them, he concluded that this memory must have taken place sometime after their bedroom conception.  As the pair of them made their way to the door, he noticed that it had not yet been upgraded to its unusually large size.  He followed closely behind them as they entered the next room.  Just ahead of them was the TARDIS eagerly awaiting the return of her Time Lord.  As his past self opened the door, allowing the three of them to pass through the threshold of the time machine_ _, the Doctor found himself unnerved by what was about to happen once they had entered.  He observed as the pair made their way to the centre console, each one appearing to be fixed upon a particular task set out for them as if they had been programmed._  
_On the surface of the interface crawled the two memory worms, appearing as though they had been left there after their past selves had purposely wiped their minds of the mission they were on.  Which only raised more questions for him.  How did they know they had been invited there?  How far back had their memories been erased?  But more importantly, how many times had they done this?  Perhaps through their infinite amount of fragmented memories... somewhere the truth was beginning to bleed through.  Clara was able to sense it, her confession on Messaline proved that her inner darkness was a direct cause of her mind trying to tell her that something was wrong.  Missy may have known what she was doing by taking advantage of his greatest weakness, but she could never have anticipated the incredibly capable mind of his impossible girl._  
_Clara took a seat at the console in front of the first memory worm as his past self moved to the view-screen.  The Doctor watched as the other “him” began typing a location into the interface and pulled down on the lever in silence.  The time rotor started up as the ship began to dematerialize.  As the TARDIS rocked them towards its instructed coordinates, the Doctor couldn't help but feel a sense of violation by the Persuader's ability to pilot the ship by pirating his memories.  Realizing their true powers of manipulation, he wondered why Missy had allowed the creatures to leave their bodies at all.  She could have forced them to do whatever she wanted them to, so why let them go?  Knowing her, she'd have never been satisfied with winning the game unless he knew he was playing it._  
_Once they had landed, his past self worked quickly to delete the data to the TARDIS interface.  The Doctor exhaled an angered sigh at the sight, thinking to himself, 'of course it was me... you idiot.'  Though there should have been a part of him that was impressed by Missy’s meticulously thought out betrayal, he’d sooner die than give her the satisfaction.  The other him took a seat near Clara just in front of the second memory worm.  The Doctor circled the console, observing the last few moments of missing memories leading up to just before they had awoken on the TARDIS.  He watched as the pair of them turned their heads toward each other, their arms lifted in unison to hover over the insects.  Keeping their attention on each other, they simultaneously lowered their hands and touched the worms in front of them.  Their heads landed harshly upon the console as their memories were erased.  An ear-piercing shrieking sound was then heard as the two Persuaders removed themselves from their hosts' bodies and scattered behind the walls of the ship._  
_His past self suddenly woke at the sound of it, his mind having once again become his own.  Seeing the memory worm in front of him, he glanced towards his companion who was still unconscious.  “Clara.”  He called out to her, yet she did not stir.  “Clara.”  He tried again_ _but to no avail.  "CLARA!”  He called urgently.  She finally lifted her head to see the worm in front of her._  
_"Doctor?!”  She screamed._  
_“Don’t touch it!”  He ordered her as she backed her chair away to stand just beside his present self._  
_“We’re on the TARDIS, how did we get here?  And what is that?!”_  
_“It’s a memory worm, deletes your memories.”_

“Yes yes, I already know this part.” 

 _“Okay... but where did they come from?  Why are they here?”_  
_“I don’t know.  I woke up the same as you.  I’ve been trying to wake you for some time.”_

“But what I really want to know is…” 

 _“Yes, I could hear you.  I don’t know how, but heard your voice in my dream.”_  
_“I’m not so sure that was a dream.”_

“...what else aren’t you telling me?”

Silence had befallen the room as Clara and his past self suddenly vanished leaving him alone within the empty walls of his TARDIS inspired mind palace.  “What is it you're hiding?”  He asked aloud, his connection to the Persuader still felt within him.  “We made a deal.  How do you expect me to help you if you can't trust me?”  The creature remained silent as if hiding somewhere beneath the layers of his thoughts.  “I see,” he started, continuing to pace the empty space around him, “perhaps I'm not asking the right questions.”  He stopped and scanned the room as if searching for something out of place.  “Why are you helping them?  What's in it for you?”  He asked as he circled around his position.  A moment of eerie calm presented itself as he waited for an answer.  Then suddenly the walls began to shake as if being violently torn apart from the outside.  The Doctor was unexpectedly forced to the ground as large parts of the ship plummeted from their place to the grated metal flooring.  Parts of the control panel began to spark and explode.  The ship groaned in agony as her walls were ripped open, exposing the room to the vacuum of space.  The sight of it froze the Doctor in fear as everything around him was being sucked out of the ship.  Before he could react, his body was forcefully dragged across the floor towards the vast hole formed by the ship's missing walls and abruptly pulled out into darkness.

The Doctor gasped at the sudden feeling of his mind being towed across the universe as if he were travelling at great speed through the time vortex faster than even the TARDIS could take him.  The stars passed by him so quickly they had become billions of bright lines tearing through the darkness of space.  As the galaxies and gaseous nebulae soared by him, he found himself entering a solar system inhabited by a singular dwarf sun surrounded by a series of small revolving planets.  He experienced the frightening sensation of falling from a great height as he was pulled into the atmosphere of a world unlike any other.  The earth before him quickly gained in size as he drew closer to the planet's surface.  The nearer he came to it the quicker its jagged and volatile terrain had begun to take on a more defined appearance.  He felt his mind being summoned towards his final destination like a beacon guiding a lost vessel.  A small speck ahead of him came into view, and then closer and closer until he could make out the recognizable figure of a man standing upon the barren surface.  Of all the creatures in the known universe, he knew this one more personally than any other.  
As his mind finally collided with the image of himself like lightning striking the earth, he could hear himself screaming aloud as his thoughts abruptly invaded his likeness and embodied it as a complete entity.  Once the initial shock of it all had subsided, he opened his eyes to the world around him and allowed himself to thoroughly scan his surroundings.  The land before him appeared sterile and vacant of any life or colour.  A harsh and lonely wind howled as it blew passed him.  He questioned his own senses as the smell of death and decay quickly filled his nostrils, an ability he should not have had memory of within their telepathic bond.  The scent was so strong, yet so familiar to him as he breathed in the air all around him.  And then, as if all the lost memories of his youth had been released from their captivity, he suddenly remembered everything.  He had been here before, so many faces ago.   _Anima Persis..._  
The dying geo-psychic world, once under the protection of the Galactic Heritage, was known to all of his kind as the home planet of the native Persuaders.  A species more commonly believed to be the ghosts of the long-dead inhabitants having succumbed to their fate due to continuous wars there centuries ago.  What the Doctor did understand about the planet itself was very little.  Its atmosphere was toxic to the flesh of the living.  A fine telepathic mist covered the planet’s surface making any who would be exposed to it susceptible to the creatures’ ability to enter their mind without permission.  Anima Persis was more than just the world of the psychic dead, it was a testament to all Time Lords of Gallifrey… a test that none had ever passed.  Being sent to the planet unprotected and powerless against the creatures' mind control was a part of every Time Lord’s training.  Its purpose had always been to instil the memory of failure upon those who could survive it, remaining with them forever.  Anima Persis was the place where one’s hubris and self-righteous sanctimony were sent to die.  
The nearby dwarf sun shined down upon him, bringing with it the only light available to the planet’s surface.  His eyes scanned the horizon for any sign of the creatures but saw nothing that would suggest he was not alone on this world.  “Why have you brought me to this place?”  The Doctor asked aloud, feeling the presence of the Persuader still prominently linked within his mind.  “What happened here?”  
Before he could ask anything more, a great blast was heard from high above him as a large ship entered the atmosphere and began to descend upon the planet.  The landscape seemed to come alive all around him at the sudden disturbance.  A symphony of moaning screams echoed across the land as thousands of Persuaders crawled out of their place of hiding from every crater and rocky cavern in the area.  As the ship continued its approach, the creatures swarmed over the terrain like a sea of ash towards the unwelcome arrival.  
The Doctor moved closer to better observe the events unfolding as the ship finally touched down upon the earth.  This particularly extensive short-ranged vessel was normally intended for mining mass quantities of materials and transporting them to the nearest host station.  However, anyone who had knowledge of this planet knew that it was not only extremely dangerous but had nothing of value to offer.   _So what was it doing here_ , he wondered?  Taking a closer look, he noticed the insignia on the side of the ship was that of a red raven.  Dread came over him as he realized why the Persuader had brought him to this exact moment in time.  The sound of an interior hatch depressurizing occurred from within the ship as the loading bay doors opened and a figure emerged from the darkness.   _Quynn…_  The Doctor recognized the familiar shape of his daughter as she silently exited the ship, her long black cloak rustled with the passing breeze.  He noticed that her shaded mask had been specifically altered for this atmosphere, a type of respirator built onto the front seemed to be filtering out the telepathic mist.  Her upgraded armour also appeared to have been enhanced to shield her skin from the toxins in the air.  Behind her approached two armed cybernetic life forms, the perfect soldiers to be in the company of when not needing to breathe had become a strategic advantage.  Whatever the reason for her journey to this desolate place, only one thing was certain… her arrival on this planet was not by accident.  
Quynn, unafraid of the wave of ash quickly approaching her, stepped foot onto the planet’s surface and firmly planted herself between the deadly wall of indigenous species and her ship.  The creatures swarmed around the vessel, encircling it as if it rested beneath the eye of a great storm.  They hissed and displayed their teeth as a hostile warning to the new unknown threat now standing before them.  Quynn slowly scanned the spectacular sight ahead of her, remaining silent within the orchestra of haunting screams she was surrounded by.  After a moment, she lifted her hand out towards the creatures as if beckoning them to accompany her.  To the Doctor’s surprise, her gesture appeared almost compassionate as if there were a part of her that actually felt pity for these poor souls who had suffered so much loss.  He wondered if she really had been telling him the truth after all, that maybe Missy hadn’t stolen _everything_ from him.  Angered by her presence, the entire colony of spirits howled and screamed with objection at her offer.  Their razor-sharp talons glistened like knives in the sunlight as they attempted to frighten the intruders away.  
Quynn lowered her hand back to her side at the display of aggression, quietly staring down the countless pairs of vacant eyes within the living cloud of ash floating before her.  After a few moments, she glanced over her shoulder at the soldiers behind her and silently bowed her head.  The higher ranking of the two nodded its head in return and raised its arm to signal to the others still aboard the ship.  As Quynn returned her glance to the mass of creatures, the robotic soldier behind her flagged its arm forward then it back down to its side.  
The Doctor, unprepared for the events unfolding, couldn’t help the fear that began to crawl up inside of him.  Knowing what his daughter was capable of, he felt an unexplainable sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he continued to observe history being rewritten right before his eyes.  Hoping that his fears were simply misguided, he was suddenly startled by the horrifying sound of an explosion coming from somewhere in the distant sky.  Spinning around towards the sound, he shielded his eyes as his attention became fixed upon the nearby dwarf sun.  Its light seemed to glow brighter and brighter, a ring of debris flared out from its surface like ripples in the water.  Before the Doctor could fully understand what was happening, the sky around him darkened as the light from the small star quickly faded from its once vibrant amber shade to become a fiery pit of hell.  “NO!”  He screamed aloud at the sight of the sun’s destruction, immediately realizing the futility of his objections.  The planet was in an uproar of deafening screams as thousands of Persuaders scattered in fear.  
Far off in the distance, a large fragment from the obliterated star collided with the planet’s surface and shook the earth underneath his feet.  And then another.  The once colourless and barren landscape had now evolved into a blazing inferno as hellfire rained down upon it from the atmosphere.  The images were so real he had become lost in the reality of it.  His hearts raced as he fled from his position and headed in the direction of the ship.  Another powerful quake brought him to his knees as he fell to the ground from the force of it.  The vibrations felt beneath his hands informed him that the planet itself was being torn apart.  Soon there would be nothing left of it.  Glancing up at the ship, he saw the image of his daughter still standing between the remaining creatures and the safety she had provided for them.  He watched as she lifted her hand once again towards the frightened creatures and gestured for them to join her.  The Persuaders hesitated at first, utterly petrified by the surrounding destruction of their world and entire species.  The earth beneath them continued to shake causing giant cracks to form on the surface.  Those that stayed with the ship as the rest of their kind had fled were now rushing to board it.  Quynn returned her hand to her side, then spun around and headed back into the darkness of the vessel as a mob of creatures rushed passed her into safety. As the loading bay doors began to close, the remaining creatures left behind began to race to the ship hoping to be spared from their fate.  Before they could reach it, the engines started up and the ship quickly began its ascent off the planet.  The Doctor watched in horror as thousands of terrified Persuaders still on the surface desperately cried out as if begging for the ship not to abandon them.  The ground below them shook violently as a deep chasm ripped the earth apart and swallowed them all.  He was overwhelmed by the resonating broadcast of millions of dying voices tearing through his mind as they screamed out in agony.  The sound of their collective howls were so powerful it shattered his link to the Persuader entirely.

The Doctor screamed aloud as his consciousness returned to the real world.  He felt his body jolt and his arms fly out from his sides as the Persuader removed itself from inside him.  The sensation of it forced him to his knees as he collapsed to the ground.  He gasped for air, still frightened by the unadulterated visions of genocide encompassing his thoughts.  He held his face in his hands as the voices inside his head finally began to fade.  Once alone in his mind once more, he angrily lifted his gaze to the Persuader in front of him.  “She lied to me.”  He finally spoke.  “She wasn't saving you.  She was condemning you.  You are all that is left.”  He hung his head as great sorrow passed over him, finally realizing that these creatures were no more free from eternal slavery than any other species that had fallen under his daughter's tyranny.  “I'm so sorry.”  His emotions were splitting into multiple spectrums as he thought about everything he had just witnessed.  He felt betrayed and angered by his daughter’s cleverly disguised deception, knowing deep down that it was _she_ who was the superior race hell-bent on conquest.  He realized how blind and naive he had become by allowing himself to cling to the last remaining hope that somewhere inside of her was an aspect of good.  The pain of everything that had happened since the moment he agreed to follow this mystery to its end had burned so deep inside him he feared he no longer had the strength to prevent himself from slipping into darkness.  
Returning his attention to the airborne entity, he couldn't help but feel that there was something else missing.  Something he felt perhaps they didn’t want him to know.  “Why did you show me this?  If you already knew your planet was destroyed, why did you agree to help me?”  Though the Persuader remained silent at his question, staring the old man down within the void of its eyes, the Doctor realized he didn't need his telepathy in order to understand what it was thinking.  “Ah yes, of course.  How stupid of me.”  He relented as he gathered himself up from the floor to face the creature.  “Revenge.  The single most fundamental concept in all the universe.  Interpreted an infinite amount of ways.  An idea so powerful it has prevailed in one form or another throughout every living species that has ever existed since the beginning of time.”  He paused as if awaiting some kind of validation from the being's unreadable expression.  When there was none, he let out a heavy sigh.  “I'm not here to try and convince you not to become just like them.  When the time comes for you to do what you feel is right, I will no longer be the one to stand in your way.  All I can do is tell you that I know exactly what it feels like to have lost everything, to have to spend the rest of your life knowing that you're the last of your own kind, to feel hatred towards those that took it all away from you.”  He risked stepping closer to the creature, the intensity in his mannerisms grew as he approached.  “I'm two thousand years old, I've suffered more loss than you can even imagine.  And in all that time, do you want to know what I've really learned?  What truly matters in the end?  That no matter the lives that have been lost, our pursuit for justice for what our enemies have done to us will never bring them back.  No matter the choice we make, they will still be gone.  So... what are we left with?  Just one question.  The one question that will follow us from this world to the next no matter how hard we try to escape it.  The one question with only one answer that will forever haunt us if we are to make that choice.  When all has been said that is left to say, when all the damage has been done, the question we must ask ourselves is... was it really worth it?”  
Suddenly realizing the rhetorical nature of his own inquiry, the Doctor exhaled a final sigh and sat himself down upon a nearby storage crate.  He closed his eyes and pressed his hands together, resting his chin upon them as he contemplated the deep thoughts now running through his mind.  “I wish I could tell you that all will be mended, that I have the power to fix this.  But the truth is, I'm fighting an impossible battle against time itself.  I'm facing an enemy greater than any challenge I've ever encountered.  And I'm scared.  I'm scared that I won't have what it takes to defeat them, that I am alone.”  He returned his eyes to the creature, knowing there was an opportunity floating before him that he couldn't afford to waste.  “But you... you are not alone in this universe.  There are more of you out there suffering in ways I can only imagine.  Together we can still save what is left of your kind.  Together we may stand a chance.  We can stop this before it reaches someone else, before another race is wiped out by their greed.  I cannot promise you revenge.  All I can promise you is hope for the future of your species.  But, if you'd rather take your chances, by all means, I can release you right here on Earth.  Bit of a warning though, humans are far less understanding than most anything else you may have encountered on your world.  They’re easily frightened by the things they do not understand.  Whatever your intentions, I'm afraid you won't find any open minds on this planet.”  
The tension in the air had become veritably dense as the old man awaited the creatures' response to his terms.  The leader turned its hooded head to the second of the pair, their indecipherable whispered voices hummed as they communicated with each other.  The Time Lord confidently rose to face the pair, knowing there was still a chance they could just as easily refuse his offer and kill him instead.  But he was far too invested in the greater cause of their alliance to allow the chance of gaining the upper hand to slip through his fingers.  The darkest hour was upon them, if he could not succeed in gaining their trust there would be nothing to go back to.  The most important thing to him now was their partnership.  Without it, there could be no future for his family.  “The moment of choice has arrived.  Our time is quickly running out.  I need to know... will you help me?”  He offered his hand to them as an act of peace and camaraderie between their species.  The Persuader returned its attention to the old man and came forward, its lifeless gaze pierced the Doctor's own.  It slowly peered down the length of the man and observed his outstretched arm, then lifted its head to face the desperate pair of eyes staring back at it.  After a moment of hesitation, the creature finally lowered its taloned hand onto the Doctor's forearm and wrapped its cold fingers around it to accept the terms of their new alliance.  To the Doctor, this moment was more than just history in the making for him.  This was the opportunity he had been waiting for to finally beat Missy at her own game.  The relief he felt at the sudden turn of events could only be surpassed by the day he knew he had finally won.  “Good.”  A wide grin spread across his face at the bond now shared between them.  “Because I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued...


	19. UPDATE # 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PART THREE OF CHAPTER EIGHTEEN IS FINALLY AVAILABLE!

Please see the previous chapter for newly updated PART THREE of Chapter 18. Thank you all so much for hanging in there. I am happy to say that I have finally completed the longest chapter in the entire story. Enjoy!


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